74 – Why are you trying to leave again?

Chapter 74: Why Are You Trying to Leave Again?

And so, the attending physician came to the house. Just as Lu Zishu had mentioned, he was quite young. He had sharp features and a slender build. He went by the English name Anthony.

With his friendly demeanor and personality, Anthony exuded an inexplicable sense of familiarity.

However, He Yu could not remember his name or his face. He was like a punctuation mark—a presence so insignificant that it didn’t matter whether he was there or not.

This insignificant punctuation mark began the hypnosis treatment.

“Young Master He, relax and lie back comfortably. Take three deep breaths following my lead… and try to recall the happiest memory from your past.”

“…What if there isn’t one?”

Anthony paused for a moment, then answered immediately.

“Then you can try thinking about something you wish would happen.”

He Yu closed his eyes and sank into thought.

Something he wished would happen…

Like, if only I had never been born into this world.

If only both my mother and I were normal people, unaffected by the drugs.

Or…

-If you knew he was abnormal the moment he was born, you should have just strangled him to death!

-He Yu…

-Please leave. Looking at my father makes me feel so awkward that I think I’ll go crazy. If I go openly insane, I might bring shame to both of your faces in the future.

Sinking into the doctor’s hypnosis, He visit our siteRead on Read BL NovelsYu closed his eyes. Slowly, his consciousness drifted back to a few days ago.

It was that moment when he had fallen from the window and regained consciousness after being moved to the bed.

He had been in the middle of a heated argument with He Jiwei.

-Why did you bother saving me? You two will spend your whole lives anxious, and I’ll spend mine living like a corpse. There’s no meaning in it; it’s just misery for everyone.

-He Yu…

-Please leave. Looking at my father makes me feel so awkward that I think I’ll go crazy. If I go openly insane, I’ll probably bring shame to both of your faces.

The conversation was identical to reality, down to every single syllable.

At this point, Anthony’s hypnosis slightly altered the flow of the story.

In reality, He Jiwei had revealed the secret of RN-13 to He Yu. But in this hypnosis, the moment He Jiwei’s lips parted to speak, the door suddenly rang.

At the sound of the knock, He Jiwei spoke with a look of relief.

-Come in.

-Mr. He, Dr. Xie is waiting downstairs.

Right.

He Yu momentarily went blank. His subconscious still longed for Xie Qingcheng to return.

Xie Qingcheng was both his craving and his fear. Perhaps that was why the He Yu created by the hypnosis tried to get up from the bed, his body stiffening upon hearing the news. The restraints tightened around him, and the chains rattled.

-There’s no need for treatment anymore, so why did you call that man?

The more he craved him, the more he feared him. The evil dragon struggled violently to break free from the chains. As madness flickered in his eyes, the servant delivering the message shrank back.

-Send him back!

-Do you think Dr. Xie is the kind of person who would come here as easily as visit our siteif he were taking a [unauthorized copy]stroll through the neighborhood?

He Jiwei raised his voice.

-He barely managed to come all this way after hearing that you fell from the window!

At those words, He Yu felt an even deeper sense of humiliation.

-Then tell him to come visit my grave once I’m dead!

-If you keep rambling about dying…

He Jiwei raised his hand high.

He Yu’s almond-shaped eyes stared intently at He Jiwei’s face without a single blink.

-…

He Jiwei lowered his trembling hand.

Then, taking a deep breath, he pushed open the door and left. The last look he gave was one of disappointment and distress, looking infinitely exhausted.

-Escort Dr. Xie up.

He told the servant.

-I have many things to handle. I must leave before I miss my flight.

Infuriated, He Yu slammed the edge of the bed. The impact caused the restraint chains to shake violently. Regrettably, he could neither turn away nor hide his face. The most he could do was squeeze his eyes shut and stiffen his entire body.

Even in a dream created by hypnosis, he didn’t want to show a pathetic side of himself in front of Xie Qingcheng.

