By Zephyria He put a toothbrush full of toothpaste in his mouth. The more he scrubbed, the more foam appeared. This was why he brushed his teeth. No matter how much he suffered from the grueling work, he was mesmerized by his shining appearance. The Choi Gyeoul in the mirror was still damn cool. He tried not to swear after he turned thirty. But what could he do when he was so handsome that it made him want to swear?
He spat out the foam and relentlessly brushed his tongue with the toothbrush. The toothbrush went in too deep and momentarily touched his uvula.
“Ugh.”
His esophagus constricted as if he was about to throw up. He gagged a few times and rinsed his mouth clean. He had to do it this rough to feel refreshed. He washed his face, and thought about washing his hair, but decided to do it in the morning because he was tired from thinking about looking at new houses.
He came out of the bathroom, but Yi-tae still hadn’t come home. He glanced at the front door for a moment and then went into his room. He needed to sleep early to look at houses tomorrow.
He didn’t care anymore whether Yi-tae came home or not. They would be completely strangers now.
∗ ∗ ∗
He didn’t even remember when he fell asleep. He felt like he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He woke up to the sound of birds chirping outside. It wasn’t like this in the old days. He’s been sleeping less in the mornings lately. Was it inevitable that he was getting old?
He roughly tousled his hair, which was like a bird’s nest, and looked to his side. Yi-tae was sleeping peacefully, having come in at some point. His hands were neatly placed on his stomach.
Seeing Yi-tae reminded him of a dream he had last night.
He tried not to think about it, but the scene of Yi-tae confessing to him appeared in his dream. He couldn’t forget the season, the temperature, and the breathing of that day. It was as if it was stuck in his heart. His heart stung. They had such beautiful moments too.
He sighed at their current state, where they had become old men, and got out of bed. He couldn’t go back to the past, but morning exercise was essential to maintain his body as much as possible.
Feeling the hot boiler, he carefully left the room. The outside, visible through the glass window, was covered in snow. Hmm, not a good sign? His nose was very dry. He should have turned on the humidifier before going to sleep. See? There’s no one else to take care of these things but him. It’s no different from living alone.
He headed to the veranda.
He opened the door and was greeted by very cold air. Choi Gyeoul yawned widely and put on his slippers. Ugh, it’s cold. The dawn, thickly covered with snow, was like a painting. He opened the door slightly. A cold wind swept across his face. He rummaged through his pockets, took out his phone, and took a picture of his face against the backdrop of the scenery.
#Me_waking_up_early_in_the_morning
He posted an update on social media. It’s not easy to be this handsome in the morning. He was a little swollen, but his good looks remained unchanged. His 50,000 followers would be diligently pressing hearts again. He looked at the post with satisfaction, put his phone in his pocket, and pressed his face against the window, which was blowing out cold air. Snow. More snow.
His hot breath flew away as a puff of air. Far, far away.
Yes, it was this cold and snowy that day too.
∗ ∗ ∗
It was the day Yi-tae was discharged from the military.
The day snowflakes fell on his freshly shaved head. He, who had been discharged earlier, took it upon himself to pick up Yi-tae. Yi-tae came out of the division in his military uniform. He wasn’t even cold as he walked straight towards him, and Choi Gyeoul waved his hands and greeted him happily.
Yi-tae’s face was frozen stiff from the cold. His cheeks and the tip of his nose were red, and he was breathing out white air. It was funny to think that the first thing he said to him was, ‘Aren’t you cold?’ He didn’t seem to think about his own appearance. He was wearing a long padded coat and a scarf. How could he be colder than him?
At that moment, pure white snowflakes fluttered down from the dark sky. The snow gently landed on Yi-tae’s shaved head. Red face, black hair, and white snow on top of it.
〈Gyeoul.〉
〈……Huh?〉
That subtle atmosphere.
Perhaps he sensed that Yi-tae was about to confess to him. He couldn’t forget how hot Yi-tae’s eyes were as he looked only at him. It was so clear that he could recall it at any time.
〈I like you.〉
Without hesitation, Yi-tae confessed his love to him. It was a confession without any flair. Even the location was in front of the military base. Nevertheless, he nodded to him. As if he had never thought of any other answer.
Yi-tae’s weathered face, from all the time he spent in the military, curved into a smile. How could he ever forget that bright smile? As if possessed by that smile, he hugged Yi-tae tightly.
To others, it would have looked like a warm friendship hug. But he was really happy, so he hugged him.
∗ ∗ ∗
It was all in the past. Just because he reminisced about that time didn’t mean he could go back to that era. Nor would their relationship be restored. They had come too far. Where had all those youths gone, who only had pure affection for each other? The cold wind made his bones feel chilly.
