3 – Chicken Game (3)

Chapter 3

The time remaining until the promised date was one week and a half-day.

Daily life was monotonous. He had sex with Joo Hyun-woo, who visited during the hours Seo Hae-young was away; he ate small meals; he lay around and slowly packed the suitcase he had kept hidden. Then, he drank alcohol to time it with Seo Hae-young’s return.

Seo Hae-young spent more time here than in his own home. There were occasional days he didn’t stop by, but for the most part, they went to bed together and woke up together. When they had spare time, they opened a laptop to watch movies and shared trivial conversations. There was no sexual contact at all. The most they did was stroke his hair or pull his arm. Seo Hae-young was so slow that Hae-won almost mistook the words “let’s start over” as a suggestion to go back to how things were before.

While walking on eggshells around Seo Hae-young, who refused to show his true intentions, and secretly meeting Joo Hyun-woo, Hae-won’s frayed nerves were pushed to their limit.

A chronic hangover surged, making it feel as if his head would burst. Pressing hard on his throbbing temples, he irritably hung up a phone call that had gone on too long with just the ringing tone. The landlord hadn’t been answering since yesterday. When he had called to say he was moving out, a flood of things he’d never heard before poured out, and it wasn’t entirely untrue that he had acted rudely in response.

“Your father chipped away at the security deposit until it was all gone! I—huh? I had some decency, and you’d lived here a long time—you said you’d pay the rent promptly—so I let it slide! I have the promissory note. You can see it for yourself. I let you stay because I felt sorry for you, and yet…”

Tossing the phone aside, Hae-won buried his face in both hands and let out a silent scream. It was an amount smaller than the money Joo Hyun-woo had transferred into his account after tapping his phone a few times. The landlord had barked at him, asking why he was bothering someone over such a pittance, but to Hae-won, it was by no means a light sum.

No matter how much he searched the house, the contract was nowhere to be found, and he knew no one to ask for help. He didn’t even have the mental capacity to judge whether his father, who had died a lonely death, had really blown it all on liquor or if the landlord was lying. All he could think was that everything was fucking shit.

Taking a deep breath, Hae-won calmed the surging resentment and tidied his disheveled hair. Feeling as if he might throw and smash everything in the house if he stayed any longer, he quickly stood up. There was a place he had to go. It was his first outing in nearly a week.

“Are you going?”

That was something Seo Hae-young had brought up the day before yesterday.

Joo Hyun-woo’s farewell party. Naturally, the organizer was Hyun-jeong, and the venue was Hyun-jeong’s shop. Though it was called a farewell party, Hyun-woo, whom he met the next day, was actually reluctant. He complained that since they saw each other all the time anyway, this was far too much fuss. He had said it was fine if Hae-won didn’t come, and Hae-won hadn’t wanted to go, but as the end approached, he felt the need to stop by.

As winter drew near, the evening after the sun had set was colder than expected. Hae-won lingered for a long time in front of the shop he hadn’t visited in ages. He had come this far on a surge of reckless impulse, but he lacked the courage to open the door. He should have had at least a little alcohol in him before coming.

While he hesitated, clutching the phone that was flooding with messages, he felt a light touch on his shoulder. Startled, Hae-won turned around and came face-to-face with a familiar person wearing a bright smile. A man he had seen only once, yet who had seeped into his dreams, waking him with screams.

The man’s eyes narrowed as if trying to recall a name, then curved downward.

“You’re Seo Hae-young’s friend, right? What was your name? Hae… Hae?”

The gesture asking him to speak was effortless. It was understandable that he wouldn’t remember. It hadn’t exactly been a great first meeting. However, Hae-won, who hadn’t forgotten even a single character of the other man’s surname, felt his mood sink endlessly. Opening his dry lips, he informed him of his name once more in a raspy voice.

“…Hae-won.”

“Ah, your name is similar to Seo Hae-young’s. I guess you know Joo Hyun-woo too? That’s interesting.”

Lee Hee-sung gave him a light nudge on the shoulder with his fist and unhesitatingly opened the door that Hae-won had been unable to open, gesturing for him to enter. Hee-sung’s consideration wasn’t forced; it was a natural part of his demeanor. He was a man without sin. Even knowing that Hee-sung had done nothing wrong, Hae-won couldn’t suppress the feeling of resentment.

Clenching his trembling hands, Hae-won stepped into the shop. He had to settle things today so that the three of them would never conspire together again.

“Our Hae-won! You haven’t been in touch at all. Are you feeling okay? I heard you were sick.”

As soon as he stepped into the dim shop, Hyun-jeong, who had been receiving a plate of food at the bar table, rushed over. The warm hand cradling his thin face with familiarity momentarily reminded him of Joo Hyun-woo. Overcome by an uncontrollable sense of guilt, he avoided eye contact.

What would happen if he said that just a few hours ago, he had slept with his Noona’s younger brother? If he said he hadn’t actually wanted it, and that he was covered in bruises in places that couldn’t be seen, would Hyun-jeong still touch his cheek? Such uncertain hypotheticals were only sad.

“Why are you so thin? Did you lose weight on purpose? You’re pretty, but Noona likes people with a bit more bulk.”

Hae-won forced an awkward smile as Hyun-jeong playfully squeezed his forearm. Having not spoken to anyone other than those three for several weeks, he found it difficult to start a conversation, and just as he struggled to open his lips—

“How’s the shop…”

“Noona. I’m here too.”

The greeting he had carefully chosen—’Is it going well?’—withered away. It was erased without a trace by Hee-sung, who peeked out from behind his shoulder. Hyun-jeong’s gaze, which had been fixed on Hae-won, shifted instantly, her kind face filling with delight.

“Oh! Hee-sung is here too? It’s been a while, man!”

“I came last year. They told me to graduate college here. Have you been well?”

“I’ve been great! Hee-sung, if you’re not busy, come work here. You’d be perfect.”

Hyun-jeong’s hand was still holding his forearm, but Hae-won could tell by the atmosphere that he had been pushed out of the spotlight. The conversation between the two lasted longer than expected, and Hae-won couldn’t understand a word of it. He felt uncomfortable.

When he carefully pulled his arm away, Hyun-jeong made a sound of realization and tried to hold on, but he shook his head and pointed inside. Even as he hurriedly left the spot under the pretext of seeing Hyun-woo, he found it hard to erase the unpleasantness of being sidelined. Anyone would rather talk to the cheerful Lee Hee-sung than someone as socially awkward as himself. He knew that, but it was still a little sorrowful.

The familiar shop was a chaotic mess. For something meant to be a small gathering, there were too many people, and the overlapping voices were noisy. He couldn’t properly hear the greetings from the shop staff. He felt dizzy. The thumping music and sudden bursts of laughter penetrated deep into his consciousness, dragging the sunken villa to the surface.

Everything around him began to distort and spin. Cold sweat beaded on his forehead, and his breathing became ragged. Covering his mouth with the back of his hand, Hae-won hurriedly walked toward what he hoped was an empty storage room. As he turned the corner and stepped forward, he failed to see someone coming the other way and collided shoulders. Hae-won was the one who stumbled, but a reflexive curse popped out of the other man’s mouth.

“Ah, fuck…! Huh?”

Kang Jae-hyuk, shaking off the drink that had spilled from his wobbling glass, looked up with a scowl and then paused. As soon as he spotted Hae-won, whose eyes were narrowed, his thin lips curled into a wide grin.

“Wow… Yoon Hae-won, I’ve been seeing you around a lot lately.”

The cake and the screeching tables being pushed aside. The memory of that day, triggered by facing Kang Jae-hyuk, covered the villa. It was much better. As his breathing gradually steadied, Hae-won slowly lowered his hand and gave a faint smile. It was a smile devoid of strength.

“…I guess so.”

For a moment, Jae-hyuk found the pale smile unsettling and furrowed his brow deeply. Already displeased with the strange atmosphere for a farewell party, Jae-hyuk’s eyes slowly scanned Hae-won, who was blocking the hallway. Thinner than the day he had seen him at Seo Hae-young’s house, Hae-won looked like someone who had lost his mind, with only his bright eyes—which always seemed to grate on people’s nerves—shining intensely. To the point where Jae-hyuk didn’t even feel like picking a fight.

“Fuck, how depressing…”

Looking back at Jae-hyuk’s retreating figure after he had roughly shoved past his shoulder, Hae-won turned away from the storage room and followed him.

The tables, filled to capacity around the windows that overlooked the night view, were all loud. There were people he had seen at Seo Hae-young’s house, and others he had seen in passing. Those he didn’t recognize at all, he assumed, were Joo Hyun-woo’s friends. In that commotion, Seo Hae-young, Joo Hyun-woo, and Go Tae-gyeom were all there. Each sat at a different table, maintaining an uncomfortable distance.

“Oh, Hae-won!”

Joo Hyun-woo was the first to spot him. As soon as Hae-won looked back at the smiling face waving him over, a stinging gaze pierced his cheek. There were two pairs of eyes. One was Seo Hae-young, who had been looking down at his phone in a corner, and the other was Go Tae-gyeom, who was drinking with someone beside him.

“Hey, come here.”

Tae-gyeom gestured, unable to hide his fierce gaze. He even pushed the shoulder of the guy sitting next to him to make room, but Hae-won turned his eyes toward Seo Hae-young. The already empty seat beside him and the blank stare from someone resting their chin on their hand. Without a single word, Seo Hae-young signaled for him to come immediately.

As the time Hae-won remained rooted to the spot lengthened, the expressions of Tae-gyeom and Hyun-woo gradually hardened. Naturally, the atmosphere began to shift strangely. Glancing eyes pricked his body like thorns.

What’s with him? Yoon Hae-won?

Are they still close? What’s he doing with his life?

Is he still living like that?

The whispered conversations of a few people were caught perfectly by his sensitive ears. After waiting and waiting, Tae-gyeom slammed his glass down on the table and raised his voice.

“Fuck, you coming or what?”

Just as Hae-won’s shoulders instinctively hunched, a soft laugh drifted from behind.

“He’s coming, he’s coming. If you liked him that much, you should have just said so.”

Hee-sung, passing in front of him, plopped down into the empty seat next to Tae-gyeom and draped an arm over his shoulder. Chatting away, he beckoned someone else for a glass and immediately established his place.

“Hey, relax your face. Someone said I look like Hae-won. Just assume it’s him.”

Then, he playfully tickled Tae-gyeom’s chin as if petting a dog.

“I mean, what’s so special about Hae-won that you’re looking for him like that? I can do it for you too.”

“Get off me, you fucker…”

“Hyun-woo, come over here too. I’ll entertain you. I heard you’re leaving next week? When are you coming back?”

Even as Tae-gyeom roughly brushed him off, Hee-sung nonchalantly changed the subject and drew Joo Hyun-woo’s attention. The clinging gazes vanished, and laughter filled the void. Hae-won fiddled with his sleeve and stared silently at the brightly smiling Hee-sung. That irrepressible naturalness, which was impossible to hate, turned his stomach.

If he had known how to do that, he might not have ended up in this state. If only he had known how to glide through things flexibly and say no when something was wrong.

Just as the meaningless hypotheticals, which had become a habit since his daily life fell apart, were taking root and creeping outward.

Tap, tap. The faint sound of a glass tapping the table reached him. Everyone had turned away, and there was only one person whose gaze remained on the solitary Hae-won. Therefore, there was only one place to go.

Unfortunately, there was no one friendly to Hae-won at the table where Seo Hae-young and Kang Jae-hyuk were. Finding himself among the people who had collectively mocked and ridiculed him on Seo Hae-young’s birthday, Hae-won gulped down the drink Seo Hae-young handed him and immediately coughed, covering his mouth. It felt as if his throat were burning.

“This.”

Seo Hae-young burst into laughter, shaking a bottle of vodka. Even as Hae-won let out a dry cough, his empty glass was filled to the brim. Hae-won took the glass that fit perfectly in his hand and pressed it to his lips.

Seo Hae-young seemed to know. That he had spent his time drinking and receiving. And knowing that, he still encouraged him to drink. He didn’t know whether to be glad that he was left alone or to be sad at that indifference. The strong, undiluted alcohol flowed slowly down his esophagus.

Sitting opposite them, Kang Jae-hyuk didn’t join the boisterous party but rested both arms on the table and leaned forward. Hae-won, who had been obediently eating the fruit Seo Hae-young placed in his hand, glanced up. It was a look that went beyond distaste into contempt.

