SMW 45

I really should be honest about how we ended things…….

“I know. I know I’m being stubborn.”

His playful voice suddenly turned serious.

“To you, I probably seem like nothing more than a seventeen-year-old brat acting impulsively on emotion. Especially since you can’t have any certainty in the words of someone whose memories are unstable.”

I felt as if he had caught me off guard. Of course, I hadn’t thought of him quite that way, but I couldn’t entirely deny it. As I stared at him in silence, feeling as though my lead had been stolen, Choi Seol gave a bitter smile.

“Don’t worry about what I said back then.”

“…….”

“I just liked you as I pleased and confessed as I pleased, so you don’t need to feel any obligation or responsibility toward it.”

“Hey, how can you say that?”

The words burst out of me before I knew it.

“To put it bluntly, who in the world can hear something that incredible and [stolen content]just go, ‘Oh, I see. [Read on Read BL Novels]Then let’s just [stolen content]pretend it never happened’? Who does that?”

“Is that so?”

“Of course it is. Do you know how much I’ve racked my brain because of you?”

Considering how much I’d suffered, I felt wronged beyond belief, but Choi Seol actually looked pleased.

“Are you smiling right now?”

“I’m just… happy that you’ve been thinking about those words all this time.”

How could he say things like that so nonchalantly? As someone who had once been a specialist in unrequited love, his attitude was completely incomprehensible.

“You’re teasing me right now, aren’t you?”

“Maybe a little.”

“Hey.”

“But I meant it when I said I like you.”

A spark popped from the crackling campfire. A seed or nut must have been mixed in with the fallen leaves we’d swept up. Sudden things always made my heart flutter. So, this was simply me being startled by a spark.

“Are you gay?”

That was why I had asked something that would be rude even from a gay person’s perspective. Fortunately, Choi Seol didn’t seem offended. Instead, he frowned as if it were a difficult question.

“I don’t know. Looking at the memories I’ve recovered so far, I don’t think so. I just liked you.”

“Then why… why on earth do you like me?”

Even if I realized that the seventeen-year-old Choi Seol might have truly felt that way, understanding it was a separate matter. At the time, I wasn’t particularly attractive to Choi Seol, nor to anyone else. I was just an ordinary student. Moreover, there were many times when I must have seemed far inferior to him.

“I just grew to like you.”

Despite that, this question seemed too easy for Choi Seol.

“At some point, I heard your name in the classroom, then I heard your voice, and I saw your face. So I became interested. Then I met you under the tree by the stream. And that’s how I came to like you.”

My beginning had been the same. At some point, I had heard your name in the classroom, heard your voice, and seen your face. So I became interested. And on a sweltering summer day, on a day that was otherwise unremarkable, I met you.

This was bad. I wanted to deny it, but the way our feelings overlapped kept blocking my words. Even though nothing changed because of it.

“Even so, that’s just a memory and an emotion from when we were seventeen. Even if it was true then, it might not be now. After all, emotions dilute over time.”

Because I felt that more acutely than anyone, I couldn’t allow myself to be swayed by words that offered no certainty.

“Besides… our end wasn’t exactly pleasant.”

I finally said it. Choi Seol’s eyes wavered for a moment.

“Right. You said I pretended not to know you.”

No, I had heard things worse than that. But Choi Seol’s expression now looked more pained than mine had when I first heard those words, so I couldn’t bring myself to speak further.

“Honestly, I don’t understand why I did that. That’s why I want to know, but I still can’t recall the memories from that time.”

I thought that if he asked about what happened then, I should tell him this time. But instead, Choi Seol brought up something I didn’t know.

“Maybe that’s why I was so desperate. Because after I woke up and met you, ten years having passed, I truly regretted it. I wondered why I hadn’t given you any meaning or obligation sooner.”

“……Obligation?”

“If we had at least been friends, I would have kept in touch occasionally, like that guy who was by your side. At least we wouldn’t have lived as strangers for ten years. And I wouldn’t have foolishly caused an accident while wandering around looking for you.”

What is he talking about?

“Looking for me?”

“I wouldn’t have come here if I hadn’t been looking for you.”

Unlike before, Choi Seol’s voice was filled with conviction.

“Do you really think I just happened to cause an accident while passing through a country road? And that you just happened to live there?”

That was something I had also found strange all along. But unless I attributed it to coincidence, there was no way to explain it.

“It really could have been a coincidence. Even if you li—liked me, it’s been ten years. And you’re saying you looked for me now?”

“It’s possible.”

“But why?”

“I told you. I missed Yeo-reum.”

Suddenly, my heart trembled. And then it began to beat frantically. I felt as if I had returned to being seventeen. A thought suddenly occurred to me.

If I confessed right here and now that the seventeen-year-old me also missed Winter, would we be able to reach a happy ending?

No. The answer came easily.

If Choi Seol had truly liked me, these confessions should have been made back then. Yet, even when spring arrived after a winter of agonizingly missing Yeo-reum, you said nothing and did nothing for me. Instead, you declared that I was less than a friend and left.

