46 – You’ve been deceiving me all this time

Chapter 46: He Had Been Deceiving Me All Along

He Yu was utterly insane.

The shock of that night had long since passed. Although he had been discharged from the hospital some time ago, he kept the fact a secret from everyone and did not return to his family home.

In He Yu’s eyes, everyone now appeared loathsome and hypocritical. Thus, he decided to live alone in a villa in the new city registered in his own name—a place he had rarely visited even after receiving the keys.

When he first saw Xie Qingcheng’s video, the shock had been overwhelming, but once he regained his senses, he wanted to deny reality.

While composing his emotions at the hospital, he wondered if he had misunderstood something.

Perhaps that criminal organization had played a trick. Xie Qingcheng’s past was fabricated. Xie Qingcheng wasn’t that kind of person.

Clinging to that final shred of hope and expectation, he returned home. He wanted to verify everything himself, undisturbed by anyone.

Contrary to his expectations, however, the reality that approached him was far more cruel than the tip of the iceberg he had seen in the video.

The truth was too horrific.

The deeper he dug, the more his symptoms flared up.

He took a few pills of seizure-control medication from the table and never touched them again.

Since they were useless anyway.

The results he uncovered with his own two hands tore down his inner world. This was not something that could be controlled with a few pills. His senses grew dull, as if moss had grown over his heart. He wanted to kill people and swallow blood. Morality and law instantly plummeted into insignificance.

Then again, when Psychological Ebola flared up, a life was nothing. If he did not fear death, why would he fear the rules of society?

He Yu sat in a single-person black leather sofa. His phone had been ringing repeatedly for a while. They were all messages and calls from Xie Qingcheng, but he neither read nor answered them.

He simply looked up, staring at the white wall in front of him.

Thanks to the ceiling height of over five meters, the wall was as massive as a cinema screen.

On that wall, thousands of chat logs projected by a beam were spread out.

These were Xie Qingcheng’s private message logs, which He Yu had recovered from the cloud by mobilizing all his hacking skills.

Specifically, the content related to He Yu.

For a first-class hacker like He Yu, this level of skill had not been acquired overnight. Of course, having the skill did not mean he committed such acts every time. In society, there are plenty of people capable of committing murder. But how many of them actually become murderers? There had always been a clear boundary in He Yu’s heart that he had never crossed.

However, the moment he opened the dusty gate and witnessed the scenery hidden within.

His blood ran cold.

Though he couldn’t perfectly recover everything since they were old messages, he had obtained all the necessary information.

Scanning from the first recovered contents, He Yu’s father was offering Xie Qingcheng a high sum of money, asking him to examine He Yu. Xie Qingcheng’s reaction was lukewarm. He added that the patient in Case 3 had already died, and moreover, had shown severe violent tendencies before death; while his son’s situation was unfortunate, he did not want to waste time caring for a Psychological Ebola patient over the long term.

[Examining such a patient is a meaningless act with no result. I would rather spend that time solving more useful tasks.]

He Jiwei sent a reply to such a Xie Qingcheng.

[He Yu is different. He is still young, so I believe he won’t end up like Patient 3. I know Psychological Ebola holds little appeal for you, Mr. Xie. But for the sake of our old ties, couldn’t you stop by our house? Meet my son as well.]

[CEO He. I have more important tasks. Furthermore, I am negative about the ‘companion therapy’ that other doctors or you mention. If a patient maintains a relationship with one doctor for a long period, they develop a psychological dependency. It is no different from drug addiction. If treatment is forcibly stopped later, it will greatly affect the patient’s emotions.]

[But there is no other way. I must try even this.]

[…….]

[Mr. Xie. For the sake of my face, couldn’t you meet him just once?]

At first, he had been begged and clung to like this.

How had it been when he left?

On the day Xie Qingcheng resigned.

[Mr. Xie, are you really quitting as a doctor?]

[Yes.]

[Contracts are contracts, but there’s such a thing as sentiment. You and He Yu were so close. To the point where that boy would defy me while taking your side…….]

[Regardless of who the patient was, I would have treated them the same. I was paid, so I did what I had to do.]

