By Zephyria 
I rubbed my sweaty hands on my thighs again. I wanted to wash my hands completely before shaking yours. It was because of an uncharacteristic purity, not wanting to taint you with anything dirty.
I gently took Gyeoul’s hand with my hands that were almost dry. Even that felt like a sin, so I couldn’t put any strength into it. I couldn’t even touch him properly, just placing a couple of fingers on his hand, standing there dumbly, unable to do anything.
But Gyeoul didn’t like such an uncertain attitude. He firmly grasped my palm, making full contact.
“I see. I’ve been really curious about Sirius all this time…”
The words stopped. An invisible wall was erected. My heart stung at the cold honorific. He wants to pretend he doesn’t know me.
I felt the grip on my hand getting stronger and stronger. It wasn’t my imagination; the back of my hand was being pressed white. It was as if he wanted to inflict that much pain on me. Gyeoul’s painted smile gradually distorted.
I completely relaxed and entrusted my body to Gyeoul. Even if my bones broke, it would be okay. Because anything left by you would be good. Surely, even the pain would be sweet.
Enough time had passed to let go of my hand, but Gyeoul didn’t seem to want to. It wasn’t as excessive as before, but he was still holding my hand tightly.
His hatred was still clear.
“I’m sorry… for not greeting you in advance.”
I spoke politely, as he wanted. The vessel filled with my desire to apologize was overflowing. Gyeoul changed his expression, leaving only a slight smile. His eyes weren’t smiling.
He seemed to have realized the intention of my words. It didn’t make sense that he didn’t know it was you. The company and the English name all pointed to you exactly.
Can you feel my heartbeat when we shake hands? That wouldn’t do. My blood flow was too fast. When I looked at Gyeoul, excitement, misery, and fear rushed in. I tried to pull my hand away because it felt like it was getting wet again, but he wouldn’t let go.
Everyone else had already finished their greetings.
But in an instant, Gyeoul regained his original businesslike smile, as if nothing had happened.
“Let’s talk later. We have a lot to talk about.”
Gyeoul completely let go of my hand and headed to Tony in the next seat. His attitude was cold, as if a chilly wind was blowing. Before I could feel any emotion about him, Ian stood in front of me.
Seeing that his eye level was subtly higher, he seemed taller than me. His sturdy body completely blocked Gyeoul from my sight. As if protecting me. But it must be my delusion. He had no reason to do that.
The perfume Gyeoul chose suited Ian perfectly. The refreshing citrus scent, as if he always smelled like that, spread out. It was because he held out his hand to me.
“I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m Ian.”
“Yes, I’m Sirius.”
This time, I could grab his hand firmly with strength. He was a handsome man that you could tell just by looking at him. If he could date men, he was an attractive person who could charm any gay man.
‘But there must be at least one flaw.’
Like a bad personality. There might be a bad part inside. Because his appearance is perfect.
I had to pull my feet out of the jealousy that was surging from my ankles as if it would swallow me. I shouldn’t reveal this ugly feeling. Even if he and Gyeoul were dating…
Perhaps because I put a subtle force into my hand, Ian let out a small groan. It probably didn’t hurt that much, but it seemed like he was indirectly expressing his feelings. It was my mistake.
Ian changed the subject with a witty tone filled with laughter.
“Do I have something on my face? I’m embarrassed because you’re staring at me so intently.”
“Ah… I’m sorry. Ian, you’re so famous in the business world that I couldn’t help but stare at you.”
I lied to him without even wetting my lips. It was somewhat true. The smile on my lips creaked. It was on the verge of collapsing.
Ian laughed heartily at my answer. But because of my already ugly heart, even that laughter sounded emotionless. It was a pathetic thought.
I had nothing more to say to him, and I didn’t want to know anything about him, so I closed my mouth. I felt even more pathetic for some reason. I actually knew that someone like him suited you much better.
So I was a little envious of him.
