By Zephyria 
After roughly ordering everything and finishing cleaning while singing, the sun was setting. With nothing more to do in the new house, I grabbed my coat and left. Before leaving, I tried to set the password, but after using the same one for so long, my brain wasn’t working well.
I repeatedly lifted and lowered the black door lock cover. What day is it today? Hmm. 0119. Should I use this? I pressed it in, setting it. I awkwardly ruffled my hair. It was a completely uncreative sequence of numbers, only two digits different from the previous password.
I pressed it to check. Ttiriring. The door opened with the sound. Closing the door again and starting to walk was just a moment ago.
There was a reason I came home early.
Of course, it was all useless if Yi-tae didn’t come home. With the house contract finished and my feelings mostly sorted out, the only task left for me was the breakup. If possible, it would be nice to bring it up slowly while having dinner. My heart was drawing calm waves without any agitation. Even until the moment of putting a period on it. How did we reach this ending?
I grabbed the doorknob, which was now becoming awkward, and turned it. But the space, which should have been darkened, was filled with bright light.
‘Huh. It’s not time for him to be off work yet?’
Did he leave the light on this morning? But I didn’t turn it on. Unable to understand the situation, I stood still, only moving my eyes. Could it be… a burglar?
I had nothing but my phone and car keys in my hand. I could inflict at least a moment of pain if I hit them with the car keys. My hand was clenched tightly. The moment my gaze turned to the living room, my mouth dropped open at the familiar figure.
“Kwon Yi-tae…?”
“You’re here?”
“What is this? A surprise?”
Yi-tae, sitting still on the sofa and staring at me, only moved his mouth as if he were a stone statue. Judging by the occasional blinking, he wasn’t turned to stone…
Judging by the uncomfortable clothes he was wearing without changing, it seemed like he hadn’t been home for long. No, I wanted to believe that. Because the air filling the house was too warm to have just arrived. Like someone who had been waiting for a long time.
I hoped you wouldn’t wait for me anymore.
“……”
“When did you get here?”
I took off my coat, pretending to be calm. I lowered my head to organize my shoes, trying to hide my definitely wavering eyes. I didn’t show any hesitation in the series of actions.
‘…I really didn’t expect to have dinner together.’
Honestly, I didn’t expect it. It was strange in the morning, but there was no guarantee it would be the same in the evening. The person Yi-tae was interested in was definitely a colleague from the same company. I even briefly suspected that seeing that person’s face would make him forget me.
I hadn’t even decided on the breakup line to throw at him yet. I was going to think about it slowly on my own… What should I say to avoid being pathetic? I was acting confident, but in reality, I wasn’t fully prepared. I was feeling somewhat unstable and subtly uneasy.
It couldn’t be helped. How long have we been together?
Seeing your face left me speechless.
I was reminded of the seasons we had lived through. All the moments, from when the flowers bloomed to when the snow fell, still remained vaguely. There was definitely nothing eternal, but I dared to believe that we would be the exception. My foolish past self floated to the surface.
Why do people arbitrarily think they are the main characters of a movie that ends with a happy ending? Our lives can’t even be supporting characters in a movie.
“……You’re not going anywhere now, right?”
“Uh, uh……”
Yi-tae answered with a question instead of an answer. An uneasy premonition rippled from my ankles. The sensation was so chilling that I wanted to kick it away immediately.
‘Could it be that things aren’t going well with the person he’s in the Dating phase with?’
So, he’s treating me like insurance now? Ha, really! How absurd. Who’s whose insurance? How dare he treat me like that? The branches sprouting from the strangeness grew into a reckless shape. The illusion that I had become Yi-tae’s fallback made me feel strangely down. That I would be treated like that.
Yi-tae was still looking up at me with a silent gaze. Looking at his face, my churning stomach gradually calmed down. Right, the other person was Yi-tae. The one I knew best. Not as much as before, but I still had the ability to grasp his mood. I couldn’t not know.
Subtly drooping eyebrows, a stiff mouth. Even the intense gaze staring straight ahead. Yi-tae was clearly very upset. For some reason.
“……Have you had dinner?”
“No. I was about to eat. The Beggar Teacher residing in my stomach has been crying since earlier. I was wondering if we could eat together if the timing was right.”
“Really?”