[You know well that He Yu relies on you.]

[That is why I told you from the beginning. Long-term companion therapy would have this effect on the patient. This was predicted from the start.]

[Mr. Xie, that boy thinks of you as someone special…….]

[But to me, He Yu is the same as any other patient. There is no difference.]

The conversation had not yet ended.

[Mr. Xie, if you are determined to go, I won’t force you to stay. However, it’s a ten-year contract; if you terminate it midway, I cannot give you the full amount we promised.]

[That’s fine. It doesn’t matter.]

By this point, He Jiwei realized that trying to persuade Xie Qingcheng was useless.

After a long silence, another message appeared in the chat window.

[……Then think about how you will explain this to He Yu. Leaving like this is too sudden. You must make sure he can accept it as quickly as possible.]

Xie Qingcheng’s answer was quite straightforward.

[If you are okay with it, CEO He, I intend to tell him the contract period was seven years. He Yu will feel more at ease if he knows that. In exchange, I need the cooperation of both of you.]

[……Mr. Xie, must you go this far? Just because you were shocked by the Qin Ciyan incident, must you end it so extremely?]

[CEO He, I am not being extreme. This is simply a job. I have never brought emotion into my profession, nor do I have the personality for it. Therefore, I am quitting.]

[Can’t you wait until the contract period ends?]

[No.]

[……Xie Qingcheng. You are a colder person than I thought.]

[It will be a white lie for He Yu.]

Outside the window, the city’s neon signs twinkled. The giant advertising screens, constantly changing, dyed He Yu’s living room like breaking waves, washing away the tens of thousands of messages projected on the wall.

As the flowing water stripped away the beauty, He Yu felt as unauthorized copythough he was [unauthorized copy]finally facing Xie Qingcheng’s face clearly today.

The patience, equality, and acceptance directed toward him were all lies.

He had coaxed and deceived him, laying out plausible academic theories with a silver tongue.

Even the contract period mentioned upon leaving was different from the truth.

He had believed it sincerely.

He had believed that Xie Qingcheng decided to leave because the contract period had ended.

To think the truth was actually this.

Ten years.

Originally, Xie Qingcheng was supposed to stay by He Yu’s side until he graduated from high school.

Yet, as soon as the Qin Ciyan incident broke out, he left resolutely, even at the cost of his contract fee.

Just how terrifying must he have been?

Despite deceiving him along with He Jiwei, he had even delivered a proud speech, claiming this was a normal parting in a normal human relationship.

At that time, Xie Qingcheng looked stolen contentlike [Read on Read BL Novels]a saint who only spoke the truth, and he felt like a childish clown throwing a tantrum.

How stupid.

It was all a lie.

It was fake.

The words of Xie Qingcheng, who once supported him. The words that gave him strength to maintain his will amidst pain. Those were nothing more than the superficial encouragement a psychiatrist gives to soothe a patient.

Like a surgeon giving hope to a terminal cancer patient.

‘If you hold on, there will surely be hope.’

While knowing full well there was no hope.

Or perhaps, like a police officer stopping a student from committing suicide.

‘You’re not ugly! Why would you think that? Everyone has their own individuality. Surely another girl will like you. Come down quickly. Give me your hand!’

Was he saying that because he truly couldn’t see the student’s ugly face and fat body?

It was merely a hollow consolation.

Xie Qingcheng’s medical philosophy, the philosophy that led He [visit our site]Yu [Read on Read BL Novels]into society, had been unauthorized copythe pillar of He Yu’s heart for the past ten years. That was why he hadn’t resented Xie Qingcheng for insisting on leaving.

He had tried to understand the logic and reason Xie Qingcheng spoke of, the end of a normal relationship.

Thus, he had finally reconciled with Xie Qingcheng’s choice and with himself.

But who would have known that all of this was a lie?

Who would have known it was merely a doctor’s treatment method and empty words?

Even the contract period told to him was a lie.

Suddenly, He Yu recalled the time he and Xie Qingcheng were eating at a restaurant and encountered a gay couple; he had felt uncomfortable, and they had moved seats together.

