#28

Every time he chewed over his day under the oppressive night sky, his insomnia worsened. The smell of cigarettes would not leave his fingers.

From the moment ‘I hit it’ comes to mind before ‘Damn it’ after putting a bullet through a child’s forehead, a person begins to warp in a bizarre way.

Even during his deployment, there were many cases where armed forces used children and women as weapons. This was because there was less vigilance toward children and women compared to adult men, and weapons could be easily hidden due to their characteristically loose clothing.

At the time, the boundary between good and evil was quite clear for Tennessee. But at a point where failure to shoot immediately might result in massive friendly casualties, what if he couldn’t accurately gauge whether what was in their arms was a bomb or a Quran?

He firmly believed he had killed only those with malicious intent. But at some point, he could no longer be certain.

Human eyes are truly naive, and hearts even more so. What if he believed he saw the wires of an IED, but in reality, he was wrong?

Once the number of people he killed exceeded three digits, Tennessee stopped checking the bodies. He didn’t have the courage to search their clothes to confirm if it had been a Quran or an IED. If even a single error were discovered, all his values and beliefs would have been shaken.

He remained composed, but he thought he might go mad at any moment. He felt as if he were in the eye of a storm. It was calm, but a storm was clearly raging around him, sweeping everything away. It became even worse after he started hearing the sound of non-existent gunshots.

The past, which had faded after returning to the United States, was revived as he became entangled with the FBI. In fact, it grew stronger, swelling in size and letting out a roar.

In the past, most of his killings were carried out by bullets. He dirtied his hands occasionally, but it was primarily bullets. Tennessee could push himself away as far as the distance between the muzzle and the corpse. This was because he hadn’t individually grabbed all those people and shoved a knife into their thrashing necks.

But the FBI work was different. The gun was half for self-defense.

“It’s not like you haven’t been stabbing people for a day or two.”

At Kaelen’s words, Tennessee nodded.

“You’re right.”

He put out the cigarette that had already burned down to the filter.

“Whether it’s a gun or a knife, there’s not much difference. It doesn’t make the guilt any less or more.”

It was only a difference in perception. The trivial nuisance of washing blood-stained hands and the stubborn blood scabs under the fingernails that wouldn’t easily rub off.

“But it’s irritating not knowing the people I’m killing.”

While working with the FBI, Tennessee was reminded once again of why he had discharged from the military.

“I need to quit this job. It makes me feel like shit that my hands are the ones getting bloody, yet I don’t know why I have to stain them.”

Kaelen had been right when she first proposed the job. This work was security. If cutting off risk factors before they appeared was called security.

“Do you have somewhere in mind?”

“There is a place that contacted me.”

Tennessee now wanted to do a proper job. If he had to stain his hands with blood, he wanted to have a firm justification for it. He wanted to make someone clean by becoming dirty himself.

It was a feeling he would never have realized if it weren’t for Amber.

That was how Tennessee came to Chicago. After adjusting to the jet lag, he planned to wrap up his work and go to Michigan to see the child.

However, Tennessee’s plan fell apart in a single day.

Because of someone standing right in front of him when he opened the door at the sound of a knock.

“……Amber?”

“Tennessee.”

It really was Amber. Now two heads taller.

If Tennessee had been a few years later, he wouldn’t have recognized Amber. The change was so significant that he felt lucky to have seen him before then. Amber’s aura also played a part in Tennessee’s initial struggle to recognize him.

Amber had once worn chronic misfortune, resignation, and pessimism like medals of honor. Even at such a young age, he was a child accustomed to viewing his own situation through a lens of scathing cynicism.

No, the word “child” no longer suited Amber.

“……How did you find this place?”

“Is that really what you have to say to me right now?”

Anyone could see that Amber was angry. However, he was no longer the boy who would spiral into despair because he couldn’t contain his rage.

Amber was quietly furious, and that alone made Tennessee realize how much he had grown.

“……Why didn’t you tell me?”

Tennessee rubbed his temples, his head throbbing. He hadn’t told Amber that he had returned to the country, let alone disclosed the address where he was staying, so he hadn’t expected a sudden visit.

“You said you’d be back in two years, but you didn’t come even after three… Why didn’t you tell me……?”

