By Zephyria 
In the novel, Min Si-hu, who dreamed of composing, had decided to pursue composition as his career in reality. And Do Yun-hyeok, who had suddenly said he hated smoking, actually disliked smoking. This meant that the strange behaviors they exhibited in the novel were related to their real selves.
But how could I explain this? In fact, no one else had shown any particular strange behavior besides them, and it was still just a guess, so I wasn’t certain.
As I opened and closed my mouth without being able to articulate it clearly, Do Yun-hyeok spoke first.
“First of all, what we experienced seems to have definitely happened. Even if it’s unrelated to reality. No, it really happened. It was a strange internet novel world, though.”
“……You read that novel too?”
“Purely by chance.”
As I thought it was quite unexpected from his appearance, Do Yun-hyeok put on a serious face.
“But I’m different from you, who had real-life memories.”
“Different how?”
“This is hard to explain.”
The ends of Do Yun-hyeok’s eyebrows drooped, revealing his perplexity.
“In the novel, I didn’t have real-life memories. I only had memories as a character in the novel.”
“What?”
“In other words, I was just a character in the novel. At least, in that place.”
It felt like I was grasping it, but not quite, leaving me bewildered. So, the reason they reacted strangely was because, although they had no real-life memories in the novel, they were still real people, and occasionally their real-life reactions would surface without them realizing it… was that how I could understand it?
My head felt tangled. But how was that possible?
“Explain it in more detail. Then how do you remember the novel now? No, are you even the same person as the one in the novel in the first place?”
“How should I explain it? It’s literal.”
Do Yun-hyeok, struggling with his explanation, touched his forehead. The furrow in his brow was delicate.
“Have you seen anyone else besides me?”
“Ah. A while ago, Min Si-hu and Seong Hae-min… I ran into them by chance.”
“At this school?”
“Yes.”
“Did you talk about this with them?”
Thinking of Seong Hae-min, who hadn’t recognized me, my heart felt heavy. I cast my eyes down. My mouth tasted bitter. I couldn’t help but speak with a sense of melancholy.
“They… didn’t know me. It seemed like they didn’t know about the events that happened in the novel at all.”
“Ah… Then I was lucky.”
Lucky? Did that mean the others were unlucky because they didn’t remember those events? But, was this really a matter of luck? Do Yun-hyeok paused for a moment and took a sip of his drink. I gazed at him.
He looked a bit more mature than his appearance in the novel. His face was both unfamiliar and familiar. Even though I was talking with the Do Yun-hyeok I had missed so much, I couldn’t shake off the anxiety in my heart.
It wasn’t that I didn’t believe what he had said so far… but rather, I was greatly afraid that even this situation might be my delusion. It was true that I had felt relieved enough to cry when I saw him earlier, but having been hurt so badly before, it was inevitable that I would still be suspicious.
Looking down at my tightly clenched fists as if I were clinging to a straw, I hesitantly asked.
“But you’re the only one who remembers, right?”
“Only me?”
“What I mean is… aren’t we the strange ones? What if it was all just a delusion?”
The words, once spoken, made me more afraid.
What if this, too, was a lie? What if Do Yun-hyeok and I had just shared the same dream by chance?
“What do you mean, ‘what if’.”
“…Aren’t you scared? I am!”
The emotions I had been suppressing like a calm surface erupted like a storm. My voice trembled pathetically. Faced with this surreal situation, I only grew more confused.
“I don’t know if the events in the novel actually happened or not… and it’s so agonizing. Why do I have to suffer? Is this something to suffer over? Am I allowed to suffer?”
Since returning to reality, my emotions seemed difficult to control. I squeezed my eyes shut to endure the dizziness.
His hand covered mine, which was clenched so tightly it was bleeding. I lifted my trembling eyelids. Do Yun-hyeok, his face serious, was looking at me. Somehow, I felt like I was seeing this kind of expression for the first time. He asked slowly.
“…Does it matter so much whether it actually happened or not?”