At the time, finding it slightly unexpected, he had asked Xie Qingcheng why he avoided them despite being a doctor.

Medical philosophy and personal life are different, Xie Qingcheng had answered.

As a doctor, he judged that homosexuality was not a mental disorder, but personally, he could not accept it.

Now, He Yu felt he understood.

As a doctor, Xie Qingcheng viewed him as a normal person and led him into society.

But personally, he erased his emotions and kept his distance. A certain fact unauthorized copysuddenly occurred to stolen contentHe Yu. Come to think of it, Xie Qingcheng had also tried to keep Xie Xue away from him.

Xie Qingcheng had fled in terror. Even at the cost of his contract fee, he had struggled to distance himself and his own family from He Yu’s side.

Sinking deep into the single-person recliner sofa, He Yu frowned and stared at the wall in front of him.

Then, a slow smile spread. Because his lips were thin, the curving line looked quite sinister.

“Are you doctors always this hypocritical?”

He Yu murmured quietly toward the empty white wall.

Blood seeped through the bandage wrapping the wound on his shoulder. A dull pain spread from the wound to his fingertips and heart, like snake venom.

“You’re truly shameless…… Xie Qingcheng.”

Everything from the past felt laughable. Suppress emotions? Escape from a disease that controls oneself?

What efforts had he made all this time? Why had he been so obsessed and believed so much?

He slowly closed his eyes. Not only the gunshot wound on his shoulder, but the scars remaining on his wrists also seemed to throb faintly.

He Yu thought to himself. How can a person be this hypocritical? He covered my eyes with both hands and made me follow only behind him.

He said the disease wasn’t scary.

He said to scream if it hurts, and that no one would laugh even if he asked for candy.

He had torn down the walls of his heart with a few words like those. He thought a warm hand had been reached out, but it turned out to be a cold blade.

He Yu was a person with a stronger self-protection instinct than anyone. Yet, Xie Qingcheng’s blade pierced the deepest part of his heart.

It was truly sorrowful.

Living under the mask of perfection for nineteen years, He Yu had never confessed the truth to others. Nor had he ever heard sincere words from anyone.

From nineteen years ago, when he began suffering from the disease, until now, only Xie Qingcheng had asked him this.

—Does it hurt?

Does it hurt…….

He Yu slowly rose from the sofa and pressed his hand firmly against his heart.

The messages lined up coldly on the white wall rushed toward him like a freezing wind. He bowed his head and bent his waist, laughing helplessly.

How interesting. It feels like only now I’ve realized how scary pain actually is.

Is this what pain is?

If deception and futile effort, foolishness and loneliness bring this kind of pain.

Then it would have been better to live numbly all along. What is so bad about living like grass or a tree? Then his heart wouldn’t have been hurt by lies.

Pages of densely packed messages became blades and stabbed into his heart. His heart, which he thought had developed thick calluses, throbbed for a moment as if it didn’t belong to his body.

He Yu placed his hand on his forehead. His fingertips were cold and his limbs were numb. Too much information poured into his head. He leaped up and violently swept everything off the tea table.

Broken glass shards crashed onto the floor.

Gasping for breath, he snatched the projector remote. He wanted to close this Pandora’s box immediately.

At that moment, amidst the chat logs that looked like a supernova explosion, a message sent by Xie Xue caught his eye.

The date was six years ago.

It was the day of He Yu’s birthday.

[Brother, I think Aunt Li isn’t feeling well. She’s here getting an IV now; when does your business trip end? The hospital procedures here are so complicated my head feels like it’s going to explode. I need you, Brother…….]

The moment he discovered this message, He Yu felt as if someone were tugging at his brain. Like a moth landing on a spiderweb, he couldn’t react at first.

But after a few seconds, he snapped his head up and stared at the message with startled eyes. The moth caught in the web began to struggle frantically in [Read on Read BL Novels]madness. Its two wings [unauthorized copy]scattered powder, fanning the memories and calling forth waves.

Six years ago?

My birthday?

If it was that day…….

If it was that day, Xie Xue was with me?