“Hey. I’m asking because I’m genuinely curious. Do you have no pride?”

Seo Hae-young gave a short laugh. Hae-won said nothing and simply listened to the crooked words.

“Is Seo Hae-young paying you? Seriously, why are you sticking to him? Hey, I really can’t sleep because I’m so curious. Tell me.”

The green grape he crushed with his molars burst, spreading a sour taste. The next thing that entered his hand was an unpeeled orange. Usually, it would be sliced, so this was unusual. Hae-won wiped his hands, sliced the orange along the line, and opened his mouth.

“Ask Hae-young.”

The music playing in the shop was loud, and Jae-hyuk, who had been listening intently, scowled deeply.

“What?”

Hae-won placed a piece of the sliced orange into Seo Hae-young’s hand. As the alcohol quickly rose and his cheeks grew warm, his dulled tongue formed a slurred sentence.

“Because he’s the one… sticking to me…”

Seo Hae-young, popping the fruit into his mouth, chuckled. After pushing the remaining orange pieces on a plate in front of Seo Hae-young and wiping the juice from his hands, Hae-won downed the filled glass of alcohol.

Jae-hyuk, who looked Hae-won up and down as he did something so creepy—not as if he were babysitting—contorted his mouth with a disgusted sound.

“…Are you crazy? Hey, what’s wrong with this guy?”

Seo Hae-young, with a piece of orange in his mouth, shrugged.

“Don’t be mean to the kid.”

“And you actually eat that?”

While Jae-hyuk’s attention shifted, Hae-won shifted his eyes to survey the surroundings. Just as Jae-hyuk had sensed a strange atmosphere, Hae-won could perceive the dim cracks dividing the interior. It was a strange sight just seeing people who would have once sat at one table and giggled together now separated.

Ignoring Hyun-woo, who was stealing glances at him even while surrounded by people like a protagonist, he turned his eyes away. The one who should be suffering was Joo Hyun-woo, not Joo Hyun-jeong. The nagging guilt was irritating, so he squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them. His gaze, which had been traveling up toward Seo Hae-young’s hand on the table, suddenly dropped. Hae-won, who had once been afraid even to touch him, instinctively grabbed Seo Hae-young’s wrist. Seo Hae-young, who had been throwing orange peels at Jae-hyuk under the guise of a prank, tilted his head.

“This…”

Instead of the watch he always wore, Hae-won fumbled with the thin bracelet encircling the firm wrist. His throat tightened, and words wouldn’t come out. Cold sweat broke out, and his back chilled.

A silver, thin, and simple bracelet. A bracelet he had chosen after agonizing over it repeatedly. It was also a gift that Seo Hae-young had passed to someone else as soon as he received it. Naturally, he hadn’t forgotten. Not the humiliation of that day, nor the betrayal, nor the resentment.

Unable to even breathe, he looked back and forth between the bracelet and Seo Hae-young’s face.

There’s no way this is here. It disappeared back then.

Unaware of the other’s mangled heart, Seo Hae-young rotated his wrist to examine the bracelet and grinned.

“It’s mine.”

As soon as he heard the answer, Hae-won unconsciously shook his head. His calmed heart began to beat so hard it hurt. Violently, as if he wanted to tear it out. From between his lips, which had only been hesitating and twitching, a shrill voice leaked out.

“…Give it to me.”

“You gave it to me, so why are you trying to take it back?”

Seo Hae-young smoothly pulled his captured wrist away. Hae-won reached out toward the receding bracelet. His elbow slammed hard against the table, but he had no time to feel the pain. Even as the clattering sound drew the attention of Jae-hyuk and the others at the table, Hae-won’s eyes remained fixed on the bracelet.

“Give it, just give it… Why, why are you doing this…”

The bracelet was caked with longing, regret, and the anxiety that the relationship he had built might collapse. Seo Hae-young’s birthday, when he had rushed there like crazy after one phone call. The case that had been passed to someone else while Kang Jae-hyuk shoved cake into his mouth. That horribly sweet taste, the ridicule, and the contempt. That bracelet contained everything. It was a lump of lingering attachment toward Seo Hae-young.

“Give it, I said give it…!”

Hae-won’s body leaned as he followed Seo Hae-young, who held the arm with the bracelet high. Propping himself up with his thigh and straightening his waist, Hae-won urgently pulled at Seo Hae-young’s arm, oblivious to Jae-hyuk cursing because of the alcohol spilling from the pushed table. Seo Hae-young smiled mischievously and pushed Hae-won’s shoulder away. Even as he pushed him away as if telling him not to get too close, Hae-won felt no fear. Tilting his chin slightly, Seo Hae-young circled around him mockingly.

“Why should I?”

“It’s not yours. It’s not! Give it, hurry…!”

“It is mine.”

The bracelet was so terrible that he forgot his resolve to stay quiet and just observe. He simply wanted to get it back and destroy it immediately. Because of Seo Hae-young’s playful attitude, he felt as if he were dying of frustration.

“Ah, this fucking piece of shit, seriously…”

It only took a moment for Jae-hyuk, who had never looked upon Hae-won kindly, to explode. Springing up from his seat, Jae-hyuk grabbed Hae-won’s fluttering hair and yanked him backward. As Hae-won let out a soft moan, a cold liquid slammed into his face. The alcohol, poured as if thrown, surged into his eyes, mouth, and nose, while the rest dripped steadily down his chin.

Only then did Hae-won snap back to his senses. His heart hammered in his ears. What did I do?

A pungent scent that numbed the nose vibrated from all directions. As the alcohol soaking his eyelashes flowed down like droplets of tears, the once noisy table fell into a chilling silence.

“Are you out of your mind? Where do you think you—”

Jae-hyuk, who had intended to beat him senseless today since he hadn’t been properly tormented even on his birthday, couldn’t finish his sentence. A sharp scream erupted, and the drenched Hae-won froze. A droplet clinging to the tip of his chin fell, leaving a dark stain on his thigh.

Shattered glass fragments scattered everywhere. Beneath the hand of Jae-hyuk, who was staggering while clutching his forehead, a streak of blood spread. The music playing in the background thrummed through the interior, but an ice-cold silence filled the establishment. Jae-hyuk pulled his hand away and stammered as he looked at the blood on his palm. His expression and tone were those of utter disbelief.

“Fuck, wow… Hey…”

Seo Hae-young, who had abruptly thrown the glass, seemed indifferent to the frozen atmosphere as he leaned over to grab some napkins from a distance.

“Listen when I tell you something, Jae-hyuk.”

Don’t do that.

A clump of napkins covered Hae-won’s face. Seo Hae-young half-heartedly patted Hae-won’s face to wipe away the alcohol, then crumpled the wet napkins and placed them on the messy table. Hae-won’s wide eyes darted around anxiously as he withdrew his hand from Seo Hae-young’s thigh, which he had been leaning on. The fists resting on his knees began to tremble uncontrollably. He had lost his mind again; because of the alcohol, he had made another mistake.

The glass should have hit his own forehead, and he should have been the one struck. He knew that. That was only natural. Hae-won could not comprehend this situation where Seo Hae-young had suddenly smashed Kang Jae-hyuk’s forehead instead of him. Thus, he couldn’t even react when Jae-hyuk, wiping his forehead, reached out as if to grab Seo Hae-young by the collar. He simply remained frozen.

“You, you son of a bitch…!”

“Why are you guys fighting!”

Hyun-jeong, who had rushed over at the commotion, hurriedly grabbed Jae-hyuk’s arm and pushed him back. Hyun-woo, his jaw dropped, quickly ran over and pulled the screaming Jae-hyuk away. Having had plenty of experience breaking up fights, Hyun-woo held Jae-hyuk firmly by the shoulders to calm him down, while Hyun-jeong, who had been glancing between the two and the broken glass, turned around. Encountering Seo Hae-young, who was nonchalantly wiping his wet hands, Hyun-jeong scolded him with a look of sheer disbelief.

“When are you going to fix your habit of using your hands?”

Seo Hae-young gave Hyun-jeong a blank stare before slowly curling the corners of his mouth upward.

“I’m sorry, Noona.”

The rising cheekbones and curving eyes might have shaken the past Hae-won, but they couldn’t sway Hyun-jeong’s heart.

“Don’t laugh, don’t laugh! You shouldn’t be apologizing to me, but…”

Extending her arm, Hyun-jeong smacked Seo Hae-young’s shoulder with her fist and whipped around. Unable to contain his rage, Jae-hyuk spat out a curse and stormed out of the shop, with Hyun-woo following behind him.

“Where is he going? Isn’t he bleeding? Hyun-woo!”

Hyun-jeong called out to Hyun-woo in bewilderment, but there was no answer. Taking advantage of the gap, one or two of Kang Jae-hyuk’s friends, who had been sitting at the same table, rose awkwardly while eyeing Seo Hae-young. It was obvious they were hesitant about whether they should follow or not. Seo Hae-young pointed toward the door with a careless tilt of his chin.

“Go if you want.”

“Uh, okay…”

The two hurriedly left, glancing at Hae-won. One might have felt pity for the pale face with wet hair clinging to it, but their gazes were purely hostile. It was as if they were saying, What even is he?

* * *

The atmosphere had turned strange, and the night was growing late, so people began to stand up one by one. As they left the shop, Hyun-jeong smoothly brushed off those asking what happened, claiming it was nothing, before letting out a deep sigh.

“So why on earth did you fight? No, it wasn’t even a fight. Why do you act like that toward a friend?”

Her tone was exactly how one would treat a ten-year-old child. Hae-won, who had been anxiously picking at a hangnail, opened his tightly shut lips on behalf of Seo Hae-young, who was only smiling silently.

“The, the bracelet…”

Only then did Hyun-jeong notice Hae-won and stride toward him with a surprised face.

“What happened to Hae-won! You’re all soaked…”

His white shirt was drenched, and he looked a mess. Hyun-jeong pulled out napkins and wiped the spots Seo Hae-young had missed, frowning.

“Bracelet? What bracelet?”

Hae-won hesitated and shut his mouth again. There were too many eyes watching to borrow Hyun-jeong’s help just to get a single bracelet back. As he shook his head to Hyun-jeong’s question, Seo Hae-young suddenly reached out and took the napkins.

“He keeps bullying Hae-won.”

The bracelet on the wrist of Seo Hae-young, who was tapping the soft cheek with the stolen napkins, sparkled under the lights. Hyun-jeong narrowed her eyes and examined the very familiar bracelet.

“That…”

That bracelet was one that remained in Hyun-jeong’s memory. Hadn’t he said it was a gift for a girlfriend? Her questioning gaze shifted between Hae-won and Seo Hae-young. While he hadn’t explicitly said he was seeing someone, Hae-won, who had been looking at his screen with an expression full of fluttering excitement, looked exactly like someone who had just started dating. If it were a gift for Seo Hae-young, he wouldn’t have gone out of his way not to mention it.

“You smell like alcohol.”

While Hyun-jeong’s suspicions deepened, Seo Hae-young leaned down toward the nape of Hae-won’s neck, sniffed, and wrinkled his nose. Realizing the situation, Hyun-jeong quickly straightened up and pulled Hae-won’s arm.

“Let’s change your clothes first. There’s a shirt in the storage room. Wear that.”

Having stood up, Hae-won couldn’t go straight to the storage room and looked back at Seo Hae-young. It was a servile act, no different from those who had followed Kang Jae-hyuk only after receiving permission. A white hand waved gently as if to say I got it, so just go. Having received permission, Hae-won moved his heavy steps toward the storage room.

The gazes piercing him from all sides shredded his already tattered psyche. The commotion in the corner had subsided somewhat, but it was difficult to escape the attention.

It was strange. Seo Hae-young was the one who threw the glass, and Kang Jae-hyuk was the one who left swearing, yet all the lukewarm gazes were directed at him.

What is he? What is he to be worth? Because of him?

Even if they didn’t say it out loud, he could feel it on his skin now. There was no one who thought of him first. He knew it, but he still wished someone would just ask if he was okay. Swallowing that small wish, Hae-won walked with stumbling steps into the musty-smelling storage room.

“Is he okay? Hold on…”

Hee-seong, who had been watching Hae-won disappear around the corner, stood up. Tae-gyeom grabbed Hee-seong’s arm—who was being meddlesome here and there—and sat him back down, then rose from a seat where everything from one to ten displeased him. This happened while Seo Hae-young was distracted by Hyun-jeong’s scolding.