Yeah. Didn’t his eyebrows raise a little? His eyes became rounder accordingly. What the hell is wrong with this guy? These signs were not good. I had already collected hundreds of pieces of evidence that he no longer loved me. That had accumulated and led to the moment of separation, but why, why you……
Only the sound of the refrigerator running could be heard in the quiet house. Oh well, whatever. I casually hung my clothes on the chair and plopped down next to Yi-tae. It wasn’t that something was wrong, but I couldn’t help but feel tired. I had been moving all day, and it would be stranger if I had any energy left at this age. I just comforted myself that I was following the natural order.
I knew it too, that I was still young enough to not be this tired. But it was easier to give up. Like the principle of never running across a blue traffic light with only 8 seconds left.
“I’m sleepy, Tae. Order my food for me.”
“……What were you doing when you came?”
“I wonder……?”
How should I explain this? If I said it now, even the rice that was going down well would definitely get stuck in my throat. So, it was right to postpone it for a while. After eating? Would it cause indigestion if I said it then? But what does that matter? He’s the one whose heart has already left anyway. Why am I so considerate, unnecessarily.
The clothes rustled, rubbing against the fabric of the sofa. My head, which was naturally going to lie on Yi-tae’s thigh, fell next to it with a thud. This was not good. It was time to correct the natural habits that had become ingrained in my body.
I closed my eyes. I could feel Yi-tae’s gaze, but I didn’t move. As if I had intended to do this from the beginning. A shadow fell over my eyes. I didn’t open them. The hesitating hand moved away without blocking the light. The flickering light was drawn under the closed darkness. I wish he would block it completely.
“Are you very sleepy?”
“Yeah……”
Yi-tae was quiet, and I didn’t open my eyes. I slowly released the strength in my body, as if entrusting myself to the drowsiness that was washing over me. At least it would take more than 30 minutes for the delivery to arrive. In the meantime, I thought I could sort out what to say while dozing off. At least silence didn’t cause us great discomfort. Even if we had been conscious of each other as strangers for some time.
“Sleeping……?”
“……”
My lips wouldn’t part as if they were filled with water. If I moved even a little in this state, I felt like I would completely lose my sleepiness. This sleepiness that I had barely found was more precious than Yi-tae. Things that I couldn’t have imagined in the past were becoming reality.
Just a little more.
I felt like I could fall completely asleep if I just took a few more breaths in this state.
Then, Yi-tae continued. His voice was tightly locked, approaching with a low vibration.
“Gyeoul. Giyeoul, tangerine.”
……Is he crazy?
I was pulled to the surface in an instant. I couldn’t stand nonsense, no matter what. I opened my eyes wide and looked at Yi-tae, who was making terrible sounds.
Since when was it? Yi-tae was staring at me. As if he had been doing so for a long time. As if he had even predicted that I would wake up, he didn’t even flinch at my wide-open eyes. His shameless face didn’t know embarrassment.
Just as I knew you well, you knew me well too.
So, you also knew that I would be furious at this nonsense.
“Why did you wake up?”
“Are you kidding me right now? Are you going to do this with ridiculous pronunciation?”
“Looking at you again, you kind of look like a tangerine.”
“Are you saying my face looks like a jaundiced yellow right now? Do you think your skin will be beautiful for ten thousand years? I told you this morning too. You look so old that a 100-year-old Grandfather would want to be friends with you!”
“I just meant you were refreshing……”
I blinked my eyes a couple of times and then closed them. As if I had been sleepwalking. Srrr. Like a robot with a dead battery, I stopped working. Yi-tae’s laughter belatedly tickled my ears. I thought I had become completely accustomed to these kinds of jokes. It had been more than half a year since I had heard such jokes, so I tripped and fell over them.
“Tangerine. Aren’t you going to react more?”
“Tuh, shut up.”
Spit-like bastard. Tuh, tuh. I hope you get hit by spit someone spat out the window while walking down the street.
I pressed my lips tightly together, having childish thoughts. Yi-tae’s warm hand landed on my forehead. I couldn’t see it, but I felt his particularly warm gaze. I tried to ignore it and went back to sleep. I had to fall asleep before the delivery arrived. It didn’t seem like I would fall asleep easily.
∗ ∗ ∗
What do you mean I couldn’t fall asleep.
I was drooling and sleeping well. Suddenly, I felt a strange sensation and opened my eyes wide to find the living room filled with darkness. When did Yi-tae turn off the lights? I could tell that there was a presence waiting for me at the head of my bed without looking.
I lifted my head slightly. Then my hair touched Yi-tae’s thigh. When did we get this close? Did I move up while sleeping?