By Zephyria 
Whatever it may be, it’s difficult to take the first step, but once you commit the act, it becomes easier—this was an immutable truth that applied even to God. Falling into the pleasures of the flesh was instantaneous.
When I first crossed that threshold, I had clearly been toying with that body to break Noah Hamilton’s spirit and achieve what I wanted, but from that day forward, the means and the end were completely reversed. I took the well-being of those far away that Noah worried about, those he couldn’t see, as items for trade. Since the only price Noah could pay me was his beautiful, hot body temperature, even if the other party to the transaction didn’t think so, it was a rewarding transaction for me.
It was difficult to directly spy on Graham’s bloodline under the influence of the Primordial God, but I could indirectly check on their condition through the servants and subordinates attending Carlisle Graham nearby.
Repeatedly confirming that Carlisle Graham was safe, Noah’s flushed cheeks crumbling beneath me made my insides seethe with frustration just by looking at them.
No matter how much of a God he was, the Primordial God, being merely an inanimate object without personality, originally didn’t evoke much personal animosity in me. However, as in the past life, when Carlisle Graham began to act as if he were Noah Hamilton’s only hope, using the energy of the Primordial God permeating his being as a means, it couldn’t help but be irritating.
I was sometimes seized by an intense impulse to overturn everything I had endured for the sake of eternal victory. Especially when the Crown Prince sensed my pheromone from Noah Hamilton’s body and demanded an explanation, then presumptuously claimed ownership as if Noah were his, or when a letter from Carlisle Graham, who had come up from the North, caused Noah to react sensitively as if it were some great treasure.
Since becoming aware of myself and beginning to exist, this was truly the first time I had been so consumed by anger. I wanted to cut off the presumptuous hands, eyes, mouths, and noses of everyone who dared to covet Noah, not knowing that he was destined to be mine, and crush them into shapelessness. Even if Noah charmingly cried and said he hated it, there were times when I wanted to steal him away and lock him in a dark corner of the universe forever, where no one could ever reach him.
But Noah Hamilton was still, damn it, a human with a limited lifespan. Moreover, with a soul that had been worn down by countless repetitions.
How did it come to this? I just wanted to have you perfectly, Noah. My lovely you, you must be the one and only being created solely to comfort me.
“Don’t you love me?”
“Of course I love you, my Young-won.”
“…Then, why.”
Looking at Noah, who couldn’t even fully conceal his revulsion as he initiated a kiss with me, I often recalled the first Noah Hamilton.
“Please have mercy on me, Allen, if that word ‘love’ is true, please… have pity on me, who will be your Young-won. Please?”
To be precise, that desperate, tearful voice, agonizing over not receiving even a single kiss from the one he had loved so intensely his entire life.
I simply thought he was begging so childishly because he couldn’t escape the vulgar form of a human. While considering it natural since he had a human body, I also thought that since I myself wasn’t bound to a human body, I could ignore Noah’s minor grumbles.
When I recalled the image of Noah Hamilton, who, while being held by the Crown Prince, called out to me with a heart more desperate than a beggar on the street, yearning for even a shred of proper attention, a corner of my heart strangely seemed to stir with tension. It was a feeling slightly different from anger. Though I hated to admit it, it was clearly akin to profound sadness.
Only now.
After the emotions of Noah Hamilton, who had faithfully believed in and loved me, were shattered without a trace amidst countless repetitions and regrets, disappearing like foam at the end of a wave.
“Are you suffering?”
“Yes. Like my heart is burning up.”
“Remember that feeling you’re experiencing now clearly. Engrave that suffering into every corner of your body. That’s what jealousy is. What you should have felt for me a long time ago.”
I could fully understand the first Noah Hamilton, who had chosen to go mad rather than endure endless unrequited love. The utter despair of clinging to me, weeping and asking why I didn’t scold him for bringing others into bed, and even the fragile heart that was bound to shatter into pieces, unable to understand the love of God, all of it…
The memories of the first life, now all scattered, were memories for me, but they must have remained as terrible shame for Noah Hamilton.