Opening the narrow locker, he found a single white shirt dangling on a hanger. Hae-won took off his wet mock-neck shirt, put on the shirt that roughly fit his size, and sluggishly fastened the buttons. As he straightened his clothes and looked up, his wretched reflection appeared in the small mirror attached to the door.

“Ah…”

He brushed the nape of his neck with a cold hand. As he slightly opened the shirt collar, a series of red marks appeared.

Joo Hyun-woo’s face flashed through his mind. He hadn’t left marks until now, but of all times, it had to be today. Since the collar had no button and the shirt slightly revealed his collarbones, he gripped the fabric before dropping his head. He didn’t want to go out.

Sitting on a low sofa, Hae-won stretched out his legs and closed his eyes. He felt as if he and the sofa were spinning together. As the pungent scent mixed with his breath spread, heightening his intoxication, the events of a moment ago felt distantly far away. He knew he had to sober up, but while drunk, he wanted to evade everything. He hadn’t known he would regret coming here so soon.

Not long after he closed his eyes, he heard the sound of the storage room door opening. Lifting his heavy eyelids, Hae-won scanned Tae-gyeom, who entered and closed the door, with a look of disgust. The feeling that these people, who wouldn’t leave him alone for a second, were bothersome and annoying was clearly embedded in the words he spoke.

“Get out…”

“Get out? Is that all you have to say after ignoring all my messages?”

For once, Tae-gyeom didn’t smirk. Looking equally displeased, Tae-gyeom stepped inside and grabbed him by the collar. The veins on the back of his hand bulged as if he wanted to land a blow.

“I told you to stay home. You didn’t even eat, and you just followed Seo Hae-young’s call like a dog. Huh? Why are you like this, seriously?”

He seemed to be lowering his voice because of the location, but his temper remained the same. Hae-won, whose slumped upper body was yanked up, couldn’t resist the force of the shaking, and his head whipped back and forth. Feeling unbearably dizzy, he grabbed Tae-gyeom’s arm and pushed him away.

“Stop it, just…”

“Do you want to die if you’re with me? Is that why you ran off after making your hand look like that?”

Tae-gyeom, kneeling on the sofa, pressed down hard on Hae-won’s shoulder and leaned in. Despite knowing the place was full of people outside, facing that vacant expression made it impossible to restrain his anger.

“No, fuck… You said you’d handle it. You told me not to call Seo Hae-young. Then how am I supposed to understand you acting like this now?”

It was a grotesque strength, as if he were about to crush the shoulder he was holding. Filling Hae-won’s dizzy vision, Tae-gyeom spat out the anger he had accumulated during the week Hae-won had completely vanished.

“You said it with your own mouth… that you’d suck dick… you said it yourself.”

Tae-gyeom, so enraged that he would have thrown a punch if the person he was crushing were anyone else, grit his teeth and shook Hae-won’s shoulder. He hated everything—the vacant eyes that barely seemed to hear him when spoken to, and the expression that suggested nothing mattered.

“Answer me, you son of a bitch… say something.”

Lacking the strength to shake off the suppressing hand, Hae-won buried the back of his head into the sofa backrest, unable to hide the exhaustion on his face.

“You won’t listen anyway…”

A powerless lament flowed through his parted teeth. These people demanded only the answers they liked while never listening to anything else. They had covered his mouth when he said he hated it, that it was painful and hard; they shouldn’t be demanding other things now. If they were even human.

“Let me ask something too.”

Hae-won let his heavy, alcohol-soaked arm drop. From a mouth once opened, sentences that grated on the opponent’s nerves flowed without hesitation.

“What do you want? What do you want to do with me that you chased me all the way here?”

The sound of the ventilation fan, the silent storage room. The memory of sucking dick while being strangled by Joo Hyun-woo came back vividly. Letting go of the memory—which was too disgusting to even be called a recollection—Hae-won met the eyes of Tae-gyeom, who was looking down at him speechless, and whispered in a low voice.

“Need someone to suck your dick? But what a shame. You should have just done it then…”

The ‘then’ Hae-won referred to was the week he spent at Tae-gyeom’s house. It was Go Tae-gyeom who had completely wasted the period during which he could have monopolized both the throat and the lower hole. He could have spread himself as much as needed as payment for being housed and fed. He couldn’t deny that he hated it, but it wasn’t as if he hadn’t done it once or twice; he just had to endure it a little. Like the time he spent with Joo Hyun-woo lately.

“…What?”

Hae-won did have something to say to Tae-gyeom, who let out a hollow laugh of disbelief. Turning his gaze toward the closed door, Hae-won slowly pushed away the overlapping Tae-gyeom and rolled his tongue.

“Hyun-woo is actually okay. He’s kind…”

Kind—it was hard to continue after that. Not only was he not kind, but Hyun-woo’s good body or appealing looks didn’t come across as great advantages. However, there was no need to list advantages. With just one name, Tae-gyeom’s expression crumbled completely. So quickly that even Hae-won, who spoke the name, was surprised.

“…Joo, Hyun-woo?”

Tae-gyeom asked back with a face of disbelief. The anxiety and sense of betrayal slowly blooming in his eyes prompted Hae-won to continue the lie.

“How long am I supposed to chase Seo Hae-young… It’s all thanks to you—”

A large palm abruptly blocked his mouth. A moan escaped as his neck was thrown back as if it would snap.

“Where do you get off… talking such nonsense…”

The lips that had been so chatty could only quiver, unable to produce a proper word. It was easy to remove the hand that had suddenly lost its strength. Slowly closing and then opening his cold eyes, Hae-won brought up the words he had always wanted to say. In fact, it was something he wanted to say to everyone.

“So let’s just stop, Tae-gyeom.”

The hand pressing down on his shoulder was slowly withdrawn. Hae-won found it surprising that Tae-gyeom gave in so readily, and combined with the thought that he should leave soon, he didn’t deeply examine the changing expression.

Tae-gyeom stared silently at Hae-won, who lay limp beneath his arm. The hand that now gripped the backrest instead of the shoulder trembled violently. He was angry. Moreover, he felt hollow and empty.

Toward whom was this emotion directed? Was it the betrayal felt from the fact that Joo Hyun-woo, who had conspired to get rid of Seo Hae-young first, had been doing bullshit behind his back? Or was it the anger felt from the fact that Yoon Hae-won, who had chased Seo Hae-young like a dog, had shifted his loyalty so spinelessly? And of all people, Joo Hyun-woo? He felt that Yoon Hae-won was lying, but suddenly, the words Seo Hae-young had casually dropped covered his mind.

‘I think it would be better if you stepped back.’

The reason might not have been simply that the story of Yoon Hae-won had reached his father’s ears.

Was it not Seo Hae-young, but himself, who had been cast aside?

“No… Who was first? This can’t happen.”

He shook his head, muttering in a harsh voice. Tae-gyeom was desperate. He was so desperate that he couldn’t think of anything. He hated Yoon Hae-won’s hazy gaze, and he couldn’t stand the way everything was turning out. It was because he was desperate that he grabbed Hae-won’s neck and slammed him into the sofa, and because he was desperate that he roughly undid the buckle of the pants Hae-won was wearing.

A terrified Hae-won tried to shout, but lowered his voice.

“What are you…! Hey!”

“You should say something that makes sense. Fuck… Who do you think you are, you…”

The hand undoing the shirt buttons kept slipping. It was partly because Hae-won was twisting his body in resistance, and partly because his hand was shaking. As soon as one button popped off, he was hit in the face. However, the punch thrown by Hae-won, who was drunk and hadn’t eaten properly lately, wasn’t very effective. Tae-gyeom immediately flipped Hae-won over and pinned him down, leaning down to whisper into his reddened ear.

“Do you want to call everyone? Do you want to get your hole drilled in front of everyone?”

“Are you crazy, are you crazy? Everyone is…!”

“That’s why, you son of a bitch. Just stay still.”

Tae-gyeom, with the corner of his lip burst, grit his teeth as he saw the nape of the neck revealed beyond the disheveled shirt collar. The bite marks were vivid. Overlapping his lips upon them, Tae-gyeom bit down so hard that Hae-won let out a sharp cry, overlaying new marks.

“Whether we stop or not, that’s not for you to decide…”

Hae-won felt as if his cold blood was draining out through his fingertips and toes. He couldn’t even scream. There were too many people who could open the door and walk in at any moment. A hand roughly kneading his buttocks over his pants, and a hand sliding inside the shirt to stroke his flank. Tears pooled in his distorted eyes.

His outstretched arm crawled blindly across the table. Taking advantage of the moment Tae-gyeom pushed his hand under his lower belly to lift him, he used his sliding hand to grab a sturdy basket. The rest was instinct. He abruptly turned his body and slammed it into Tae-gyeom’s head. Napkins and cutlery spilled out, rolling across the sofa and floor.

“Ah, fuck…!”

Hae-won hurriedly tried to escape from beneath Tae-gyeom, who was clutching his forehead, but his thigh was grabbed.

“Ah…!”

His upper body, losing balance, collapsed forward, and his forehead slammed hard against the edge of the table. Tears pooled in his eyes and fell in droplets, but no scream came out.

Turning his body, Hae-won kicked Tae-gyeom, using the recoil to roll off the sofa. The sound of ragged breathing echoed in his ears. Avoiding the hand reaching out from behind, he fled toward the corner of the storage room. The short distance seemed impossibly far.

As soon as he reached the steel locker, he was grabbed by the nape of his neck. Tae-gyeom, who had caught up in a single bound, pinned Hae-won against the locker and rubbed his lips against his cheek.

“I want to do this with you. You should help me, right?”

Tae-gyeom, his eyes gone, looked as if he had forgotten where he was.

“I said I’m not doing it anymore, I…!”

“When did I ever ask for your opinion? This really hurts, seriously…”

Tae-gyeom, rubbing his red, wounded forehead, grabbed Hae-won’s collar and pulled him close. Their lower bodies, pressed tightly together, rubbed and pressed viscously.

“Just shut your mouth and live like this. You’re going to live like that for the rest of your life anyway, aren’t you? Living miserably, groveling for a tiny bit of money.”

Even seeing the tears dripping down, Tae-gyeom couldn’t stop his cruel words. Even though he knew he was wrong. That was how far gone his reason was.

“Just come live in my house. All you have to do is spread your legs every now and then; what’s so hard about that? Just stop with the bullshit… Then I’ll be good to you. I said I’d be good to you, didn’t I?”

“…Move.”

At the low rejection that leaked from Hae-won’s lips, Tae-gyeom’s expression crumpled. Every kind of negative emotion filled the eyes glaring back, making the falling tears look like anything but sadness. A face crying out of rage was different from his previous tears. Tae-gyeom hated these eyes. While he looked at Seo Hae-young with eyes that seemed to adore him to death, why—unable to control his anger, he grabbed Hae-won by the collar and shoved him hard.

“Crying? How long are you going to keep whimpering, huh?”

Hae-won let out a pained groan. His shoulder blades hit the steel locker with a dull, aching thud. More agonizing than that was his shaking head and his fraying sanity. Looking anxiously at the door visible behind Tae-gyeom, he grabbed his wrist. He didn’t care if he got beaten, but not here.

“It’s Noona’s shop… Move.”

“So what… It’s Joo Hyun-jeong’s shop, so what do you want me to do about it?”

Tae-gyeom slammed Hae-won back again, ignoring his struggles to break free, and after releasing his grip, he slid his hand inside his pants, where the buckle had been undone. He pressed firmly against Hae-won’s lower abdomen to stop any useless movement as Hae-won jumped back in horror.

“S-stop it!”

“What the hell is so great about that place that you’re sitting there acting like a bitch…”

Gritting his teeth, Tae-gyeom pinned the body trying to escape and began to suck on the nape of his neck like a common thug. Hae-won’s blurred vision spun rapidly. The wet, slurping sounds mixed with the thumping of his heart.

Go Tae-gyeom was horrific. Because there were too many places to direct his arrows, he had focused them all on one spot, and an uncontrollable rage surged. The hand gripping his buttocks, the rubbing of their crotches, the tongue licking his skin—every single bit of it was hateful, disgusting, and chilling.

The hand that had been pushing Tae-gyeom away reached behind him. The cold locker rattled and echoed with a hollow thud every time they collided. His fingertips found a small groove in the locker. His earlobe was bitten, and Tae-gyeom’s breath flowed into his ear.