“Of course! If those things didn’t actually happen….”
I yelled involuntarily and blinked. Seong Hae-min’s face, bleeding profusely above me, was still vivid in my eyes. Those memories, which I couldn’t distinguish as real or not, pushed me back into the chaotic moments of the novel. As if trapped in that space again, my hands trembled, and my breathing became shallow.
Do Yun-hyeok patted the back of my hand. That gentle sensation pulled me back to reality. I managed to regain my composure with the warmth touching my hand and continued to speak haltingly.
“That I have a reason… or the right… to be this distressed, is… not there, is it?”
A brief silence followed. Do Yun-hyeok, who had been watching me quietly, opened his mouth.
“But you are already distressed.”
“What?”
Do Yun-hyeok, his eyes cast down, looked at my hand with its prominent blue veins. The gaze glimpsed beneath his dark eyelashes was so serious and kind that I was momentarily speechless and just stared at him. A strange ripple stirred in my chest.
“Since you’re already this distressed… do you need a reason or the right to be distressed?”
“……”
“What matters is that you are feeling distress right now.”
Warm fingers tapped the back of my hand. The gesture, as if whispering that everything was okay, to reassure me, made my eyelids flutter like a butterfly caught by its wings. His voice, which I had missed, seemed to gently embrace me.
I felt like a timid child, and it was unfamiliar. The fact that I felt a surge of emotion at his words and relied on him, and that relying on him wasn’t uncomfortable at all, was also unfamiliar.
“Since you already remember it… does it matter whether it actually happened or not? What matters is that you remember those events in their entirety.”
“……”
“You asked. How can I be sure that the me in the novel is the real me?”
Do Yun-hyeok spoke slowly.
“Because I remembered.”
❖ ❖ ❖
When Do Yun-hyeok woke up in reality, he was plagued by a strange sensation from the next day onwards. At first, it was just a nagging… a feeling of having lost something.
‘Something is missing from my life.’
But as time passed, that emptiness grew, and eventually, it felt like I had lost something incredibly important.
But only the feeling of having lost ‘something’ remained, and the identity of that ‘something’ was unknown. Engulfed by a hazy sense of loss, Do Yun-hyeok searched for a while to find out what it was he had missed.
Was it money? A precious childhood item? Someone’s death anniversary? Or perhaps a cautionary note related to university admissions?
But all were wrong answers. The more he desperately tried to find it, the greater the frustration grew when he couldn’t. And it wasn’t out of stubbornness or foolish pride. What made him anxious was a desperate longing that felt like it was crushing his chest.
‘What on earth did I forget?’
This went on for weeks. What he discovered about what he had lost in his life was through a movie he happened to watch to clear his head. It was a predictable, third-rate romance movie he’d put on to kill time while browsing an OTT site.
The movie’s content itself was simple. A poignant and earnest love story of lovers suffering from amnesia. It was a cliché, sensational melodrama, clearly intended to wring tears from the audience, no less than an internet novel. But what mattered wasn’t how the couple beyond the screen loved, forgot, and cried.
Do Yun-hyeok couldn’t get up from his monitor for a long time even after the movie ended. Tears streamed down his face. The movie was sad, but these weren’t the tears shed because of it.
‘Seong Hae-jun….’
Because he remembered.
As if a ripple spread far from its origin. As if resonance occurred in succession. As if ruins submerged beneath the water surfaced. The existence he had lost. The one whose faint smile was enough to make him happy… because he remembered Seong Hae-jun.
To have completely forgotten such a person, it was no wonder he was so swept up in that empty feeling. Once he thought of Seong Hae-jun, all the memories from the novel world rushed back like a tide. For a while, Do Yun-hyeok stared blankly into space, unable to close his mouth.
When he finally came to his senses, only one intense desire remained in his mind.
‘I want to see Seong Hae-jun… again.’
More than anything else, Seong Hae-jun, first.
And from then on, Do Yun-hyeok began searching for Seong Hae-jun.