3 – Chicken Game (2)

Chapter 2

Hae-won stayed at Tae-gyeom’s house longer than expected. Even without a specific reason, Tae-gyeom simply accepted it. Hyun-woo, who couldn’t bear to let the two of them be alone even if dirt entered his eyes, suggested going to his own house instead, but Hae-won hated the place where his family was. After a stubborn refusal, Hyun-woo would travel back and forth to Hyun-jeong’s distant shop, stopping by Tae-gyeom’s house—albeit inconveniently—to see Hae-won before returning.

Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, Tae-gyeom’s midterms and academic probation were looming, so he was often away from home, making encounters rare. On the occasional times they did run into each other, instead of asking why he wasn’t out, Tae-gyeom would grab the back of Hae-won’s head and kiss him, only to toss him aside and enter his room once the kiss ended. Since Hyun-woo, who spent his days with him, didn’t lay hands on him much either, Hae-won practiced adapting to an unfamiliar place while keeping familiar people by his side.

Thus, for several days, the three shared a space while hiding their dark intentions. Though no one spoke of it, Seo Hae-young’s presence permeated every corner of their relationship. He was absent, yet he was with them. Even while spending the given hiatus period, Hae-won could not forget the sentences Seo Hae-young had left behind. The other two didn’t know, but Seo Hae-young had been contacting him steadily. He couldn’t forget even if he wanted to.

“Hae-won, you’re handsome…”

Hyun-woo, having opened a palm-sized passport, grinned while rubbing the photo section with his thumb. Hyun-woo had burst in from early morning as soon as Tae-gyeom left, and Hae-won had wondered why he was so unusually excited; it turned out he had picked up the passport he applied for a few days ago.

The clean passport, without a single stamp, was opened in front of his face. Hae-won, who had read and deleted all the messages sent by Seo Hae-young, hid his phone behind his back and took the passport. As he stared down at the name written in English while touching the textured cover, Hyun-woo, sitting close beside him, burst into laughter.

“I went through so much hell for this photo.”

Rather than the two of them, it was the photo studio that had suffered. They had to erase all the colorful bruises on his face. While Tae-gyeom was away, Hae-won had been dragged around by Hyun-woo doing this and that, but his memory of it was hazy.

“Do you feel a bit better after resting for a few days? Not bored?”

“…I’m okay.”

Covering his phone with the passport, Hae-won hugged his knees and aimlessly stroked the skin where the wounds had faded.

The day after he first slept at Tae-gyeom’s house, he couldn’t possibly go to the shop because the bruises had turned an even deeper shade of purple. Hyun-jeong had told him to rest, noting that he was getting thinner by the day, but in reality, it was no different from being fired. Since he knew himself that he had been spacing out or making mistakes frequently, he didn’t stubbornly insist on going back.

Somehow, he felt like he had become a useless human being.

“Want to go see a movie? How about billiards? You were good at it.”

A warm hand brushed against the curve of his ear. The fingers tucking away hair that didn’t even reach his ear were ticklish. The fingers, sliding down from behind the ear, brushed against the nape of his neck. Throughout Hae-won’s slow response, the hand did not pull away.

“It’s been a long time since I played.”

That, too, was a story from years ago. Leaning the back of his head against the backrest, Hae-won turned his head toward the veranda where a cool breeze entered. The air piercing through his thin clothes was cold, but the pouring sunlight was warm.

It’s not good to stay out for too long, we, what did you eat for breakfast, my exam, favorite, Hae-won, I, hurry.

Words and sentences blurred together. Forgetting that his eyes were stinging, Hae-won pondered deeply. Whether he could stand before Seo Hae-young without trembling and avoid falling into that interval. It was a question he had asked himself countless times over the past few days. The time to meet was approaching, but he lacked conviction. He lacked confidence.

“…Hae-won?”

Startled, he looked up to find Hyun-woo wearing an ambiguous smile. Having not heard properly, Hae-won didn’t know what answer to give, so he followed with a slight smile. Staring at him, Hyun-woo gave a gentle laugh and stroked Hae-won’s hair.

“Why are you smiling?”

That smile was strange. As the smile faded, Hae-won shrank back as if on guard. The hand tickled down the nape of his neck and traced his jawline. As the fingers delved inside the collar of his shirt and fumbled over his collarbone, Hae-won felt a sense of déjà vu from Hyun-woo’s gaze.

Things that threatened his daily life from time to time after the summer. Hae-won raised a stiff arm and carefully pulled Hyun-woo’s hand down. He interlaced their fingers to signal him to stop touching, but as always, Hyun-woo interpreted it differently. Refusal was useless.

* * *

“Khhk, ugh! Uuugh…!”

He gripped the t-shirt that was rolled up and choking his neck, but that didn’t open his airway. Damp eyelashes fell heavily. When he pushed away the thigh that was colliding strongly by turning one arm back, his wrist was instead seized. His bent arm was pinned to his back, and rough breathing touched the back of his head.

Wrapping the t-shirt in one hand and pulling it taut backward, Hyun-woo looked down at Hae-won’s back, where the wounds were healing, and thrust his hips without pause. Looking further down, he saw his penis tightly locked into the wide-open hole.

Hyun-woo did not use condoms with Hae-won. Either because he liked the sight of the semen remaining on the inner wall being pushed out when he pulled his penis out and shoved it back in at once, or because he was too preoccupied with satisfying his own desires.

“Hae-won, Hae-won…”

“Ugh, uk! St-stop it…”

Saliva dripped from the lips of Hae-won, who had barely managed to open his mouth. Joo Hyun-woo was always like this. He would act as fake as possible, pretending he would be gentle, then drive a person to the brink of death the moment he got slightly excited. If he had gone as far as hitting him here, Hae-won would have begged him to just kill him. Physiological tears flowed from his heavily furrowed eyes.

“H-Hyun-woo… k-kh, this, wait a sec…”

While he was mumbling a request with a stiff tongue, Hyun-woo yanked the gripped t-shirt hard. His neck was choked, and his waist arched. Thanks to his wrist being released, Hae-won, gripping the t-shirt wrapped around his neck with both hands, forced his eyes to blink as they were about to roll back. He had wondered why he felt uneasy that he wasn’t completely stripped, and he hadn’t expected it to be used like this.

“Khek…! Ugh, h-heu…”

He knew there was no intention to kill him, but being choked was always terrifying. Perhaps it was even more terrifying because he couldn’t trust the erect penis leaking fluid between his legs, which were struggling to support the weight.

“Doing it here, feels fucking great… Hae-won…”

Hae-won, held by Hyun-woo who was moving his hips like a beast, reached out for the headboard of the bed. After flailing in the air, the moment he barely managed to grab the hard wooden headboard, his head was slammed into the bed.

“Hngh…! Ha, ugh…!”

The constriction on his neck vanished, and he coughed, but the hip movements slamming hard into the inner wall carried a merciless force. With one hand pressing down on his head to keep him from rising, the sound of flesh slapping together echoed through Tae-gyeom’s bedroom every time Hyun-woo shoved his penis in to the root.

“Ah! Ack…! It hurts…!”

“Sorry, I’m sorry… just, bear with it a bit.”

Hae-won, with only his buttocks raised, sobbed as he was pierced by the penis of a man who was overly excited due to the long gap since they last did this.

Hyun-woo’s insincere apology only evoked a sense of self-loathing. It hurt, yet it didn’t. The penis, reaching up to his stomach, proved the excitement.

Knowing full well that Tae-gyeom didn’t particularly like sharing his bed, Hyun-woo had dragged him into the bedroom as if to spite him, thrusting his hips until Hae-won’s buttocks turned red on the bed drenched in sunlight.

“Kk, ugh… h-heu…”

The lukewarm gel flowing down his thighs splattered as it bore the weight. The hand pressing his head was lighter than Seo Hae-young’s, but Hae-won couldn’t even escape that and had to offer his hole.

Before he knew it, Hae-won’s body was turned, and he ejaculated while crumpled against the headboard. The leg draped over Hyun-woo’s shoulder trembled violently and then stiffened. Amidst the sensation that dyed his vision dark, while tilting his chin back and making breathless sounds, Hyun-woo was still violently shoving his un-ejaculated penis inside.

“Ah, augh…! Stop! Wait a sec…”

He grabbed Hyun-woo’s forearm and tried to push away the rock-like body, but soon withdrew his hands. Whenever the thick penis probed inside without consideration, he kept forgetting that the more he pushed away, the more the other liked it. The sensation, far deeper and more violent than ejaculation, was too good and too terrifying.

“Ha-eu… h-hurry up and cum…!”

Gripping the slender ankle and spreading the leg straight, Hyun-woo slowly scanned Hae-won, who was sobbing and crumpled uncomfortably. The semen wetting the skin of his belly and the smooth penis glistened under the warm sunlight. The back of the hand tightly gripping the rustling blanket was trembling. Hyun-woo swallowed hard.

