SMW 55

The distance between our faces was so close it made me gasp. I let out a short scream and scrambled backward.

“Wha—what is it?”

“Are you okay?”

“Ah… yeah.”

Thinking he was worried about me, I nodded awkwardly, but Choi Seol wasn’t looking at my face; he was looking elsewhere.

“Be careful. You almost dropped your book again.”

Then, he took the book that had been precariously held in my hand.

“Thanks.”

“I think I’ll try reading this book again.”

I widened my eyes at the sudden remark.

“Why?”

“Since you said it was interesting, I thought I’d read it until it becomes interesting to me too.”

“You don’t have to force yourself to read it.”

“It’s not forced. I’ve been curious about it since I used to watch you read it.”

He was watching me; he had been doing that before, too. I always thought I was the one chasing Choi Seol, but Choi Seol had been watching me as well. Even so, I couldn’t take those words at face value.

“Are you okay?”

Choi Seol looked puzzled at my question.

“About what?”

“What do you mean? Earlier, that senior…”

“If it’s the things that person babbled, there’s nothing to worry about. Actually, he wasn’t entirely wrong.”

“What do you mean, not wrong?”

“It’s true that since I’ve been here, I haven’t been of any benefit to you, right? If anything, it’s true that I’m only a liability.”

“Hey, why would you say it like that?”

I felt genuinely hurt.

“I might have joked about money, but if you think about it, I’ve actually gained a lot from being with you. Of course, right now I’m technically unemployed and living off someone else, so you might think I’m just draining your funds, but you can be confident. It’s not your fault you became a high schooler again because of amnesia, and I’ve never once thought you were pathetic. You’re a pretty impressive guy.”

“…Listening to this, I sound like a pretty pathetic guy right now.”

“What are you talking about? Why are you twisting my words? I said you’re cool.”

I had gone out of my way to praise him to give him some confidence, but for some reason, Choi Seol’s expression seemed to grow more serious. As expected, even if he said he didn’t care, he must have been hurt by what the senior said. I felt like I needed to give him some more powerful praise to help him recover.

“You know, really. I genuinely thought you were cool earlier, too. When you gave back exactly what that senior said about buying a car—seriously, there are probably very few people in the world who can pull off that kind of bluff with such charisma.”

“A bluff?”

“Yeah. Honestly, where would you get the money to buy a high-end, expensive foreign car? You probably just said it to try and help me.”

At the time, I was honestly touched. Did my heart flutter a bit? Anyway, it was cool. Of course, it would have been better if we had been on the same page from the moment the car repair was mentioned.

“But, is it okay for you to do that? That car might have been bought with your fathe—that person’s money.”

“…”

Choi Seol remained silent. As expected, he had just done it on impulse, but it was probably weighing on his mind. I was surprised that [visit our site]he had suddenly sold the car, and [visit our site]I even felt a sense of betrayal [stolen content]that I was the only one who didn’t know. But thinking back, I wondered how desperate he must have been to do such a thing. I had never pressured him, but since he had no money of his own, he must have been anxious.

Looking at Choi Seol now, it felt like his spirit had been broken compared to when he was seventeen. Come to think of it, I’ve been working him too hard lately. I felt like I should feed him some hearty chicken stew in a cauldron soon.

“Um, anyway, just keep the money from selling the car and don’t spend it on anything else. You never know. It might be money you have to pay back later.”

“Then, are you okay?”

Choi Seol, who had been silent, spoke up cautiously.

“With what?”

“You need money too.”

When did I ever get drunk and ask him to lend me money?

“I don’t need it. Even if I did, I’d go work a part-time job; I’d never touch money from selling someone else’s foreign car, so don’t worry.”

“No, that’s not it.”

Realizing he had made a slip of the tongue, Choi Seol rubbed the bridge of his nose and muttered with a sigh.

“I think you’ve misunderstood something quite a bit, but even if that senior said things worse than that, I don’t care. When I told you not to care, I meant that I didn’t want you to worry or feel sorry for no reason.”

I hadn’t done anything wrong, but my heart pricked anyway. It was exactly as Choi Seol said. I was worried, and more than that, I did feel sorry. If I hadn’t brought the senior home, Choi Seol wouldn’t have had to hear such nonsense.

“Sorry.”

When I spoke up gloomily, Choi Seol frowned.

“I believe I just told you not to feel sorry.”

“Still.”

“The person who did something wrong is someone else; there’s no need for you to be like this. If I want an apology, I’ll handle it myself. Do I look like someone who can’t take care of himself?”

That’s definitely not the case. Choi Seol was the type of guy who would pay back [stolen content]double whatever he suffered, right in front of the entire student body. In fact, it would be weirder if someone visit our sitemanaged to get the better of him. It seemed he had already landed a proper blow on the senior before entering the room.

“Right. I was just being nosy. Honestly, you’ll handle it fine on your own. The problem is me.”

Incompetence and lethargy were words that suited me. As I let out a deep sigh, feeling my mood sink, Choi Seol asked cautiously.

“Is it because of returning to school?”

“Not exactly that, but it’s a combination of things.”

I gave a bitter smile.

