By Zephyria 
“I’m Kwon Rae-i!”
“It’s not natural. It won’t be as easy as it sounds. Even if you do such a thing, the problem is, the problem is…!”
“Even so, it doesn’t matter. I’ll take the time to persuade you. Slowly, like now.”
“Young master!”
Tae-hwon gritted his teeth and grabbed his cheeks. He caressed his ears and stroked his neck with his fingertips. He grabbed him with trembling fingers and shook his head.
Woo Tae-hwon’s touch contained the ignorance he had been turning away from.
Fear, suffering, and painful regret. He felt that the emotions he had been trying to avoid were overflowing through Kwon Rae-i at this moment. All of that overwhelmed Tae-hwon.
“That bastard… I’ll reject Young master again.”
“Say Rae-i. I’m Kwon Rae-i.”
“If I just pass away like this, I won’t be able to repay Young master for anything.”
“Kwon Rae-i.”
“It was terribly short. I should have realized it sooner, but in the end, I didn’t return anything, and I only received unilateral affection…”
“Rae-i…”
“After I return to my thirty-year-old self, I’ll stay at that destination forever…”
“…”
Tae-hwon finally realized. The weight of the emotions he held was so great, deep, beautiful, and at the same time fatal, that he couldn’t bear it himself.
It was his true feeling that he didn’t want to leave Kwon Rae-i like this. But, no matter how much he denied it, there was nothing he could do. If the memories of his thirty-year-old self returned, his thoughts would inevitably change from what they were now. And he didn’t know how even this feeling towards him would change.
Would he completely forget the moment he opened his heart to him, even the feelings he felt at that time?
Would he laugh at a past self for being caught up in cheap sentimentality for a brief moment?
He couldn’t guess how he would get along with Kwon Rae-i after returning to the Woo Tae-hwon of thirty. Far from being with him, he might even try to kill him, or harm him. The possibility of betrayal was also high. Not only that, but he would inevitably tear his heart to shreds and hurt him.
Instead of reciprocating Kwon Rae-i’s one-sided affection, he would be the one to trample on that heart.
Because the thirty-year-old Woo Tae-hwon would never accept Kwon Rae-i.
The fact was heartbreakingly painful and sorry, and he felt as if the distant sky was collapsing.
Kwon Rae-i’s love for Woo Tae-hwon would only end up harming him.
From beginning to end.
From start to finish.
Woo Tae-hwon harmed, gnawed at, and ruined Kwon Rae-i. He completely destroyed his life, his existence, his pure heart. The fact was so terrible that he was on the verge of going crazy. He felt sorry and pathetic for Kwon Rae-i, and he gnashed his teeth, resenting himself for entangling him like this.
Tae-hwon looked at Kwon Rae-i’s pale face and earnestly murmured.
“Please… I’m asking you for the last time.”
Kwon Rae-i was staring intently at Tae-hwon without even blinking. He couldn’t not know the meaning contained in that gaze.
“Can’t you just end it?”
Whether it was first love or last love.
The passionate love that constantly overflowed from Kwon Rae-i, filled with his hot and vivid youth.
“Please let me go. Along with me, who is twenty years old now.”
“……”
“Bury it in your heart and just forget about it.”
“……”
“That I was someone who could never be.”
Instead of an answer, a faint sigh was heard.
And Kwon Rae-i rushed in.
In an instant, he charged and knocked Tae-hwon onto the bed, glaring at him fiercely as if he would break him. He was gasping for breath, almost sobbing.
“Are you done saying everything you wanted to say?”
Hearing that voice, Tae-hwon’s heart felt as if it was torn in two and mercilessly ripped apart.
“I’m sorry.”
“What do you want me to do, end it?”
“Yes. I’m sorry…”
“Haha, fuck!”
His scream tore through the air.
A voice mixed with despair and anger erupted like lightning striking the earth. His expression was distorted as if possessed by madness. His eyes, blurred with tears, turned red, and an indescribable pain swirled in his clear pupils.