The bed remaining with Go Tae-gyeom’s shitty scent and Hae-won’s pitiful appearance heightened the excitement. It felt exactly like forcibly embracing someone else’s lover in someone else’s bed. It was a trashy imagination, but Yoon Hae-won had no choice but to accept it.

“I don’t want to…”

Hyun-woo put his hand behind Hae-won’s back and changed the position. It was the position where Hae-won rode on top, holding the penis, just like the first day they had sex. Separate from the teasing nature of it, it was a position he liked. Watching Hae-won clumsily rotate his hips made him look as if he had finally succumbed, which provided an overflowing sense of conquest.

Pushing up Hae-won’s upper body, which was staggering weakly since he had already ejaculated, Hyun-woo gripped his waist and slammed him down hard.

“Hwak!”

“You said you’re good at this, Hae-won.”

Hae-won, trembling while gripping the wrist that held his waist, slowly collapsed forward. In every way, Joo Hyun-woo was the easiest of the three, but his bizarre tastes were not easy.

“Ah… ah…”

It was a sexual encounter after the wounds had healed, but his physical strength was hitting rock bottom. His body, with muscles feeling melted, twitched.

“Sorry, but… stop resting.”

Hyun-woo, stroking the hair where sweat was seeping out, urged him. Hae-won, wanting to end it quickly, reached out with trembling arms to hug Hyun-woo’s shoulders, lifted his buttocks slightly, and sat down. The sound of groins colliding with a squelching noise echoed softly. As he swallowed the shaft bit by bit and then pulled it out, a ticklish sensation ran through his waist.

“Ut, hu-eu… haa…”

“Haa, get up and do it.”

Feeling that something was lacking despite the effort, Hyun-woo pushed Hae-won’s shoulders away, stripped off the t-shirt caught around his neck, and lay down with a pillow. When he took the two hands that couldn’t find a place to rest and placed them on his own stomach, a flash of shame appeared on Hae-won’s face. Hiding his expression by bowing his head deeply, Hae-won gritted his teeth and moved his hips. There was no way he would be pleased with a position that felt like masturbating with Hyun-woo’s penis.

“Ugh… ah, just hurry up and cum…”

Hyun-woo stroked Hae-won’s thighs and lowered his gaze to the junction visible occasionally. The hole tightening around the penis had certainly become softer than at first. It had been tight and difficult to insert, but now it loosened and gaped with just a few stirs of a finger. He didn’t dislike it. This way was better for trying various things.

The hand, moving slowly up from the back of the thigh, gripped the sticky buttocks before moving up to the waist. Hae-won’s shoulders, catching the sunlight, shone white. Everything from the fluttering hair to the groaning moans of exhaustion was lovely. Sitting with his waist upright, Hyun-woo wrapped Hae-won’s legs around his waist and stroked the straight back with his palm, looking up at the reddish, flushed face.

There was no pain in the hazy gaze. Hae-won was adapting well. To the violent sex, and to the grueling situations. Therefore, he would soon find his way in a new land as well.

Hyun-woo kissed the slightly parted lips. Without mixing tongues, he slowly sucked the lips. There were too many things he had denied regarding Hae-won. If he had reached out earlier, there wouldn’t have been any annoying obstacles.

“Hae-won.”

Hae-won was quite shy. When dropped into unfamiliar things, he instinctively wandered in search of familiarity. Regardless of who he liked, if there was only one person to cling to, it was only a matter of time before his heart changed.

“Actually, a long time ago…”

Hyun-woo stopped speaking and closed his mouth. He simply recalled Hae-won’s smile, which had laughed without any worries because that time was enjoyable. Back then, that smile was so wonderful… as expected, a person’s heart is bound to change.

The hand that had been softly stroking the back suddenly grabbed the shoulder and pinned it to the bed. As soon as the heat-filled palm pressed hard over the collarbone, violent hip movements followed, enough to make the sturdy bed frame creak.

“Ah, wait! Stop, ah! I want to stop…!”

Hae-won flailed his two hands in the air, struggling to escape from Hyun-woo, who felt almost within reach. Every time the penis slammed in, his spread legs twisted in all directions. Unconsciously, he would lift his waist to receive Hyun-woo’s penis, then try to push the bed away to escape.

“Ah, aack! D-don’t do it… please, now, you can stop now, ah! Augh!”

A pleasure that scrambled his head to the point where he didn’t know what he was saying washed over him like a tidal wave. The glans opening the inner wall was felt with terrifying vividness. His toes curled and spasms occurred in his thighs.

“Hae-won, ah… ah, fuck… sorry, just bear with it a bit… I’m sorry…”

“I-I hate it… I don’t want to, stop, just stop…!”

Hyun-woo liked Hae-won. Just like now, the moment he was horrified and eventually gave up everything with a sigh-mixed exclamation was lovely.

I love you.

I must have loved you back then, too…

It was a confession that burst out suddenly at the moment of ejaculation. It was uncertain whether Hae-won had heard it. Hyun-woo bit his lip until the thin skin showed blood. He desperately hoped that Hae-won hadn’t heard the words that should have been said in a better place, in a better atmosphere.

Between a sense of relief and a sense of failure, a sound of laughter echoed in Hyun-woo’s ear. The small burst of laughter vanished without a trace in an instant. Unable to tell if he had misheard or not, Hyun-woo stared at Hae-won. Tears dropped from the reddish corners of his eyes. Every time his belly rose and fell sharply, Hae-won, panting and twitching his wide-open thighs, reached out and touched the sturdy arm that was pressing down on his collarbone as if to crush it.

Hae-won’s expression was strange. He was crying, but his un-furrowed eyebrows and lips made it difficult to grasp what he was thinking, confusing Hyun-woo. Whether he had heard it or not, and if he had, what he thought about it, and what he thought of him. Many things were curious, but they were difficult to put into words.

Soon, Hae-won’s lips flickered again. The arm that had twisted the pushing hand and forcibly pinned him to the bed stiffened at just one sentence.

“…Do you love me?”

He knew it was a question because the end of the sentence rose, but for some reason, Hyun-woo felt as if he had heard that he was loved, and his ears turned bright red. In an instant, his fingertips tingled, and he clenched his fists before hastily embracing Hae-won. The penis that had poured semen into the soft inner wall had become hard and erect again.

Slipping his arms under the back and embracing him so he couldn’t escape, Hyun-woo gasped as he shoved his penis in. The groins colliding with a thumping sound were smeared with lukewarm gel. Hyun-woo kissed Hae-won’s cheeks and nape frantically.

“Hae-won… Hae-won, I love you…”

“Yes, hu-eu…! Mmm…! Ah!”

Amidst sounds as filthy and vulgar as the emotions themselves, a one-sided confession poured out. Pushed by the force of the thrusts, Hae-won’s head went over the edge of the bed, and he gripped Hyun-woo’s forearm, putting strength into his legs.

He felt like he was falling. Below the bed, or even further down. The ceaseless waves of pleasure wrapped around his liberated neck and dragged him down. A vision of a black, slimy hand choking his neck clouded Hae-won’s eyes. Even in the moment he was being choked by an invisible phantom, his chest and nipples were greedily sucked and licked. Hae-won’s penis, which had become erect again in the meantime, was also incessantly rubbed and collided against Hyun-woo’s stomach.

“Ah… ha-euugh…!”

The voice flowing from the neck tilted backward was husky. Every time Hyun-woo shook his hips like a madman, the inner walls contracted tightly. Hae-won, with a vacant gaze, couldn’t withstand the repeated stimulation and gasped for air. In response, the black figure wrapped tightly around his neck and choked him as if to kill. Hae-won urgently scratched at his neck, where nothing was actually wrapped, and let out a distant moan.

“Hngh…!”

“Hae-won, you… I know you don’t love me yet, but still. Haa… you’ll adapt to everything soon…”

Watery semen was sprayed over Hyun-woo’s stomach. The white liquid dripped down the glistening muscles soaked in sweat. Almost simultaneously, Hyun-woo, who had ejaculated deep inside Hae-won’s internals, lifted Hae-won, who was slumped with his waist over the edge of the bed, and held him in his arms.

The post-coital fluid was sticky. Hyun-woo touched and sucked various places, whispering and promising a dream-like future.

Hae-won let the faintly audible conversations drift past him as he buried his forehead in Hyun-woo’s shoulder. A heavy sense of exhaustion washed over him, and his eyelids slowly closed. The insomnia that had brutally tormented his nights for months finally subsided. Hae-won’s breathing, which had been ragged as he fumbled with his now-relaxed neck, gradually slowed.

One thing had been resolved. That provided a small measure of comfort.

* * *

The loud ringing of a bell woke him from his shallow sleep. Waking up on the sofa that had become his bed, smelling of a pleasant fragrance, Hae-won blinked his stinging eyes. The surroundings were quiet. The glow of the sunset was staining the living room, and Joo Hyun-woo was gone. It was about time for the phone to stop ringing, yet some unknown caller persistently disturbed his long-awaited deep sleep.

Hae-won reached out with an arm that felt devoid of strength and grabbed the phone ringing by his head. Answering the call from an unknown number, Hae-won let out a sigh without saying a word.

