38 – Xie Qingcheng, I Have Never Forgotten You

Episode 38: Xie Qingcheng, I Have Never Forgotten You

The photos of Zhang Yong’s body had already vanished. Now, only the final letter remained in the video.

L.

The final round of the Handkerchief Toss death game was officially beginning.

“Tell me everything the police have identified about L.”

Inside the bedroom, Xie Qingcheng spoke as he took a deep drag of his cigarette. He leaned one hand against the wall and pressed his temple firmly with the hand holding the phone. His peach blossom eyes gazed at the blood-red lights glowing atop the distant control tower.

Zheng Jingfeng, on the other end of the line, responded in a cautious tone.

Xie Qingcheng struggled to suppress his emotions.

“Skip the trivialities. Give me the list.”

-…….

“I sent the guestbook I found at Huzhou University to the station not long ago. It said that WZL would be murdered soon. I sent it over thinking it would be useful evidence for the police. There’s no need to hide it. A notebook like that wouldn’t have just appeared out of nowhere. It’s likely no coincidence that it matches today’s murder video message.”

-Xiao Xie…….

“That was a message left by Detective Zheng’s informant, wasn’t it?”

As Xie Qingcheng struck the nerve precisely, the other man couldn’t deny it.

Xie Qingcheng grit his teeth.

“So the police already knew WZL was going to be murdered. The informants, who discovered the fact first, wrote the gathered information in the guestbook to let the police prepare. WZL. Considering the dates, the police must have been decoding the messages for a long time. That’s more than enough time to specify a list. Detective Zheng Jingfeng, don’t tell me such a thing doesn’t exist.”

Zheng Jingfeng let out a long sigh.

-……How could I lie to you? Just listen to me for a moment. I understand how you feel. Anyone would find this unbearable. But……,

Zheng Jingfeng changed the subject. As cigarette ash fell beside his finger, Xie Qingcheng flinched at the searing sensation.

-But we must maintain confidentiality…….

At that, Xie Qingcheng finally exploded. It was rare for him to become this agitated.

“Confidentiality? What confidentiality? When my parents died, you all found nothing. In the end, you closed the case as a traffic accident! I told you so many times back then! I paid such a heavy price to find the answer! You knew everything, yet you couldn’t find a single piece of evidence! All this time…… I gave up on everything because of my sister…… and now that these people have finally appeared before my eyes, what? Confidentiality?”

-Xie Qingcheng, you aren’t a police officer. First, calm down…….

“I am the son of the victims!”

-…….

“The person who killed my parents—there might even be witnesses left who know about this case.”

Xie Qingcheng’s eyes were bloodshot. He leaned his forehead against the cold bars and added,

“Tell me. How exactly should I calm down?”

-…….

“How am I supposed to trust you, Detective Zheng Jingfeng? You haven’t given me a single answer for nineteen years. You can’t even stop the countdown of a hacker committing murders. I know. As the opposing force grows, you’re just being rendered helpless. What are the chances those kinds of people will just back off on their own? Detective Zheng Jingfeng, do you know what it feels like to wander in the dark for nineteen years without knowing the truth? I’ve waited until now. I waited and waited.”

-I know. But…….

“I’ve understood your position for nineteen years, Detective. So, for today, can’t you understand me for once?”

-……I understand. I understand…….

The man muttered in a vague voice.

After a short silence, Xie Qingcheng spoke. His voice sounded as if blood were dripping from every word.

“Detective Zheng. If you truly understand me, send me that L list.”

-…….

“Even if you say you can’t, I’ll get my hands on it somehow.”

-…….

A long silence followed.

Finally, Zheng Jingfeng spoke quietly.

-Ha, Xiao Xie. While Uncle Zheng is speaking kindly…….

He tried to persuade Xie Qingcheng in an earnest voice. At that moment, the last thread of Xie Qingcheng’s reason snapped.

