SMW 44

Crying isn’t something to be ashamed of, but since he had cried until his eyes were red in front of someone who wasn’t even family, it was only natural that he’d feel embarrassed. Choi Seol seemed to be no exception; he avoided meeting my eyes until he had given his final farewells to the two of them. Only after the fat had completely rendered did I hear a very small voice saying thank you.

“Thank you.”

Just like that.

Huh? I tilted my head, instinctively turning toward Choi Seol.

“For what?”

“For letting me say goodbye to my grandmother and mother.”

“Ah… Hey, forget it. You already thanked me earlier.”

“I’m still grateful.”

Seeing him say it twice, he must have really meant it. But him acting [unauthorized copy]like [visit our site]this kept [visit our site]making me feel more awkward.

“It’s just… it’s Chuseok. I just did it because I thought you’d feel left out if you couldn’t do what everyone else does.”

“That’s why I’m even more grateful. It’s my first time doing something like this.”

He talks as if he’s actually lived all twenty-seven years of his life.

“You don’t know if it’s the first time or not. Your memories haven’t all come back.”

“That’s not necessarily true.”

“That’s what I’m saying… what?”

“There are things that come back to me sporadically.”

I was flustered because it was news I hadn’t expected at all, but separate from that, my heart began to thumping.

“When… when did your memories start coming back?”

I asked, tense, wondering if my Read on Read BL Novelsvoice was trembling. Fortunately, Choi [stolen content][visit our site]Seol answered nonchalantly, seemingly thinking I was just surprised.

“I can’t pinpoint exactly when. It’s not that I remember things in order; rather, random scenes pop up, and based on those, I figure out that I must have been like this.”

“So, specifically, what kind of memories?”

“I really did go study abroad.”

“Study abroad?”

“Yeah, to the US. I finished my secondary education there and went to college.”

I was momentarily speechless at such a specific narrative. Choi Seol seemed to take my silence as a different meaning.

“It’s true.”

“It’s not that I don’t believe you. I’m just… surprised. Then, do you remember everything from when you were seventeen—I mean, after winter?”

I couldn’t bring myself to use the word ‘closing ceremony,’ so I asked vaguely. Choi Seol seemed to think for a moment, then shook his head.

“No, I don’t remember that. Like I said, things [unauthorized copy]come [unauthorized copy]back regardless of age. Strangely, [visit our site]it feels as if that specific time was completely erased.”

I didn’t know whether to feel relieved or disappointed. In truth, even if Choi Seol didn’t remember, the right thing to do was to tell him honestly how things ended between us. And then let him choose. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to speak.

Is there a need to talk about that today? We were currently spending a time that was perfectly peaceful. We had both suffered, grieved, and felt a sense of release; I wanted to maintain this good atmosphere for today.

Later. Let’s talk about it later.

“Anyway, college in the US? That’s impressive. Maybe you went somewhere really famous?”

I said it half-jokingly to change the subject. However, the name of the school that came out of Choi Seol’s mouth left me genuinely shocked.

“Really?”

At my expression of disbelief, Choi Seol chuckled.

“Why? Does it sound like a lie?”

“A lie.”

“…I recall being quite good at studying.”

Choi Seol wore a bitter expression, as if he were hurt by my reaction. Even so, it was hard to believe blindly. After all, the university Choi Seol attended wasn’t just ‘famous.’ Choi Seol attended a place where only the brightest minds in the world gathered?

“Even so, that’s how it’s viewed within our school. Besides, you moved there in your second year of high school. What about English? It would take at least a year just to adjust.”

“I was already good at English, and adjusting wasn’t that hard. Besides, isn’t a person with nothing left but malice always dangerous?”

My lips pressed shut at the meaningful words Choi Seol threw out. Had I been ignorant of his circumstances, it might have been different, but knowing as much as I did, it was impossible not to understand the meaning of those words.

As if reading my thoughts, Choi Seol continued without hesitation.

“In the end, it did save that man’s face. If I were the seventeen-year-old me, I would have acted the exact opposite. I would have caused trouble in the US and ruined myself just to leave a scratch on that man. But since I already realized that was useless, I decided to use a different method.”

“So you studied desperately to get into that school?”

“Because I needed power.”

Choi Seol’s story flowed as if he were reminiscing about the past. Come to think of it, there were definitely parts of Choi Seol’s recent speech and behavior that were more mature and natural than a seventeen-year-old.

For example, something like this:

“Have you ever had nighttime makgeolli?”

At the sudden question, Choi Seol’s response was a beat late.

“…I’ve had it, but I’ve never cared what ingredients it was made from.”

“Still, you’ve had it. You have a vibe like you’d mostly just drink wine.”

“I’ve drunk more of that than makgeolli. I like it, too. But why suddenly talk about alcohol?”

“Just wondering if memories about alcohol came back. I thought it would be funny if there were SMWs of you being a drunk. Didn’t you drink in the US?”

“I did. They throw a lot of parties over there.”