“Stop crying, seriously… Fuck, please…”

The voice, sounding vaguely sad because it was so stifled, didn’t reach Hae-won’s ears at all. The thought that he had to escape this moment, the fear of being caught by someone, and the rage toward the other man were all that filled Hae-won. When he couldn’t think of anything, overwhelmed by the unfamiliar sound of his own ragged gasps, he put strength into the fingertips wedged in the sharp groove and pulled hard.

The heavy locker only swayed violently without falling, but instead, the items piled on top poured down. Right onto the head of Tae-gyeom, who was pressing down on him. As soon as Hae-won pulled the locker, he gasped in panic. The weight he felt was considerable, and the falling objects…

They shattered and crashed. The sound of thick glass breaking hit his eardrums more heavily than the glass Seo Hae-young had smashed. The shards that fell to the floor and scattered in all directions were larger than a palm and had sharp edges.

“Ah…”

It was impossible to tell whose mouth the groan had come from. After a short silence, very slowly, a staggering body collapsed onto his shoulder. Unable to withstand the heavy weight, Hae-won slid down against the locker. Rigid with tension, Hae-won scanned the surroundings with a sidelong glance.

A blue plastic basket, a rolling empty liquor bottle, and shattered pieces of glass.

His hand, groping the floor and gripping the neck of a broken bottle, trembled violently.

“What was that sound? Is it the storage room?”

“Storage…? Ah, Hae-won!”

Tae-gyeom, slumped across his thigh, was silent. He didn’t even know if he was breathing. He shook his shoulder. The curses that should have come out immediately were nowhere to be heard. No breath, nothing.

“Huu… ugh, ugh…”

His eyes couldn’t stay in one place, wandering aimlessly around. A warm liquid pooled in a circle on his trembling palm. Blinking to focus, Hae-won looked down at his palm and hurriedly wiped it on his pants.

The liquid pooled in his palm was bright red blood. No matter how much he wiped, it wouldn’t come off, so he rubbed it against the floor. Tiny shards of glass on the floor poked into his tender skin, creating wounds, but it didn’t hurt. He couldn’t control his breathing. His chest heaved violently as he gasped for air. A mistake. It was a mistake. He wanted him to die, but he hadn’t intended to kill him. He hadn’t even thought there would be empty bottles on top…

What do I do? Is he dead? If he’s dead… what do I do? Time. He needed time to think. The moment he looked at Tae-gyeom, motionless and collapsed over his thigh, Seo Hae-young’s face came to mind. Whenever something happened that made him panic, Seo Hae-young would always fix it as if it were no big deal. They weren’t in that kind of relationship anymore, but still…

“Hae-won…! Ah…”

The door he had prayed would not open swung wide. Holding a broken glass bottle in a blood-stained hand, Hae-won, drenched in tears, slowly lifted his head.

* * *

The first thing Hyun-woo saw when he opened the storage room door was Hae-won sitting amidst scattered glass shards. Without time to grasp the situation, Hyun-woo rushed inside, tapping the dazed Hae-won’s cheek while urgently scanning the area.

“Suddenly, what is this…! Hae-won, look at me. Why, fuck… what the hell is this…! Are you hurt? Huh?”

The floor turned into a mess by the broken bottle, the fallen Go Tae-gyeom, and blood seeping out from somewhere. Tae-gyeom’s hand, which had been resting on Hae-won’s thigh, slid away. Flustered, Hyun-woo gripped the fallen Tae-gyeom’s shoulder and then slowly pulled his hand away. Hae-won’s body was trembling violently. Amidst his incessantly blinking eyes and ragged breathing, a thin voice was mixed in.

“W-what do I do… what do I do, what do I do…”

Muttering while rubbing his blood-soaked palm on the floor, he didn’t seem to be in his right mind at all. Hyun-woo wrapped his arm around Hae-won’s shoulder and glanced down. Was this a good thing? The thought crossed his mind for a moment but quickly vanished. While patting the pale-faced Hae-won with one hand, he examined Tae-gyeom’s condition with furrowed brows.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, so for now…”

Hyun-jeong, who had just rushed in, was momentarily horrified but quickly took control of the situation. He told the employee who had run out into the hallway to call an ambulance and ensure no one else came in, then stepped into the chaos.

“How did this happen…! Tae-gyeom? This is Tae-gyeom, right?”

He looked once at Hyun-woo, who responded with a noncommittal “Yeah,” and once at Hae-won, whose clothes were disheveled. Hyun-jeong’s gaze then dropped further to the blood-covered Tae-gyeom. Looking at his brother’s strange attitude, an absurd hypothesis suddenly popped into his head. Even while checking Tae-gyeom’s pulse, Hyun-jeong’s eyes busily darted between the two. Rather than relief at the pulse he felt beneath his hand, he felt a chilling premonition. Thus, knowing Hae-won was shocked, he asked urgently.

“Did you fight? Did you two fight?”

Hyun-jeong, with hands trembling uncomfortably, performed emergency first aid and raised his voice impatiently toward the two who remained silent.

“Hae-won! I know you’re shocked, but how did…”

“Is that… is that Go Tae-gyeom? Wow, shit…!”

Hyun-jeong and Hyun-woo’s gazes shifted toward the door. Hee-sung rushed in, stepping on glass shards, followed by Seo Hae-young, who entered while surveying the wrecked storage room. After handing over a blood-soaked towel, Hyun-jeong couldn’t take his eyes off Seo Hae-young, who looked down at the fallen Tae-gyeom with an indifferent expression. The reactions of the three were all strange. Suddenly, things Hyun-jeong had dismissed as insignificant popped up one after another in his mind.

Hae-won appearing with bruises as if he’d been beaten, the bracelet, Hae-won making mistakes he never used to make after returning from vacation, Hyun-woo and Tae-gyeom hovering around him, the frequent sick leaves. And the bizarre atmosphere between Seo Hae-young and Yoon Hae-won just moments ago.

“You guys, you…”

Hyun-jeong stopped mid-sentence and shut his mouth. Since they were so close, it could be that. It was probably a misunderstanding. He wondered why he was imagining such things about kids, yet unable to erase the lingering discomfort, he massaged Tae-gyeom’s arm. The limp hand flinched and moved toward the forehead.

“Ugh…”

“Oh, hey! Hey, don’t wake up!”

Hee-sung, who grabbed the hand, made a fuss but seemed relieved, his rigid shoulders dropping. Seo Hae-young, who had been observing, finally knelt on the floor and spoke to Hyun-jeong.

“I’ll handle it. I think we need to clear things up outside first…”

“Ah, yeah. Okay… I’ll be right back.”

With a complex expression, Hyun-jeong stood up, rubbing his aching forehead. As he left the storage room, he looked back. Hae-won was still dazed, wiping his hands, but for some reason, his feet wouldn’t move to go comfort him as he had in the past.

Even after Hyun-jeong left the storage room with his unsettling suspicions, Hae-won could not regain his senses. A large piece of glass scraped against his limp fingers. The commotion caused by Hee-sung, who was searching for new towels and wondering when the ambulance would arrive, Joo Hyun-woo leaving the room after Hyun-jeong, and Seo Hae-young clearing a path by kicking the scattered shards with his feet. There were so many people, yet he felt so isolated.

The people passing by in front of him didn’t register at all. A desire to simply sink and disappear began to rise. Then, he felt a warm heat on the fingers touching the floor. Someone’s finger gently entwined with his trembling index finger. His gaze traveled slowly up from the finger to the limp arm, and he met Tae-gyeom’s eyes. Eyes that were barely open, as if struggling to stay awake, conveyed a faint language. Hae-won froze, unable to avoid the chilling gaze. Soon, a white towel brought by Hee-sung covered the gaze of unknown meaning, and several paramedics pushed into the storage room.

The entwined finger slipped away like flowing water. Hae-won remained sitting in the same position on the floor of the now noisy storage room, wiping the blood-stained palm on his shirt. The skin where Tae-gyeom’s finger had touched felt horribly itchy.

“Ugh…”

As he was scratching his index finger with his nails, two large hands suddenly grabbed his cheeks and pulled him up. A familiar scent covered the musty smell and enveloped his contracted body. The moment he saw the other person, the tears that had stopped welled up again. He hurriedly touched the back of his hand and then gripped the wrist tightly.

“Hae-young… w-what do I do?”

Seo Hae-young always guided him toward the path he should take. The direction he pointed was sometimes the wrong way, and sometimes an incorrect path. But for Hae-won, there was only one person he could cling to right now.

Seo Hae-young, the only person he could rely on, looked around the surroundings with a sidelong glance and then leaned down. So close that his focus blurred and he couldn’t see clearly, Seo Hae-young whispered quietly.

“It was an accident. Right?”

His jaw trembled. As he froze, unable to affirm or deny, the soft voice continued. An accident. Seo Hae-young said everything was an accident. That they happened to be in the storage room together, that he happened to hit the locker, and that the items piled on top happened to fall. Therefore, it was all an accident.

“Go home, wash up, and wait. Got it?”

Seo Hae-young’s expression was as if it were truly no big deal, without a hint of worry, making Hae-won nod as if possessed. Patting his cheek, Seo Hae-young stood up and left a short sentence behind.

“You did well.”

* * *

There was no need to return to the house that had become a burden. Hae-won headed to Seo Hae-young’s family home, where there were more days without people than with them. As soon as he entered using the password he had been given, he shut himself in the bathroom and scrubbed his body vigorously. Under the pouring water, he picked out the shards embedded in his palm one by one and frantically washed away the seeping blood.

He sobbed as he applied body wash that smelled like Seo Hae-young all over his body, erasing the traces of the storage room. He couldn’t stop crying because he couldn’t think of what to do next, and he was simply terrified of the coming tomorrow. Curling up in the corner, Hae-won wrapped his arms around himself, trembling. He felt as if Tae-gyeom’s fingers were still entwined, so he gripped his skin hard enough to leave marks.

It’s an accident. A mistake. Go Tae-gyeom did wrong first. Why did he come in? I said I hated it. He didn’t die, so, whatever.

…But what if he died? What if he was seriously injured? What if he opened his eyes and it was actually a mistake? What would happen? Then what would happen? His thoughts spiraled, each leading to the next, all in a negative direction.

“What are you doing?”

A light voice cut through his thoughts. Turning his head, a face popped up beyond the wide-open bathroom door.

“I sent you a while ago, and you’re still washing.”

Looking inside, Seo Hae-young, who had taken off his outer coat, stepped boldly into the bathroom. He took out a fresh towel, turned off the noisy water, and rolled up his sleeves. Pulling the curled-up Hae-won to his feet, Seo Hae-young began drying the moisture from his head, continuing in a flat tone as if reciting a dinner menu.

“What are we going to do with our Hae-won?”

The content was chilling, contrary to the tone. Hae-won, chewing on the skin past his worn-down nails, asked cautiously.

“…Did he die?”

“Who knows. He might.”

Bending his waist, Seo Hae-young wiped down to the calves where faint bruises remained and tossed the wet towel into the basket. Hae-won, who had become accustomed to exposing his nakedness, shook his head while frozen in place.

“No. He opened his eyes. He moved…”

“Maybe you saw it wrong?”

“No…!”

Hae-won shut his mouth and carefully retraced the moments. Lee Hee-sung’s voice telling him not to wake up was vivid, but before that, he had drunk so much strong liquor. He might have misheard it in his drunken state. If the skin touching his finger was also a delusion… His bloodshot eyes darted around the bathroom.

Meanwhile, words like surgery, emergency room, contact, father, Hyun-jeong, and Hyun-woo flowed from Seo Hae-young’s mouth. Those words didn’t combine properly, but they were enough to shake Hae-won’s unstable mind.

“For now, I’ve said it was an accident… but I don’t know if his father will stay quiet.”

“I-I didn’t do it on purpose…”

Following the lead of Seo Hae-young, he stepped hesitantly on the damp tiles. In the wooden basket always in the same spot on the shelf, navy blue pajamas were neatly folded. As if waiting for their owner to return at any time. Picking up the thin fabric, Seo Hae-young dressed him piece by piece, his lips flickering.

“They don’t just overlook it as a mistake. Right?”

