#27

Because the FBI was fundamentally a federal investigative agency, they were never free from jurisdictional issues whenever they operated in other countries. However, by employing individuals like Tennessee, they could create a pretext for bypassing those jurisdictions.

Since he was not an official member of the FBI, Tennessee did not expect the agency to protect him in the slightest. He was a tail that could be cut off at any moment, but he had accepted the role knowing full well.

Maybe it’s time to start planning for what comes next, Tennessee thought.

“What are you doing?”

Kaelen asked while picking up a bra that had fallen under the bed. She casually fastened the hook and picked up a t-shirt from the floor to put on.

“Oh, this was yours.”

The colors were similar, so he had worn it, but it turned out to be Tennessee’s. Because of the significant difference in their build, the shirt hung off his shoulders. Having finally found her own clothes, Kaelen stripped off Tennessee’s top.

Tennessee didn’t respond. Out of curiosity, Kaelen peeked over his shoulder to see what he was looking at.

He was looking at something on his laptop. An email. To be precise, Tennessee was staring at a photo of the child attached to the email.

It was the contact information he had given Amber’s adoptive parents, telling them to reach out occasionally. He hadn’t given the child an email address, fearing it might interfere with the process of adjusting to a new home.

David and Elizabeth were affectionate and loving people, and they seemed to believe Tennessee was the same.

Almost every two or three weeks, they sent photos capturing the cozy moments of their family. It was always the same, whether Tennessee replied or not.

In the photos, Amber’s height gradually increased, his jawline began to sharpen, and his neck and shoulders grew thicker.

The photos, which were initially expressionless, began to capture Amber’s natural smile, bit by bit. As more time passed, Amber would be able to smile brightly and without hesitation, just as he had during the trip to Florida. The photos showed such positive signs everywhere.

“Do you know that’s weird?”

Kaelen continued as she put on a pair of shorts.

“Staring at a child’s photo right after having a hot time with a sex partner.”

Irritation and absurdity flickered in Tennessee’s eyes simultaneously. It was clear he didn’t like the nuance of her words.

Tennessee frowned, about to snap back, but Kaelen, having spotted the child’s photo, let out a gasp of admiration.

“He’s grown a lot.”

Then, poking her face out from behind Tennessee, she added,

“He’ll probably be quite popular. How old did you say he was?”

“8th grade. He’s going into high school soon.”

“Only that? He’s tall.”

Amber’s adoptive parents had mentioned that he was growing by the day, but Tennessee hadn’t fully realized it. Partly because most of the photos sent were solo shots of Amber, and partly because growth isn’t always intuitive through photographs.

However, seeing a recent photo of him with his adoptive father, David, the reality of Amber’s height finally hit him. For a moment, Tennessee even doubted the authenticity of the photo.

“You’ll see him soon.”

Tennessee nodded.

“It’s only a month, so you can actually rest this time. Where did you say you’d be staying?”

“Here and there.”

“Meet up when you get back if you have time.”

Kaelen, who held a strict rule against keeping lovers for the sake of political ambition and goals, was a decent sex partner. She was honest and proactive in bed, and even uncomplicated.

Tennessee’s attitude wasn’t much different, so they had maintained a clean, non-emotional relationship for a long time. The two had been together in Tehran, Kandahar, Baghdad, Islamabad, and Kuala Lumpur.

“I plan to stay in Chicago for about a week. Come by then.”

“Sounds good.”

Closing the laptop, Tennessee thought about Amber, whom he would meet in a few weeks. How would the child have changed in person?

In the photo, Amber’s lips were curled into a faint smile. His eyes were softly moist.

His face had changed a lot, but looking at the photo immediately brought back memories of him as a young child. Yet, when he turned away, he couldn’t quite picture the child smiling. Every time he looked at the photos, he would be surprised, thinking, Right, he had a face like this, he had this kind of energy.

“Do you contact him often?”

He wasn’t sure if that could even be called “contact.” Rather than a two-way conversation, it was closer to Tennessee unilaterally monitoring Amber.

Tennessee still had people report on Amber. Whether there were signs of abuse, whether he was being bullied at school, whether there were any health issues—things like that. The last report had been a few weeks ago.

How was Amber doing?

Even though he knew, he would suddenly find himself wondering.

* * *

At that moment, Amber was holed up in his room.

He took off his school tie, sat on the edge of the bed, and wiped his forehead. Amber believed his life was unremarkable. On the surface, it truly was.

He had dinner with his family at the table most nights, never caused trouble at school, and had good grades. But there was a corner of Amber that could not be filled by a “normal life.”

