By Zephyria 
I didn’t mean for him to confess so radically. Kwon Yi-tae would never have said such a thing. Even when we were dating, he never once mentioned marriage. We just considered each other family as if it were an unspoken rule.
I carefully examined his expression. Yi-tae’s face was flushed red, and he was breathing heavily. His eyes were blinking slower than usual. It was hard to check his temperature with the luggage in both hands.
“Yi-tae, lean your face closer for a second.”
Despite the sudden request, he stopped without complaint and bent down. I lightly touched my forehead to his, which was right in front of me. His fever was even worse than before, burning hot.
This kind of skinship didn’t feel awkward. It seemed like Yi-tae felt the same way. Rather, now that we had decided on a direction, I felt more at ease.
Fortunately, we could reach home with just a little more walking. He looked like he wanted an answer, but I pretended not to notice and quickened my pace. Yi-tae desperately defended his spot next to me with a disappointed expression. Until yesterday, his place had been a step behind.
If I didn’t have luggage in my hands, I probably would have held his hand. It’s more comfortable that way. And because Yi-tae is sick. Only for that reason.
Thankfully, we made it home without him collapsing. I threw the bags down in the entryway and grabbed Yi-tae’s wrist, heading straight for the bathroom. Soaking in hot water seemed like the only way to ease his suffering.
“Let’s shower together. I can’t wait either.”
“…Okay.”
Water dripped onto the bathroom floor. Yi-tae tried to take off his raincoat several times, but he only fumbled, probably because he was dizzy. Without hesitation, I grabbed the raincoat and pulled it apart on both sides. It came off very easily.
“Lift your arms.”
Doing this felt like we were about to have sex. Of course, Yi-tae was in a state where he could collapse at any moment, so we definitely wouldn’t.
He obediently lifted his arms. He swayed in the process, but I quickly grabbed his arm tightly, preventing him from falling.
Can he take off his pants himself? I watched Yi-tae’s face as I fiddled with the buckle. His eyes were half-closed. Without hesitation, I unbuttoned them and pulled them down. Thanks to that, I met Yi-tae’s cock head-on.
If he wasn’t sick, it would have been the perfect time for reunion sex.
Pretending to be nonchalant, I got up and turned on the shower. Hot water began to pour over my head. The cold that had permeated my body gradually began to fade.
“Can you wash yourself?”
“Dizzy…”
Yi-tae shook his head and leaned on me. Our skin touched. Yi-tae felt hotter than the water. My insides tingled. I wanted to push him away because of the strange feeling, but I barely held back, afraid he might get hurt.
I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was faking it. Even if he was really sick, he seemed capable of washing himself.
However, hearing the rubbing of our skin and his occasional breaths, I lost my strength. Cute. His body, pressed tightly against mine, was struggling to burrow further into me. Even though he’s bigger than me, it’s not like he’ll fit in my arms.
I said to him in a tone mixed with laughter.
“We can’t wash like this. Step away for a second.”
“I want to kiss.”
“Do it. But you have to stand properly after.”
“Okay.” With that answer, Yi-tae found my lips. His demands had increased, but I was very pleased with the change. It was hard to breathe because of the water pouring over our heads, but I didn’t want to let him go because of his movements, which seemed to crave something.
My head went blank from lack of breath. I slowly melted in the hot water, and a languid feeling washed over me. Yi-tae tried to swallow me whole with a kiss that mixed and sucked at my tongue. He didn’t seem to have improved his kissing skills since before, so he probably hadn’t done it with anyone else.
My plan to wash cleanly was completely ruined the moment Yi-tae staggered after the kiss.
He couldn’t stand properly because his fever had risen to his head, so he couldn’t keep his promise to me. He wasn’t in a state to wash himself. The moment I pulled away, his body fell forward. Horrified, I dried my wet body with a towel and barely managed to put a shirt on him.
I barely managed to support Yi-tae, who was half-leaning on me, and lay him down on the bed.
“You wanted to kiss even though your body is this sick?”
I said, covering him with a blanket, with a slightly reproachful tone.
Yi-tae, his cheeks flushed, tried to nod but closed his eyes, probably because he was dizzy. I came to nurse him so he could get better, but it looks like I’m making him sicker.
“Even now…”
“Just sleep. I’ll change the cool towel.”
“Can’t you lie down with me too?”
I didn’t hesitate for long. My body was already getting hot, and languor was taking over me.
I opened the medicine I had placed on the bedside table and swallowed it. I felt it moving down my esophagus as I drank lukewarm water. It was understandable since I already had a high fever. I need to contact Ian in advance to let him know I’m taking sick leave.
I’ll do it later.
I lifted the blanket and lay down next to Yi-tae. The pillow quickly became damp because I couldn’t dry my hair properly. As soon as I got into the blanket, Yi-tae put his arm under my neck. It felt like we had gone back to the old days.
“Yi-tae.”
“Yeah, Gyeoul.”
“Kwon Yi-tae.”
“…”
I turned to the side and looked at his face. Yi-tae was looking down at me with half-closed, hazy eyes. He should just close his eyes and sleep if he’s that sleepy.
I found his attitude of not answering when I used his full name funny. Yi-tae had a comfortable expression for the first time. The chill that had seeped into my bones gradually faded. I was definitely freezing to death a while ago.
We had a lot to talk about in the future. From what we’re going to do when the project is over to our relationship. If we end up dating like this, it’ll be a long-distance relationship, and I wonder if we can handle it. It’s so complicated.
But I didn’t have the luxury to worry about that now.
I snuggled further into Yi-tae’s arms. Yi-tae’s cozy scent tickled the tip of my nose because I hadn’t washed with body wash. The lingering tension melted away with the familiar scent.