Not even a tiny bit. Never.

He Jiwei and the servant left the room one after another. An overwhelming sense of rejection and hatred surged, but eventually, a very familiar set of footsteps was heard from afar.

The sound stopped beside the bed.

His entire body shuddered. It was a tremor that came at the end of a desperate craving.

Even though it was hypnosis and a dream, he felt as if he could smell Xie Qingcheng’s faint scent. A cold smell of disinfectant that evoked images of scalpels, needles, and the pale rooms of a hospital.

In the past, this smell only made him feel cold, but now, for some reason, he felt hot.

The man remained silent, head bowed. Like someone practicing a vow of silence, he examined He Yu’s wounds and then—

Click.

A quiet metallic sound.

The restraints were released.

The He Yu in the dream paused for a moment. At the surging sense of satisfaction, the real He Yu closed his eyes. Tears seemed to well up beneath his eyelashes.

This was exactly what he had imagined and hoped for whenever he was in pain.

That Xie Qingcheng’s hand would release his restraints.

That Xie Qingcheng would acknowledge that he was hurting. That he would believe it and come to his side.

“Good…”

Anthony guided the hypnosis while observing He Yu’s condition. His soft voice continued, as if enchanting someone.

“Good. No matter what dream you see, keep continuing the imagination. You must believe that you can find a way out of there.”

However, this short sentence touched the imperial scale.

The world within He Yu’s dream suddenly shook.

A way out?

What is a way out?

He recalled Xie Qingcheng’s cold gaze and his firm, decisive words from reality.

-Whether it’s sooner or later, you must rely on yourself to escape the shadows of your heart.

-Both Xie Xue and I… we are not the ones He Yu should depend on emotionally.

-He Yu…

He Yu.

A voice as cold as if it were carving into bone.

He Yu plummeted back into the dream. He was still lying on the bed, and Xie Qingcheng had already released the restraints. Instead, the surroundings suddenly grew dark. Xie Qingcheng’s face was also dark, as if a cold-toned filter had been applied.

Xie Qingcheng’s thin lips moved.

He Yu knew that Xie Qingcheng was about to [Read on Read BL Novels]tell him the reason he had returned. He visit our sitehad a vague premonition that the reason would hurt him.

He wanted to escape the hypnosis immediately.

But it was useless.

The Xie Qingcheng in the dream spoke each word decisively. However, He Yu had nowhere to hide.

-Honestly, in my heart, I wish you would just die right now, but this time, I intend to take responsibility until your fever drops and you are completely recovered. Don’t misunderstand. I came because your father paid me a generous fee.

A cold, emotionless voice.

-It’s an amount you could never pay. An amount generous enough that I’ll never need to see you again.

-…

The He Yu in the dream was wounded. It hurt terribly, as if he had been slapped hard across the face by Xie Qingcheng.

The real He Yu also gasped for air, his brow furrowed.

He wanted to escape this dream. But this was an inner demon that would not break even if he tried to shatter it.

Thus, led by the hypnosis, He Yu sank deeper into the inner world.

The dream continued. Before his eyes appeared the dusty door of a guest room, one he had seen often in previous dreams.

In this dream, Xie Qingcheng had returned to He Yu’s house and was staying in the room He Yu had meticulously cleaned.

However, the Xie Qingcheng who had returned after hearing that He Yu fell from the window was extremely cold. It was hard to find any sign of concern for He Yu. He simply recorded the data of He Yu’s symptoms every day, then threw a syringe at him and watched until he injected the medication himself. He didn’t even hand the medicine over directly.

At first, He Yu remained silent. Perhaps driven by a boy’s peculiar pride, whenever Xie Qingcheng threw the syringe at him, he would keep his mouth shut and calmly administer the injection. Then, Xie Qingcheng would take the syringe back.

It was a continuation of silence where not a single word was exchanged.

Slowly, He Yu became irritated by this silence. He didn’t want to cooperate obediently.