“That’s, that’s not it, he did it first…”

With bloodshot eyes, Hae-won confessed everything that happened in the storage room. There were parts he omitted, but for the most part, it was the truth. Clinging to Seo Hae-young, who responded with “Yeah, yeah” while buttoning the pajamas, he claimed his innocence. The image of the blood-covered Tae-gyeom flashed before his eyes, making his voice tremble pathetically.

Seo Hae-young, who had been listening in silence, gently traced the bite marks on the nape of his neck and adjusted the collar. The answer that came after explaining everything was:

“Do you think you can say that?”

It shoved Hae-won all the way to the bottom.

The house, which always maintained the same state even when no one visited, felt like a dream. A cozy bed without dampness, pleasant air, a large monitor on the wall, and a sofa. When looking at the objects always in the same place, an obsessive streak was occasionally visible. At a constant distance, unchanging, always in that spot. That’s why he felt a sense of stability coming here. Because it felt like it would never change.

But now, the fact that the objects he knew were in the same place made him feel insanely hateful. The objects that didn’t deviate an inch from their spots, as if taxidermied, choked his breath.

Sitting between the legs of Seo Hae-young, who was perched on the ledge leading to the terrace, Hae-won hugged his knees and looked up at the pitch-black night sky. Even though the sudden winter wind filled his lungs with a chill, his body was warm. Part of it was because of Seo Hae-young’s warmth, but it was also thanks to the strong liquor that had numbed his nerves. Since there were no signs of calming down, it was no one’s fault that he couldn’t refuse the liquor Seo Hae-young personally offered.

“Want a smoke?”

While he was sketching the blurred image of Tae-gyeom, a round filter touched his lower lip. It was a cigarette that Seo Hae-young had puffed on once, lighting a bright red fire. Without realizing it, he pulled down his sleeve to cover his skin and checked the other’s reaction. Noticing the meaning of the caution, Seo Hae-young chuckled softly and pushed the filter between his lips.

“Here.”

As he sucked in the filter held between his teeth, acrid smoke hit his throat. The cigarette, smoked after a long time, was strong and difficult to swallow. As he coughed and turned his head, the sound of laughter fell from beside his head.

Watching Seo Hae-young’s fingers flick ash onto the terrace floor, Hae-won suddenly remembered the day he started smoking. It was similar to now. Seo Hae-young had placed a cigarette between his lips, and Hae-won had been unable to refuse. After sharing that one cigarette, he bought his own for the first time. The reason was simple: he wanted to smoke the same brand as Seo Hae-young.

The cigarette, now cleared of ash, touched his lips again. This time, without coughing, he shared a smoke with Seo Hae-young just like old times. As the intoxication coursing through his veins joined forces with the smoke, his vision began to spin. Tae-gyeom blurred, the ruined warehouse blurred, and the sight of Hyun-jeong’s back blurred. Burying his face in his knees, Hae-won spoke cautiously.

“Hae-young.”

“Yeah?”

“What did he… say? About Go Tae-gyeom…”

Seo Hae-young’s phone had been buzzing for a while. Glancing at the screen where messages were piling up, Hae-won waited breathlessly until Seo Hae-young checked the contact. Leaning back on his hands, Seo Hae-young checked the messages and slowly relayed the situation.

“He says he’s going to check if anything was caught on camera…”

“…Your father?”

“Yeah. Persistent, isn’t he?”

A chill ran down Hae-won’s spine. Was there a CCTV in the warehouse? If there was, every scene—even him sucking Joo Hyun-woo’s genitals—would have been recorded. If everyone saw that… if Hyun-jeong saw it.

The subsided trembling flared up again. Letting out a fragmented, nonsensical sound, Hae-won gripped a firm thigh and twisted his waist. Setting his phone down, Seo Hae-young tilted his head crookedly, his joyless eyes landing on the dry back of Hae-won’s hand.

“Take your hand off.”

The hand gripping the thigh flinched. However, Hae-won stubbornly refused to let go and met Seo Hae-young’s eyes. His stiff lips wouldn’t move, leaving his expression awkward.

“Help… can’t you help me? That, that can’t happen…”

Seo Hae-young looked down at Hae-won, idly tapping his extended foot.

Hae-won was so disheartened he couldn’t even meet his eyes properly. Just as he seemed to make eye contact, his gaze would drop, then rise, then fall again. Hae-won, who had generally been able to say what he wanted in life, now couldn’t even utter a single sentence straight, stammering instead. The corners of Seo Hae-young’s lips curled up slowly.

“I said take your hand off.”

Unable to be stubborn any longer, Hae-won hesitantly withdrew his hand. But Seo Hae-young didn’t stop, nudging Hae-won’s legs with his knee. Hae-won, who had been hesitating, gathered his legs that had been resting comfortably.

Kneeling obediently between the splayed legs, Hae-won looked as if he were ready to prostrate himself and beg. Watching this, Seo Hae-young let out a long sigh to suppress a laugh that nearly burst out.

He was cute. Seo Hae-young found Hae-won—who believed everything so literally without a single doubt—so cute that he wanted to slap his cheek. If necessary, until he was on the verge of death. Resisting that impulse was incredibly difficult. Then and now.

“Is this how you’re asking for help?”

Seo Hae-young lightly tapped the cheek of the kneeling Hae-won with his palm. It was barely a touch, but Hae-won swayed as if he might tip over from the slight force, bracing himself against the floor. Supporting Hae-won’s chin and pushing it upward, Seo Hae-young found it amusing that he already looked like he was about to cry even though he hadn’t been hit.

“Aren’t you going to answer? I can’t know unless you speak.”

Hae-won hadn’t realized he would miss the days when Seo Hae-young stayed quiet so quickly. Until yesterday, he hadn’t acted this frighteningly, and Hae-won had let his guard down because of that. In his regret, he clasped his hands tightly and forced his stubborn lips open.

“I made… I made a mistake. If you just help me with that once…”

Seo Hae-young wasn’t a petty person who demanded a price like others. Despite receiving countless favors, the only reward he ever gave was a thank you. And Seo Hae-young would always respond with a simple ‘Sure.’ That was all.

“And if I help?”

“…Would it not be possible?”

But today was different. Seo Hae-young didn’t say ‘Sure,’ nor did he coldly refuse. The more he remained silent, the more anxious Hae-won became. His neatly gathered legs began to tingle, but he didn’t dare change his posture.

Watching him with an expressionless face, Seo Hae-young raised his hand. Startled, Hae-won hunched his shoulders, but the large palm only tapped his cheek as if pushing it away. It didn’t hurt, but it was a touch that was enough to be offensive.

“Hae-won.”

The hand, possessing a grip that felt stinging even with a light touch, turned his face this way and that, repeatedly grooming him. He stretched the cheek skin and pinched it painfully, shaking the tip of his nose, kneading him like a toy. While Seo Hae-young touched his face and chose his words, Hae-won had to swallow his misery.

After various spots on his skin turned bright red, the rough hand dropped. The index finger, sliding past the chin, caught on the fully buttoned pajama top and gave it a slight tug.

“Show some sincerity when you’re asking for a favor.”

The hand, having touched the button, moved behind his back to brace against the floor. As he lounged in a comfortable position, Seo Hae-young’s shoulders looked even broader. Hae-won stared blankly at that face. It took time for him to understand the words.

“Ah…”

Since the words ‘Let’s start over,’ Seo Hae-young hadn’t laid a finger on him. Moreover, while Hae-won had been sleeping with Joo Hyun-woo almost every day, Seo Hae-young had maintained a distance with an ambiguous attitude, either not knowing or pretending not to know. It was too intense for a friendship, yet he didn’t approach as if he wanted sex.

Perhaps because of that, Hae-won had let his guard down. He had secretly thought that the point Seo Hae-young wanted to return to was before those hellish few months. Back when they played a pathetic game of friendship, hiding their emotions under a layer. The last few days, where they could only have a normal conversation after drinking, flashed by hollowly.

The remnants of his heart for the Seo Hae-young before him, the fear suppressing his reason, and the hatred that made him want to strangle him all mixed together, eventually reaching sadness. His mind, consumed by sadness, spun, and the bridge of his nose tingled. He wanted to pour out all his unfairness and sorrow, but all that came out between his teeth was the sound of him holding back tears. Unnoticed, tears drenched his cheeks and dripped down his chin.

Frowning, Seo Hae-young scanned Hae-won, who was crying like a child. He wondered how someone could cry so much without running out of tears; it was simply fascinating how his eyes became drenched again no matter how many times he wiped them.

“Crying again?”

It wasn’t a reprimand; he was genuinely curious. He hadn’t said anything particularly worth crying over, so he found it strange. However, Hae-won took that reaction as a rebuke and gasped out incoherent words.

“I… I matched everything to you… Didn’t you say we should be friends? I, I thought so.”

He felt no shame in speaking while sobbing on his knees. He just felt an overwhelming sense of sorrow and foolishness for the past few days—drinking before Seo Hae-young arrived, choosing his words, and quickly answering unexpected questions.

“We were good lately. I… I liked it… You didn’t hit me, we, we didn’t do it, it was good…”

He spoke while rubbing his drenched eyes with hands chilled by the night wind, but he didn’t even know what he was saying. Once the floodgates opened, his mouth wouldn’t shut.

“I really don’t know why you’re doing this… You hate touching me. You hated that I liked you. But then suddenly you hit me.”

Seo Hae-young, who had been quietly listening to the frantic mumbling, frowned slightly.

“When did I say I hated it?”

Hae-won glanced at Seo Hae-young with resentful eyes before looking down. To Seo Hae-young, who remained silent with an expression that seemed to ask how far he would go, Hae-won finally brought up the beginning of this ruined relationship.

“I… I was okay even if you didn’t like me. I just… I liked you too much. Go Tae-gyeom was the first, the first… I did it because I was afraid you’d hate me. I didn’t know it would… turn out like this…”

His eyes, which had been producing tears all day, felt like they were falling out, and his head felt as if it were splitting in all directions, but he felt like he would die if he didn’t say it. The accumulated resentment felt like it would burn his throat to death.

Fortunately, unlike the birthday when he had poured out his desperate confession and Seo Hae-young had covered his mouth, he didn’t do that today. Nor did he offer a clumsy consolation by asking if that was why, or saying there had been a misunderstanding.

His legs, which had been kneeling for a long time, were tingling. His toes, lacking circulation, were almost numb. Seo Hae-young’s eyes, which had looked away for a moment, landed on Hae-won. As his firmly closed lips opened, a very light voice flowed out.

“I know.”

A reaching hand brushed the wet eyes. It wasn’t gentle; it was somewhat perfunctory. Hae-won was more stunned by Seo Hae-young’s single word than by the hand wiping his tears.

“What…?”

“Go Tae-gyeom.”

Seo Hae-young looked at his damp hand and clicked his tongue. The scolding to stop crying felt distant, as if heard from far away. If Seo Hae-young knew—if he knew Go Tae-gyeom was the first—then those countless humiliations were unexplained. The days he spent scrubbing his filthy body in a rusted bathroom until his skin peeled.

“But, but why…”

He wanted to speak clearly, but his tongue rolled haphazardly, creating a foolish sentence. Seo Hae-young, nonchalantly wiping his wet hand, raised an eyebrow.

“You never know. One person becomes two, and two become three. You might have done it once from behind, but you might have done it again. And… even lately.”

Seo Hae-young’s tone was calm, but not kind. After a sigh, the words that came from his lips were such that Hae-won couldn’t even express his unfairness. The tears that had been flowing endlessly stopped, and no words came out.

“Because you pretended not to know, they kept pushing until the end.”

His tone was too certain to be a mere assumption. Hae-won looked down to hide his surprise, but he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking violently.

This time, he had erased everything thoroughly. Even blinking his swollen eyes to look for a mistake, he couldn’t find any. After Joo Hyun-woo visited, he not only erased the phone records but also wiped the floor clean. Since he hadn’t taken off his clothes, there was no way any trace would be found.

While he was just catching his gasping breath, Seo Hae-young approached, framing Hae-won’s face with both hands. He didn’t frown, nor did he suddenly slap his cheek. He simply looked into his eyes.

“How can I trust you when you’re like this? Who knows if you were secretly throwing your body around in the past, too.”

The hands that had been sliding away suddenly pinched both cheeks hard. The stinging pain, enough to bring tears to his eyes, was impossible to endure.

“Ugh…!”

“I really want to beat you to death.”

After shaking the cheeks he held with both hands, Seo Hae-young grinned and tilted his head. What happened next was unexpected. No, it was something he hadn’t even imagined.

