By Zephyria 
“Hmm.”
I didn’t feel much.
It was just the sensation of my finger touching my anus between my buttocks, literally that feeling.
“Is this not it?”
I leaned against the wall with one hand, frowning, and focused my attention on my fingertip. Recalling the memory, I tried my best to imitate it. The position, with my arm bent behind me, was uncomfortable.
“Ugh…?”
After fumbling for a few more minutes, I finally gave up. The most I managed was to spread it slightly and insert a finger or two.
Of course, I stopped because I was scared, but the bigger reason was that it felt very uncomfortable.
In the videos, they seemed to get hard doing this, but the moment something entered, I felt like I was wilting, unable to recover, let alone get hard. The foreign sensation was intense, and it seemed to be due to psychological resistance to the unfamiliar act.
‘This is really not good. What should I do?’
Could this even lead to a sexual situation?
I didn’t understand. Leaning my forehead against the smooth tile, I let out a long sigh. A strong sense of post-nut clarity washed over me.
What were those people in the videos doing? They seemed to be writhing in pleasure. Was it all acting? Just like the moans in regular porn were said to be fake, it seemed no different just because the genders were the same.
Of course, it wasn’t set in stone that Do Yun-hyeok would be the one penetrating, and in the actual event, I might be the one penetrating. But I didn’t want to assign a role to Do Yun-hyeok that I found unpleasant.
“Hmm…”
I stood under the water for a while, then ran a hand through my hair. The warm steam covering my body rose in wisps.
‘Well… it’ll work out somehow?’
This was a problem that required conversation with my boyfriend, not me struggling alone. However, the topic was still too embarrassing for me to bring up so directly.
After a moment of thought, I shook my head, dismissing the thought. Annoyed, I roughly dried my body with a towel.
It was funny and absurd that I was having such lewd fantasies on my own.
‘Yeah, it’ll work out somehow!’
Let’s just pretend we don’t know, like we always have. I’ll stop these perverted thoughts here and go to sleep with a clean mind, Darling.
❖ ❖ ❖
I left the house with a nervous heart. I had woken up early and bustled around to prepare, leaving me with dark circles under my eyes. Worried about my complexion, I patted my cheeks.
No matter how much I had practiced beforehand, it was unavoidable that I kept checking things I didn’t normally do.
Especially on an important day like today, even more so.
“Do Yun-hyeok!”
“You’re here.”
I ended up arriving a little later than usual. Of course, it was still earlier than the agreed-upon time. Do Yun-hyeok greeted me with a wide smile.
As I hurried over, I suddenly remembered and checked the item in my hand.
The paper bag, which I had been fidgeting with and checking the condition of the entire subway ride, was neatly creased. This was thanks to carrying it carefully so it wouldn’t get crumpled.
Perhaps because it was obvious how much effort had gone into its preparation, Do Yun-hyeok didn’t even ask what I was holding and just smiled. His knowing attitude was a little teasing.
“Let’s go.”
I followed him, hugging the paper bag awkwardly to my chest.
It was a weekend morning, nearing noon.
Meeting at the subway station, we headed leisurely towards the park.
Today, we were coming to the Han River for Do Yun-hyeok’s birthday outing. Actually, his birthday was a few days later, but since it was difficult to take a full day off on a weekday, we scheduled it for the early weekend.
The weather was mild, perfect for a leisurely rest, and the park was quite crowded. After looking around a bit, we luckily found a spot on a shaded patch of grass, spread out our picnic blanket, and unpacked our things.
“For lunch…”
As soon as Do Yun-hyeok opened his mouth, I put down the paper bag and took out the lunchbox inside. It was the very reason I had been fidgeting and checking its condition so anxiously.
Recognizing the lunchbox, Do Yun-hyeok smiled in a crescent shape, as if he knew everything. I wasn’t expecting him to be surprised by such a predictable preparation, so I immediately opened the lid to dispel any awkwardness of receiving undeserved praise.
“Oh…”
Do Yun-hyeok whistled. Immediately, a rich and sweet aroma tickled my nose.
The sandwiches, which I had woken up before dawn to prepare, were bathed in faint sunlight. As expected, the lighting was flattering; they looked much more presentable under the sun than they had in the kitchen.