The dream repeated and continued intermittently.

When Xie Qingcheng monitored his condition as usual and handed him the syringe, He Yu, sitting on a wooden chair, didn’t lift a finger.

Suddenly becoming still, he asked Xie Qingcheng with an expression that looked half-desperate.

-Dr. Xie. Has it ever occurred to you that I might do something else with this syringe?

Xie Qingcheng replied, ignoring He Yu’s expression.

-You don’t look like you particularly want to die.

-Is that so? You know me quite well.

He Yu laughed mockingly, then suddenly raised his hand, snatched the syringe, and plunged it into his arm without blinking. He jabbed the syringe—which should have been an intravenous injection—randomly into his skin and injected the medication.

Seeing this, Xie Qingcheng’s expression turned serious and he rushed forward, but it was already too late. He Yu’s skin instantly turned reddish and swelled up frighteningly.

-But actually, I don’t particularly want to live.

He Yu said indifferently. A normal person would have grimaced in pain long ago, but his face remained still and calm.

As if he were injecting someone else’s body.

While watching Xie Qingcheng’s pale face with dark eyes, He Yu coldly pulled out the needle, his gaze fixed. Except for a small part, the medication that had spread under He Yu’s skin became an ugly bruise.

With a calm expression, He Yu placed the syringe in Xie Qingcheng’s hand and spoke, enunciating every word.

-Here. You do it, Doctor.

Perhaps surprised by He Yu’s crazy, impulsive behavior, Xie Qingcheng’s complexion was very pale.

-It has to be you, Xie Qingcheng. If you don’t do it, I won’t take a single shot today.

The tone was threatening, but if one listened closely, it was a sentence hiding a faint sadness.

-You said you came for the money. If you took the money, you should work—properly.

Only then did Xie Qingcheng regain his composure and blink.

-Don’t protest just to get tied up.

-Try tying me then.

He Yu’s voice was chilly.

-Like my parents, you can at least do that much.

The Xie Qingcheng in the dream looked like he had a headache from dealing with He Yu.

-He Yu, what on earth do you want?

What do I want?

In truth, he didn’t know himself.

He realized that he truly had a problem. The reason was that as time went on, he became more and more preoccupied with Xie Qingcheng.

If Xie Qingcheng wasn’t visible, he was overcome with impatience, and even when he was right in front of him, he couldn’t calm down. Xie Qingcheng was a sharp thorn embedded in his heart. A thorn that was agonizingly painful whether he pulled it out or left it alone.

This was strange.

For a homophobe, getting entangled with a man was impossible. Yet, when he let his guard down, the image of Xie Qingcheng lying on the bed would unconsciously come to mind. At first, he thought he wanted Xie Qingcheng’s body, but later, he went a step further and began to crave Xie Qingcheng’s emotions.

It was too painful.

A state of panic followed, where he felt suffocated and his heart felt tight.

The two people in the dream continued their confrontation in the tense air. Finally, He Yu spoke first.

-Do you know? I didn’t want to be like this before either, Xie Qingcheng. You’ve watched me grow up. So you must know how I used to be. I’ve endured for nineteen years until now. For other people and for myself, for the sake of a peace that might possibly exist. But now, I can’t endure it anymore. My parents have always told me to live like a normal person. Because I mustn’t be locked up in a psychiatric hospital. I’ve never broken any social rules or laws anyway, so it wasn’t a difficult task. I’m actually living like a normal person, aren’t I? Even if it’s disgusting and hard, even if I want to grab onto someone and appeal that it’s painful, I keep my mouth shut like a mental patient. I keep observing what emotions the people around me have and how they react, searching for the most satisfying answer. Anyway, that’s how I’ve lived without problems until now.

The He Yu in the dream continued.

