SMW 95

There was only one thing I desired. To carve Yeo-reum into my life until the very last edge of my existence, and to close my eyes within him.

“Executive Director Kang. For that to happen, Baek Seol-ha must die.”

I had to become Choi Seol.

Only then could I return to Han Yeo-reum. That was how it had to be, and yet…

“President?”

Why do I feel as though I can never return to you again?

As I lifted my distant gaze, shaken by a surging anxiety, I saw Executive Director Kang’s surprised face. I instinctively brought my hand to my face. Something damp soaked into my fingertips. It was a tear.

I let out a laugh, bewildered. Why so suddenly? These were tears I hadn’t shed [visit our site]even when my grandmother passed away. They hadn’t fallen once in ten years. They [visit our site]were precious things, shed only once, during the first glass Han Yeo-reum had given me.

Was it because I thought of you?

I couldn’t. It would be troublesome to be like this already.

Drip. As if replacing the suppressed tears, a droplet of a different nature fell onto my hand. Looking down at the ground through the gaps of my palm, I saw a dark stain being etched there. The number of drops increased, and soon the droplets became a stream, pouring down relentlessly.

“Oh dear, let’s head back to the annex. I’ll have the car waiting.”

“No. I’ll be going ahead.”

Despite Executive Director Kang’s attempts to stop me, I crossed the rear garden. I smiled at the cruel sky. The rain planted an unbearable longing within me.

I really shouldn’t be like this. I tried to push it away, reminding myself of my resolve, but my efforts vanished uselessly like bubbles. I had to admit it. In this moment, I missed Yeo-reum so desperately. To the point of an aching loneliness.

As the main house came into view, I stopped walking. The rain, which I hadn’t noticed while walking distractedly, began to beat against my entire body, just like that day.

Don’t throw me away.

It was the day Han Yeo-reum had come up to Seoul with me, who had lost my memories.

What were you thinking when I asked you not to throw me away? Did you find it funny? Or were you angry? Or perhaps you felt pity?

I didn’t deserve any of it. The one who had actually done the discarding wasn’t him, but me. It was I who had pushed away Han Yeo-reum, who had held such tender feelings for me, by telling him he was neither a friend nor anything else. This time was no different.

What must you have felt, remembering me—the one who left you unconscious for two whole days after a car accident? Ten years ago, you took in the memory-less me out of pity for a first love. But at twenty-seven, I was nothing to you.

This time, Han Yeo-reum might actually cut me off. So I had to hurry. No, I had to endure. I could still put him in danger. I had to hold on until every single possibility of risk was eliminated.

Yet, despite enduring for ten years, surviving just a few months was agonizingly difficult.

I miss you.

I longed for you.

I was so cold and lonely that I felt I would go mad if I couldn’t see you.

“Han Yeo-reum.”

I spoke the name I had suppressed for so long.

“Please… don’t throw me away.”

It was just as I breathed that meaningless plea into the air.

“Choi Seol?”

I heard a hallucination. Lifting my head, I saw a vision in the rain. You were standing in the garden, shrouded in a thick mist of water from the endless rain.

“Han Yeo-reum?”

“…”

There was no answer. Was it a hallucination after all, or a vision? [stolen content]Perhaps I had finally gone mad from wanting to see you so [Read on Read BL Novels][stolen content]much. Otherwise, how could the person I most wanted to see be in the place I loathed the most?

Nevertheless, because it was such a sweet illusion, I had no choice but to approach Han Yeo-reum, who stood blankly under an umbrella. Step by step, I finally reached the front of the umbrella and stopped.

I reached out, unable to bring myself to step inside the umbrella, but I couldn’t touch him.

If this truly was an illusion, he would vanish the moment I touched him. I hated that. I didn’t want to lose you again, not when you were so vivid before my eyes. I didn’t care if I was called crazy. Even if this was a vision that would disappear once the rain stopped, I wanted to look at you like this for just this moment. So, I tried to withdraw my hand.

“What are you doing? Get in.”

My hand was caught. And I was pulled in.

The moment I entered the umbrella, the sound of the rain that had been relentlessly beating against me fell silent. And then, I heard a voice again.

“Wow, damn, you’re completely soaked. Get closer. If I’d known, I would’ve borrowed a bigger umbrella. Why the hell does it rain so randomly these days?”

After grumbling for a while, he met my eyes. Then, with an awkward expression, he tried to avert his gaze. My lips parted.

“Han Yeo-reum?”

“…”

Our eyes met again, but there was no answer.

Is it a vision after all?

But the sensation touching my hand was so vivid; it was even warm. The voice, the face, every single detail down to the blank, surprised expression—it was so much like the twenty-seven-year-old Han Yeo-reum that it felt unfair.

Instead, I moved my captured hand and intertwined my fingers with his. At that, the eyes looking at me widened. Those rounded pupils were so lovely.

I must have truly gone mad. If this really is an illusion, wouldn’t it be okay to do whatever I want just this once?

