By Zephyria Imagining the two of them living together was quite funny. It was such an unexpected combination that I wanted to put them together and observe them for a while. How much would they bicker?
Living with Darling’s ex-lover…
If it were a drama, it would be quite a hot topic. I was idly indulging in fantasies when I subtly checked on Yi-tae. He was diligently carrying out the homework I had given him.
What kind of conversation did they have for the topic of living together to come up? Considering Yi-tae’s personality, I didn’t think he would have brought it up first.
“Gyeoul.”
Ian called me, composing his hardened expression. Returning to reality, I peeled off the memo stuck to the back of my hand and stuck it in the empty space on the desk. It was already Saturday. This week had been particularly full of incidents and accidents, and it had flown by quickly.
I stared into Ian’s eyes, which had a deep, dark light like the sea. Even amidst the commotion, his voice was clear.
Uncharacteristically, he couldn’t open his mouth easily. He moved his lips, then let out a deep sigh. Then, he returned to his spot and scribbled something roughly on the memo.
Look at my lips too.
Ian hurriedly stuck the memo and turned his head away, pretending otherwise. Whether Yi-tae had become a stimulant, Ian was hasty, like a locomotive with broken brakes.
His face was flushed red. I had a sense of déjà vu, as if I had seen this face often. It would be the first time Ian had acted so awkward.
As a lover, he wouldn’t be bad. Rather, his kind and meticulous personality would likely lead to a comfortable relationship. It wasn’t that I hadn’t considered a relationship with him. However…
I wasn’t confident that I would love him even as time passed. Whether all the love inside me was dead or hidden due to wounds, the fullness of my previous relationships had long been lost. I liked things as they were now. Not lonely, but not overwhelming either.
Since it was content that shouldn’t be discovered by anyone, I first stuck it in my work notebook to hide it.
Yi-tae still left a memo once a day, and it was also stored here. It was too precious to throw away, but I felt awkward keeping it.
I didn’t want to respond to Ian’s heartfelt feelings with a joke, even if our ending wouldn’t be a happy one. Tomorrow was bound to be a difficult day.
Was it because I was thinking about Ian? My gaze unconsciously turned to him. I met his eyes, which were staring intently at me. He was still blushing, but he subtly pursed his lips.
‘Jealous.’
That’s what his lips seemed to say. Is this what it’s like to date someone younger? It was cute. Just not in a romantic way.
I shook my head. What if I hadn’t dated Yi-tae? Would I have gotten married without knowing I was bisexual? Or would I have fallen for Ian? Many possibilities came to mind. The answer would never be known.
What was certain was that his presence in my head had increased dramatically.
Then, my attention was drawn to a notification that popped up in the corner of the screen.
Sirius
[What do you want to eat for dinner?]
He’s not usually one to ask something like this.
…Is he jealous too? Yi-tae has been in charge of cooking lately, so he’s been subtly investigating what I want to eat, but it’s the first time he’s asked so directly like this.
[Braised short ribs.]
I wrote down the first dish that came to mind. Secondary issues, such as not having the ingredients at home or it taking a long time, were none of my concern. Of course, my honest feeling was that I just wanted to tease him. Yi-tae’s flustered appearance would be quite cute.
My eyes slid to the side. Yi-tae was touching the back of his neck with a clearly troubled expression.
[If it’s difficult, spicy pork stir-fry.]
Since he was cute, I willingly backed down a step.
I changed it to an ingredient that was likely to be at home. Yi-tae’s expression subtly brightened. It was a really trivial conversation, but it was enjoyable. Just seeing Yi-tae in trouble was fun. I don’t think I used to enjoy tormenting people like this.
This was also Yi-tae’s fault. Since he ruined me, the person who made me that way should take responsibility.
Sirius
[Okay. I’ll make it.]
[You’re eating dinner with me, right?]
The belated addition struck a chord. He was jealous. He should just focus on his homework. I covered up the laughter that escaped with a dry cough.
Yes, Yi-tae likes me. A lot. He liked me so much that his feelings overflowed and reached me.
But it felt strange that it felt so natural. Even though I can no longer love someone like I used to, it felt like he had to love me.