As Tennessee opened his mouth to speak, he noticed Amber’s sparse attire. He wasn’t carrying any luggage, nor was he dressed properly. Despite the season, the weather, and the late hour, he wasn’t wearing so much as a proper jacket.

“You, how did you get here?”

“Is that what’s important right now?”

“Did you drive here? What about David and Elizabeth?”

The distance from Michigan, where Amber lived, to Chicago was at least four hours. Furthermore, since Amber was only fifteen, there were various restrictions on his driving. He needed a guardian by his side while driving and was not allowed behind the wheel after a certain hour.

Perhaps realizing he was in the wrong, Amber’s voice trailed off.

“……From home.”

“You drove here alone? From Michigan to Chicago?”

“……I just really wanted to talk to you face-to-face. I’m sorry if I’ve interrupted you.”

“That’s not the point.”

Tennessee rubbed his aching eyes, a result of long-term sleep deprivation. After several days of lacking sleep, his cognitive functions were slowing down.

“Did you come with nothing but your car keys?”

“I brought some cash, just in case.”

Amber pulled several twenty-dollar bills and a few quarters from his pocket.

“So you just blindly came here at this hour…….”

Tennessee could feel irritation creeping into his voice. It was partly due to the lack of sleep, but also because it seemed Amber hadn’t considered how Tennessee would feel if something had happened to him.

“How stupid……! What would you have done if you ran into a mugger?”

Then, just as Tennessee expected him to hesitate, Amber pulled something else out of his pocket.

“I brought… a gun.”

“A gun? Whose is it?”

“David’s…….”

Tennessee frowned. He wasn’t pleased that a reunion nearly three years in the making was becoming so messy, but suddenly, he had a lot of phone calls to make.

“You told me before that if I ever wanted to run away, I should take everything.”

“I meant that in regards to me.”

Even so, he hadn’t expected the boy to swipe his adoptive parents’ cash and a gun to make a blind run to Chicago.

“Do that one more time and you’ll find your backside on fire.”

Growling, Tennessee pulled Amber inside the house.

How on earth did David manage his firearms that a fifteen-year-old boy ended up with a revolver in his hand?

Unfortunately, such accidents were common in America, and as the one who had personally put a gun in Amber’s hand in the past, Tennessee wasn’t in a position to judge, but he pulled out his phone with a sigh of annoyance.

Watching him, Amber murmured softly.

“……I’m sorry. But I came to ask you something. I’ll leave as soon as I get an answer.”

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Tennessee ran a hand through his hair.

Amber sat quietly and waited for him, his face suggesting he had a lot to say after three years of silence.

“Come over to the bed, not there.”

“……What?”

David answered the phone immediately.

“This is Tennessee.”

[Oh, my god, Tennessee, please tell me Ryker is there.]

David spoke rapidly, and Elizabeth’s voice could be heard in the background. The other end of the line was chaotic. Tennessee briefly explained the situation. They were greatly relieved.

It seemed that Amber, who had been very angry, left the moment he received Tennessee’s address.

[I’m sorry, Tennessee. I thought Ryker would be happy if I told him in advance. When he asked how I knew, I had no choice but to tell him the truth—that I’d sent him emails occasionally.]

It wasn’t that he didn’t understand David or Amber.

“I spent three years without giving them a number to contact me, so it’s only natural they’d be angry.”

Meeting Amber’s eyes as he sat beside him, Tennessee quickly ended the conversation. A worried Elizabeth wanted to come to Chicago immediately, but they agreed that Tennessee would bring him back personally.

Tennessee didn’t know how Amber had managed to take the gun, but it was clear they didn’t know the revolver was missing. For the sake of their mental health, Tennessee decided to keep quiet.

“Sleep here tonight.”

Giving up the bed to Amber, Tennessee stood up. He planned to sleep on the sofa.

Amber’s cheeks flushed, seemingly flustered by the offer. Tennessee grabbed a blanket and moved to the sofa. It was late.

“Let’s talk in three hours.”

With those words, Tennessee closed his eyes. He felt Amber’s lips quiver as if he were hesitating to speak, but eventually, Amber lay down in Tennessee’s bed.