It was impossible to exchange talk about alcohol this naturally with a seventeen-year-old. As expected, his memories were returning. Perhaps the thing I was worried about would arrive sooner than I thought.

Should I beat him to the punch, like Noona said? With that, my resolve to postpone it until later wavered.

It was while I was deep in thought.

“As for alcohol SMWs, I can only think of recent ones. They were the most memorable, too.”

I had only made up the excuse to check if his memories were really returning, but he seemed to take it seriously. Anyway, ‘recent’—that was a bit tempting.

“What is it?”

“Not a friend, but I drank at a hotel with someone who was in my class ten years ago, and their drunken behavior was incredible.”

Ten years ago? Same class? While I was bewildered by the familiar words, a scene flashed through my mind. In an instant, I shrieked.

“Hey! That wasn’t yours!”

“I was there too, so doesn’t that give me a share?”

“I clearly said it was your drunken behavior!”

“I feel like I might have been acting drunk back then, too.”

It seemed that as his memories returned, that annoying brazenness was also evolving.

“Forget it. How petty of you to claim that.”

It was a dark history that made me writhe in shame whenever it suddenly came to mind. Even now, my body reacted first. I turned my head toward the campfire to hide my flushing face. A mischievous laugh tickled my ears.

“Han Yeo-reum. Are you pouting?”

“Shut up.”

“Want me to make you some roasted chestnuts?”

I was tempted for a moment, but I didn’t give in to the temptation.

“Forget it. Just give me the alcohol next to you.”

“Stop drinking.”

This brat is giving orders now. With a rebellious heart fueled by my annoyance, I reached for the makgeolli glass, but it was snatched away.

“Hey.”

“You’ve had a lot.”

“I’ve only had exactly three glasses.”

“You already emptied a bottle before I brought the side dishes.”

Choi Seol went out of his way to find the empty bottle I had hidden under the table and shook it in front of my eyes. Jerk.

“Whatever, just give it back. I’m in a good mood today, so I want to drink.”

“What are you going to do if you make another mistake?”

At the word ‘mistake,’ the hand that was about to grab the bottle paused. Choi Seol was referring to what happened at the hotel as a ‘mistake.’

“For your information, I can’t hold back any longer this time.”

What can’t he hold back? I wanted to ask, but the look in his eyes was so determined that I became a little scared, whatever it was. I recalled the atrocities I had committed, as told to me by Choi Seol at the time. The moment I remembered the incident with the sleep-talking, my hand immediately dropped from the bottle.

Let’s just not drink.

I was already starting to feel the buzz anyway, and there was no harm in being careful.

“Tsk, fine.”

I should have just asked for the roasted chestnuts. My pride wouldn’t allow me to request them now. Just as I picked up my chopsticks, thinking I’d just chew on some seasoned vegetables…

“It’s never happened once.”

The lowered voice caught my attention again.

“In my memories, I’ve never once looked after my grandmother’s death anniversary. This is probably the first time I’ve offered alcohol. So, thank you. For letting me offer a drink to my grandmother and mother.”

This was the third thank you. I put my chopsticks back down.

“Next time, go pay your respects properly. Bring a wine that your grandmother likes.”

A look of bewilderment crossed Choi Seol’s face.

“…How did you know my grandma likes wine?”

“You just said you like wine. I figured people are influenced by those around them from a young age. My house is all about makgeolli and beer. Everyone’s bad at drinking soju.”

Perhaps that’s why I still find soju too bitter to drink. I absentmindedly tried to reach for the makgeolli glass again, remembering it had been taken, and licked my lips in regret. Half of the makgeolli remained in Choi Seol’s glass.

Should I just snatch it back?

“Alright. Let’s bring wine next time.”

“Yeah, let’s go next ti… huh?”

Since I had answered reflexively while timing the perfect moment to steal the glass, I snapped my head up. Choi Seol was gazing at me with an incredibly soft look. What did I just say?

“Will you really go with me?”

“Huh? Uh, yeah… sure.”

Though it was accidental, I couldn’t think of any particular reason to refuse. A strange smile played on the corners of Choi Seol’s lips.

“Why are you smiling?”

“I’m just wondering what to do since you’re agreeing to everything.”

I frowned, wondering what he meant, and Choi Seol muttered as if troubled.

“Since you say everything is fine, I keep getting the wrong idea.”

“Wrong idea?”

“The illusion that you might accept me.”

My breath hitched.

“Hey, what did I do?”

“Even though I make things difficult for you every time, you still haven’t let go of my hand.”

“I didn’t make things difficult. And I’m not holding your hand.”

“Can I hold it?”

He’s the one acting drunk.

“No. If you know that, stop making things difficult.”

It really was difficult. If he kept saying things like that with a face that had become even more handsome than during our first love, I felt like my heart would soften, waver, and I’d just end up stammering and giving in. If I were the seventeen-year-old Han Yeo-reum, I might have already fallen for it.

But I was past the age of acting on raw emotion and causing accidents. Therefore, I had to draw a clear line.