SMW 43

Choi Seol’s lips parted as if he had something to say, but in the end, he couldn’t utter a word, as if his throat were tightly constricted. So, I spoke instead.

“I also think that clinging to the dead, grieving every year and setting a ritual table, is a form of self-consolation. But so what? Like you said, the human heart doesn’t always do what it’s told. If I want to let out my sadness and comfort myself—if that’s what it takes to survive—is that really a problem? To you, your grandmother was your parent. Then, in an instant, you became alone; of course you’re sad. Of course it hurts. Hey, that’s natural even after ten or a hundred years. So…”

I wondered why I was getting choked up when I wasn’t even the one grieving. Feeling like I might actually cry, I quickly pushed Choi Seol toward the ritual table along with the box.

“You missed your grandmother. Hurry up and greet her. I’ll go get some fresh soup and rice.”

I gathered the rice and soup from the ritual table onto a tray and hurried toward the kitchen. I didn’t look at Choi Seol’s face during that time. To be honest, I was embarrassed by what I’d just said. I don’t even have that great of a way with words; I don’t know what I was rambling about. I should have just given him the ancestral tablet and helped with the ceremony. Plus, the ending was cheesy. Even so, the milk had already been spilled.

From now on, I’ll just keep my mouth shut and help from the side while Choi Seol gives his greetings. Having decided this, I quickly scooped some fresh soup and rice in the kitchen and returned. By then, Choi Seol had already placed the tablet on the ritual table and was kneeling before the small table where the incense burner sat. It was just as I stepped back after placing the soup and rice before the tablets of Choi Seol’s grandmother and mother with quiet steps.

“Did… did you write this?”

“Um… yeah, I did.”

At Choi Seol’s words, my gaze naturally drifted toward the tablet with the handwritten prayer.

“It would have been better if I could find a photo, but Hae-sook-i Noona said that wasn’t possible. So I barely managed to find out their names. The handwriting is a bit worse than yours, but I really put my heart into writing it.”

Since the handwriting was still Read on Read BL Novelspoor enough that bragging about the effort felt misplaced, I hesitated [stolen content]for a moment before speaking again.

“Or, if you want to rewrite it…”

“No. I like it just as it is.”

Choi Seol rose and lit the incense.

“The tteokbokki is for my grandma too, right?”

It was a new addition to the ritual table from before. To make an excuse to Choi Seol, I’d had to pretend for a moment that my maternal grandmother liked tteokbokki, even though she barely looked at it during her lifetime. Now, it had finally found its rightful owner.

“You mentioned before that she liked it.”

“You remembered that too.”

The way Choi Seol gave a small smirk was incredibly soft. The palms of my hands felt ticklish.

“Wait a second, let me fix your coat strings.”

Trying to sublimate that ticklish sensation into something else, I cautiously approached Choi Seol. Because he had been bowing and moving throughout the ceremony, the strings of his hanbok had loosened slightly. As I straightened them, Choi Seol murmured softly.

“You’re good at this.”

“I did a part-time job at my aunt’s shop for a bit. I learned it then.”

“You’re good at tying ties, too.”

“Huh? Ties?”

“Nothing.”

Leaving me bewildered, Choi Seol placed the incense in the burner and knelt before it.

“Do you remember the order?”

“…”

“This time, you have to help me.”

I felt a momentary surge of tension. I had just followed Choi Seol’s lead without thinking earlier, so I lacked confidence, but I nodded anyway. At least I knew what to do for the start. I approached Choi Seol and poured liquor into the cup.

It was the cup to summon the spirits.

After pouring the liquor into the vessel in three separate turns, Choi Seol stood up. Gathering his hands neatly and staring silently at the tablet, Choi Seol bowed twice. Then, he knelt again and gazed at the tablet.

“Grandma. You’re here?”

With those few words, the longing Choi Seol had accumulated until now was conveyed entirely. At the same time, it felt as if a breeze from [unauthorized copy]somewhere had shaken the prayer paper. unauthorized copyIt might have been an illusion, but the thought suddenly occurred to me that it might be a small signal.

“You should offer a drink to your grandmother.”

I filled the empty cup with liquor again. After the first formal cup was offered to the grandmother, another cup was placed before the mother’s tablet. After that, Choi Seol stepped back to stand straight before the two of them to give his greetings. His neatly clasped hands rose to his chest. As he bent his waist and knelt, the hem of the dopo Choi Seol wore barely wavered. That was how much sincerity he put into every single gesture.

I never knew that a bow offered to someone could be so poignant and beautiful. I could feel so vividly how precious the recipients were to him that my nose eventually began to sting. I couldn’t cry; that would be a problem. He wasn’t even crying, so for me to cry…

Struggling to keep my gaze fixed on my toes, I suddenly looked up at a small sound brushing past my ear. Choi Seol’s shoulders, as he bowed his head to the floor for the second bow, were shaking slightly. I almost rushed to him. But I braced my legs and held my ground.

I had also been very sad when my maternal grandmother passed away. But it was only for three days. By the time the funeral ended, the first thing I wanted to do was go home, wash up quickly, and sleep. But what about Choi Seol? I couldn’t know.

I didn’t know the feeling of someone who remained sad for ten years. If reaching out with a heart that couldn’t truly empathize was called pity, then that was something that must never be done. So, instead of reaching out, I closed my eyes.