Amber looked at his phone. There was no contact from Tennessee today. Then again, he was a man stingy with communication. Looking back, he had basically always been kind and allowed him many things, but he had never approached first.

Cold and indifferent. If I collected the tears I shed because of you, there would be a pond deep enough to sink into up to my ankles.

Amber was angry at himself for being unable to stop thinking about Tennessee.

Tennessee was always present in Amber’s daily life. During class, while spending time with family, or while exercising, a part of Amber’s consciousness was invariably by Tennessee’s side, and it had become worse lately.

Was it a week, no, two weeks ago? Amber had a dream. A dream where Tennessee appeared.

Because he treated him with a kindness that brought tears to his eyes, Amber realized it was a dream.

Tennessee was kissing a woman. Seeing the slanted line of the jaw and the sensual movements, Amber stood there, not knowing what to do.

As their lips locked, Tennessee lifted his head. His eyes met Tennessee’s, who was touching the soft female body. It felt as if he were falling into those blue pupils.

‘Come here, Amber.’

He spoke in the dream, and Amber, losing his will, walked blankly toward him.

‘Good boy.’

It was a sweet compliment. Amber had to bite his lower lip to keep from crying. It was a tone he had heard from Tennessee exactly once. It was a repetition of that moment when he had woken up in a feverish, hazy state, and Tennessee had held him in his arms while giving him medicine.

‘Didn’t you miss me?’

Tennessee’s voice was exceptionally soft, unlike usual. It was as if the layer of coldness he always wore had been peeled away.

‘I… I missed you.’

‘I know.’

You’re lying, aren’t you? Then why didn’t you contact me? Why didn’t you look for me even once? Did you think of me? Am I even that kind of existence to you?

Even in the dream, Amber was plagued by questions. He agonized over whether to pour those questions coldly onto Tennessee or to suppress the impulse, and then a sip of emotion leaked out.

‘What about you, Tennessee?’

‘Me too.’

That was all.

When he woke up to a loud sound, Amber realized that the sound was none other than his own heartbeat. Sitting up, Amber buried his hot face in his palms.

He rubbed his face with his hands several times. His heart rate soared. Yet, Amber wasn’t surprised in the slightest. He felt that what was bound to come had finally arrived.

There wasn’t a single moment when he didn’t think of Tennessee. Even now. He remembered when Tennessee had burst in while he was showering.

It must have been shortly after he first met Tennessee. He felt he had been wary of him, yet excited at the same time.

The words and actions Tennessee had performed in front of his frightened self were remembered clearly, as if written down somewhere. The cigarette extinguished in the toilet water.

Looking back now, it seemed he had thrown away the cigarette for Amber’s sake. After that, Tennessee rarely smoked in front of him. There were many times he just held it in his mouth. He was only kind in those moments.

He still dreamed occasionally after that. Imagining Tennessee embracing his terrified self. A futile fantasy where Tennessee stroked his hair and cherished him, telling him it was okay, even as his high-quality suit became soaked in water. Reality and longing blurred. The faint scent of Tennessee mixing with the smell of wind. A hot presence hugging him tightly, apologizing for being late.

Whenever he thought of such a Tennessee, he always ended up asking this question.

Will a moment ever come where he cherishes me like in those dreams?

* * *

Chicago O’Hare Airport was exhausting every time he visited.

The interior of the building was all a dingy white, the corridors stretched on endlessly, and people moved busily in groups, occasionally bumping into Tennessee’s shoulder as they passed. He heard apologies, but hearing them after three days without a wink of sleep was bound to be irritating.

In the vast land of America, Tennessee chose Chicago. The headquarters of a multinational security firm, one of the top five security companies, was located here.

The connection had been made in Tehran. A man who called himself the team leader had shaken his hand and greeted him. His first words were:

“So you’re the Tennessee.”

They showed great interest in Tennessee’s unusual resume.

“I hope you’ll consider this positively.”

The man had handed him a business card.

At the time, Tennessee felt no need to sever his ties with the FBI. The environment wasn’t particularly poor. Allowances were paid regularly, and unlike the military, a certain degree of autonomy was guaranteed.

When Tennessee had been deployed, there were many stupid superiors. They ordered him to move without knowing anything, and since so many of them were stubborn, he felt irritated every day. More than once, he felt the urge to blow the heads of those idiots who knew nothing despite having gone to good universities.

Whether it was the military or the FBI, they both had their own systems, but at least with the FBI, communication was possible.

Nevertheless, the reason Tennessee eventually quit was that he was exhausted and fed up.