Hey.

The caller was Tae-gyeom. If the number had been saved, he wouldn’t have answered; it was a regrettable mistake. Shifting his position, Hae-won frowned the moment he heard Tae-gyeom’s following words.

Bring a file.

“……Why should I.”

Having not run into him lately, the sneer coming from the other end felt unfamiliar.

Why? I feed you and give you a place to sleep, so whyyy?

Turning his body, Hae-won picked up his passport from the floor and tucked it into the gap of the sofa. After hiding the passport—now nestled beside the crumpled bills he’d received on the first day—with a cushion, he straightened his back, feeling a tingling sensation in his toes. Tae-gyeom ignored Hae-won’s lackluster voice and simply spat out what he wanted to say.

Just get here now. Wear whatever.

* * *

Was it a year ago? When he worked at a convenience store that has since gone bust, there was a regular nuisance who came in every Wednesday night.

Already heavily intoxicated, the customer would cause trouble by drinking soju at the outdoor tables despite being told not to, making a scene once a week. Hae-won didn’t fully understand him, nor did he want to, but after that behavior repeated more than five times, he unintentionally came to know the man’s circumstances in detail.

The nuisance, dressed in a shabby suit with his head buried in the table, said his spouse had abandoned him in grief. He didn’t say where they had gone. While stacking plastic chairs, Hae-won simply gave vague acknowledgments. Since the man wasn’t violent, there were no grounds to report him.

Hae-won hadn’t been particularly kind, but perhaps that was what provided comfort; after whining like a child for several months, the man suddenly stopped appearing. He had said it was better to die than to live like this—perhaps he really had died, or perhaps he had simply forgotten.

“They suddenly started being nice to me. So nice that I didn’t know they’d leave like that.”

The words the nuisance left behind remained in Hae-won’s memory for quite a while. The face and age were blurry, but those words would suddenly spring to mind. So, while spending a lazy weekend morning with Seo Hae-young, he told him the story, and the man tapping on his phone replied lightly.

“Is that so?”

Hae-won waited for more, but Seo Hae-young didn’t open his mouth. He simply lowered the phone that had been covering his face and stared blankly. Feeling embarrassed to maintain that gaze for too long, Hae-won looked down and let out another question. Something like, I wonder what happened to him. Since he had brought it up just to divert his gaze, he didn’t particularly care for a clear answer. Seo Hae-young, who had turned his body and propped up his head, gave a slightly off-target response.

“Why. You planning to go somewhere?”

Hae-won burst into laughter at the abrupt question. Saying it wasn’t about himself, just that he was curious since the man disappeared, he leaned his arm on the bed, and Seo Hae-young smiled faintly.

“I don’t like it. Don’t do that.”

Then, he patted the spot beside him. Hae-won climbed up next to Seo Hae-young, who was trying to end the conversation on his own terms, and lay flat, his heart pounding needlessly. Even when he tried to fold his feelings, Seo Hae-young’s habit of tossing out hints of possibility was not hateful, but rather cute.

While helping him solve a game that had stalled, Hae-won hugged the pillow supporting his chest. Seo Hae-young’s scent tickled the tip of his nose. His arm, rubbing against the other as they watched the small screen emitting cheerful sound effects, stiffened awkwardly, but he tried his best not to show it. With his ears flushed red, Hae-won focused on the game on purpose, ignoring the warmth pressed close to him. It wasn’t easy.

“Hae-won.”

Seo Hae-young, who had also lain down, chuckled, oblivious to Hae-won’s desperation. His fingers kept slipping. When Hae-won frowned and replied bluntly, the sound of laughter lingered in his ears. A voice laced with amusement popped out.

“You can’t do that.”

At first, Hae-won blinked, wondering what he meant, then realized it was an extension of the previous conversation. He must have been chewing over it. The fact that he had been doing so in silence was also just cute. What did he reply to that?

“……Hey.”

The noise of metal scraping a plate erased the afterimage of Seo Hae-young. When he looked up, Seo Hae-young was gone, and Tae-gyeom, wearing a displeased expression, had taken his place. Resting his chin on his hand, Tae-gyeom gestured toward the plate with his eyes.

“What are you doing instead of eating?”

Following the gaze, Hae-won looked down at the plate scratched by a fork. The greasy meat failed to stir even a hint of appetite. His shoes, which were loose even when tied tight, slid across the polished marble.

He hadn’t intended to put food in his mouth while facing Tae-gyeom, but he found himself here. It wasn’t surprising anymore. Weaving together fragmented memories like broken shards to reconstruct how he ended up here, Hae-won stared blankly at Go Tae-gyeom sitting opposite him.

They weren’t the kind of relationship to come to a place like this alone. Neither then nor now.

“What are you looking at. Just eat.”

Tae-gyeom, with his hat pulled low, looked exhausted, though he seemed less irritable than usual. He seemed to be suppressing it. Imagining himself forcing the food down only to vomit it all over the table, Hae-won put down the fork.

Taking off his hat and brushing back his hair, Tae-gyeom let out a frustrated sigh without restraint. Just as Hae-won guessed, the temper he had been trying his best to hold back exploded.

“You, fuck……. Why are you like this, seriously?”

Tae-gyeom’s plan to be a bit considerate now that exams were over was on the verge of collapsing. Asking him to bring a file had been an excuse to get him out. Because even though he hadn’t done anything particular, Hae-won’s condition had been steadily worsening over time. An excuse to drag him out of the house, thinking that some fresh air and good food might bring him back.

Hae-won, shut away at home, spent all day staring blankly out the window, and often failed to understand when spoken to. When Tae-gyeom approached, thinking he was muttering something to himself, there was no sound. Hae-won, curling his body as if protecting himself and merely blinking, neither requested anything nor expressed an opinion. That sight was unsettling, as if he were slowly dying.

“You gonna hold out without eating? You trying to just fucking drop dead?”

Tae-gyeom didn’t like Joo Hyun-woo coming and going from the house at all, but he had left it be because Hae-won seemed to need someone to make sure he ate; yet, looking at him, he hadn’t gained any weight at all. Fearing he might starve to death, he had brought him here, only for Hae-won to flip his stomach by not eating a single bite. Even knowing he had to be patient, seeing him space out like that made crooked words burst out.

“Hey. No matter what you do…….”

Stopping mid-sentence, Tae-gyeom crossed his arms and stared at Hae-won for a long time before standing up. He wondered if Hae-won wasn’t eating because he was being watched, but above all, he felt like he was going crazy from the stifling atmosphere. It would be better if they just yelled and fought; this kind of silence was unwelcome.

“I’ll be right back, so eat.”

Walking around the table, Tae-gyeom grabbed Hae-won’s face—who was staring at the plate as if performing a ritual—and pulled it upward. Seeing him blink, he knew he wasn’t asleep, yet there was no response. He felt he finally understood why Seo Hae-young tried so hard to make him speak.

The time spent looking down at the pale face grew longer. Beyond the eyelids that slowly descended and then rolled back up, light-colored eyes were revealed. Among his handsome features, this was the part that drew the most attention. More than the straight bridge of his nose or his finely colored lips.

Tae-gyeom reluctantly tore his gaze away from the eyes he wanted to stare into for a long time and slid his hand down. The moment he slightly lowered the soft knit covering the neck, the already furrowed eyebrows curved further.

“I told you not to do this shit.”

Just when it seemed the bruises were finally fading, this time it was a mess of fingernail marks. As soon as Tae-gyeom withdrew his hand, Hae-won brushed down his nape as if something filthy had touched him and parted his lips.

“Because it’s ugly to look at?”

“……It’s fucking creepy, so just stop it.”

Hae-won filled his empty stomach with lukewarm water while watching Tae-gyeom’s back as he shook his hand and strode out of the restaurant. He wasn’t avoiding eating to upset Tae-gyeom; it was simply because if he was going to vomit anyway, there was no reason to eat.

As Hae-won organized the clean, unused forks in a line, a knife with a pretty decoration caught his eye. His hand crept stealthily across the table and gripped the silver utensil. The knife, reflecting the dim lighting, was pointed and sharp, fitting for its purpose of cutting meat. The soft music filling the restaurant and the whispering conversations faded beyond his consciousness.

He pressed the blade against his palm. The tilted knife pressed into the elastic flesh and then slid back out as he released the pressure. Each time he pressed and released, a series of faint marks were etched into his palm. Repeating the action, he looked at the face-down phone.

‘They suddenly started being nice to me. So nice that I didn’t know they’d leave like that.’

Did the spouse of that nuisance die, or did they run away? He only became curious a year later. Whether the nuisance had died or forgotten. What on earth did they do to…….

“Yoon Hae-won!”

Startled by the shout that shook his head, he snapped his gaze upward. His heart, startled by the sudden loud noise, beat so fast it felt as if it would jump out of his throat. Tae-gyeom, who had sprinted the five-step distance in an instant, snatched his wrist, and the knife in his hand rolled across the table.

“Fuck, right now……!”