Even if I couldn’t reciprocate, even if he eventually got tired of it, he had to love me. It was a twisted feeling.
[Hmm, I don’t know. What do you want me to do?]
Those feelings were easily expressed. Would this be considered fishing? But shouldn’t I be allowed to treat you badly, at least?
Suddenly, a sense of self-disgust came over me, and I closed the chat. If I couldn’t remember what happened that day by this evening, it would be okay to give a little hint.
I wanted you to remember those words you said to me. And my reaction to those words too. Of course, if that happened, this relationship, where the power dynamic was clear, might flow in a different direction.
〈How do you… want me to treat you?〉
Come to think of it, Yi-tae’s reply was late.
Instead of urging him, I got up from my seat. I needed to go out for some fresh air. It was a day when I suddenly craved a cigarette, something I had never even tried before.
∗ ∗ ∗
〈To be honest, I like Gyeoul.〉
Seeing Ian looking at Gyeoul and pursing his lips, that statement came to mind. I didn’t have any bad feelings towards Ian, but for some reason, I didn’t feel good.
Perhaps because I pressed the pen too hard on the paper, the ink smeared to the side. I realized my mistake and released the pressure on my hand.
I was really embarrassed that day. He suddenly asked me via messenger if I wanted to have lunch together, and then, while we were eating, he abruptly confessed his feelings.
〈Why are you telling me that?〉
I put down my chopsticks and asked him back. Ian was only resolute. He had an attitude as if he was trying to keep me in check, but I was nothing to Gyeoul. He could date anyone else, but I was the only one who couldn’t be Gyeoul’s partner.
Of course, I already knew that Ian liked Gyeoul. But guessing and hearing it directly were different. It wasn’t that he trusted me, but he must have revealed it solely out of his feelings for Gyeoul.
〈It’s obvious that Sirius likes Gyeoul too. You’ve known each other for a long time, right?〉
〈I have no intention of revealing it.〉
〈Someone who’s trying to hide it wouldn’t call him Gyeoul.〉
He hit the nail on the head. Ian accurately pointed out a part that I hadn’t even been aware of. I lost my appetite and drank water. This was the purpose from the beginning. I was dragged out because there was no reason to refuse, but it was a seat I never wanted to have again.
He was rude. He had no manners and couldn’t even keep his distance.
I was very displeased, but I didn’t intend to get angry. After all, Ian was Gyeoul’s coworker and a superior I would have to see in the future.
I barely managed to speak, suppressing my feelings.
〈Why are you telling me this?〉
〈I felt like I would miss my chance if I hesitated.〉
〈Then confess to Gyeoul. Don’t tell me.〉
〈You’re living with Gyeoul, aren’t you?〉
He was like a peacock threatening other males to keep them away. I didn’t want to hand Gyeoul over to someone like that.
Especially someone who easily talked about information they heard from somewhere.
Gyeoul wouldn’t have said it. My face hardened at the thought that these rumors were lightly circulating. My tone naturally turned cold.
〈Who said that?〉
〈…I happened to see you carrying luggage and going inside. I’m not a stalker. My house is near there too.〉
He didn’t seem to be lying. I barely managed to hold back a sigh.
I didn’t like this situation itself. I already knew that our inner thoughts had been revealed to each other. Expressing it out loud was a different matter.
My head throbbed.
〈So what do you want?〉
〈I want to get close to you, Sirius.〉
Ian raised the corners of his lips. He had a very brazen attitude for someone who had started a fight.
I was speechless and closed my mouth. My unpleasant feelings also cooled down in an instant. Would he act like this even if he knew I was Gyeoul’s ex-lover?
〈Why?〉
Is there a reason why I need to get close to you?
I was embarrassed and my words became short. Ian smiled lightly as if he didn’t care at all. He even seemed cheerful.
〈Because you’re someone Gyeoul has opened up to enough to keep by his side.〉
He said it as if it were natural. It was clearly wrong, but…
Snapping out of my thoughts, I moved my fingers. It was only after sending a jealous chat to Gyeoul that I realized what I had done. It was already after I had pressed send.