I thought that if Noah remembered even the past when he loved God, then perhaps this time he might give in and yield, but it was a naive idea. Even after regaining all his memories, Noah unhesitatingly chose to walk away from me.
The end of the fork in the road was slowly approaching.
Either Noah Hamilton would safely escape from my grasp, or I would ultimately be defeated and lose Noah Hamilton forever.
The conclusion was one of the two.
When I first started, I never expected defeat. But, in matters related to Noah, haven’t there been one or two things that deviated from expectations? Without realizing it, I began to brace myself. Perhaps… really, perhaps…
However, there was something even more important than that right now. It was the emotion of jealousy, personally acknowledged by Noah Hamilton.
I could somehow understand Carlisle and Adrian, but it was because Noah had ultimately taken even Andrew Hamilton as his own. No, that was just a flimsy excuse. The truth was, I didn’t want to allow anyone other than myself to be by Noah’s side. The problem was that my permission no longer had any influence on Noah’s decision-making.
I had asked Noah if he loved Andrew Hamilton. Noah didn’t nod yes, but he also didn’t completely deny it. That made me incredibly anxious.
Do you love him? No, whether it’s anger or love. All of your intense emotions are my share.
Even as he faced a God with eyes burning red, Noah merely raised the corners of his lips as if it were ridiculous. It seemed like a rebuke asking when I was going to stop talking about the past. The spirit of the great God was being slowly eaten away by jealousy and anger.
Yes. Jealousy. Noah is right. Then, is there any need to tolerate a fucking dog in heat? I decided to deal with Carlisle Graham first, who was secretly in Noah’s room, mindlessly indulging in pleasure.
If Carlisle Graham hadn’t been one of the pieces on the betting board, I would have killed him several times already. Noah, who was trembling as if impaled on the beast’s genitals, didn’t know, but in fact, I had momentarily gathered my strength with the intention of killing Carlisle immediately. But I, this body I occupied, had to remain within the category of ‘human’ until the very last moment. Only then, when killed by Noah, could it function as a sacrifice to drag his pure soul down to the mire.
Forcibly suppressing the power I had tried to gather was definitely too much for this tattered body. The bitter taste of blood in my mouth was familiar. The stench of blood from the dead body, barely moving with forced vitality, was particularly foul, but even this could be felt as somewhat less repulsive if I considered its essence to be Noah’s flesh.
After hugging the struggling Noah and cleaning up all the filthy beast’s semen. I reawakened everyone in the mansion who had been put to sleep. Only then did the mansion’s long day properly begin.
Knock knock.
“Master Allen, I have brought the item you ordered.”
“Ah, yes. Come in.”
The servant seemed at a loss, as if he was sorry for the late execution of the order due to oversleeping, but I didn’t care much. I wiped the blood from my face with a water-soaked towel and burned herbs with such a strong smell that it was almost nauseating, exposing my body to the smoke. It was a measure to somehow slow down the rate at which my body was rotting.
Noah’s beautiful room was now a mess with the stench of corpses, the scent of herbs, and a bit of blood. The servants were said to be reluctant to enter, postponing their work. But that wasn’t my concern anyway.
I vomited blood once more, staring blankly at my reflection in the window. The reflected face was now almost close to my true form.
“My condition isn’t good today. I’ll rest lying down, so don’t disturb me before I call.”
“Then, what about the meal…?”
“It’s fine. There’s no need to prepare it.”
“Yes. I understand.”
It seemed best to take a breather until the Avatar, which looked relatively normal on the outside but was a mess on the inside, was somewhat restored.
I closed my eyes and was trying to calm down the ravaged interior, but how much time had passed like that?
It’s because of me. Because of me, Nicole…
Suddenly, Noah’s desperate sobbing was heard as clearly as if it were within reach.
I folded space without delay.