The hand gripping his wrist was trembling violently. Hae-won scanned the surrounding glances and then dropped his head as he felt a searing pain. His palm was drenched in blood. Blood flowed steadily from the long vertical slits in the flesh, dripping onto the white table. Unusually flustered, Tae-gyeom forgot to be angry and grabbed a handful of napkins to press against the wound.

“Hey, wait, wait a second. Shit, the blood…….”

“Ah…….”

The chair pushed back with a screech. With wide eyes, Hae-won stared blankly at the red blood staining the napkins. The damp napkins that clung to his skin disappeared, replaced by a cloth wrapped around by a frantic employee. In the process, the several sliced wounds were briefly revealed. The bright red inner flesh within the white skin spurted blood.

Tae-gyeom’s face was hidden under the brim of his hat, leaving only his distorted lips visible. He seemed to be saying something angrily, but nothing could be heard. The blood that wouldn’t stop flowed down his wrist and pooled at his elbow.

* * *

Sitting on a hallway chair away from the bustling emergency room, Tae-gyeom slowly bumped the back of his head against the wall. When he opened his eyes, the spots of black blood on his fingertips, sleeves, and pants reminded him of Hae-won, and he shut them tight again.

He told the hospital it was an accidental cut, but the doctor who saw the wound didn’t seem to believe it. It was understandable; the palm with multiple overlapping wounds was clearly a deliberate act to anyone.

“Fuck, seriously…….”

He shouldn’t have left his side. He shouldn’t have. The sensation of his heart dropping to the floor when he saw Yoon Hae-won slicing his blood-soaked hand remained vividly attached to him. The back of his neck grew cold and his head throbbed, making it impossible to make a proper judgment. He didn’t even know how he had made it to the hospital. He had only been desperate.

Fearing he might throw a punch if he kept watching Hae-won tremble in shock after cutting himself, Tae-gyeom had retreated to the hallway and buried his face in both palms. His misplaced anger poured out toward Hae-won, who couldn’t even act sensibly.

There was a limit to being foolish. Yoon Hae-won had gone far beyond that limit. Just give up your body and take what you need; it’s fine. What’s the big deal? How much does that even…….

Blinking his bloodshot eyes to erase the image of Hae-won’s frail shoulders, Tae-gyeom shifted his gaze to the end of the hallway and let out a hollow laugh. As if they had coordinated it without knowing, Seo Hae-young, wearing a knit similar to Yoon Hae-won’s, was walking toward him with long strides. Even a coincidence felt irritating.

“Where’s Hae-won?”

Tidying his hair, which had been ruffled by the cold wind, Seo Hae-young looked down with a glance that didn’t show much worry. Whether he was pretending or truly didn’t care, he didn’t know. Tae-gyeom, who had called after ignoring a string of messages for a week, rubbed his throbbing forehead and forced his lips open.

“Why are you here.”

He had only contacted him because he was shocked. Since the two had been sticking together, he wondered if there had been signs of this before. It hadn’t occurred to him that Seo Hae-young might actually come. He hadn’t been in a state to think that far.

“To see Hae-won.”

Answering nonchalantly and looking around, Seo Hae-young looked far too pristine, unlike Yoon Hae-won. While the image of a thin back curled up on a sofa came to mind, a doubt arose. What on earth did Yoon Hae-won like so much about Seo Hae-young that he gave up his body to such ridiculous threats? Trusting what exactly to do so easily. His blood-dried fingertips tingled.

“……Go. What’s the point of seeing him.”

“Why should I.”

It seemed Yoon Hae-won’s speech habits resembled Seo Hae-young’s. Or perhaps the other way around. Either way, it was equally displeasing. He thought of the cigarettes he had left in the car while rushing over.

Tae-gyeom rubbed his dry eyes and glared at Seo Hae-young. The Seo Hae-young from a week ago, who had sent a foul gaze as if he would kill him at any moment, was nowhere to be seen; instead, he grinned and gestured toward the end of the hallway.

“You can’t handle him, can you?”

His expression said, So take your hands off him. An expression full of certainty and confidence, with arrogance piercing the sky. A selfish face that didn’t consider the severity of the situation in the slightest.

“……Is that what’s important right now?”

He was speechless. The events of a week ago, which he had assumed were because Seo Hae-young was too proud to come, were being reassembled. He couldn’t even guess what kind of emotion Seo Hae-young held for Yoon Hae-won. It was similar to when Seo Hae-young had shrugged as if he expected it after Tae-gyeom confessed to sleeping with Yoon Hae-won during a subtle probe. That wasn’t the reaction of someone who was interested. Or so he thought.

“It is important. So, where is Hae-won?”

He had been completely wrong. In his frustration, Tae-gyeom did a dry wash of his face, and a pathetic, trembling voice flashed through his mind.

“I did it with you first. You’re my first. B-but I think Seo Hae-young is misunderstanding. You really are my first.”

Hae-won had clung to him—the very embrace he hated so much—and pleaded with him to tell Seo Hae-young. Tae-gyeom had brushed it off as insignificant. It wasn’t particularly important. Though he’d considered saying something because the pitiful sight bothered him, the words vanished whenever he saw Seo Hae-young’s arrogant attitude. The man had a knack for inviting his own punishment. In this regard, he was similar to Yoon Hae-won. Checking the time on his wristwatch, Seo Hae-young suddenly spoke.

“Do you like Yoon Hae-won?”

It was an abrupt question. Tae-gyeom let out a hollow laugh and maintained his crooked posture. Even if he did, there was no reason to tell Seo Hae-young.

“……I do?”

“Joo Hyun-woo seems to have something for him.”

Shrugging, Seo Hae-young began, “I’ve been thinking…”

“I think it’s better if you step back.”

It was an even more absurd notification. The tone, more firm than before, poked at Tae-gyeom’s already sensitive nerves.

“What the fuck are you suddenly…….”

“Aren’t you answering your phone?”

Abruptly cutting him off, Seo Hae-young gestured toward Tae-gyeom’s phone, which had been whining since the moment he entered the hospital. Tae-gyeom stared at the phone screen he had been ignoring and slowly raised his head.

“You’d better answer.”

Seo Hae-young’s lips distorted as if suppressing a laugh, and he raised an eyebrow. Tae-gyeom’s brow furrowed as much as possible, glaring at the expression that looked like he was dying of amusement. The phone continued to ring. Having weighed the worst-case scenario, Tae-gyeom found it hard to speak. Seo Hae-young, in a subtle tone that it was unclear whether he was easing or adding to the worry, looked down at the screen where the word ‘Home’ floated clearly.

“I didn’t say much. Just answer it.”

They seem very worried.

Seo Hae-young added one last remark and grinned.

* * *

While the wound was being sutured, patients flowed in like a tide and ebbed away. Having finished the treatment amidst the commotion, Hae-won slightly moved his hand, which was wrapped in bandages. It was difficult to move. The wound wasn’t deep enough to require surgery, but it had added a layer of inconvenience.

Hae-won, who had been hesitating because Tae-gyeom, who had come with him, was nowhere to be seen after being told he could leave, widened his eyes when he spotted Seo Hae-young entering the emergency room. His lips parted into a small circle instinctively.

“Uh…?”

This was a person who should not have been here. He quickly shifted himself to the corner of the small bed and hid behind the curtain. He glanced at Seo Hae-young, who was scanning the area, and racked his stiff brain.

He had planned to meet him eventually. If he kept avoiding him and got caught regarding the Joo Hyun-woo matter, there would be no worse ending. However, the fear embedded deep within him held him back.

Even amidst the various noises and crowds of people, Seo Hae-young stood out exceptionally; wearing a thin knit sweater, his tall and well-built physique was clearly visible. He feared the cruel words pouring from those fine lips more than the pain those long arms and legs could inflict.

Unconsciously searching for Tae-gyeom, Hae-won’s eyes locked exactly with Seo Hae-young’s as the latter walked further inside. Seo Hae-young immediately pivoted his stride and approached with long steps. Hae-won couldn’t tear his gaze away from that intentional, mask-like smile.

With a confused expression, Hae-won looked up at Seo Hae-young, who had stopped right in front of him. He blinked awkwardly. He figured that bringing up irrelevant topics, like where Go Tae-gyeom had gone, would only provoke him, so he kept his mouth shut.

“Aren’t you going to greet me? It’s been a while.”

A white hand brushed past beneath his chin. Flustered, Hae-won lifted the two hands resting on his lap and gave a slight wave. The fingers offering the timid greeting curled up stiffly.

Without erasing his smile, Seo Hae-young leaned down and softly interlaced their fingers. The bandaged hand was bent backward, causing a sharp pain, but he couldn’t let out a groan.

“Is this a greeting?”

Their faces were close. Although he knew no one was paying attention to them here, Hae-won glanced around warily, his lips fluttering.

“…Hello.”

“Right. Use your words, use your words.”

Seo Hae-young seemed to be in a good mood. He let out an incomprehensible laugh while gently shaking the held hand, and the more he did, the more Hae-won’s expression stiffened. Then, his hand was gripped tightly, as if telling him to focus.