“Ugh, I think I’m really getting old.”
With a sad heart, he quickly closed the door. He took a picture for social media. Now it was time to really go exercise. But should he really go out? What if he tripped and broke his back while jogging in the snow? He’s at an age where his bones don’t heal well anymore. And there’s no one to take care of him anymore.
He closed the veranda door tightly and came out. He rubbed the buttons of his shabby pajamas and eventually took off his clothes. There was no one to see him, and he didn’t care if they did. They already knew each other’s every wrinkle, so what was there to be embarrassed about? Was that why they got tired of each other?
He ran his hand over his firm abs and put his face into his workout clothes. He changed his pants and quickly put on his padding, and he was ready to go out easily. The things he had prepared for the few days he might want to exercise finally paid off. Wow, Choi Gyeoul, a man who is thorough in his preparations. Awesome, awesome.
He glanced at the still quiet room. Yi-tae, who had been so loud and even drank alcohol, wouldn’t wake up. He was very weak to alcohol. That’s why he hardly ever drank with him.
…Maybe he’ll be awake when he gets back from exercising, or he’ll already be gone. He thought he said he was carpooling with that Hubae. It’s been a while since he and Yi-tae went to work together. It started last spring. Well, everything changed since spring, so there was no need to find a starting point.
“Ugh.”
Warm-up exercises are essential before going out on a cold day. The only gymnastics he knew was national gymnastics, so he raised his arms, relying on faint memories. National gymnastics, start! Ta-ra-ra-ra ta-ta. He sang the song in his head because it would be embarrassing if others heard him.
He followed along roughly like he did in his student days and went out the front door.
“……Have a good day.”
He said a greeting that wouldn’t be heard. He wouldn’t see him when he came back anyway. There weren’t many days left to say this greeting. He was going to throw away all the restraints and leave to find freedom. He hummed faintly and moved his feet. For some reason, his steps were much lighter than usual. Like someone who had no regrets.
∗ ∗ ∗
He jogged for so long that his nose turned red, and when he came home, it was the perfect time to prepare for work. As he expected, Yi-tae was not home. There was only a faint coffee scent left, as if he had eaten breakfast roughly and left. He looked at the empty dining table and unzipped his padding. Cheap bastard. Does he think only he has a mouth? Well, they’re no different from strangers now.
He went straight to the bathroom, washed up roughly, and came out. He only brought underwear with him, so he was only wearing panties when he came out. He shook the wet hair that was dripping water with a towel to dry it.
In the old days, if he was like this, Yi-tae would quickly bring a blanket and wrap him in it. That was a long time ago. It was a memory that made him feel warm and cozy just by thinking about it.
He had to tell Yi-tae to break up soon. So that these memories wouldn’t fade. He should find a house first and then tell him. That way, they could break up cleanly. He hated messy things. Just like with his old lovers.
He didn’t look back after breaking up. He always had clean breakups, and they could both understand the breakup. They could even greet each other comfortably if they ran into each other on the street.
What would happen with Yi-tae? This was the first time he had broken up after dating for so long.
He put a capsule in the coffee machine and made an espresso. He put two slices of bread in the toaster and went into the room. He could smell a faint scent of alcohol on the neatly made bed. He should buy a new blanket too. In fact, that dark gray blanket didn’t reflect his taste. He, who didn’t care much about color, had conceded.
He took out a black coat and suit from the styler. If he finished today’s presentation well, he could take a vacation. There was no busy work for the time being, and he had achieved more than enough results, so there was no one to give him a hard time. Now he could focus solely on the house contract. He had a feeling that everything would go smoothly.
∗ ∗ ∗
Even after returning from work, nothing had changed from the morning. That meant Yi-tae wasn’t home either.
“Tsk, it’s hard to even see his face.”
It was a good thing. He didn’t want to have any conversations until he found a house. Relationships could be easily severed depending on how you felt.
Ahem, ahem. He couldn’t help but hum. He played a rock song that Yi-tae didn’t like very much. A booming bass sound flowed from the speaker. This beat, this feeling. His heart pounded with the thumping drum sound. He had to shake his butt at times like this.
He took off his coat and danced awkwardly, wiggling his hips to the beat. At some point, he stopped dancing in front of the awkward Yi-tae. Even the air was awkward.
Is this why everyone says it’s good to be alone? He liked the feeling of adrenaline exploding. He used to be crazy about rock and wore T-shirts with the names of British rock bands. He stopped doing all of that while dating Yi-tae.