I wasn’t someone who diligently celebrated anniversaries (I also hadn’t had anyone to celebrate with until now), but I felt bad always being on the receiving end, so for this birthday, I wanted to do something Do Yun-hyeok would like.
When I asked him what he wanted to do for his birthday, he thought for a moment and then smiled brightly, saying he wanted to go on a picnic in the park, which is why we were here.
A picnic. For me, who didn’t enjoy outings, it was an unfamiliar word. So, while looking up what was needed for a picnic, I remembered the meal Do Yun-hyeok had made for me once, which had left a very good impression. That’s why I decided to prepare it together.
I also… wanted to ‘do’ something for Do Yun-hyeok. A picnic lunchbox was predictable, but. If I received something, it was only right to give something back.
“Oh, avocado salmon sandwiches.”
After examining the contents, Do Yun-hyeok identified the ingredients at a glance and exclaimed.
He crawled over on his knees and suddenly leaned in, pressing close to me. My cheeks flushed, and I slowly leaned back. It felt too close for two men to be so close outdoors.
“Because you like salmon.”
“Did you make them yourself?”
He asked, even though he clearly saw how clumsy they looked after I made them. His sly smile was irritating.
“Yeah. But I can’t guarantee the taste.”
“Huh? They’re delicious?”
“What! When did you try them?”
“Ah— this makes us seem like a married couple.”
At his cheeky remark, I punched his thigh to hide my embarrassment. Then, checking his expression, I hesitantly asked,
“…Are they really good? Truly?”
I had lost count of how many failed sandwiches I had eaten to make this one today. The prototypes I made for practice all went into my stomach, and the ones that turned out reasonably well I gave to my parents.
At first, my mother thought my cooking was cute and convenient, but later she got tired of it and complained, asking what possessed me to eat only sandwiches every day.
Still, I thought I had managed to make something presentable, but the real thing was different from practice.
I had meticulously prepared and cut the sandwich ingredients the day before, but on the big morning, my mother suggested adding a side dish, and I messed up the cooking time calculation, burning the bread a bit.
Panicked by the ruined schedule, I fumbled around and ended up spilling more salt than usual… After that, it was a continuous cycle of chaos and despair.
To fall apart on the day after doing so well in practice!
My mother said this was well-made, but I wasn’t satisfied. In practice, I would have discarded it and made a new one. But to make it to the appointment on time, I had no choice but to bring the failed ones along.
Do Yun-hyeok closed his eyes, chewed, savored the taste, and murmured.
“Crisp, toasted bread…”
“……”
“The grainy mustard has a sharp bite, the mayonnaise is smooth. The lettuce is crunchy. The cheese and tomato are delicious too. The onions have had their sharpness removed, so they’re crunchy and sweet. And the salmon and avocado…”
Do Yun-hyeok nodded, listing the ingredients one by one. Even though I had put in some effort, it was a clumsy sandwich compared to the meal Do Yun-hyeok made for me last time, but seeing him eat it so deliciously put me at ease.
And… I was a little happy.
I cleared my throat awkwardly and took out my own sandwich. Do Yun-hyeok, after taking a sip of the milk I brought, smiled faintly.
He had a clumsy milk mustache around his lips. I took out a tissue and placed it on his lips like an amulet.
Do Yun-hyeok exaggeratedly pouted as if asking me to wipe it. I pulled my hand away in disgust. He grabbed my wrist as it fell and kissed my lips as if to suck on my fingertips.
“Hey!”
I cried out softly, quickly withdrew my hand, and looked around. Fortunately, no one was looking this way.
In the meantime, Do Yun-hyeok was shamelessly finishing his sandwich. He was truly incorrigible.
Having devoured one sandwich, Do Yun-hyeok took out a fresh one from the lunchbox and said,
“Even just one bite, and I can tell how you prepared it.”
“Are you using mind-reading? How can you tell?”
There was nothing more gratifying than having my efforts recognized. My heart pounded.
But I didn’t want to show how happy I was, so I grumbled and looked away. My ears felt hot. Do Yun-hyeok just smiled brightly.