“Ah…!”

The sensation of the stitched wound splitting sent a searing heat through his hand.

“You told me to come find you… Were you busy?”

Hae-won almost reflexively blurted out an apology but hurriedly bit his lip. The belt marks remaining on his back had not yet disappeared, and Seo Hae-young had tried to tear his hole open that day. He could have died on the spot. It was Seo Hae-young who deserved to say he was sorry. Emotions caught between sobbing and terror surged up in his throat.

“I asked if you were busy.”

Hae-won gasped and shook his head.

“No…”

Where had the confidence gone that he’d shown over the phone? As he looked down at the trembling Hae-won, Seo Hae-young’s smile deepened. Lowering his voice, Seo Hae-young toyed with the cold fingers and peered into the pale face.

“But.”

The bandages wrapped several times around the palm were tightly concealing the self-inflicted wounds. Seo Hae-young whispered softly, rubbing the center of the white cloth with his thumb.

“Were you too busy sucking off guys?”

Even though the indoor temperature wasn’t low, Hae-won began to shake so violently that it was palpable. As Hae-won suffered, letting out irregular, ragged breaths, Seo Hae-young grabbed his shoulders and burst into laughter while stroking his back.

“Ah. I’m joking, Hae-won.”

Just as the apology had been reflexive, his physical reaction was similar. Facing Seo Hae-young while sane was simply too terrifying—to the point where the moments he had rebelled seemed unbelievable. With his shoulders held, Hae-won frantically rolled his eyes, scanning the surroundings. He hoped someone would notice the situation and help. He hoped someone would ask what was going on and pull Seo Hae-young away from him. But not a single person spared them a glance. It was as if this spot alone was detached from the rest of the world.

“Why, why did you come…?”

Unable to dare meet his eyes, he carefully wrapped his hand around the wrist holding his shoulder to push it down. The white palm was soft and smooth. But if you flipped this hand over, it was different. Hard calluses were embedded at every joint where the fingers bent. Fearing that the hand might rise and slap his cheek in front of everyone, he gripped Seo Hae-young’s fingers with both hands.

Hae-won didn’t know where the line was to avoid upsetting Seo Hae-young. If even this felt like the act of a slut… well. There was nothing he could do. Fortunately, this seemed to be permitted, as Seo Hae-young obediently let his hand be held and flicked Hae-won’s clean cheek with his free hand.

“You’re glad I came, right?”

There was no way he’d be glad. He had clearly said he wasn’t, but Seo Hae-young acted as if all the memories of that day had been deleted. Hae-won started to lift his head but, fearing his terrified expression would be plain to see, he fixed his gaze on the white hand and gently massaged it. No matter how it was interpreted, as long as he could escape this uncomfortable situation, it was enough.

“So, about that.”

Stiffened with tension, Hae-won bit his lip as he watched Seo Hae-young slowly kneel on the floor.

“Shall the two of us play now?”

Leaning his cheek against his rounded knee, Seo Hae-young looked up and gave a thin smile. Without explaining further, he simply wanted Hae-won to agree that it would be fun. Every time he asked “Hmm?” in an excited voice, anxiety washed over him, but in the end, he had no choice but to nod. Led by the grip that shackled his forearm, Hae-won left the hospital, staring at the soft hair swaying gently. His trembling lips parted.

What are you thinking?

The cold outdoor wind ruthlessly questioned his wretched voice.

* * *

The home he returned to after a week was no longer a comfortable sanctuary. The cement hallway stained with black grime, the floor dirtied by crushed autumn leaves, and the entrance that felt chillingly cold—everything was familiar, but Seo Hae-young, who skillfully inserted the key to open the door, was a stranger. The Seo Hae-young who, for years of coming and going, had never once managed to unlock it properly, had vanished.

“Opens well, doesn’t it?”

Noticing his gaze, Seo Hae-young lifted the key, waved it flutteringly, and put it in his pocket. Naturally, as if there was no intention of returning it. Hae-won stared foolishly at the quiet neighbor’s entrance today as well before being pushed from behind.

Though he had left it in a shambles, the house was actually cleaner than before. Hae-won scanned Seo Hae-young with a suspicious look as he hung the coat he had brought on the hanger. He wasn’t the kind of person to clean up after himself, so this was strange. The moment Seo Hae-young turned around, Hae-won whipped his head away and quickly entered the kitchen. Since it was a space attached to the living room, it was hard to call it a kitchen, but he wanted to put as much distance as possible between them.

Hae-won quickly opened the refrigerator and crouched down, hiding behind the door. While pretending to organize the inside of the fridge, he peeked at the living room. Seo Hae-young was changing into comfortable clothes. When he took off the black knit, his broad back was revealed. His back, as he strolled toward the wardrobe shirtless, looked relaxed. The fact that he didn’t seem to have any intention of leaving deepened the mystery.

Since there were eyes at the hospital, Hae-won thought he would hit him as soon as they were alone. Because he had ignored messages, hadn’t answered, and hadn’t listened. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say he had specifically chosen to do everything Seo Hae-young hated.

Then why was he staying still? Why was he acting like this?

Hae-won fumbled with the cold floor before struggling to speak.

“Are you staying here?”

“You hate it?”

Having put on a cleanly laundered t-shirt, Seo Hae-young brushed back his disheveled hair. Before the gaze returned to him, Hae-won, with his head buried in the refrigerator, replied softly.

“…No.”

There was about a month left until the day Joo Hyun-woo promised. It was a somewhat tight period to break down Seo Hae-young’s guard and instill a sense of security. Success could not be guaranteed. Whenever he dealt with Seo Hae-young, Hae-won always felt small and lost his confidence. But he wanted that arrogant man to feel even a sliver of betrayal. Even if he was called insane, he wouldn’t have any words to say. Just a little, just a little bit…

Just then, deep in the refrigerator, he saw the soju that Go Tae-gyeom had bought in bulk. Without hesitation, Hae-won pulled out a green bottle, opened the cap, and gulped it down. Until the alcohol flowed down his throat and killed the fear. After emptying more than half the bottle, Hae-won closed the cap, put it in the corner, and wiped his damp lips. The moment the strong scent brushed the tip of his nose, he thought of his father, who had died long ago.

They say blood doesn’t lie.

With a self-deprecating laugh, the refrigerator door closed.

Seo Hae-young seemed busy. He was leaning against the wardrobe, looking at his phone, which was frequently buzzing with notifications, likely contacting someone. Wiping his perfectly fine palms, which were beginning to sweat, on his pants, Hae-won took a step toward Seo Hae-young, who was sitting comfortably as if it were his own home.

“This…”

He placed a mug on the low table. The liquid sloshing inside the cup was juice that Hyun-woo had bought. He had intended to throw it all away at once, but he hadn’t known he’d use it like this. Sitting awkwardly with his bottom touching the floor, Hae-won toyed with his bandaged hand and gauged the mood.

The hand that had been slowly tapping the keyboard stopped. Seo Hae-young’s eyes rolled. Once to the white mug, once to Hae-won, who was glancing at him in a posture that was neither sitting nor standing. Only after repeating this a couple of times did his lips open.

“For me to drink?”

Staring at Hae-won, who nodded, Seo Hae-young took a sip and lowered the cup, shaking it gently.

“Did you put something in it?”

“No, I didn’t…”

Hae-won shook his stiff head and subtly avoided his gaze. In truth, the expiration date was cutting it close. He hoped it had already passed.

Seo Hae-young continued to stare into the cup for a long time as if still suspicious, then took another sip and placed it on the table. The yellow liquid sloshed temptingly. Next time, try putting something in it. Hae-won glared at the cup, suppressing the rising regret.

While he was pondering what to put in to make Seo Hae-young suffer, he heard a rustling sound. Seo Hae-young, who had placed his phone face down next to the cup, rummaged through his coat pocket and gestured with his remaining hand. Hae-won approached toward the back of the hand that was pointing down and flicking slightly. The distance, which had only closed by a span, was immediately narrowed by Seo Hae-young, who frowned in dissatisfaction.

“Ah…”

The grip tightening around his forearm yanked his body forward. His knees slid across the smooth linoleum floor and hit a firm thigh. In a daze, Hae-won gripped the shoulder in sight, then hesitantly pulled his hand away. Seo Hae-young nonchalantly toyed with a cigarette pack he had taken out of his coat. It was obvious he wanted to smoke.

“I kept waiting, but you didn’t come.”

It wasn’t a scolding tone. That kind of probing manner, as if saying ‘I see it was so,’ was Seo Hae-young’s habit.

Could he have really been waiting in this house? The hand that had easily opened the lock came to mind, but it seemed unlikely. He wanted to avoid his eyes. But every time he lowered his head, Seo Hae-young followed persistently, and eventually, Hae-won, meeting his gaze, gripped the fabric of his pants tightly and spoke. There was one excuse that Seo Hae-young himself had provided.

“…Because you said you’d give me time to think.”

“I did? Did I?”