A soft sensation touched his stretched lips. Soft lips touched his slightly parted lips in a light contact and then cleanly pulled away. Hae-won froze, unable to even breathe. Seo Hae-young, wearing the smile that had once made Hae-won’s heart flutter, let out a soft voice as if confessing.

“I kept telling you. You’re the one who did wrong. From the start, everything.”

Their long eyelashes tangled. As soon as the panting breath brushed his lips, Seo Hae-young momentarily let go of his relaxed and arrogant demeanor.

“Ngh…!”

Two large hands wrapped around his cheeks and ears at once, and lips that had been bitten and torn in places until they were red were pressed against him. A hot tongue pushed through the gap before he could stop it. Pulled forward, Hae-won staggered and gripped a firm thigh, but instead of telling him to let go, Seo Hae-young pulled him closer.

“Hng…”

While a distracting tingling sensation was felt in his toes as blood suddenly rushed back, tongues entangled and wet breaths mixed. Hae-won instinctively tried to push away Seo Hae-young, who gave him no room to breathe, and his lower lip was bitten. The moan that escaped—’ah’—was helplessly sucked into Seo Hae-young’s mouth. It felt as if he were being eaten alive.

It hadn’t felt like this when he kissed a sleeping Seo Hae-young. It hadn’t been painful, violent, or terrible. He couldn’t find where the ticklish, fluttering emotions had gone. In place of those precious sensations, a learned arousal rose. His bent waist twitched, and a forced heat surged. Between the chilling sensation and despair, a sense of self-loathing bloomed.

“Ugh, ngh…”

Seo Hae-young, who had kissed him with a persistence whose reason Hae-won didn’t know, finally pulled away, and Hae-won gasped for air, clenching his fists. His lips, which were not only swollen but showing blood, stung so much that it echoed in his ears as the cool wind brushed past.

At a distance where their noses brushed, his aching lips were bitten repeatedly and then popped away. Hae-won flinched, pulling his gathered knees together and rubbing them slowly. Even as he placed his hands on his own thighs and pressed down, it wasn’t easy to hide the rising arousal; he felt like he wanted to drive a knife into himself. Seo Hae-young, glancing down, let out a short laugh.

“You’re hard from this?”

The rims of his ears turned bright red. It was time for him to be hit for being dirty, but neither a fist nor a kick flew at him. Questioning preceded the shame that made him want to bite his tongue and die.

Slowly stopping his laughter, Seo Hae-young thickly rubbed the hot earlobe and tilted his head again. Their lips touched lightly. The embarrassing smacking sounds and the light, affectionate kisses were things he could never receive from Seo Hae-young.

That’s why this situation felt like a happy nightmare. His terrified eyes were full of shame, shock, and fear. After a long kiss, Seo Hae-young rested his forehead against Hae-won’s and whispered quietly, looking into the eyes where complex emotions were tangled.

“I’m telling you for the last time, behave yourself.”

Without listening to any excuses or protests, Seo Hae-young stood up and grabbed Hae-won’s waist to pull him up. As his numb legs gave way, Seo Hae-young hoisted his body up and entered the room. While the dazed Hae-won couldn’t say a word, the glass window separating them from the terrace disappeared behind the curtains.

* * *

The darkness, making it hard to distinguish what was in front of him, pushed Hae-won further into a corner. He only trembled, stiffened, as he fell onto the plush bed and his loose pajamas were stripped off. A sinister premonition weighed down his entire body—that he would soon be beaten until he couldn’t breathe, and after that, his hole would be torn. While his breath grew ragged as if a seizure were starting, someone dove into the hem of his undone top and bit his nape. A pain similar to being hit with a leather belt spread instantly.

“Ack…!”

Bitten hard enough to make a clicking sound, Hae-won shuddered and gripped Seo Hae-young’s shoulders. Seo Hae-young immediately grabbed his waist with both hands and lifted his stomach off the bed. He leaned over, biting and sucking painfully, creating ugly marks. It was a rough and urgent biting.

“It hurts, ah…!”

As his ribs were nibbled every time he tossed his upper body, he suddenly remembered the first time. The first time his hole was torn by a Seo Hae-young who didn’t give a single gentle touch, lying him down on a hard wooden desk.

Back then, it wasn’t this dark, so he could clearly see the face grinning while thrusting into his hole, but now he couldn’t see anything. To the point where he didn’t even know whose hot tongue was slicing down his belly. That’s why the lips sucking his pelvis felt like someone else’s. Joo Hyun-woo, Go Tae-gyeom, or someone else.

Hae-won could only pant, held by the hands tightening around his waist. In his blackened vision, the faces of the three men spun around. All three were the same. If he just gave his body once, the urgent matter would be solved somehow. Just as he was comforting himself that it was okay, the lips that had moved down bit the tip of his half-erect penis. As he gasped, his dizzy thoughts were cut short. The tongue that had been grotesquely invading his mouth stood sharp and dug into the gap of the glans. The slippery tongue curved like a snake, licking the smooth glans thoroughly.

“Haa, ugh…!”

Seo Hae-young’s soft hair tangled between his fingers. The suction was intense and violent, as if obsessed with making the cock stand. His buttocks, pulled up to make sucking easier, twitched and tightened, and short breaths burst out.

Hae-won, who had been moaning in pain, remembered the resentment he harbored on the night he was dragged out of the hospital while Seo Hae-young lit a cigarette for him. Memories popping out haphazardly and out of time weakly suppressed the vulgar arousal. A desperate resentment, wishing that Seo Hae-young would feel a sense of betrayal just once. The sudden kiss gave strength to his confused conviction. Hae-won gasped and softly called out to Seo Hae-young, who had his face buried between his legs.

“So… you mean, I should only do this with you?”

“Yeah.”

Slowly licking the glans, which was glistening with saliva, Seo Hae-young answered obediently. The questions continued. Even a single word was laced with a filthy moan.

“Not even friends?”

“I guess you suck your friends’ dicks too.”

Scoffing dismissively, Seo Hae-young seemed to ponder for a moment before letting out a low laugh.

“Ah, I did.”

Hae-won didn’t deny it any further. Even if he said he hadn’t done it by choice, there was no one to listen. Staring up at the dark ceiling, he stroked Seo Hae-young’s hair, which felt as if something about it had changed, when a finger suddenly slid into his twitching hole and scraped the inner wall without warning.

“Hngh…!”

“Don’t. If you suck it, both of you are dead.”

As soon as the threat ended, Seo Hae-young inconsiderately thrust two fingers into the slack, loosened hole and sucked on the glans. A sob-laced moan escaped from his arched neck. His hands frantically gripped and tore at Seo Hae-young’s t-shirt, and his still-aching legs repeatedly closed and opened.

“Ah, hah…!”

Blood rushed to his head. His cheeks burned hot, and a ringing sound filled his ears. The inner walls that Joo Hyun-woo had tormented every single day were driven to a cruel pleasure by mere fingers.

The ejaculation was so fast that Seo Hae-young burst into laughter. Drowned in the effects of alcohol, sadness, and lethargy, his thoughts grew hazy. He couldn’t distinguish a thing through the fog, but he was certain of one thing. One week. In one week, he might be able to make Seo Hae-young angry. A faint, distorted smile flickered across his blood-shot lips and then vanished. Even imagining the future brought no happiness.

He could dimly see Seo Hae-young stripping off his t-shirt in one go. Hae-won, unable to escape the afterglow, gasped for air and braced himself against the bed with trembling arms. He forced his heavy body up to crouch like a dog, lifting his hips high. He gripped the blanket tightly, waiting for the penis to be driven into him, but there was only silence behind him. Puzzled, he blinked awkwardly and looked back.

Because it was so dark and dizzying, the expression wasn’t clearly visible. Hae-won let out a small ‘ah’ and quickly buttoned up his undone shirt one by one. He hid his flat, unremarkable upper body and face, and as soon as he lay back down, his hair was gripped tightly.

“Ah, ugh…!”

It hurt as if his scalp were being torn off. Forced upright, Hae-won struggled and grabbed the firm arm, but his neck was pushed further back, making it impossible to even swallow saliva. He carefully pleaded, stroking the vein-lined back of the hand.

“Ah, it hurts…”

“Who told you to lie on your stomach?”

The cold voice carried both a sense of absurdity and irritation. Hae-won couldn’t help but be bewildered. He had only done what Seo Hae-young liked. Quietly, in the position he always used.

“Only… from behind… that’s why…”

As he stammered his excuse, a short clicking sound of a tongue was heard. Suddenly, a rough hand slammed his head back down onto the bed. Before he even had time to scream, Hae-young grabbed his thighs and flipped him over; Hae-won looked up dazed at Seo Hae-young, who pulled his legs wide apart.

“I… I don’t want you to see…”

Even if the darkness hid it, there were things that could not be concealed. Fidgeting, Hae-won covered his face and then pulled the hem of his top to cover his genitals, gauging the mood of Seo Hae-young, who had lost even a shred of gentleness.

Quickly positioning himself between Hae-won’s legs, Seo Hae-young wiped the sticky semen from his lower body and thrust it into the twitching hole. Since he couldn’t see the face clearly, it felt as if he were spreading his legs for a pitch-black monster. His jaw trembled, and his lips, shrouded in darkness, parted slightly.

“Hae-won… shut your mouth.”

Just as he became terrified of the trailing end of the voice, thick with irritation.

“Ah… ack…!”

His tense waist twisted. The hole, which had become loose enough for a single finger to slide in without resistance, was forced open as if it were tearing. Not only was it driven all the way in instantly, but the weight crashing down on him made his breath hitch for a moment. Hae-won gasped in horror, twisting his pinned limbs. Two hands pressing firmly into his inner thighs forced his closing legs open to their limit. A high-handed command to spread properly echoed, but Hae-won couldn’t say a word, his mouth merely hanging open.

“Haa, ah…”

His buttocks twitched, and his vision flickered. He could vividly feel the sensation of his insides being filled and the glans slamming into the deepest part in one go. From the entrance gripping the penis tightly to the inner walls it pushed through—even without seeing, it was clearly drawn in his mind.

Whitish semen burst out from the penis that had just ejaculated. The amount was small, but the sensation of ejaculation was the same. Seo Hae-young, sliding a hand under the back of his head to grip his hair, let out a scoff of disbelief, but Hae-won had no mind left for shame. His eyes, wide and then narrowing, trembled as if they might roll back.

“I just put it in, and you’re already…”

Swallowing the inappropriate end of the sentence, Seo Hae-young gripped the hair to bend the neck back and began to move, sucking on the exposed skin. Just as the insertion had been inconsiderate, the thrusts were violent. Having adapted to the relationship with Joo Hyun-woo, who suppressed his desires and maintained a quiet demeanor, Hae-won momentarily forgot the intense pleasure that scrambled his mind. In Seo Hae-young’s embrace—the first time their chests had touched—Hae-won couldn’t even let out a moan, only choking sounds, as tears dripped from the corners of his eyes. Seo Hae-young overlapped his lips over the marks Tae-gyeom had left, adding a red hue, and drove his penis back into the clinging inner walls.

“Kuh, hngh…!”

Hae-won, eyes wide, frantically grabbed Seo Hae-young’s shoulders, but the pleasure neither ceased nor transformed into pain. His trembling hands slipped. He scratched the smooth back, then tried to push away the hips that were hammering into him. But nothing moved, and nothing fell away.

Ignoring him completely, Seo Hae-young stripped off the pajama top that Hae-won, struggling to close his legs, had barely managed to put on. Red streaks appeared on the skin from the collar being yanked away, but neither of them noticed.

“Ah, Hae, Hae-young… ah…”

Seo Hae-young pressed the head of Hae-won, who was already making dying sounds so soon after insertion, into the pillow and whispered quietly while biting his earlobe.

“You seem to love a man’s dick so much that you spread yourself for everyone…”

You won’t do that if I do this until you’re sick of it, right? Right?

The chilling whisper crawled around his ear like a many-legged insect.

* * *

Convulsions struck his wide-spread thighs, but he couldn’t pull them together on his own. Whenever he tried to close them because it was too much to bear, a heavy force pressed his knees down. His crumpled legs swayed with the movement of the hips, making him feel as if his pelvis would shatter.

