SMW 5

I was speechless for a moment. Seeing my expression, Noona asked worriedly.

“Don’t tell me he still thinks his grandmother is alive?”

“No, it’s not that. He clearly said with his own mouth that she passed away not long ago.”

He had only said he was seventeen; he never mentioned exactly up to which month his memories went. Looking at it now, it seemed he had almost all of his memories from that entire year. I wasn’t sure if I should call that a relief.

“Then your friend has traveled back not just in time, but through the seasons too? To wake up and find it’s midsummer instead of the dead of winter… He must be having a total mental breakdown.”

Noona muttered with a sigh, then quickly added as if she’d made a mistake.

“I’m definitely not making fun of your name.”

“I know.”

I had been teased about my name countless times. Hae-sook-i Noona had done it when I was little, of course it happened throughout elementary, middle, and high school, and it even continued after I became a late-blooming college student. Still, thinking back, Choi Seol was the only one who had never called my name jokingly. That was why I liked him. Because it felt like he, of all people, was always sincere with me.

“Anyway, since it was winter break, it makes sense that you wouldn’t have noticed. If it had been during the semester, it would have been obvious.”

Even so, I wouldn’t have known.

I gave a bitter smile at Noona’s misconception. We weren’t friends. We were just in the same class, so we saw each other often, and through a series of coincidences, we reached a point where we occasionally talked. Then, my heart started fluttering on its own, I suffered in secret, and I was the kind of relationship where I liked him alone and ended it alone. That’s why I had been foolishly eating up delusions, knowing nothing.

“Noona, do you have a cigarette?”

By this point, I needed something to lean on.

“We’re in a hospital.”

“I just want to smell it. I’ll smoke it when I get home.”

“Look at you.”

“Just one. I’ve had a hard day today.”

From the accident scene to the hospital emergency room, I had to accompany him and explain the situation over and over. On top of that, because I was the only person the awakened Choi Seol knew, I had suddenly become his guardian and spent half the day wandering the hallways of the examination room.

I was hungry, exhausted, and receiving looks because of the shabby clothes I wore when I stepped out to take out the trash. Who knew a short trip outside would become such a path of suffering? In my heart, I wanted to throw everything away and run home to wrap myself in a blanket.

The reason I couldn’t do that was all because of my first love. What is it about that damn ‘first’ time? It was just a one-sided love that never came to fruition and ended with me aching in secret. Is that why I can’t leave? They say ghosts wander the earth because of lingering grudges they couldn’t resolve.

If it were a love that had ended after seeing all sorts of ugly sides of each other, I was confident I wouldn’t even look back, even if we met again after several years. But I had no idea how to handle a love where regret and longing still remained, no matter how much time passed.

Perhaps that was why I felt even more anxious. What if I started wavering again now?

Never had I resented my seventeen-year-old self—who neither started nor saw an end—more than today. So, I wanted to torment my insides with something bad.

“Well, since you’re nominally friends, you must be feeling pretty shaken to find out about a sad family history ten years later. Here. You bought these today, so you be the first to use them.”

Only after receiving another heartbreaking misunderstanding did a single cigarette land in my hand. I hadn’t even put it in my mouth yet, but I had succeeded in tormenting my insides in my own way.

“Thanks. I’ll definitely pay you back.”

“You know it’s one cigarette going out, but one whole pack coming back, right?”

“…Just give it to me first.”

I hesitated for a moment at the interest rate, which was no different from a predatory loan, but it was hard to resist the temptation of the cigarette held out before me. The one who is always desperate is the one who loses. Just as I was about to bring the unlit cigarette to my lips for the first time in a while—

“What happened to your wrist?”

Following Noona’s surprised gaze, I looked at the wrist holding the cigarette. There was a reddish mark near my wrist. It was where Choi Seol had grabbed me in the consultation room. It was only for a moment, but for it to become like this already… It was absurd and gave me goosebumps. Setting aside the fact that he was ridiculously strong, it was because I remembered that persistent gaze he had directed at me.

“Han Yeo-reum.”

Suddenly, my heart hammered.

Choi Seol was standing behind me, holding a piece of paper, though I hadn’t noticed when he arrived. Earlier, the doctor mentioned something about SNS [Read on Read BL Novels]and the world, so I thought he would wait until I came back, but it seemed his peace of mind was more precious than his dignity. Just like visit our sitethe teachers in school who pretended not to know Choi Seol whenever something happened.

“Oh… are you finished?”

When did he get here? He didn’t hear everything I talked about with Noona, did he? As I mentally reviewed the previous conversation to see if there was anything unpleasant, I unconsciously put the cigarette in my mouth. At that moment, Choi Seol’s hand reached out and snatched the cigarette away from my lips. I couldn’t even close my lips, stunned by this sudden bolt from the blue, and as I stared at him, my face suddenly flushed.

“What are you doing?”

“What are you doing?”

“…What?”

The audacity was so great that I was beyond absurdity; I was speechless. Meanwhile, Choi Seol tried to throw the snatched cigarette into the trash can.

“Hey! That’s an expensive cigarette!”