“You… did…”

Biting the cigarette filter between his neat teeth, Seo Hae-young pretended not to remember now. Hae-won looked at the handsome face in dismay and then dropped his gaze. The white hand fumbling with the pants seemed unable to find something, and with a hint of regret, he moved the cigarette from his lips to his fingers. Quickly straightening his waist, Hae-won reached for the drawer next to Seo Hae-young. Seo Hae-young merely followed Hae-won’s frantic movements with his eyes.

“Here.”

What Hae-won produced from the drawer was a cheap 500-won lighter. Seo Hae-young glanced down at the dust-covered lighter, which had been collected and kept from the days he smoked heavily, and put the cigarette in his mouth. Gauging the mood, Hae-won turned the stiff wheel and lit the tip. Seo Hae-young’s cheek hollowed out and returned as the cigarette burned. After lighting it and placing the lighter on the table, Hae-won stood up and opened the window slightly. As soon as he returned to his spot, Seo Hae-young, who was leaning on the floor, tilted his upper body. A whoosh of wind blew in.

Acrid smoke engulfed his face. The smoke that entered his eyes stung his tear ducts. Hae-won’s eyelashes grew damp as he blinked. Watching Hae-won, who couldn’t even rub his eyes and could only blink inconspicuously, Seo Hae-young smoked the cigarette and flicked the long ash into the mug. Black and grayish ash floated on the surface of the yellow juice. Having flicked ash into the juice that had been painstakingly served, Seo Hae-young exhaled smoke and let out a suppressed laugh.

“Now that you’ve stayed with him, is Go Tae-gyeom not that great?”

“…Huh?”

“Is that why you’re like this?”

Go Tae-gyeom was beyond ‘not great’; he was loathsome. He nodded silently, then, realizing his mistake, answered “Yes.” Scanning Hae-won, who had been fiercely rebellious for a while but was acting unusually docile today, Seo Hae-young let out a light breath and asked.

“What are you thinking?”

The question coming from those fine lips was the same thing Hae-won wanted to say. He shook his head slowly and gave a slight smile. It was a servile smile.

“Nothing…”

The thought of whether to run away now, or to keep bowing his head and groveling. Conflicting, uncontrollable emotions clashed, making it feel as if his head might explode. The conclusion was delivered by Seo Hae-young, who crushed the cigarette out on the table.

“Stand up.”

Under a gaze that seemed to want to see how far he would go, Hae-won put strength into his trembling legs and stood. The short autumn had passed, and a fierce wind, with winter just around the corner, seeped through the open window.

One month. Repeating ‘exactly one month’ to himself, he stood straight.

Positioned between Seo Hae-young’s long legs, Hae-won hid his shaking hands behind his back. The phone in his back pocket buzzed incessantly, but he couldn’t even think of taking it out. The corners of eyes full of suspicion and curiosity curved downward, and the firmly closed lips opened.

“Take it off.”

“Huh…?”

It was a very simple command, but that made it all the more difficult to understand. Seo Hae-young, rolling the cigarette pack in his hand, chuckled. It was a clear sneer.

“Aren’t you taking it off?”

Under the fluorescent lights that brightly lit the living room, his mind grew dizzy and blurred. A straight shin tapped his ankle, as if it would kick his leg away in an instant.

Swallowing hard, Hae-won hesitantly toyed with his sleeve. Since he had already shown every unsightly side of himself, there should be nothing to be reluctant about, but there was a reason he couldn’t easily strip. It was because the marks Joo Hyun-woo had left all over him this morning had not yet disappeared. Even if he pleaded that it wasn’t by choice, Seo Hae-young wasn’t the type to listen. His toes, wrapped in socks, wiggled, revealing his anxiety exactly as it was. Unable to bear the silence, Hae-won spoke first.

“If… if you don’t hit me…”

His voice trailed off low. The leg tapping his ankle stopped abruptly. He couldn’t bring himself to lift his head. Not until the burst of laughter filled the small house and then subsided.

The wheel of the cheap lighter clicked and turned. The gas sloshing inside the transparent plastic, the flickering light, and the unsettling, lingering laughter all mixed together. Leaning back crookedly and shaking off the remnants of his laughter, Seo Hae-young flicked his eyes up to scan Hae-won, who was hanging his head low.

“When did I ever hit you…”

Then, he bent his knee and tapped Hae-won’s ankle with the tip of his foot.

“We just, you know, fought a bit.”

The bare foot sliding slowly inside the hem of his pants was skin-crawling. Flinching and stepping back, Hae-won only hesitated, gripping the hem of his knit.

“The sun’s going to come up.”

Seo Hae-young, who had been waiting while spinning the lighter, unstrapped the watch from his wrist. As soon as the watch hit the floor, the tall man stood up abruptly and pulled at the loose waistband. Dragged along stumbling, Hae-won gripped the firm forearm and tried to push him away. He didn’t budge an inch.

“I, I’ll do it.”

“You can’t.”

Looking down, Seo Hae-young shook his head. Thighs clad in thin training pants intertwined between their legs. The slow rubbing, and the resulting sensation, was too distinct to be called unintentional. In an instant, the hand that unbuckled the belt and lowered the zipper moved up without giving him a chance to stop and pulled the knit sweater up in one go.

“Arms up.”

As he reflexively raised his arms, the knit that had been clinging to his body was stripped off. While his thin hair floated up and then settled, the pants with the undone buckle were pulled down. The fallen pants were kicked away by Seo Hae-young’s foot, and the phone, pushed along with them, rang incessantly. To the point where it felt awkward.

“Are you cold? Why are you shaking?”

Just as he was breathing as quietly as a dead mouse, not wanting to give any reason to be picked on, a warm palm brushed down both his forearms. Naturally, a chilling shiver raced through him.

“N-no… I can do it…”

Hae-won’s gaze wandered aimlessly across the other’s face. With a heart full of anxiety, he clung closer, desperate to hide his mottled body from view. One might have found such clinginess bothersome, but Seo Hae-young paused for a moment before wrapping his long arms around Hae-won’s waist and stroking the back where the belt marks were vivid. A soft breath brushed against the bridge of his nose.

“I’m doing this because I’m afraid it’ll take all day.”

Burying his face in the crook of Seo Hae-young’s neck, Hae-won instinctively inhaled his scent. There was no pungent smell of perfume. Only Seo Hae-young’s usual scent remained, leaving him with a strange, eerie feeling.

Seo Hae-young was kind. His touch and breath were so kind, as if retracing the days that had broken him… it was suspicious.

* * *

After stripping him completely, Seo Hae-young led him to the bathroom. It was a narrow bathroom with no tub and no partitions; just stepping inside brought a chill. Standing in the corner, Hae-won glanced at Seo Hae-young, who was holding the showerhead and adjusting the water temperature. As he lowered his head, he saw the skin of his stomach, where the suction marks remained particularly grotesque. He hurriedly hunched his shoulders and wrapped his arms around his upper body to hide the marks.

“Why are you standing like that?”

Lukewarm water sprayed onto his calves. The showerhead slowly soaked Hae-won’s legs as he stood angled away, moving up past his thighs to his buttocks, waist, back, and shoulders.

“Hands up. The water shouldn’t touch them.”

“Okay…”

He must know about the injury. With his back to Seo Hae-young, Hae-won slightly raised only his bandaged hand and pressed it against the tile. His back would be hidden by the scars, but the front was different. As he desperately curled his body in the corner to endure it, Seo Hae-young, who had been washing him half-heartedly, burst into laughter.

“Turn around.”

“I’ll wash myself.”

The hand pressing against the cold tile slipped. The edge of the bandage became wet.

“I said turn around.”

The voice, though laced with laughter, held no trace of genuine amusement. Hae-won’s lips trembled as he stammered.

“It’s… a bit much to look at…”

His shoulder was suddenly grabbed and yanked around; his legs, unable to keep their balance, gave way. Hae-won fell with a crash, knocking over a three-tiered organizer, but before he could even care about the stinging pain in his tailbone, he urgently covered his upper body. The moment he looked up, a powerful stream of water poured down, obscuring his vision.

“Ugh…”

His disheveled hair flattened, and lukewarm water blasted his face. Just as he opened his palms to block the stream and gasped for air, his wrist was seized.

“Ah…!”

The arm covering his chest was ripped away. Hae-won twisted his body, frantically pulling back his captured wrist.

“Hae, Hae-young…”

He tried to pull his legs together to cover himself, but Seo Hae-young grabbed his knees, forced his legs apart, and pushed himself between them. As if the kindness had been a momentary facade, the grip suddenly tightened, revealing his true colors.

“I know everything. I told you I’d overlook it. Are you clueless?”

A sweet-smelling liquid dripped over his head. Pinning down Hae-won’s struggling arms, Seo Hae-young began to wash him. It was less of a washing and more of a scrubbing—rough hands passing over a body covered in the traces of sexual intercourse. Hae-won rubbed the soap out of his eyes with the back of his hand and kicked at the slippery floor.