Even feelings that have passed their prime have an expiration date. Therefore, a happy ending was a conclusion that could never come to us at twenty-seven.

“I don’t believe the words of a seventeen-year-old brat.”

Choi Seol was right. This was the impulse of a brat swayed by seventeen-year-old emotions. I had no certainty to give to such unstable feelings. Therefore, I would never reveal the feelings of the past as you did. I was no longer seventeen.

“Fine. Don’t believe me. I’ll make you believe everything later.”

I was appalled by his unwavering confidence even while being pushed away.

“Even if I believe you, I have no intention of following your lead.”

“We’ll see about that.”

I had always been the underdog because of my unrequited love, but Choi Seol seemed capable of acting like the one in power even now. He was certainly annoying, but the problem was that I didn’t hate it.

“Enough, just find your memories quickly.”

But even if Choi Seol recovered his memories, my answer wouldn’t change. I didn’t have the passion to love one person twice. If I accepted him, it would surely be out of pity. What could be more miserable in love than that? I looked at the full moon, ignoring Choi Seol’s gaze which I could still feel.

“Are you going to make a wish?”

To Choi Seol, who spoke to me nonchalantly again, I replied crookedly.

“Don’t you wish for anything.”

“Why?”

“Just because.”

Because right now, I knew exactly what he would wish for.

Who would have thought that in my life, I would become certain that the first love I liked alone actually liked me back? So, I had to make a wish. Please, let Choi Seol stop missing Yeo-reum. Please, let everything end before winter comes.

「Han Yeo-reum. Did you hear the rumor?」

The friend I had seen tirelessly during the summer break supplementary classes was nothing new, even if it was the first day of the autumn semester. Yet, the words that came out of his mouth were always new.

I gave a vague response while scribbling on the survey the class president had scattered on the desks as soon as school started. A school meal satisfaction survey—our school’s food really is damn tasteless.

「I heard Choi Seol has a girlfriend.」

In an instant, the tip of my pen, which was about to check the ‘worst’ category, pressed hard into the survey.

「A girlfriend?」

「You know, the last day of supplementary classes. Someone said they saw them outside.」

My heart, already guilty, sank.

「So… you’re saying Choi Seol went on a date with a girlfriend on that rainy day?」

「That’s what I’m saying. Man, a date on such a gloomy day. He’s really something else.」

「But that day was…」

I reflexively opened my mouth, but seeing Gyeong-ho’s eyes sparkle as he asked “That day?”, I waved my hand.

「No, it’s nothing.」

「What’s with you, so boring. I thought you’d seen something.」

Indeed. It was very boring. To think that the mere thought of Choi Seol meeting someone other than me that day could make me feel like the world had ended. It was a truly laughable situation.

「Hey. But aren’t you really curious? About Choi Seol’s girlfriend.」

I didn’t want to know. But I was curious. When on earth did they meet? After he dropped me off at home? Or before that?

「Do you know who it is?」

「How should I know? It was raining hard and the other person was wearing a hat, so the guy who saw them said he couldn’t see the face clearly.」

「A hat?」

Something felt off.

「Yeah. The crazy part is, the girl was wearing a jacket, and it was quite large. They said it looked like Choi Seol’s.」

「…….」

「Man, can’t you just imagine it? You know, like in the movies. On a day when it’s pouring rain, he coolly takes off his outer coat and puts it over the shivering female lead, and in a low voice asks, ‘Want to share my umbrella?’ Then the girl goes, ‘Oh my! But the umbrella is too small!’ and then the man says, ‘It’s okay,’ and pulls her shoulder close… Kya! Isn’t it just like a movie? Don’t you think so, Han Yeo—reum? Why is your face like a carrot?」

「Huh? What? What?」

Because I made a sound that betrayed me, Gyeong-ho’s suspicious gaze drew closer.

「What do you mean? Your face is really red.」

I instinctively covered my face with both hands. A warm heat was indeed circulating throughout my entire face. This is driving me crazy. No, that’s not the problem right now.

「Shut up. Was that thing from earlier for real?」

「What?」

「The person who shared an umbrella with Choi Seol was really a girl?」

「Then would it be a guy?」

Yes, it was a guy.

I swallowed the words that were rising up to my throat and spoke.

「No, I mean, you never know. Maybe it really was a guy. You said it yourself. It rained a lot, and they wore a hat, so the face wasn’t visible. Who knows? Maybe it was a guy friend who didn’t have an umbrella, so they shared.」

「Eh, they said the person was way too small to be a guy.」

「Who’s small!」

I yelled and bolted upright from my seat. Gyeong-ho’s eyes widened, and he looked bewildered.

「Hey, why are you the one getting angry?」

「Who said I was angry! You started it…」

I suddenly felt numerous gazes and turned around. Perhaps because I had just shouted, everyone in the classroom was staring at me in unison.