I closed the distance by one step. Since we were already close, I could feel our breaths touch with only a tiny movement. The hand entwined with mine flinched. Even so, he didn’t push me away. I grew impatient at his bewildered gestures. Unable to overcome the impulse, I closed my eyes and lowered my head toward his trembling lips.

“Wait, wait, wait!”

Just before our lips met, Han Yeo-reum forcibly pulled our entwined hands to block my mouth and pushed me back. [stolen content]When I opened my eyes, he began visit our siteshouting at me, his face bright red.

“You, you, you’re crazy! What is this, doing this the moment we meet! I don’t care how weak I am for your face. Do you think—did you think I’d just, just fall for this kind of thing? Fuck, it’s so cold I can’t even speak properly. No, I’m just so flabbergasted that I can’t…”

“…Han Yeo-reum?”

I pulled away the hand covering my mouth and called his name again. Then, he shut his mouth tight and muttered in a blunt voice.

“Why do you keep calling me?”

This time, an answer returned.

“Han Yeo-reum.”

“…”

“Han Yeo-reum, are you really…”

Is it really you? Not a vision?

“Han Yeo…”

“Ah, damn it, stop calling me.”

Irritation finally returned.

“What? You can’t believe I’m here? Well, I can’t believe it either. What you did was so despicable that I originally intended to never, ever meet you, but just, I mean… the d-debt! Right. I have to collect the debt you owe me, and also…”

Taking advantage of the moment Han Yeo-reum hesitated, I kissed his forehead. And I etched my warmth into his surprised, blinking eyebrows, the bridge of his nose reddened by the cold, and his cheeks. And just before touching his lips again, I looked into Han Yeo-reum’s eyes and pleaded.

“Allow me, just once.”

I felt like I would go mad with anxiety if I didn’t reach you deeply in this moment. If this wasn’t a vision, I wanted to confirm you through warmth.

“Please.”

Han Yeo-reum’s pupils wavered.

“Please…”

It seemed as though the rims of his eyes had turned red. Soon, he narrowed his brow and bit his lip. Even then, I stared anxiously, worried that it might hurt, until his mouth opened.

“You bad bastard.”

The arm holding the umbrella wrapped around the nape of my neck. Simultaneously, his lips crashed into mine. As I instinctively accepted him, a sweet breath and a soft tongue intertwined inside my mouth. The body heat entering deeper was hot. The stimulation touching every part of my mouth made me realize that this was by no means a vision. Even so, if someone told me it would soon disappear, I would rather die before this dream broke.

I desperately grabbed Han Yeo-reum’s waist and pulled him toward me. At the same time, a hurried breath was swallowed into me. Our wet bodies pressed together. It was hot. My lips were sucked. And bitten. As I accepted him stirring through me roughly, as if venting his anger, the warmth that heated my mouth quickly spread to my heart. The maddening chill was filled with scorching heat. Yeo-reum was seeping into me once again.

Then, he pulled away for a moment. As I followed his lips again, unable to regain my senses, I heard a voice drenched in moisture.

Unable to endure any longer, when I finally took Yeo-reum into my mouth, the rain beat down on my entire body as if reprimanding my lack of patience. The umbrella that had enclosed us rolled into the muddy water. I felt jealous of the rainwater invading us as if it had been waiting, so I locked Han Yeo-reum even more tightly in my arms. Perhaps that strength was too coercive; I felt bewilderment in the eyes that met mine for a moment. However, without offering any excuse, I entwined and touched him again. Rainwater constantly seeped between us, but it could not overcome the hot, sticky temperature.

The ground was gouged by the ceaseless rain. The floor, turned into a mire, was slippery. As I followed you, who kept being pushed back by my urgent desire, the squelching sound beneath our feet echoed continuously. That alone became our language, filling the world. Only after clinging to you so tightly, mixing together and swallowing every last breath, did I pull away from you. For a while, we simply looked at each other, breathless and as if we had lost the ability to speak.

Not long after, he spoke.

“If you think I’ve fallen for you because of this, you’re gravely mistaken.”

“…”

“You’d better know that you’re going to die by my hand one way or another later, got it?”

What sweet words. If I could die by your hand, I would gladly hand over my heart.

“That’s exactly what I’m hoping for.”

As I whispered with a smile, Han Yeo-reum’s resolute eyes wavered greatly. Then, he clicked his tongue shortly and whispered irritably.

“You really are a bad bastard.”

I know that too. I might be the lowest piece of trash among all the guys you’ve ever met. But I didn’t let those words out. Because I didn’t want to lose you again, now that I finally had you in my arms.

“Let’s just stay like this for a moment.”

Hiding the corners of my mouth that were curling up, I locked Yeo-reum in my embrace again. This time, I wanted to feel him fully, more softly and tenderly. The warmth of Yeo-reum, resting quietly in my arms, and the sound of his heart were transmitted directly to my chest.

Yeo-reum was inside me.

The winter rain continued to beat against us, but I was no longer cold, nor was I lonely.