“It, it hurts… Hae-young, it hurts…”

“I didn’t expect you to stay still… but I said I’d overlook it, didn’t I?”

His erect nipples were crushed under fingers. Palms slid between the exposed ribs, and the same happened to his genitals and perineum. After pushing his hand up to his bruised buttocks and scrubbing the skin as if peeling it off, Seo Hae-young pressed his palm firmly against the lower abdomen where white foam had gathered. Hae-won’s shaking body jolted.

“Ugh…!”

“I said I’d overlook it. Do you understand? Do you get it?”

The pressure increased. He couldn’t escape the palm that bore down as if it intended to burst all his internal organs. Gripping Seo Hae-young’s wrist, Hae-won nodded frantically, panting. His crumpled waist and limbs that had hit the hard tiles throbbed, but it was nothing compared to the crushing pressure on his stomach.

“Speak. Answer me.”

“Yes, yes… I understand, Hae-young…”

“Are you going to do it again? Speaking carelessly because you’re unhappy?”

“No, I won’t. I-I’m sorry…”

A painful groan escaped him. Pressed against the cracked and split tile floor, Hae-won’s struggling form looked like someone being tortured, save for the lack of blood. However, there wasn’t a speck of pity in the eyes of Seo Hae-young looking down at him.

“Don’t meet anyone. Not Go Tae-gyeom, not Joo Hyun-woo. Understand?”

Hae-won had no choice but to nod vigorously and answer that he understood. As soon as the palm was withdrawn, he hurriedly hugged his stomach and curled up. As Hae-won coughed while streaming tears, Seo Hae-young washed away the foam covering him, finally softening his expression and smiling faintly.

“Let’s start over. From the beginning. Okay?”

Us, again, beginning. Not a single word wasn’t ridiculous. Hugging his knees and pressing himself tight against the wall, Hae-won bit his trembling jaw and forced the corners of his mouth up.

“Yes, I understand…”

We cannot start anything over, nor can we return anything to the beginning. Seo Hae-young was the only one who didn’t know that. Inside the soaked bandages, the jaggedly stitched wounds no longer hurt. The ideal that Seo Hae-young desired flickered briefly and then vanished. This would be enough.

* * *

Hae-won glanced at the silent space beside him and cautiously reached out. He gripped the discarded pants with his fingertips and gently pulled them toward him. The moment he fished out the phone from the pocket, it began to ring like a ghost. Startled, he hung up the incoming call and turned his creaking neck.

He saw Seo Hae-young breathing softly and evenly in sleep. He reached out with his newly bandaged hand and waved it gently in front of the other’s face. There was no response. Slowly turning his back, he turned on the phone and looked back through the accumulated messages.

The call that had just come in was from Joo Hyun-woo. Since it was well past the time the shop would have closed, it made sense for him to call.

Setting Joo Hyun-woo aside for a moment, he opened the last text from Go Tae-gyeom, which had arrived a couple of hours ago. Between the calls and texts, so many had piled up that the battery was running low. He didn’t need to read them all, so he scrolled down, glancing at only a few.

[It’s no big deal, but that fucking bastard]

[Hey, just go home. I can’t go back for a few days]

[Go. Home. Stop following him around]

[Don’t scratch your skin]

He deleted a few messages that felt excessive and moved on to Joo Hyun-woo.

[Hae-won, are you sleeping?]

[I guess you’re still asleep… are you very tired?]

[Lots of customers today. I want to call you]

The messages, each ending with a crying emoticon, were a chore just to read. Suppressing the urge to delete them all, he was tapping out a reply when the phone rang again. Fortunately, the vibration was weak. And Seo Hae-young rarely woke up once he fell asleep.

Tossing aside the blanket they shared, Hae-won carefully stepped into the bathroom. He instinctively closed the door but quickly opened it again. He didn’t yet have the courage to close the door. Relying on the light of his phone, Hae-won entered the dark corner of the room and crouched down. The area where the deluge of water had fallen still felt damp. Knowing it wouldn’t actually hide him, he placed the fallen organizer in front of himself and answered the incessantly ringing phone. The person on the other end was urgent.

Where are you? Are you with Go Tae-gyeom right now?

He dropped the phone, which was overflowing with an anxious voice, lowered the volume to the minimum, and pressed it to his ear. Lowering his voice, Hae-won traced the cracked tiles with his fingertips, his eyes darting around.

“Hae-young is here. Speak quietly.”

…Seo Hae-young?

The tone shifted completely. The difference between the Go Tae-gyeom and Seo Hae-young residing within Hyun-woo became stark.

What happened, so where are you, why are you together. Joo Hyun-woo questioned him sharply, as if they were in some grand relationship. Hae-won answered vaguely and moderately, soothing Hyun-woo. The questions were endless, but half of them were just whining. The kind of whining unique to Joo Hyun-woo, which ended as long as you just humored him.

His head, still affected by the alcohol, throbbed. He hated the hangover that made everything feel bothersome and tedious. He would rather have drunk more and lost consciousness. So that he could sleep peacefully.

“Hyun-woo.”

He couldn’t stay long in the unheated bathroom wearing only a T-shirt. He couldn’t let the cold he had barely shaken off return and ruin his precious time. Blinking his eyes, Hae-won whispered quietly to Hyun-woo, who had calmed down after pouring out his frustrations.

“There’s not much time left.”

When he indirectly suggested that he should stay put and not act out because he couldn’t even endure one month, Hyun-woo seemed to understand. Letting out a reluctant sigh, Hyun-woo hesitated and asked.

…Did Seo Hae-young touch you again?

Hae-won shifted the phone to his healthy hand and answered calmly.

“I didn’t sleep…”

No…! Not that. I mean, did he hit you?

He could picture Hyun-woo waving his hands in panic. Letting out a short laugh, Hae-won glanced at the open door and shook his head. Seo Hae-young hadn’t hit him, nor had he tried to have sex. He hadn’t touched him anywhere; he had simply laid him on the bedding he had personally spread and fallen asleep a hand-span away.

They had shared a bit of conversation. He didn’t remember the details clearly, but they had exchanged words normally.

The call wasn’t very long. Hyun-woo wanted to keep it going by talking about other things, but Hae-won didn’t want to. There was a limit to pretending to be nice.

After promising to keep in touch and hanging up, Hae-won tapped the warm phone and cleaned up the list. He deleted a few call logs and a few more texts.

He placed the clean phone on the empty bottom shelf of the organizer and rested his forehead on his knees. They say you need to be smart to cheat, and it was true. Balancing three people was incredibly difficult. Step here, it’s a landmine; step there, it’s a landmine. He was holding onto Joo Hyun-woo for now, but… it was strange. His relationship with Go Tae-gyeom had soured noticeably, yet they maintained a superficial friendship. The confessions of love were subtly desperate, yet he didn’t fight tooth and nail to stop him from being with others. In Joo Hyun-woo’s twisted mind, Seo Hae-young and Go Tae-gyeom seemed to serve as a kind of stimulant. Roles to create a more stimulating situation.

“Pervert bastard…”

It was miserable to think of the days he had spent talking to such a guy, calling him a friend. He thumped the back of his head against the wall and rubbed his aching forearm. Even when he massaged it hard or scratched it with blunt knuckles, it didn’t feel refreshing enough. Suppressing the urge to scratch until the skin peeled, he returned to Seo Hae-young’s side.

Only after lying down and placing his head on the flat pillow did he notice a change. Seo Hae-young, lying on his side, was not using a pillow. Seo Hae-young, who had always naturally lain down whenever Hae-won placed a pillow under his head, was now resting his head on the bare floor.

In this shabby house, Hae-won, using the only pillow available, glared with murderous intent at the shell of a man who bewitched people blindly, then turned his back.

What was the point of it all now.

He ground his teeth and wept silently. The pillowcase grew damp.

After making everything a mess, why now.

* * *

Eventually, after emptying the remaining liquor bottles, Hae-won fell into a dead sleep, tossing and turning to avoid the tickling, stinging pain. Because he was half-asleep, his movements were sluggish and hazy.

“Hng…”

The feeling of a hard bone against his skin and a sucking sound forced his eyelids open. Harsh sunlight poured through the window, and even though he opened his eyes, he couldn’t focus quickly. While covering and rubbing his eyes with both hands, his consciousness slowly returned.

“Wha-what are you… Ah!”

A sharp canine bit into his rib. The moment he urgently pushed himself up, his plump nipple was sucked. Swallowing a moan, Hae-won lost his words at the sight of his terrible skin. The T-shirt, which had been rolled up to his collarbone, dropped down to cover his stomach, and then Seo Hae-young, his lips stained red, suddenly appeared.

“Look at this.”

Pulling the T-shirt back up, Seo Hae-young rested his head on Hae-won’s thigh and grinned with a proud expression. Looking down at his stomach, Hae-won froze, unable to even touch the skin where bright red marks were dotted.

“The shape.”

Grabbing his wrist, Seo Hae-young pulled his hand over his stomach and traced an ambiguous shape. The red wounds that completely covered the marks left by Joo Hyun-woo looked like burn scars. It was a fire that had spread from the center of his lower abdomen.

