I finished a hearty dinner and sat down, turning on the Magic Lamp. It was my private study in the dormitory, a space I hadn’t been in for a while. Moonlight streamed in through the open window for ventilation, sitting on the desk with me, peering curiously.
Rubel. I rolled the name over on my tongue first.
Since when had I started thinking of that Child while looking at such soft moonlight? It was hard to fathom, and my eyes kept growing distant, so I squeezed them shut and opened them again.
I dipped the pen nib deeply into the ink, then drew it across the blank paper a couple of times to remove the excess ink.
「 Rubel. 」
I barely managed to place that name on the stationery before worrying for a long time, then pushed it aside and opened the letters from my family. It wasn’t difficult at all to look at the pretty and cute phrases and prepare responses to them, as I had done it many times.
I wrote careful and kind replies to the stories of Michael receiving a small puppy this time, and Asdel wanting to learn Magic Formula because he admired Marianne, and sealed them. After replying to all the letters from the elders of the bloodline as well, I pulled Rubel’s letter back in front of me and read it.
It was fortunate that I could only write a letter once a month.
I thought so too. If I had to do this several times, I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything. I didn’t know why recalling each letter, each word, was so overwhelming and difficult.
It all seemed to be Marianne’s fault. It was ridiculous to scrutinize a letter that could simply be exchanged privately between friends, wondering if it was a love letter or not. No, it wasn’t ridiculous. It was distressing. I had never written or received a love letter before. It was very difficult and daunting.
I still vividly remembered the voice the Child poured out sorrowfully while embracing my waist.
He wouldn’t, Rubel wouldn’t…
Why was I so cold back then? It was unbelievable. He had already given up, and I had to do the same.
But he was being so endearing, saying he wanted to see me soon, go somewhere, eat something. How could I not find him adorable and resist? As a person with a heart, I couldn’t possibly do that.
I let out a deep sigh and barely wrote one line below the Child’s name.
「 The Academy without Ruben feels quiet even on noisy days. 」
And I stared at it for a long time. Ah, I knew why it looked awkward. I forgot to write a greeting. I couldn’t remember what I had said or how I had spoken to Rubel in the previous letter.
After worrying for a while, I took out the letter I had received from my Uncle and unfolded it. My Uncle Oscar wrote letters in a very wonderful and sincere way. If I copied his opening greeting, it would at least be passable.
On days when the cold wind blows like today, I worry that you might catch a cold, even though I know that’s unlikely…
「 Rubel.
On days when the cold wind blows like today, I worry that Ruben might catch a cold, even though I know that’s unlikely. 」
…Why was my Uncle writing such embarrassingly concerned words today?
That was wrong. Ruben seemed fragile and likely to catch a cold easily. Now that I thought about it, had he finished all the Tonic I had given him? Tonic should also be taken with appropriate rest periods, so I should have a new batch made for him after next autumn.
Thinking that, I took out new stationery again.
「 Rubel.
On nights when the moon rises high, I often think that I miss you, Senior. 」
…I must be truly crazy.
If I wasn’t planning to play with this Child, I shouldn’t be doing this. I took out new stationery and brushed away the dizzying breath.
Suddenly, I missed Mother very much. How comfortable and good was that day when I just wrote down whatever she told me to write in response to the Second Prince’s invitation.
Wanting to imitate other greetings, I looked through the letters my family had sent me once more. They were already overly intimate words. No matter how I tried to copy them, all the phrases full of concern and affection seemed too embarrassing to write to Ruben.
“…Rubel.”
Even those three letters of his name were so ticklish, how could I do this?
The shadow of the moon tilted, and a long tail was attached to the paperweight placed on the desk. At this rate, dawn would break. Since it was difficult to send mail on Sundays, I had to finish writing before dawn.
I really didn’t know. I took out new stationery and scribbled as if I was possessed.
「 Rubel.
There are many things I want to say, but I can’t write them all in a letter, so it would be better to talk in person.
You said you would come to visit the week after the next exam. I hope you can come early on Saturday. I will be waiting in front of the Academy’s main gate at nine in the morning.
I want to repay you for the sword you gave me last time, so I hope you will think about what you want.
-Your Mika. 」
That was it. Without even rereading what I had written, I quickly folded it and put it in an envelope as if I was dealing with something unholy. I was out of breath as if I had finished a very big task. I was belatedly worried that I hadn’t written several polite letters, but there was no stationery left anyway.
As soon as I had the messenger deliver the letter the next morning, I felt relieved.
❖ ❖ ❖
March was the month of midterms.
I calmly organized my notes, unable to suppress the sigh that came out involuntarily. Some of the Children who had gathered to study together giggled. Shayden stroked my back, pretending to comfort me, so I let out a painful breath.