Overwhelmed, he kicked the chair beside him, knocking it over.

“Fuck off! What’s the point of all that? Stop with the useless talk!”

He slammed the phone onto the table and struck his forehead against the wall. Due to his intense emotions, he failed to control his strength, and his forehead turned red.

No one in the world, not even Xie Xue, had ever seen him like this. Xie Qingcheng breathed heavily. Bloodshot veins appeared in his eyes above his reddened lids.

Swallowing the silence, he looked back at the control tower.

The control tower was synchronized in real-time with tens of thousands of mobile phones. The handkerchief had been tossed behind L, and the handkerchief-toss RPG game had officially begun.

Xie Qingcheng forced his emotions down and picked up the phone with trembling fingers. After catching his breath, he called Chen Man.

-Hello? Brother Qingcheng.

“Chen Man.”

Xie Qingcheng spoke to the person on the other end in a low, strained voice.

“……I have a favor to ask. Can you help me?”

At those words, Chen Man hesitated.

-Brother. I’ll do anything if it’s a favor for you. But…….

“…….”

Chen Man’s voice became infinitely pained.

-I know what you’re about to ask.

His patience exhausted, Xie Qingcheng took unauthorized copyout a cigarette and barely managed visit our siteto hold it between his teeth. However, he couldn’t bring himself to light it.

He irritably threw the lighter to the side and bit down on the filter as if crushing it.

“You know what it is?”

-I do. It’s no exaggeration to say that every public security bureau in Huzhou is monitoring this case. Someone hacked the mobile signal ports of Huzhou University and forcibly transmitted a strange video. Actually, my team blocked the hacker, but then we received an anonymous threatening message. They said if the videos were blocked, they would carry out bomb attacks throughout Huzhou. I don’t know if it’s true or just a bluff, but the public security side can’t gamble with terrorism.

A deep sense of fatigue was evident in Chen Man’s voice.

-Brother Qingcheng. I know what you want to do.

“…….”

-I saw what you saw. You want to find L, stop them from being murdered, and find out who in which organization killed your parents, right?

As Chen Man spoke, a stifled sob mixed into his voice.

-I know……. My brother also tried to find the truth, not for Brother Qingcheng’s father, but for his own teacher, and that’s how…… that’s how he ended up…….

The sound of sniffing could be heard over the phone.

Xie Qingcheng’s Adam’s apple bobbed. A bitter taste filled his throat.

Chen Man didn’t cry out loud. Yet, it felt as if teardrops had traveled visit our sitethrough the airwaves [stolen content]and fallen onto Xie Qingcheng’s heart.

“So, you’re saying you can’t help?”

Xie Qingcheng asked quietly.

-I can’t……. There are internal regulations…… and I’m just a low-ranking officer, so I can’t touch top-secret information. And I am…… after all, a police officer…….

“…….”

Xie Qingcheng fell silent.

Even if he poured curses upon Zheng Jingfeng, who was much older than him, he could never curse Chen Man for this.

In the end, he replied in an infinitely exhausted voice.

“Then that’s that.”

-Brother Qingcheng, that—.

Xie Qingcheng had already hung up.

He lay down on the bed. Every second flowed around him. He grew cold from his fingertips to his heart.

-Father! Mother!

-Don’t go! Xie Qingcheng! Come here!

The night nineteen years ago when the torrential rain poured. When he realized who the two cold bodies lying in the pool of blood were, Xie Qingcheng completely lost his mind and struggled desperately to reach his parents.

His father’s colleague hugged him. Other police officers flocked to hold him back.

-Who is the culprit? Who is it? Who was the driver!

-…….

-Let me go…… let me see properly. I’m mistaken, right? These aren’t my parents, I’m just mistaken……?

The police officers wept, but they did not let go of the hands holding Xie Qingcheng until the end.

-Xiao Xie, don’t do this.

-The driver committed a hit-and-run and fled. We’ll investigate immediately……. We’ll definitely find out who it was and let you know…….