-Nineteen years. A person who should be in a psychiatric hospital lived in a normal society. A person who should have been locked inside our walls walked around outside. Every day I lived in anxiety, wondering what would happen if the fact that I’m a mental patient was revealed and the looks of envy turned into looks of condemnation. Even the friends I’ve made so far aren’t real friends. They don’t know what my true self is; they just dated the version of me wearing a mask. Who could I have confessed the truth to? I thought at least your sister, Xie Xue, would be different from others. I was too naive. For a mental patient.

Having said this, He Yu smiled. With a face where a desolate madness lingered, he stabbed his own heart painfully.

-I’m a fucking mental patient! Who would treat me like they used to after knowing this? So I have to live my whole life wearing the mask of a normal person. Even if you’re sentenced to prison, there’s a term, but for my illness, there’s no term for a complete cure, right?

Eventually, his voice began to tremble.

-It’s already been nineteen years. Xie Qingcheng, why the hell did you save me? The doctors I met before you couldn’t alleviate my symptoms. But you gave me hope and then pushed me back into the abyss. Why did you save me if it was going to be like this? Why did you deceive me? Is it because you hate me? I hate you too, anyway! From the day you left, I’ve fucking hated you so much!

He Yu didn’t usually enjoy swearing, but in the dream created by hypnosis, he lost his reason slightly. As the confusion he had experienced for a long time spread spores in his heart, it was hard to suppress the impulses spreading through his body.

In the dream created by hypnosis, he vented his frustration on Xie Qingcheng. Like a nineteen-year-old boy, without considering reason, rules, or consequences, he poured out the words he had suppressed in his throat.

As he spewed harsh words, his eyes grew red.

-I hate you, Xie Qingcheng. You hate me too. If it was going to be like this, you should have just let me die on my own from the start. If it weren’t for this mental illness, if [unauthorized copy]I had never met you, we could have reduced the number of enemies in our lives by one. We wouldn’t have had visit our siteto unauthorized copysuffer so uselessly. Neither you nor I would have hated each other this much.

The Xie Qingcheng in the dream merely looked at him with a complex gaze. After a long silence, the man turned away.

-…I’ll call a resident, so get the injection from them.

-Why can’t you do it yourself? Are you afraid of me?

Despite his enraged face, He Yu’s tone was frighteningly calm.

-As I thought, you just don’t want to touch a filthy guy.

-You’re free to think whatever you like.

Xie Qingcheng said.

-You’re certainly right about one thing, He Yu. If it weren’t for this mental illness, if I had never met you, we could have reduced the number of enemies in our lives by one. We wouldn’t have had to suffer so uselessly. Control your emotions properly. If you can’t control them, I’ll have no choice but to tie you to the restraints.

-…Fine. Then tie me up before it’s too late. Tie me up!

He Yu snapped his head up and laughed with reddened eyes. His voice was faint, barely audible.

-Otherwise, you’ll regret it someday.

Xie Qingcheng ignored He Yu, turned around, and pushed open the door to leave.

The moment Xie Qingcheng pushed open the door in the dream created by hypnosis, the chest of He Yu, lying on the treatment chair in reality, heaved violently up and down. He had devolved into a frail creature on the verge of death. The door opened and then closed again. Xie Qingcheng, even in the dream, refused to stay long.

The moment he left the room, it felt as if the last remaining strand of He Yu’s soul had been sucked out.

Startled, He Yu opened his eyes wide and struggled to breathe.

Tears rolled down from the corners of his eyes.

The attending physician, Anthony, who had been watching him from the chair, calmly handed him a cup of water, medicine, and a tissue as he woke up.

“There is some event or person within your inner self that is tormenting you, Young Master.”

“…”

Anthony continued.

“Take your medicine first. In any case, you must have accurately identified the cause of your seizure this time. Once you find the cause of the illness, you can also find a way to overcome it yourself.”

Patting He Yu’s shoulder, which was drenched in sweat, Anthony said.

“That’s all for today’s treatment. Young Master He, I hope you compose your emotions as much as possible. Don’t think about that event or person and get some deep rest.”