“I know. It’s not like I’m brainless; I’ve been thinking about returning to school and my future from time to time. I just haven’t been able to make a decision on either. If it were easy, I wouldn’t have come down to the countryside to wander in the first place. Still… I must have looked pathetic to other people.”

I tried to sound nonchalant, but I ended up sounding depressed.

And I felt ashamed. I didn’t know everything, but Choi Seol had lived diligently even in that difficult situation after his grandmother passed away. As a result, he must have achieved great things, and probably more fruits would unfold before him once he returned. But even if I went back to school, I had nothing left.

“I thought I’d lived quite hard, but I really have nothing left.”

A hollow laugh escaped me at my own unconscious complaining.

“That’s not your fault.”

Choi Seol, who had been listening quietly, spoke firmly.

“Regardless of this or that, I was free in terms of finances, so I could focus on one thing and achieve the results I wanted. But you weren’t. It must have been grueling just to enter society so early during a time when you should have been protected, yet you lived your best and worked hard without letting the situation swallow you. That alone is enough effort. If I had to find a problem, it’s just that you started running too early compared to others. You don’t need to fit your situation to other people’s standards. There’s no need for that in the first place. Since you started earlier than others, it’s only natural that you’d get exhausted earlier than others. It’s right for you to rest a bit.”

Choi Seol wore the softest smile I had ever seen.

“Coming to the countryside was the right thing to do. Choosing to take care of yourself isn’t easy. In that sense, you are a much better person than I am. You worked hard, Han Yeo-reum.”

“…”

“Han Yeo-reum?”

“Sorry. I need to go to the bathroom for a second.”

As I tried to turn away, my shoulder was grabbed and I was pulled back. I struggled for a moment to break free, but it was useless. Eventually, I gave up on escaping and instead lowered my head. If I looked at Choi Seol now, I felt like I would definitely cry. My eyes and nose were already stinging. I didn’t want to show him such a pathetic sight.

“Let go.”

“If you want to cry, just cry in front of me. Stop wandering off.”

See? It was absolutely impossible to hide anything from this guy.

“I’m not crying.”

“You’re already crying.”

“…It’s just that I’ve never heard words like this before. That’s why I’m crying.”

The excuse I blurted out while shedding a few tears sounded pathetic even to me. But what could I do? The words Choi Seol said to me were all comforts I had never heard before. Ever since my family situation worsened, people had always treated me with pity or looked at me as always lacking.

Because of that, even while trying to think positively, I often ended up harboring dissatisfaction with my own life. unauthorized copyI couldn’t help but compare my [stolen content]situation with those my age, and an inferiority complex grew. When I went to Read on Read BL Novelsuniversity, I felt that difference even more deeply, down to my bones. And in a situation where I had to constantly live diligently, I simply burned out. That’s why I chose to run away.

I thought that was the case, but I really didn’t expect to be praised by someone.

“Want a hug?”

As I stood there with my head bowed, sobbing, Choi Seol whispered tenderly. He was a truly annoying guy.

“Don’t try to make a move at a time like this.”

“Half of it is a move, but I felt like you might need it.”

I did need it. I hadn’t realized it myself, but it seemed I had been longing for someone’s warm body heat. Not a sexual heat, but a warmth that could cozily soothe the heart.

“Then… just hug me for a bit.”

As if he had been waiting, Choi Seol pulled me into his arms. Led by a gentle, non-coercive force, I buried my face in his broad chest. It was much warmer than I expected.

“Just so you know, I’m not letting you off the hook for this.”

“I know. Want me to pat your back too?”

“…Yeah. Pat me.”

He actually does it just because I asked. I felt like I was going to cry again at the touch of his hand tenderly stroking my back.

“Crying?”

What a perceptive bastard. Why was a guy with such good intuition unable to properly understand my heart when he was seventeen? It’s not like I’m some genius actor; he’s the one who said everything I think shows on my face. I even began to suspect that maybe he knew and just pretended not to.

“Tell me honestly. You were jealous earlier, weren’t you?”

“A little?”

Either you were or you weren’t; what does “a little” mean?

“Why only a little?”

“Honestly, I have no interest in that senior as a person. I was just envious that he knew a Han Yeo-reum that I didn’t know.”

He sure knows how to say things beautifully. Ignoring my heart, which was fluttering oblivious to everything, I muttered primly.

“There’s nothing to be envious of. It was only a two-year acquaintance anyway. And the only time we met for a full year was when I was twenty-one; when I was twenty, we only met sporadically…”

“Twenty?”

I paused and peeked my face up from his chest; Choi Seol’s gaze was unusual.

“Didn’t you say he was a university senior? You entered university when you were twenty-one.”

“Uh… well, while I was studying for the entrance exam again, I worked part-time at a convenience store near the university. That’s when I happened to reunite with him…”

“Happened to reunite? So it wasn’t the first time you met back then either?”

This mouth of mine. Why don’t I just spill everything?

But looking into those eyes, I kept finding myself telling the truth. At this rate, I felt like I would end up spilling my entire dating history from my twenties. It must be that Choi Seol’s embrace is too cozy. I should get out of this seductive embrace and try to have a conversation…

Why won’t my body move? No matter how much I tried to pull away, I remained in Choi Seol’s arms.