We were just staring at each other, blinking. Everyone else was just friendly, but for some reason, neither he nor I spoke. I didn’t think it was like that before. Just as a strange atmosphere was continuing, I spoke first.
“I look forward to working with you.”
“Yes, me too.”
The conversation ended easily. As if the silence had never existed, Ian smiled and replied with formal words. Then, without hesitation, he moved next to Gyeoul.
He talked to Gyeoul comfortably. I exchanged greetings with the other people who came up and often glanced at them. Ian whispered to Gyeoul, and Gyeoul blushed slightly and glared at Ian.
Even that looked so cozy. I wanted to take my eyes off them, but I couldn’t move them as I pleased, so I just watched.
Soon, the group that had finished greeting moved to another place, and the manager assigned Gyeoul to a seat where his face could be seen well. Ian was right next to Gyeoul. It was said to be a horizontal structure, and even the seating arrangement seemed to be like that.
Gyeoul handed Ian the documents. Ian handed Gyeoul a snack that looked like caramel. Ian got close to Gyeoul, and Gyeoul didn’t avoid him.
My stomach churned just listing the facts. Eventually, I turned my head away as if to ignore it. The sound of laughter seemed to echo from far away.
∗ ∗ ∗
I wasn’t expecting anything special, but it was too quiet.
Maybe I was expecting Gyeoul to get angry. He didn’t talk to me, and I had no reason to approach him.
The work kept having errors. I thought I had entered it correctly, but the black screen was full of red letters. I couldn’t tell if my concentration was off or if I was thinking about the whole formula wrong. At this rate, working overtime was certain.
Gyeoul often opened his mouth slightly when he was concentrating. He would complain that he forgot to blink and his dry eye syndrome got worse. Even now, he was just staring intently at the screen.
The weather was still dry. Warm air was coming out of the heater in the ceiling, and his eyes were gradually turning red.
‘If he rubs them when he can’t see, he’ll scratch his eyes.’
I pressed backspace. It seemed better to recode from the beginning. I didn’t think I could find the answer if I kept looking at it like this. If I was going to be stuck with it all night, it was better to think about it properly.
I got up from my seat to take a break. It seemed like the office temperature was a little high, so it would be good to turn off the heater. I could turn it on again when I came back.
I picked up my coat and got up from my seat. I needed to take a breath on the rooftop and come back in.
I arrived at the rooftop without encountering anyone on the way up. The sun was already leaning and shining down. The docks were clearly visible from here. The docked ships swayed in the waves. Seattle was always peaceful.
People each have their own waves. What happens when waves collide?
I was just spouting such useless thoughts. I came up here to shake Gyeoul out of my head, but still, if I lost my mind even a little, I would think of Ian and Gyeoul. They were too close. Too close to be a boss and subordinate…
I lightly hit my head on the railing. There was nothing I could do by worrying and despairing like this.
“That would be dangerous.”
Then a foreign Korean was heard from behind. Surprised by the sudden voice, I straightened up and turned my head. Gyeoul, who I didn’t know when he came, was standing near the door with a paper cup in his hand, looking at me.
“…Sorry.”
The first word that came to my mind when I saw him was a weak apology. Something you clearly wouldn’t like very much.
He soon spoke to me in English instead of his native language.
“Hello, Sirius.”
“…”
“It’s very nice to meet you. So much so that I want to kick your ass right away.”
Gyeoul didn’t erase the smile on his face. He came to my side and looked out at the distant sea. The appearance of Gyeoul, who purely enjoyed himself on the trip, had disappeared, and a strange Gyeoul who had become an office worker was standing there.
He took small sips of the warm tea and closed his eyes as if feeling the warm sunlight.
“You came straight from Canada, right?”
“It was a really crazy schedule, but there’s something even crazier here, so my fatigue is all gone.”
Gyeoul answered languidly without looking at me. I had the illusion that the salty saltiness of the sea was sticking to my face.