“Don’t do this…”

He hurriedly pulled down his top and rubbed his palms over the area as if trying to erase it. It was indescribably grotesque.

Hugging his stomach as he had yesterday, Hae-won glanced at Seo Hae-young, who was already neatly dressed and ready to go out. It was a weekday, so he was likely heading back to school. Wishing he would leave quickly, Hae-won burrowed into the blanket, pretending to be half-asleep.

“You’ll be late. Go quickly.”

As he turned away, covering his face with the thick blanket, a heavy weight pressed onto his shoulder. Leaning on him with arms crossed over his shoulder, Seo Hae-young stalled, pressing his fingernails into Hae-won’s earlobe.

The silence was awkward. Hae-won’s heart pounded, wondering if he had shown too much dislike. He didn’t know when a palm might slap his cheek. Wiggling his stiff fingers, Hae-won added a word in a shrinking voice.

“Because you can’t be late…”

“What are you going to do once I’m gone?”

“…I have to go to work.”

Seo Hae-young didn’t know he had quit. Just as he gripped the blanket, thinking the other probably didn’t know, a low chuckle echoed close to his ear.

“Hey, Hae-won.”

His body, lying on its side, was suddenly flipped over. Pressing down on his shoulder with an elbow and mounting him diagonally, Seo Hae-young grabbed his face.

“I heard you quit Noona’s shop. So where are you going to work?”

Hae-won’s eyelids trembled under the grip that felt as if it would crush his jaw. Fear outweighed the question of how he had found out. As expected, the essence could not be hidden. Seo Hae-young was merely enduring for a while. Ready to cause pain at any moment, Seo Hae-young gently shook the face he held.

“Where is it? I’m just curious.”

“I-I’m going to look for a new one.”

With a distorted smile, Hae-won reached out and gently stroked Seo Hae-young’s shoulder.

“It hurts, Hae-young…”

The weight pressing on his chest and the overbearing gaze diluted his shame. The moment the grip on his jaw loosened, he quickly turned his head toward the palm and pressed his lips against it. His eyes remained fixed on the other’s face, monitoring his movements. Mwah, mwah. Light, slow kisses were poured onto the palm that could fiercely slap his cheek. The faint sense of self-loathing—that even a dog wouldn’t act this subserviently—was not stronger than his survival instinct.

“I was going to look for another job… That’s why. That’s why I did it.”

His two hands didn’t get a moment’s rest. They slid up the forearm, which had no soft spots, and wrapped around the neck. The hand carefully stroking the soft hair trembled. He wished the other would just get off, but Seo Hae-young lay flat against his chest, simply blinking.

“You’re good at this. It would have been better if you’d done this from the start.”

The hair that he could only occasionally ruffle or touch at the ends was now fully entangled between Seo Hae-young’s fingers. No matter how much he thought about it, Seo Hae-young’s standards were ambiguous. Behavior that would have been mocked as being like a slut until recently now seemed to please him. Looking at the ceiling where faint traces of mold remained, Hae-won stroked the hair of Seo Hae-young, who lay with his ear to his chest, holding his breath, for a long time. Until Seo Hae-young was satisfied.

* * *

“He’s gone. You can come.”

The words saying he would come arrived as if they had been waiting. After hanging up, Hae-won rubbed his flat stomach and tidied the bedding. While neatly folding the thick winter blanket and placing it under the wardrobe, he gripped the rustling edge of the cover. The blanket, which was a bit too large for one person, was also a gift from Seo Hae-young. There were too many gifts permeated throughout the house and his habits. And today, one more gift was added.

“Use that. Take a break from work.”

The card, about the size of a palm, lying on the folded blanket, was one he had chosen himself. Before leaving the house, Seo Hae-young had opened his wallet and told him to pick any card, and Hae-won had picked a familiar one. It was the card Seo Hae-young used often, and the one he had taken when he fled the villa.

This was a command to fully become a parasite. Perhaps he would even find him a new house. A house with plenty of light, no mold, spacious and pleasant. After a bit more time, he might even arrange a job. A more comfortable job with better pay. He had crept in slowly, and now it seemed he wanted to grip him tightly in his fist. To strangle him until he couldn’t even breathe.

He heard the sound of the front door lock opening. Hae-won tucked the card under the blanket and approached the entrance. The moment the door swung open, the chilly outside wind clawed at his bare legs. Before he could even feel the cold, his body was lifted lightly.

“Hae-won… I missed you.”

“…Let go, already.”

It was only after spinning around once that he could finally plant his feet on the floor. He had no pride left to be wounded. Hae-won released the arms wrapped around his waist and reached out toward the open door. The empty suitcase was brand new, still wrapped in plastic.

“You haven’t eaten breakfast, right? I’ll make something quickly.”

As Hae-won pulled the suitcase inside, Hyun-woo stroked the back of his head and headed toward the kitchen.

For the first time in a while, the smell of food wafted through the house. While preparing something with ingredients he had bought, Hyun-woo rambled on about what had happened at the shop the previous night. Using the soft voice as background noise, Hae-won stripped off the plastic wrapping and opened the suitcase. He didn’t have much to bring, so this was more than enough. A single backpack would have sufficed, but it wasn’t a bad idea to get into the mood.

“Should I buy a dining table?”

Hyun-woo, who had set the meal on a low folding table that still bore faint scorch marks despite being cleaned, looked around the room. Holding his utensils, Hae-won poked at the decently prepared food, shook his head, and pushed a bite or two of the tasteless food into his mouth.

Lately, Joo Hyun-woo had been pretending to be oblivious, even though he wasn’t. Since they would be together for a while, Hae-won didn’t want to share an uncomfortable atmosphere, so he gave vague responses. The conversation flowed naturally until it eventually landed on one person.

“Ah, I guess we won’t be seeing Go Tae-gyeom for a while.”

Sitting opposite him, Hyun-woo smiled, his lips curling up freely. It was a refreshed look.

“……Why?”

Taking advantage of the moment Hae-won set down his utensils, Hyun-woo slid his foot, which had been poking out from under the table, toward him. He rubbed Hae-won’s ankle bone with his thumb and frowned playfully.

“His dad is a bit….”

Hyun-woo chuckled, starting by saying that Go Tae-gyeom only acted out because he had a temper, but that his family’s influence was no joke. He didn’t give the full details. Hae-won could only guess that some part of Go Tae-gyeom’s lifestyle hadn’t met his father’s standards. After that, the conversation turned to things like visas and tickets. Hae-won, who had been listening in silence, suddenly interrupted.

“I’ll buy the tickets.”

“Huh? No. I already bou—”

“Refund them. I have money.”

The cost of the round-trip tickets alone easily exceeded double the monthly salary Hae-won received at the shop. Since it was an amount not easily acquired, Hyun-woo spent a long time coaxing and soothing him. He told him the tickets were already bought, that he had promised to prepare everything, and that he should just bring himself. However, Hae-won frowned deeply and stubbornly shook his head.

“Fine…. Alright. I get it, so stop making that face.”

In the end, Hyun-woo surrendered. As Hae-won kept his mouth shut, a flustered Hyun-woo hurriedly showed him the screen confirming the ticket cancellation. Hae-won looked down at the phone with Hyun-woo, who had pressed close to his side. Tucking hair behind the ear, even when it wouldn’t stay, seemed to be a habit of Joo Hyun-woo’s. Telling him in a disappointed tone to pay for them and show him the receipt, Hyun-woo toyed with Hae-won’s hair for a long while before asking quietly.

“You’re coming with me, right?”

Joo Hyun-woo had a keen intuition at times. Taking a sip of water, Hae-won glanced at Hyun-woo from the corner of his eye.

“Why?”

“Just…. I’m anxious. Wait, what happened to your hand?”

Belatedly noticing the hand wrapped in bandages, Hyun-woo gaped and began an interrogation. Hyun-woo’s attention quickly shifted to the hand and the wound, forgetting the anxiety his intuition had pointed toward. What happened, when did you go to the hospital, let’s go together, and so on. While Hae-won gave half-hearted answers to questions that were essentially an interrogation, their bodies grew closer, and at some point, the conversation vanished entirely.

What followed was predictable. In a house where Seo Hae-young might open the door at any moment, they engaged in a relatively tame encounter in the narrow living room, which was clearly visible as soon as the front door opened. Hae-won didn’t particularly resist, nor did he take an active lead. Whether that was perceived as permission or not, Joo Hyun-woo looked quite satisfied, even without any eccentric acts.

“I’ll come again tomorrow.”

Leaving Hae-won lying there catching his breath, Hyun-woo erased the traces of his visit one by one and left the house. Not long after, a notification chimed. It was a deposit alert. After washing up, Hae-won stared blankly at the screen, counting the zeros one by one before closing his eyes.

7 million won. It was slightly more than the cost of the tickets Hyun-woo had canceled. Numbers stamped in his bank account after spreading his legs. He felt a strange, indescribable emotion and couldn’t bring himself to lift his head.