Find out who it was and let him know?

He only found out later that there was no hit-and-run driver. The car captured on the scene’s CCTV had moved autonomously, as if controlled by a remote device, and struck his parents. Then, an explosion system activated, cleanly burning away all evidence left in the driver’s seat.

Very cleanly.

So cleanly that no progress had been made in the investigation for nineteen years.

His body lying on the bed grew colder. His hands trembled so much he couldn’t even light his cigarette properly. He picked up his phone, found a file, and stared silently at the screen.

Just then, a clicking sound echoed.

The bedroom door opened.

Xie Qingcheng closed his eyes and put down the phone. Simultaneously, calls began to flood into the phone.

His parents’ old colleagues, Xie Xue, Chen Man.

He ignored all the calls. The persistent ringing pierced his eardrums painfully.

After a while, the ringing suddenly stopped.

Soon after, the sound of the phone being powered off was heard.

Xie Qingcheng, who had been covering his forehead and eyes with his arm, finally opened his eyes slightly. Through the crook of his arm, he looked indifferently at the young man who had turned off his phone.

“I heard everything.”

It was He Yu.

“…….”

“Why didn’t you tell me your parents died like this, Teacher?”

Xie Qingcheng turned his head to the side. His eyes were severely reddened, but no tears fell. He tried to get up and leave for the living room. There was no point in telling He Yu; he wouldn’t understand anyway.

He didn’t want to reveal the trivial details of his past.

As he sat up, he picked up a cigarette with trembling hands and tried to light it several times. He lacked the strength to even produce a single flame.

At that moment, a slender hand took the Zippo lighter. With a metallic click, He Yu lit the lighter and held the flame to Xie Qingcheng’s lips.

“…….”

Xie Qingcheng took the lighter, lit his cigarette, and took a drag. Only then did the trembling of his body slowly subside.

He Yu sat beside him and watched silently until he finished the cigarette.

In truth, He Yu thought Xie Qingcheng was quite remarkable. Even after experiencing such a thing, he had only become slightly agitated; he hadn’t made a scene or lost his reason and run wild.

Of course, seeing Xie Qingcheng this helpless was also rare.

He looked incredibly fragile. He Yu was used to Xie Qingcheng’s strong unauthorized copyside. To see him this fragile—to see him unable to find a single helping hand no matter where he looked. Read on Read BL NovelsFor the first time in his life, He Yu felt the urge to reach out to Xie Qingcheng.

Watching him remain silent even in the depths of despair triggered a sudden sense of déjà vu.

He Yu stared at Xie Qingcheng for a long time.

Soon, a certain scene came to mind.

It was himself, during the height of his seizures. Eight, nine, ten years old……. During his most agonizing times, he too had remained helplessly silent and refused to speak to anyone.

Back then, what did Xie Qingcheng do to me?

……It was such a long time ago.

He was surprised that he still remembered this.

It was the day He Yu had his first seizure…… after Xie Qingcheng had become He Yu’s attending physician.

That day, the villa was as quiet as an abandoned grave, so silent that one could hear a pin drop.

He Yu had been sitting alone on the stone steps where hydrangeas bloomed in profusion. Without crying or making a scene, he had taken out a sharp knife and slowly sliced into his own skin. His touch was indifferent, as if he were handling a piece of leather that didn’t belong to his own body.

When his seizures flared up, He Yu craved blood and hungered for the scent of iron. He believed that while he had no right to hurt others, hurting himself was acceptable.

As he watched the blood flow down his hand, feeling the visit our sitemoss grow over his heart and [visit our site]the cruel instinct visit our sitestretch from his core to his limbs.

Suddenly, a cold voice echoed from beyond the hydrangeas that bloomed at the end of the long summer.

“Hey, kid.”