Suddenly, I felt a familiar breeze. The small wind, just enough to shake a corner of the prayer paper, lingered until Choi Seol’s sobbing subsided.

The good things about living in the countryside were that you could breathe fresh air just by opening a window, there was a wide yard where you could wander without worrying about anyone’s gaze, and you could see countless stars and a bright moon whenever you looked up at the night sky.

“It’s a full moon.”

The fact that I could mutter to myself as much as I wanted without worrying about others was also a plus. In the past, I never specifically looked for the full moon just because it was Chuseok, so it was nice to have the leisure to enjoy this kind of romance.

Even better was the fact that I could build a bonfire like this. Despite the considerably chilly night air, the heat from the bonfire wrapped around my body quite warmly. Watching the crackling sound and the red, flickering flames made my heart feel languid and relaxed. It was perfect for shaking off the fatigue accumulated over Chuseok.

But above all, there was something else that completely washed away the hard work. My gaze, which [Read on Read BL Novels]had been enjoying the “fire-staring” unauthorized copyfor a moment, inevitably returned to my phone. Unable to resist the temptation to look again even though I’d just checked, visit our siteI picked up the phone, and the screen of the banking app I hadn’t closed yet flickered. Looking at the numbers written there, the corners of my lips curled up automatically.

“Do you like it that much?”

Choi Seol was standing there with a tray, having arrived at some point. After a brief moment of surprise, a set answer flowed smoothly from my mouth.

“Of course I do. Can you believe it? The three hundred thousand won I was originally supposed to get became five hundred thousand.”

As I beamed with uncontrollable joy, Choi Seol let out a light, amused chuckle.

“Why did they suddenly change their minds?”

Choi Seol placed the tray on the table and sat down. The pancakes, boiled pork, seasoned vegetables, and rice cakes from the ritual table were neatly arranged on plates. The cold food had been reheated, as it carried a warm heat. Looking at the well-prepared meal, I suddenly craved alcohol.

“They said they felt good because the ceremony was performed so perfectly, but in my opinion, it’s because of you, Choi Seol.”

“Me?”

Before the bewildered Choi Seol, I pushed a glass of makgeolli toward him and nodded.

“Your visuals are so desirable that my aunts and mom went crazy. They said they wanted to push me aside and make you their nephew-grandson. My prediction came true.”

“They’re interesting people.”

“I’m not joking. From what I saw, they were 99.9% serious.”

Not only the aunts who wouldn’t even call me during holidays, but even my mom snatched my uncle’s phone to ask for Choi Seol; I thought they were fans trying to meet a celebrity. I understood it, but it didn’t feel great. So, to prevent them from becoming “successful fans,” I once again made Choi Seol into a very shy and socially awkward young man to fundamentally block their approach.

“And my eldest aunt said you can just keep that hanbok. Instead, she asked if you could be a model for the shop next time.”

That hanbok must cost at least several hundred thousand won. For the record, she told me to fold mine neatly and return it. Choi Seol, perhaps taking it as a joke again, only smiled. To me, that seemed sincere too. But I didn’t mention it further. I planned to return Choi Seol’s as well, folded neatly.

“Anyway, I made money, and the ritual food is so plentiful that I won’t have to grocery shop until next week. Although my body is exhausted, I saved on living expenses, so this holiday was a success in many ways.”

I picked up a glass filled to the brim with makgeolli. It was chestnut makgeolli that had been in the icebox my uncle sent. I suspected the pancake shop had given it as a service.

“Come on, let’s cheers.”

When I held out the glass, Choi Seol looked at me with a bewildered expression. He looked like someone who had never toasted in his life. Whether it was because his only memories were from when he was seventeen, or if he truly had no experience, I didn’t know. He was a first love whose secrets I hadn’t known then, and had even less way of knowing now. Fortunately, Choi Seol seemed to take the hint and lifted his glass. I clinked my glass against his as if I’d been waiting.

“You worked hard.”

“You worked hard too.”

I responded with a smile and downed the makgeolli in one gulp. A sweet taste occupied everything from the tip of my tongue to my throat. It was a taste that made me crave side dishes.

As I chewed on some bracken with my chopsticks, Choi Seol looked at me as if it were something fascinating.

“Is it good?”

Swallowing the bracken, which grew savorier the more I chewed, I gave a thumbs up.

“Yeah, it’s really good. How is it that there’s nothing you can’t do? The soup we had earlier was delicious too. Did you learn to cook from your grandmother?”

“Grandma can’t cook. So we mostly bought side dishes from the store, and the only thing we made at home was ramen.”

“Then you taught yourself to cook?”

“I just got tired of eating out, so I tried it, and it turned out to be tasty.”

“…Is that a brag?”

“I’m just stating a fact.”

“It sounds like you’re saying you’re really great.”

“That’s also a fact.”

This guy’s personality is really coming out more and more. At first, he was as docile as a puppy in the rain, but it seems I took too good care of him.

But looking back over the past few days, all I could remember was Choi Seol doing the housework, and I felt a prick of conscience. Did he just become prickly because he worked so hard?

“Anyway, your grandmother must have been [unauthorized copy]happy to eat [visit our site]food made by her [unauthorized copy]grandson after a long time.”

I tried to wrap things up on a heartwarming note, but there was no response. Only then did I realize, feeling a dark gaze in the silence, that I had made a mistake.