“Why are you saying such things? The conversations we had, the promises we made, are they all unnecessary now? Or do you not care how I fall apart?”
Kwon Rae-i bitterly reproached as if he was about to vomit blood. He was so desperate that he even pressed his forehead against Tae-hwon’s chest and banged it repeatedly.
The hands that hugged his waist scratched and tore at Tae-hwon’s clothes. His skin was torn by the scratching, but Tae-hwon couldn’t even show any pain.
Because Kwon Rae-i was suffering as if he was about to die.
“What am I supposed to do? How much more do you want me to endure! Just because I keep saying I like and love Woo Tae-hwon, do you think I’m some kind of pushover? I’m, fuck, I’m a human being with a self. I’m not some kind of dog that only chases after Woo Tae-hwon.”
“…Young master.”
“Do you think I want to be like this? Do you think I was crazy like this from the beginning! Actually, I didn’t want to be swayed by Tae-hwon like this either. Love, what the fuck is love. Who would volunteer to do this kind of subservient shit? I… I would have quit if I could!”
Kwon Rae-i buried his head in Tae-hwon’s chest and yelled, eventually unable to bear the rising emotions, he grabbed Tae-hwon by the collar. The clean, newly put on white T-shirt stretched and tightened as if it would tear soon.
“How many times have I been rejected, pushed away, and finally betrayed! Can you even imagine how much I struggled to erase Woo Tae-hwon, fuck, Woo Tae-hwon from my life?”
“……”
“That’s right. When I was young, I thought it was just a fleeting illusion. I thought Tae-hwon left me, abandoned me, and I was chasing Tae-hwon because I missed him and felt sorry. I thought it was just a kind of loneliness. My life is inherently insignificant and empty, because I’m a weakling and a concubine’s son who is treated like shit, I thought I wanted to get back Woo Tae-hwon, the only good thing that came into my life.”
Tears welled up in Kwon Rae-i’s sharply honed eyes. Tears were once again filling his smooth, glass-like azure eyes in the deeply sunken eye sockets. Tae-hwon was completely stiff, lost in him, overwhelmed with sorrow.
“I wanted to beat Tae-hwon to death with my own hands. I wanted to cut off his arms or legs and make him crawl on the floor like a bug. Or! I wanted to use drugs to tie him up next to me so he wouldn’t have any more nonsense thoughts. What the hell is Woo Tae-hwon. He’s just bone and flesh. He’s a human who will die if you stab him with a knife or strangle him, huh? Isn’t he just one of the hundreds of millions of people out there? So, I, I… I wanted to get myself back for a long time…”
“……”
“What can I do if I can’t give up.”
“……”
“What am I supposed to do if I can’t forget.”
“……”
“I can’t do it even if I struggle, even if I do all sorts of things, I can live well on my own without you, I work all night, I train, I sweat, I cut! But it’s just not enough! I can’t do it! I need Woo Tae-hwon!”
Ah. So that’s how it was.
Kwon Rae-i resented Woo Tae-hwon as if he wanted to kill him with his own hands.
Although he had never shown it in front of Tae-hwon, the feelings accumulated over a long period of time were leaving an undeniable deep wound in his heart. Ten years could only carve and ruin Kwon Rae-i that much.
Woo Tae-hwon was the reason for everything Kwon Rae-i was.
It was because of Woo Tae-hwon that he went on a rampage, and it was because of Woo Tae-hwon that he was angry.
Kwon Rae-i’s joys, angers, sorrows, and pleasures. All his desires and emotions originated from Woo Tae-hwon. Tae-hwon was his trap, his weakness, his joy, and his despair.
“I didn’t fall in love with Woo Tae-hwon. You made Woo Tae-hwon love me. You ruined me completely…”
Kwon Rae-i muttered hollowly, filled with resentment.