“You have to treat me well from now on.”
“I will. I’ll treat you better, better, as much as I couldn’t.”
I could feel Yi-tae’s body shuddering. I patted his stomach. I couldn’t empathize with how Yi-tae was feeling. But it was clear that my words made him happy enough to tremble.
I murmured softly in a sleepy voice.
“Okay. Be my boyfriend.”
The conclusion that had been in a hazy fog became very clear. I came to the conclusion that it wouldn’t be bad to have him by my side like this.
I closed my eyes and exhaled evenly. Was it the medicine already working? I started to feel sleepy. Considering what I did today, from finding Yi-tae, it was understandable that I was tired.
Yi-tae didn’t answer. I stretched my hand a little further, which was on his stomach, and wrapped it around his waist. Now it felt comfortable, like a perfectly fitting puzzle. This was the most familiar position for us.
Suddenly, a sob reached my ears. I lifted my heavy eyelids and looked at Yi-tae’s face.
“Crybaby.”
“…I wasn’t, always, like this.”
“Marriage is too early. Tell me again later when we get closer.”
I wiped the tears from his eyes with my hand. He was lovely, crying with a fever. Yeah, it was over from the moment he looked lovely. I knew it, but I ignored it because I didn’t have the courage to jump back into the swamp.
But now it was too much of a hassle to worry and fret about all that. If I wanted him, I could just keep him by my side.
The depths of my heart tickled. Like a new sprout was about to grow. It was still barren land, but it would be okay someday. No, it will be okay. This was a certainty.
“Thank you. I love you. I love you, Gyeoul.”
“Yeah.”
Yi-tae put his lips on my forehead while crying. Although I couldn’t return the same answer yet, I suddenly had a feeling that the day would come when I would say that.
I should have reunion sex.
Then I could have let out my emotions more easily and gotten closer. I felt a little regretful, but I swallowed my disappointment by lightly kissing his lips. If his skills have improved, I’ll have to interrogate him right away.
Because I don’t want to build up any more misunderstandings.
Yi-tae’s surprised eyes, wet with tears, were sparkling. The Milky Way that I had cherished in my heart since I was nineteen was spread out before my eyes.
From the moment I first saw those eyes, it was a predetermined future that I couldn’t beat him.
“Let’s really sleep. We have a lot to do in the future.”
“Okay.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Yi-tae’s breathing, which I could hear in my ear, was calm and cozy, so I felt like I would fall asleep soon. I felt like I had finally settled into the orbit of everyday life.
It was familiar. And comfortable. There was no excitement or tension, but a subtle sense of satisfaction filled my heart.
I had a dream for the first time in a while. It was about us, who couldn’t even be supporting actors, escaping from the set and going on a trip. We were chased by monsters, and we became beggars and sat on the floor, but we were always happy. Because we were together.
We encountered much more than the small set where we only passed by the main character. No one in the world recognized us, but we could feel each other’s presence as much as we held hands.
Yeah, that’s enough.
Even though we didn’t become the main characters, it was enough if we were happy anyway. Because we weren’t the main characters, we could be freer from the spotlight. However, we weren’t given eternity like the main characters, so we had to work harder to be together for a long time.
I opened my eyes after seeing the ending. It was deep dawn, and a deep darkness had settled.
Even in the midst of it, Yi-tae’s sleeping face was clearly visible. I moved closer to him and exhaled evenly. My heart was beating at a steady pace.
For some reason, I had a feeling that I could have a happier dream this time, so I smiled and closed my eyes again.
I felt like something good was about to happen.
〈권태증 : The Lassitude〉End
Synopsis
Genre: Contemporary, Reunion, First Love
Keywords: Friends>Lovers, Regretful Gong, Unrequited Love Gong, Indifferent Su, Wounded Su
Main Character (Gong): Kwon Itaek (32). He had been living a lackluster life until he met Gyeoul. After encountering Gyeoul, his monotonous world began to move, filled with heart-fluttering excitement and beauty. But the thrilling feeling that love gives couldn’t possibly last forever.
Main Character (Su): Choi Gyeoul (32). Seven years of dating were all in vain. Constant contact and meetings with someone other than me. A colder attitude than before. There was no longer any reason to cling to the relationship with all my might. It was something that could be let go of, so why was it so difficult? As I get older, I hate anything tiring.
When to read: When you want to see the ending of a love that has been irrevocably ruined by ennui.
Quote: Ah, I should break up.
Boredom: The Lassitude (Ennui)
Work Introduction
Keywords: Contemporary, Friends > Lovers, Cohabitation/Spouse, First Love, Reunion, Misunderstanding/Mistake, Office Romance, Handsome Gong, Sweet Gong, Large Dog Gong, Obsessive Gong, Regretful Gong, Unrequited Love Gong, Wounded Gong, Beautiful Su, Sweet Su, Active Su, Indifferent Su, Wounded Su, Capable Su, Coming-of-age, Melodrama
Seven years of unrequited love and another seven years of dating.
Gyeoul believed that the love completed through the long time with Itaek would continue forever.
However.
“You must be going to hang out with that person again today.”
There was a reason why Itaek was diagnosed with ennui.
Meetings with another person that had been going on since last spring.
Itaek no longer smiled when looking at Gyeoul, and Gyeoul simply resigned himself to seeing Itaek like that.
“If it’s not meant to be, we should break up.”
For Itaek’s sake, and for my own. It wasn’t right to tie each other down.
It was better to let go quickly and protect our memories.
The brilliant youth of a certain day.
So that the brightly burning past would no longer become shabby.