“If I ever say I’m going to take another magic class, be sure to stop me.”
“Well, Mika. I’ve been trying to stop you since freshman year.”
“Or scold Marianne.”
“W-Why me? I’m helping you so much! It was fun when we were taking the class!”
“…Are you even serious?”
Not being able to directly use magic by turning the Circle meant that I had to take a test on the theoretical lessons I had listened to.
Understanding the Circle was a major class that met three times a week. Unlike the elective class that met once a week, there was a lot to memorize and a lot to write. Furthermore, I had to write the answers in Common Magical Language, not even Sierran Empire language.
Until last year, I had the desire to do well on the exam, but I didn’t have the desperation that something terrible would happen if I failed. It was thanks to thinking that if I didn’t learn properly this semester, I could learn it next semester.
But now, there was only one semester left, and even that had to be cleared for private lessons with Maelo Sanson and Douglas Mustang in the afternoon.
Therefore, the only subjects that I could freely choose to take next semester were a very small portion of the morning hours. I couldn’t afford the waste of taking the same magic subject twice.
The Children, knowing all of this, found it so funny that they watched me and teased me for a long time.
“Still, Understanding the Circle is the only subject you’re really taking an exam in, right?”
“That’s right. That, and Imperial Genealogy? It overlaps so much with last semester… And it’s just quizzes anyway.”
“…That’s true.”
That was true. I had been taking Professor Calypse Agrigent’s Imperial Genealogy Class every semester for three years already. Unless there was a special event that was newly updated, the names that came up were bound to overlap, so there was no need to struggle anew.
It was still difficult to distinguish people’s faces. But matching names to portraits was something that only happened in class. On the quizzes, it was enough to memorize people’s names, hair colors, and eye colors and match them.
Seeing me swallow my groans and look at the Magic Formula once more, the Children smiled brightly and tried to comfort me.
“Let’s just suffer for three more days.”
“Should we all go out and play again after the exam? How about seeing a play on the weekend?”
“Um. I have a prior engagement.”
“Oh? A prior engagement? Is Michael coming to visit again?”
“It’s not that.”
Feeling somehow embarrassed, I cleared my throat once.
“Ruben… said he would come to visit when the exam is over.”
A chilly silence fell for a moment. I was briefly flustered, wondering what there was to be so surprised about, since he was someone they had hung out with until just last year. I quickly recognized the shock in the Children’s expressions and opened my mouth in embarrassment.
“…Why?”
“No, no… I just feel strange…”
“What is it?”
Damian was the first of the Children, who were exchanging glances with each other, to burst into laughter. The boy smiled faintly and looked straight at me as he answered.
“Well, even so, how about just calling him Senior or Your Highness in front of us?”
“…Huh?”
“It’s a little… embarrassing…? Not that Michael did anything wrong.”
“Huh?”
Was it embarrassing? I inhaled in dismay. Feeling embarrassed for no reason, I ran my hand over my neck to cool down the heat. But the more I thought about it, the more puzzling it was.
“…Is it… embarrassing? But Shayden calls me Mika too.”
“Shayden and Michael are from the same Count family, right? They’ve known each other since they were little.”
“…? Is that different?”
“It’s different! Your Highness has a different status, and there’s also the age difference… Ah, I don’t know.”
Marianne, who had been trying to explain something, raised both hands in a gesture of surrender and stepped back, and some of the Children swallowed their laughter once more. I thought for a while and asked again.
“…Then, what is the right way for me to call him in front of others?”
“It would be most appropriate to call him Second Prince…”
“Well, in my opinion, I don’t think you need to go that far in front of us. Well, everyone knows as much as they need to know… Do as you please.”
Ivan, who had the most calm expression among them, was kind.
Suddenly, I remembered what Shayden had told me before. These friends, um… seemed to know about that kind of thing. After hesitating for a moment, I casually said,
“People usually think that the Second Prince and I are close because of the issue of succession to the throne.”
“Ah. That’s… right. That’s true, but a little.”
“A little?”
“It’s possible to see Your Highness being nice to Michael as being for that reason… But Michael is too, you know, adoring of Your Highness.”
I was dumbfounded by Jenny’s words. I was so taken aback by something I had never thought of that I turned to look at Shayden. Seeing the expression on his face, where he was trying hard to hold back his laughter, I belatedly ran my hand over my lower face.
“To be honest… Your Highness isn’t exactly the cute type, right? He’s handsome, but he’s definitely older than us, and he doesn’t really have any expressions… But Michael is always looking at him with eyes that say he’s so cute he could die.”
“…I… I did that?”
I was so surprised that my face flushed. Seeing me sitting there in dismay, the Children burst into laughter again.