“Augh, uuu…”

The entrance, stretched to the point of tearing, was stained reddish from dozens of repeated frictions, and the perineum and the pillow supporting his waist were drenched in sticky semen. Even without gel, the terrifyingly erect penis hammered relentlessly into the squelching hole. Every time the penis crushed the entrance and grazed the inner walls to pierce the deep spot, a terrible pleasure filled his broken mind.

Gripping the narrow pelvis as if to crush it, Seo Hae-young didn’t stop at driving himself in as if pouring out a week’s worth of accumulated desire; he left numerous bite marks on the outer ear.

“You’ve been doing it so much, huh? You should be good at this…”

As he continued the hip movements and took his hand off the pelvis, clear handprints were revealed. The hand moved down, passing the perineum to fumble with the hole where the penis was embedded. As he pushed the surrounding area with a slippery thumb, the entrance gripping the penis twitched and opened. He pressed and searched for a gap to dig into, but it didn’t enter easily.

“Hngh, ah… ah…”

Whether it was pain, a hint of agony seeped into the flushed moans. Withdrawing his hand with a sense of lingering regret, Seo Hae-young straightened his bent waist and looked down. He could barely see Hae-won, whose eyes were only half-open. As he thrust his hips forward, it was incredibly difficult to take his eyes off Hae-won, who let out a sobbing, breaking moan.

The days of him only feeling pain were in the past. The hole was so limp and loose that there was no need to prep him, showing how much he had been used in the meantime, and he loved it, leaking semen while being hammered indiscriminately. Fixing the swaying head with both hands, Seo Hae-young stared face-to-face from a distance shorter than a single word and drove himself in hard. Because he wasn’t exactly feeling good, a crooked question popped out.

“You love it no matter who fucks you, don’t you? Huh?”

Groins slapped together and parted, and the contracting inner walls swallowed the violently intruding penis without effort. The spacious bed, large enough for two to roll around in, rattled and shook. Soon, semen began to leak bit by bit from the tip of Hae-won’s glans, but the movement didn’t slow down in the slightest.

“Ah! Ahh, Hae, Hae-young… ahup, ah…!”

Even when asked ‘huh?’, the tearful Hae-won couldn’t give a proper answer and only let out moans. Holding his head so he couldn’t turn away, Seo Hae-young bit his lip to force his eyes open whenever Hae-won tried to close them.

“Hey… open your eyes.”

Before long, the wet eyelashes trembled and lifted. When their clouded eyes met, Seo Hae-young regretted not turning on the light, while simultaneously thinking it was a relief. He wanted to see him, but he didn’t. The face shrouded in a layer of darkness wasn’t the thirteen-year-old face that stared him down, nor the eighteen-year-old face that looked bored while staring at the clock on the wall, nor the twenty-year-old face that pretended to be fine while the ears were flushed red. Where had those old faces gone? All he saw before him was a vulgar face, sobbing with pleasure while being impaled by a dick, devoid of any shame.

“Hngh, ugh…! Ge, gently… Hae-young… ahh…!”

The hands that clung to the bed sheets without pushing him away, and the erect penis rubbing against the lower abdomen, made him feel strange, as if it would remain the same even if he were strangled or punched. Seo Hae-young bit his lip hard and then smiled faintly. Soon, his cheeks flushed, and his lips curled into a wide grin.

“You look cheap, Hae-won…”

Unfortunately, he meant it. Seo Hae-young, who had started to move his hand toward the neck, paused and gave a light slap to the cheek before straightening his waist. He stretched out the legs of Hae-won, who was panting and trembling, unable to even steady his turned head, and rested them on his shoulders. Pressing his lips to the calves, which were much thinner than before, he felt the heavily heaving chest with his palm.

“Hae-young, Hae-young…”

As soon as he could breathe, Hae-won called for him, and every time he opened his mouth, the hole—which had likely accepted an unknown number of people—tightly gripped the penis. Looking at the erect penis shaking as if it would ejaculate the moment it pierced the clinging inner walls just once, he gripped it with one hand. Rapidly shaking the penis, which was slippery with the semen already spent three or four times, he continued to hammer into the hole without rest. Hae-won twisted his waist as if convulsing, grit his teeth, and then distorted his eyes.

“Augh, ugh…! Ah, don’t, don’t touch…! Hnghh…”

“Why? You’ve probably done this a lot…”

As he pressed down on the body struggling as if to escape the pillow supporting the waist, Hae-won, his body folded, let out a moan close to a scream. Seo Hae-young didn’t stop shaking his hand for a second, and following that, Hae-won’s spine curled in a round arc.

“Ah…! I, I just for a second, stop it…!”

The foot resting on Seo Hae-young’s shoulder tried to apply force, but the body standing firm like a rock only pressed down more heavily. The lower abdomen began to tingle and feel stifled. Hae-won, lifting his upper body pinned to the bed, grabbed Seo Hae-young’s wrist that was shaking his sensitive penis and shook his head.

“Let go, let me go…! Please, hngh…”

He felt as if he were about to pee himself. No matter how much he begged to be let go, saying he would do anything, the rough hand mercilessly stroked the shaft and rubbed the glans. Even as he rubbed his knees together to endure it, his mind went blank whenever Seo Hae-young’s penis crushed the inside. No moans came from his wide-open mouth, only faint, wheezing sounds. Even when his buttocks were slapped to stop tightening, he couldn’t release the tension from the shrunken muscles.

“Hngh, ugh…! Ah…!”

The feet that had been pushing away curled up and trembled. A lukewarm liquid spurted out from the tip of the bright red, twitching penis. His vision blacked out and then blurred into a stark white.

“Ah, ah! Haa…”

His breath hitched, and the thin liquid pooling in the hollow of his stomach dripped onto the bed, soaking the sheets. The sensations that had been blocked for a moment came crashing down, and shame flooded in. Hae-won covered his face with his trembling arms and sobbed. The liquid soaking his lower abdomen, which rose and fell, was too vivid to be a dream.

“Hah, ugh…”

“You were weird before, too… you leak this kind of stuff?”

Seo Hae-young, rubbing Hae-won’s stomach where the thin liquid—neither urine nor semen—had pooled, asked in a mocking, sarcastic tone. Seeing Hae-won only crying with his face covered, perhaps not knowing himself, he let out a deep sigh.

“Anyway…”

Hae-won’s insides, tightening instinctively as he burst into tears, repeatedly stimulated the penis that had reached its limit. Gripping the bruised pelvis again, Seo Hae-young thrust himself in as if to push in all the way to the testicles. Every time the warm, soft inner walls twitched, his self-control melted away, causing his grip to tighten. Hae-won trembled violently and shook his head as if to tell him to stop, but for Seo Hae-young, who had already been holding back quite a bit, that request was difficult to grant.

“Hae-young, ah… it hurts, hngh… ugh! Ahh…”

“Haa… hey…”

Seo Hae-young, mounting the suffering Hae-won as if crushing him, smiled with a face drenched in excitement.

“I’m being gentle…”

He snatched the arms covering the face and wrapped them around his neck, embracing the panting Hae-won and burying his lips in the nape of his neck. The heavy weight of the embrace, the slight smell of alcohol, and the voice straining to let out exhausted moans—all of it belonged to Yoon Hae-won, who had failed to know his place and slept with the wrong people. Pressing his lips to the hot ear, Seo Hae-young whispered quietly in a low voice.

“You can’t do that anymore. Understand?”

Until Hae-won, who couldn’t understand quickly, frantically nodded his head, Seo Hae-young pushed him, pouring his selfish, sticky, and gloomy emotions into the deepest part, where they could not be easily removed.

That night, as he said, Seo Hae-young handled Hae-won relatively gently. ‘Gently’ didn’t mean kindly; it just meant he didn’t put his hands up or thrust strange things into the hole. He still pressed down on Hae-won’s head or body without consideration, making him wail. Without a shred of guilt, he fucked the body that lay limp like a corpse, and at times, he sucked on the penis that stung from chafed skin. The penis, from which nothing more could come out, didn’t even get erect, and only a dizzying pain rose from the perineum.

By then, Hae-won sobbed and begged. Saying nothing was coming out, please stop, he gripped the hair of Seo Hae-young, whose face was buried between his legs, and only let tears fall. When Seo Hae-young, rubbing the red, chafed glans as if disappointed, inserted himself again, the pupils rolled back behind trembling eyelids. It was so good he wanted to die, and so painful he wanted to die.

Reaching a distant pleasure without ejaculating a single drop of semen, Hae-won passed out, unable to even breathe. His fingertips and toes trembled uncontrollably. It was a sensation that his weakened mind could not handle. Melted semen gushed out from the hole that wouldn’t close. The time during which he realized Seo Hae-young had been holding back until now stretched on endlessly.

* * *

“Wake up.”

Hae-won opened his swollen eyes only when the palm slapping his cheek became fierce. As soon as his limp upper body was propped up, slippery porridge was pushed into his mouth.

“Uuu…”

Whether he had developed a taste for cooking porridge after doing it a few times, this was not food Hae-won could eat. After that summer, it was difficult for him to even put lumpy, thin things in his mouth. After the act of not being able to swallow and spitting it out repeated a couple of times, an irritated Seo Hae-young blocked Hae-won’s nose and forced his mouth open to push it down his throat.

“Please, just let me not hit you… okay?”

Holding Hae-won’s head and jaw so he couldn’t open his mouth, Seo Hae-young waited quietly until he swallowed. The addition that he would die if he vomited was a bonus. Hae-won frowned, forcing himself to swallow the porridge that filled his mouth. The disgusting texture made his stomach churn. If there was any silver lining, it was that no strange ingredients had been mixed in.

After forcing him to eat the entire bowl using a method that was no different from torture, Seo Hae-young kept his hand over Hae-won’s mouth, monitoring him, and only let go after a certain amount of time had passed. Hae-won swallowed hard to suppress the rising nausea and looked around. It felt as though a vast amount of time had passed, yet the room remained dark. The night was excessively long. When he turned his creaking neck, he saw thick curtains blocking out the flow of time. With all sorts of timeframes blurred together, his sense of reality had long since evaporated. Whether it was day or night, yesterday or today.

He parted his parched, cracked lips as he took the cup of water Seo Hae-young handed him.

“Wha… what time…?”

Startled by his own terribly hoarse voice, he cleared his throat. Seo Hae-young, who stood up holding the bowl, gave a small nod and readily told him the time.

“Probably… around seven?”

Without mentioning how many days had passed, Seo Hae-young left the darkened room. Watching his retreating figure, Hae-won immediately tried to push himself up, but the moment his feet touched the floor, he collapsed forward.

“Ugh…!”

It felt as if his pelvis had been twisted beyond repair. It was largely because he had spent so much time with his legs spread wide, facing the other. Groaning as he tried to stand, Hae-won gave up on his plan to open the curtains first and rested his forehead on the back of his hand. The oversized T-shirt hung loosely, and a fresh scent wafted from it. He had a vague memory of being dragged to the bathroom. He didn’t particularly want to recall what had happened there.

His genitals, which had been squeezed until every last drop of semen was wrung out, were so sore he wanted to rip them off, and the skin that had been bitten whenever he lost consciousness was covered in blood-bruises. Beyond being sick of it, he was utterly repulsed. Not just by the sex, but by Seo Hae-young himself.

“Piece of shit…”

He spat out a small curse toward the floor. Resentment surged within him, but he didn’t have the courage to curse to his face. He should have been worrying about his bleak reality, but it seemed his cognitive circuits had broken as all the moisture had been drained from his body. He couldn’t think of anything. Except for the loathsome Seo Hae-young.

After cursing for a while, he let out a frustrated sigh, having run out of insults, and didn’t notice the sound of footsteps.

Having returned the bowl to its place and come back up to the room, Seo Hae-young burst into laughter upon discovering Hae-won sprawled flat on the floor as if performing a formal bow. He strode over, grabbed Hae-won by the waist, and hoisted him up; startled, Hae-won looked back.

“You shouldn’t sleep just anywhere.”

Hae-won flailed his legs, which had lost their balance, but his toes only grazed the floor. While he stood awkwardly, the arm wrapped around his waist tightened to a grotesque degree. His internal organs felt suffocated, and a wave of nausea hit him.

“Ugh, let go…”

“You smell good.”

Seo Hae-young burrowed into the nape of his neck, inhaling the scent and rubbing his face against him. The light biting of teeth and the lips that repeatedly brushed and detached were ticklish, making Hae-won shrink his neck.

“I-it tickles.”

“Bear with it.”