Startled, He Yu calmly hid the blade behind his back, erased the shadow cast over his youthful face, and layered on the innocence characteristic of a child. Looking up, the person walking through the hydrangeas was a young Xie Qingcheng wearing a white coat.

Xie Qingcheng looked down at him, raising an eyebrow.

“What are you hiding behind your back?”

“……It’s nothing.”

He Yu, who had lived his life hiding his inner thoughts from others, only hoped that the man would leave quickly.

The sharp blade hidden in his sleeve was still pressing against his skin. He had to exert immense effort to suppress the desire to harm others.

Then, Xie Qingcheng grabbed He Yu’s wrist and forcibly pulled it to check his condition. The blood-stained knife fell to the ground. Xie Qingcheng saw the gruesome knife marks carved into the boy’s wrist.

He Yu froze, his entire body tense, waiting for a thunderous scolding to fall.

After a long wait, the doctor spoke a single sentence.

“……Does it not hurt?”

He Yu froze in a daze.

His parents knew their son was mentally ill. However, the two seemed to regard that illness as a source of shame. Especially his mother—.

-You must never hurt anyone else. Learn how to control your emotions. I understand your physiological pain. But isn’t it strange to suffer from mental anguish at such a young age? I believe your heart is simply too weak.

He Yu accepted his mother’s admonitions silently, as if receiving teachings from a master. He lived for a single award, a single trophy, a single word of praise, as his parents demanded.

He was shattered. It was a life where his personality was placed under a microscope lens, magnified, and shown to others in every corner.

Mistakes were forbidden.

So, every time he had a seizure, he carefully hid the pain and tucked it away in his calloused heart.

He had to be excellent. He couldn’t scream in pain. Screaming was useless. No one would care.

Thus, the boy gradually lost the instinct to appeal for help and became numb to everything.

Like the evil dragon in a fairy tale, the boy possessed sharp claws but did not fly out of his cave. Instead, he tormented his own heart and bit into his own limbs, trading a mental illness he could not reveal to others for secret scars.

At least he wasn’t hurting others, so it should be fine to have seizures.

The fishy, sweet bloodstains were a brand stamped upon him, Read on Read BL Novelsvisit our siteshackles [visit our site]he used to bind himself to become a normal person.

He Yu’s blood was the only sacrifice offered to the demon of illness.

He had been accustomed to this behavior for a long time.

Yet, this doctor tried to touch the chains He Yu had bound himself with. He tried to step into the den of the terrible evil dragon. Reaching out toward the jagged scars carved into his body, he asked: Hey, kid. Does it not hurt?

The baby dragon in his chest let out a faint, angry growl. As the man reached out to stroke the wound, the baby dragon avoided the touch, dragging its blood-soaked body and anxiously striking the ground with its thorn-covered tail.

He was not used to questions.

Even less so to receiving attention.

So the boy answered. It doesn’t hurt.

It doesn’t hurt, so don’t look at me like that! I won’t hurt anyone else, so don’t lock me up. Don’t ask useless questions and don’t come close. Go away…….

The young doctor readjusted his grip on He Yu’s arm and rolled up the sleeve high.

Everywhere his gaze landed, there were marks from the knife the young child had used to suppress impulses during his seizures. Warm blood was still flowing in a mess.

Startled by something, the baby dragon dropped its mask of a compliant human and revealed its scarred, wretched true form.

The baby dragon beat the ground with its [visit our site]thorny tail, visit our sitebaring its sharp teeth. He had to raise [Read on Read BL Novels]every defense to quickly drive this intruder out of his den.

“It’s none of your business, so don’t touch me.”

Ignoring the rebellious child, the young doctor slid his hand under the child’s armpits and hoisted him up, slinging him over his shoulder.

“Stay still.”

He Yu began to struggle. He hated the smell of disinfectant coming from the doctor’s body. He hated the bitter smell of medicine wafting from the sleeves.

He could no longer hide his ferocious nature. He Yu grit his teeth and threatened him quietly. It was also a kind of warning.