I owed a whole pack for a single cigarette. Having lived alone in the world from a young age, money was more important than first love. Combined with the stress that had already reached its limit, I couldn’t see anything else. Without thinking, I stepped forward quickly and grabbed his hand just as he was about to throw the cigarette away. Choi Seol’s face filled with bewilderment, perhaps not expecting me to go this far. Regardless.

I ignored his gaze and tried to take the cigarette back. To be precise, I struggled to do so. However, my strength, which was less than two of Choi Seol’s index fingers, was insufficient. As time passed, instead of becoming stubborn, I was filled with shame, and I eventually gave up on recovering it by my own strength. Instead, while continuing to hold his hand, I glared at Choi Seol with all my might for pushing me this far.

“Give me the cigarette.”

“No. Why do you need this?”

I spoke with a fair amount of anger, but once again, Choi Seol didn’t Read on Read BL Novelseven blink. At this rate, visit our siteI felt like I would witness the miracle of my beautiful first love turning into a genuine arch-enemy.

“Why else? Because I want to smoke, so I’m smoking. Give it back, quickly.”

“Seriously… Han Yeo-reum, you smoke?”

His face looked genuinely shocked. His reaction was so fresh that the heat rising in me almost cooled down, making me wonder why he was acting like this. Just as I thought something was strange, a deep realization flashed through me.

No way. Surely not.

“Did you take the cigarette because you think I’m a minor?”

“…!”

There was no answer, but the reaction was certain. As if he had realized something from my words, Choi Seol’s eyes wavered. The earlobe slightly covered by his hair seemed to turn a bit red.

Was it true? He really saw me as seventeen? And here he was, saying I looked old earlier.

“I… need the bathroom.”

Look at him. Perhaps he too found the situation embarrassing, as he tried to escape using the exact same excuse I had used in the consultation room. In that moment, I pulled Choi Seol’s hand, which I was holding, with force. I thought he would shake me off, but surprisingly, he let himself be pulled. I met his bewildered gaze once again.

What on earth is this?

In our encounters, I was always the one who was flustered and clumsy. But today, the roles were reversed. Perhaps [unauthorized copy]because I had been holding on for so long, [Read on Read BL Novels]the temperature of his palm felt hot. Not enough to cause a burn, though. There was a time in the past when I felt it might actually be that hot. It seemed time had lowered not only the heart but also the temperature of the other person.

Now that it had come to this, I didn’t know what to do, so I just stared into his eyes, when I heard Noona clear her throat beside us.

“Ahem! From an observer’s perspective, this is quite a sight, but don’t you think it’s time you two let go?”

Only then did I notice the people lined up in the hallway. It seemed our voices had become loud. It went without saying where their blatant gazes were landing.

This time, I let go of Choi Seol’s hand in a hurry, as if I had actually been burned. I tried to. But the situation had simply reversed. Choi Seol gripped my hand again. Again. I looked at him in confusion at the grip that was as persistent as the gaze I felt in the consultation room.

“Choi Seol?”

“Don’t go.”

It was a voice so desperate it made my chest feel tight. It felt as if Choi Seol’s true feelings, which he had almost expressed while holding me in the consultation room, were finally being heard.

“Sorry. Everything is just too confusing right now… I think I’m not in my right mind.”

Perhaps my belief that he was calm was a misconception. In fact, listening to what the doctor said in the consultation room, it hadn’t been long since Choi Seol started being cooperative. At first, he distrusted the people claiming that ten years had passed since he remembered, and he even didn’t hesitate to act out by trying to bolt from the emergency room. I was the one who stopped him.

I thought he was less guarded because I was at least someone he knew. That’s why he was getting the tests and treatment as I told him to. I even felt a sense of pride, thinking that at least to seventeen-year-old Choi Seol, I wasn’t someone he hated. Thinking that far, I felt quite pathetic. I was the one who had ignored the present by sinking into past memories.

“That’s the prescription, right? Give it to me.”

I reached out with my free hand and pulled the paper [unauthorized copy]Choi Seol was holding. Though he [stolen content]flinched, he handed it over obediently. All while stubbornly holding onto my hand and the cigarette. That sight finally made me laugh.

“Noona, please pay the hospital bill. I’ll transfer the money to you later.”

Since I had come out wearing nothing but a tracksuit to throw out the trash and ended up here in an ambulance, I naturally had neither my phone nor my wallet. My only meal had been the bread and milk Noona bought me in the morning. The patient who had an accident just a few hours ago was in the same boat. Fortunately, Noona readily accepted the prescription I handed her.

“Alright. So we’re leaving for now?”

“Yes. But Noona, could we postpone that thing you said you wanted to tell Choi Seol? He’s a patient, and I think he needs some rest.”

“Well, I don’t mind, but… are you going straight home?”

“Shouldn’t we do that for now?”

I spoke awkwardly, glancing at Choi Seol.

“Sleep at my place today. I live alone, so there’s no one else. Of course, it’s a country house, so don’t expect much, but it’s a hanok with several rooms, so it won’t be uncomfortable.”

At my words, Choi Seol’s eyes widened. After staring at me blankly to an embarrassing degree, Choi Seol finally spoke cautiously.

“Is that okay?”