A hand stroking his exposed legs slid under the T-shirt, which was the only thing he was wearing. Terrified by the palm sweeping across his groin, Hae-won twisted his body, but the hand moved upward without hindrance, pressing firmly against his lower abdomen. The moment he felt something trickle out from the naturally parted opening, the hair on his neck stood on end.

“I guess not all of it came out. It’s still leaking…”

Seo Hae-young chuckled lowly, as if pleased by the semen flowing down the thigh, mentioning that he had seen it even when Hae-won was lying face down. With a pale face, Hae-won could only stare at the hand entering between his legs.

“Do you realize how loose you’ve actually become? Look at this.”

Two fingers forced their way into the opening at once, softly stirring the inside. The fingers scraping away the sticky semen moved through the interior more easily than before. His waist jerked upward and was pulled closer by a single arm.

“Hngh…!”

“This is a problem, our Hae-won… Now you won’t even feel it if it’s small. Right?”

Whether these playful words were meant to tease or not… well, they didn’t hurt. There was no part of him left to be hurt.

As if knowing there was no more semen to come out, Seo Hae-young toyed with Hae-won’s genitals—which looked sore just to behold—as if they were his own, before withdrawing his hand. While Hae-won gave simple responses to Seo Hae-young’s rambling conversation, he nearly fainted when he realized three days had passed. He was told he had been asleep for a full day, which was not something to laugh off.

Lying together on the sheet-covered bed, the moment he heard the steady sound of breathing, Hae-won counted to fifty in his head and carefully felt for the arm wrapped around his waist. Both wrists were empty. He moved the aimless arm aside, lowered his feet from the bed, and this time, stood up very slowly. His backside stung and throbbed, but compared to when he first stood up, it was manageable enough to walk.

Even knowing that Seo Hae-young rarely woke up, Hae-won left the room, glancing back occasionally just in case. As soon as he hit the hallway, his pace quickened. Entering the study, he counted the dates on his fingers. There really wasn’t much time left. While anxiously biting his nails, a bracelet glittering on the wooden desk caught his eye.

Quickly approaching and snatching the bracelet, Hae-won stared down at the thin silver curved into a circle before undoing the clasp. Holding both ends, he applied strength with his scar-covered hand.

With a snap, the link broke. When he tried to put it back together, the circle was formed, but the clasp was misaligned. No matter how many times he tried, it wouldn’t return to its original state; the bracelet was completely ruined. For something that held excitement, disappointment, and lingering attachment, it was a hollow end. After staring at the broken bracelet for a long time, Hae-won clenched the piece of metal in his palm and turned away.

Strangely, he didn’t cry. He thought he would sob, but it was truly strange.

* * *

Dressed in a thick knit sweater, Hae-won left the main gate looking somewhat peculiar. Because he had lost so much weight, almost none of Seo Hae-young’s clothes fit him. Setting aside the baggy training pants that were tied tight around his waist, the slippers that kept slipping off were ill-suited for the chilly weather.

“It’s cold…”

It wasn’t cold enough to freeze his protruding toes solid, but to Hae-won, it felt as chilly as midwinter. Rubbing his forearms, he glanced over the wall where Seo Hae-young was likely sleeping before turning away. He adjusted his slippers, which were dragging at the heels, and walked slowly along the silent street. The distorted bracelet slipped from his grip and rolled across the asphalt.

Hae-won arrived in front of a shop with a sign saying it was closed. It was a time when one employee might still be tidying up, but he hesitated, lingering without entering. He had only realized a few hours ago that he had left his phone there that day. He could have stopped by late in the afternoon, but he had ended up here after walking to clear his thoughts. Just as he was debating and raised his hand, the door swung open.

“Oh…”

Dumbfounded voices escaped both people simultaneously. Hae-won stood there awkwardly, unable to say a word. He felt he would have been less shocked if Joo Hyun-woo had come out; of all people, it had to be the person to whom he felt a mountain of guilt.

The first to compose the look of bewilderment on his face was Hyun-jeong. A clumsy smile bloomed on his tired face.

“It’s Hae-won. What about your phone? It was turned off.”

“I left it here…”

“Ah, I picked one up; I guess it was yours. I’ll give it to you right away. Come in.”

Hae-won took the door from Hyun-jeong, who stepped back to let him in, and asked cautiously as he entered.

“Um… are you okay?”

Receiving a question with an ambiguous subject, Hyun-jeong pointed to a table in the corner without much of a response.

“If you have time, let’s talk. Sit over there.”

As long as he returned before Seo Hae-young woke up, there wouldn’t be a big problem. Sitting down and pulling out a chair, Hae-won lightly kicked the floor in the midst of a subtle sense of distance. His buttocks and waist throbbed where they touched the chair, but he pretended everything was fine and took the phone Hyun-jeong handed him upon his return.

Two steaming mugs were placed on the table. From the sunken tea bags soaked in water, a green hue spread out like smoke. Sitting opposite him, Hyun-jeong toyed with the warm mug as if choosing his words, and only after a long while did he speak.

“Didn’t you go visit the hospital? Tae-gyeom was making a fuss.”

“…Huh?”

“He was asking why you didn’t come after cracking his head open.”

The smile, which felt forced and lacked smoothness, quickly faded. Hae-won stuttered for quite a while trying to process Hyun-jeong’s words. He couldn’t even blink comfortably.

“Is Go Tae-gyeom okay…?”

“He’s okay, though it was torn quite a bit. He’s just… because of his home situation, he hasn’t been able to be discharged yet.”

Listening to the story Hyun-jeong told, Hae-won slowly scratched the back of his hand beneath the table. Go Tae-gyeom was more fine than expected, and although his father had asked about the circumstances of the accident and requested CCTV footage, the camera filming the warehouse had been broken for a long time and was useless.

It was the first time he had heard this. Hae-won, who had blindly trusted Seo Hae-young—who had circled around the point with an ambiguous attitude to blur the issue—had become a literal laughingstock. He didn’t know whether to blame his stupid head or the heart that still trusted Seo Hae-young.

Even as blood beaded on the scraped skin of his hand, he didn’t notice and continued to scratch. Hyun-jeong, who had taken a sip of the steeped tea without noticing the injury, shrugged and looked down.

“Tae-gyeom said it was an accident, too. It was my fault for leaving it there.”

Hae-won shook his head, saying it wasn’t his fault, yet he wavered between a sense of relief and betrayal. Words didn’t come easily. The reason was Seo Hae-young. He couldn’t understand why he did it, nor did he want to.

Hyun-jeong, who had repeatedly gripped and released the angular handle, looked up at Hae-won. A deep shadow fell across his face, lit by the lights from the dining area. The flesh beneath his eyes was swollen, looking painful just to see. And then there were the lips covered in scabs. His pitiful appearance made Hae-won’s throat tighten, but that wasn’t all. Breaking the previously nonexistent, awkward silence, Hyun-jeong opened his reluctant lips.

“Hyun-woo… he won’t be coming back this time. Not until he graduates and settles into a job.”

“…He must be busy.”

Hae-won responded nonchalantly to Hyun-jeong suddenly bringing up Joo Hyun-woo, but he became suddenly anxious upon meeting a determined expression. The smile that always hung loosely on Hyun-jeong’s face had completely vanished.

“I’m not going to let him come.”

The added words were even more definitive.

Dropping his gaze again, Hyun-jeong continued speaking very slowly, as if bringing up something he had pondered for a long time.

“I know you two are very close. But lately, I think I might have been mistaken.”

The introduction bore a gloomy light. The hand scratching the back of his hand stopped. The movement of Hyun-jeong lifting his head again seemed slow.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

When his eyes met Hyun-jeong’s gaze, which had always looked at him with kindness, Hae-won realized that even that was collapsing. Hyun-jeong knew something. Hae-won wore an awkward smile and opened his trembling lips.

“N-nothing happened. It was just a mistake…”

“Not that. After you guys went on vacation, Hyun-woo has been… a bit strange. With Hae-young, Tae-gyeom… and you.”

He felt as if his heart had dropped. Then, it began to beat loudly, vibrating through his entire body. Hyun-jeong let out a long sigh, as if facing a hopeless situation, and looked up.

“Did they hit him? Are they bullying him?”

“Ah…”

The memories of the past, which went beyond hitting and bullying, were not things he could easily speak of. Still, he wondered if Hyun-jeong could help somehow. A flicker of strange hope opened his tightly pressed lips slightly, but a single phrase from Seo Hae-young echoed in his mind.

Do you think you can talk about that?

The hand resting on the opposite table clenched into a tight fist from tension. The ring on the fourth finger glittered. He caught a glimpse of the memory of Hyun-jeong proudly spreading his hand, saying his husband had picked it out with Hyun-woo. My kind little brother. That was Hyun-jeong’s habit of speech. Watching Hyun-jeong’s expression gradually harden, Hae-won closed his mouth again. Exposing the sins of the three of them for a sense of relief was all a futile imagination.

“Is Hyun-woo… involved too, by any chance?”

Thus, the question that burst out, unable to hide his anxiety, wasn’t that regrettable. It was natural for blood to be thicker than water, and he was merely the brother Hyun-jeong cherished. He understood. He understood fully, yet his chest tightened so much it was hard to breathe.

“He isn’t… right?”

His expression was pleading for that answer. It was hard to keep looking at Hyun-jeong’s face, which looked as if he might burst into tears at any moment. Before showing his own unsightly state, Hae-won hurriedly stood up and waved his hand. As if it were nothing.

“…No, it’s nothing. I have to go. Sorry, Noona.”

“Hae-won, wait!”

As he turned and practically ran toward the door, his arm was grabbed and he was pulled back. Wearing an awkward smile, Hyun-jeong took the phone out of his pocket with a slightly trembling hand. He looked urgent.

“I realized I couldn’t give you your severance pay. I’ll send it to you now…”

The corners of his eyes were flushed red. He knows. Even without a keen sense, he could tell. Whether the broken camera had actually captured everything, or if he had just sensed it. At this point, none of that mattered.

Hae-won pushed down the surge of tears deep into his throat and pulled Hyun-jeong’s hand down. He had always received an amount from Hyun-jeong that was excessive for the work he did. He had begun to wonder if it was out of pity or if he truly cherished him.

“Hyun-woo, Hyun-woo has nothing to do with this. So please don’t do this.”

“Hae-won. That’s… I didn’t mean it like that…”

Hyun-jeong, appearing even more flustered, gripped his arm tightly, but Hae-won used strength to break free.

“It’s just, it’s nothing. I liked it, just… it’s no big deal, so it’s okay.”

Blocking Hyun-jeong from following him out, Hae-won continued his clumsy excuses. His bloodshot eyes darted around. His ears rang, and his vision became blurry, as if oil were floating in it. He felt his face distorting unpleasantly, but he forced the corners of his mouth up. He only ever wanted to feel gratitude toward Hyun-jeong.

“I-it’s all okay, so please don’t do that.”

Having stepped outside the door, Hae-won walked away without looking back once. Hyun-jeong’s thin words, which reached him only after a long while, provided little comfort.

I’m sorry, Hae-won.

The person who should have said those words was not Hyun-jeong.

On the way back, dragging his slippers, he turned on his powered-off phone. After closing the warning window that the battery was low, a mountain of notifications appeared.

Joo Hyun-woo, Joo Hyun-jeong, Go Tae-gyeom.

That was all. Even scrolling through the piled-up messages, there were no contacts from anyone else. When they weren’t needed, they sent so many, but for several days, not a single message had come from the bank or the telecom company. Scanning the empty contact list, he eventually collapsed in front of the main gate and covered his head with his arms. His rounded back rose and fell shallowly. He was used to being alone, but today, he felt strangely lonely.

Pushing himself up from the cold landing, Hae-won staggered into the house. Passing through the chilly living room where no one ever visited, he went up the stairs, walked down the hallway, and stepped into the space he loved most in this place.

Seo Hae-young was fast asleep, exactly where he had been. Changing his clothes and getting into bed, Hae-won dug through the blanket to find those long fingers. Even as he gripped and toyed with the warmth in his hand, it felt insufficient. He pulled the arm over his back and burrowed into the wide chest. The arm that instinctively hugged him back was warm, but at the same time, it was an arm that crushed a person.

“…Hae-young. There’s no one else.”

He tried murmuring quietly, but there was no answer. They say silence is affirmation. He knew it, but every time he realized he was utterly alone, his heart broke.