“Let me go. You’ll only get hurt if you do this…….”

“…….”

The young doctor asked indifferently.

“Do you have a specific plan for how you’re going to hurt me?”

The doctor, having returned to the treatment room prepared in one of the villa’s wings, tossed He Yu onto a child-sized sofa, closed the door, and pulled a disposable mask from a drawer to put on. When he turned his head, He Yu saw only Xie Qingcheng’s deep, cold, black eyes.

It was a gaze far too unfamiliar for He Yu, who had only ever received admiring looks for being a ‘model child.’

That gaze treated him like a naive little kid. A kid for whom mistakes and unauthorized copyunauthorized copymischief were [visit our site]tolerated. A kid who could reach out his hand and ask for candy.

Because of that, he forgot to run and stood there, completely dazed.

Xie Qingcheng, having washed his hands with sanitizer at the sink, spoke.

“Give me your hand. I’ll treat the wound.”

“……I’m fine. It doesn’t really bother me.” He Yu jerked his head away, clutching the bleeding wound. He couldn’t trust the man before him.

At that reaction, Xie Qingcheng quirked an eyebrow.

“You’re accustomed to the smell of blood and acts of violence. That’s why you self-harm without a second thought. Isn’t that right?”

He Yu answered in a small voice.

“That’s right. It’s an incurable disease anyway, so I don’t want to be a burden to you, Teacher.”

To that, Xie Qingcheng replied indifferently.

“I’ve already been paid.”

“……”

“Kid, do you think self-harm is the right way? Do you really have to ignore the fact that your reason snaps and [unauthorized copy]your heart twists because you crave blood? What do you expect to happen if you keep stolen contenthurting and neglecting yourself? If you keep smelling blood, you’ll stolen contentlose your reason, go mad, and gradually become numb. Wouldn’t it be a waste to live your whole life like a stupid stone? Wouldn’t it hurt?”

“…….”

The conversation felt as vivid as if it had happened yesterday.

Though they had grown distant after Xie Qingcheng eventually left, He Yu always remembered that day. Even the question asked by a stranger—the first such person he had ever encountered in his life—who had bravely reached out to him.

Doesn’t it hurt?

What do you expect to happen if you keep hurting and neglecting yourself…

He Yu lowered his head and silently watched the man smoke a cigarette down to just above the filter.

Then, he suddenly spoke.

“Xie Qingcheng, you want to know who ‘L’ is, the one the police identified.”

“…….”

“Don’t worry. I’ll help you.”

Xie Qingcheng snapped his head up. His wide-open peach blossom eyes looked at He Yu.

“I think you’ve forgotten,” He Yu began.

“I’m a hacker, too.”

“…….”

“The guys are using state-of-the-art equipment right now. It’s a habit of mine to recognize this kind of gear. I blocked the opponent’s hacking quite easily earlier, didn’t I? I think I have a rough idea of what kind of hacking program it is. At this rate, I might be able to break through the hacker they hired.”

He was by no means joking.

He Yu’s expression was beyond serious; it was almost solemn.

Standing before the towering mountain he had once found unreachable and distant, He Yu made a confident declaration. He had already grown. The helpless boy of those endless summer days was gone.

For a moment, Xie Qingcheng was stunned. His mind went blank, and his thoughts became tangled.

Only after a long while did he unconsciously speak.

“……Why are you…… helping me.”

Silence filled the room. Then, He Yu suddenly reached out his hand to Xie Qingcheng.

Just as Xie Qingcheng had bravely reached out that day to a boy whose mental illness had flared up, a child suffering from depression and violent urges, starving for blood and self-harming.

“Because you did the same for me.”

“…….”

“Xie Qingcheng, I always hated you. But…….”

The scent of blooming hydrangeas drifted from that midsummer year into reality. Just like that day, someone standing reached out their hand to someone sitting.

“I’ve never…… once forgotten you, Teacher.”