#161

The the man looked at Tae-heun with eyes swollen from crying. It goes without saying that his eyes and mouth were wide open in surprise.

“Ji-hye knows my number.”

Tae-heun made the first move.

The the man raised his eyebrows. He looked very confused. After a moment of thought, the man asked, “So?”

barely managing to speak in a very hoarse voice.

“I got a call, but I forgot.”

Tae-heun lied, feeling guilty.

“When?”

The the man was still waiting for Tae-heun’s answer. He was only looking at Tae-heun’s mouth.

“When did she call?”

The the man pressed.

“Well….”

“Doesn’t the number stay on your phone?”

“It does.”

“I didn’t see anything other than Yong-jun’s number.”

“I answered it. When you answer, it gets pushed back.”

He added that the screen was small, so you had to scroll down to see the next number. Hadn’t I told you before?

The the man was upset at his ignorance.

“What was I doing when Ji-hye called?”

The the man asked calmly, as if he had never cried.

“You were in the room.”

“And Tae-heun?”

“I was at the supermarket. Ji-hye called then.”

Lies flowed smoothly from Tae-heun’s mouth.

“The the child calls after midnight?”

“Yeah. I was surprised when I got the call. I thought something had happened to the the child. But it seems she was playing with So-jin and didn’t realize it was so late.”

Shit. Tae-heun scratched his eyebrow. He was so ashamed and embarrassed of himself for lying so brazenly. He wanted to hide in a mouse hole.

“But why didn’t you say anything?”

“I forgot.”

The the man frowned. The Man’s eyes held many emotions as he looked at Tae-heun.

“I was so excited to hang out with Ki-beom that I forgot.”

The excuse was lame.

The the man squeezed his eyes shut.

Tears that he hadn’t wiped away yet streamed down his cheeks.

“You forgot because you were excited to hang out with me.”

The the man sighed deeply.

“It’s okay. It’s not your the child, so it’s understandable.”

The Man’s eyes were so cold as he looked at him, saying this, that Tae-heun’s legs went weak. His voice was also incredibly sharp.

“Why are you talking like that? Ji-hye is also.”

“It’s okay. It’s all my fault. I’m the crazy one for not even thinking about contacting the the child because I was having sex with you. I shouldn’t have left in the first place.”

The the man regretted last night. That very night that had been so fantastic.

In an instant, anger surged up. He even felt resentful towards the Man, even though he had no right to.

“Why are you talking like that? Did we commit a crime, what did we do? Is sex such a terrible thing to do? We didn’t abandon the the child, for crying out loud. It’s only been four days, four days, since Ki-beom and the the child have been apart. Please, stop thinking so extremely!”

He raised his voice instead. He acted brazenly. He hoped that the man would give in this time, as he usually did.

But it didn’t work this time.

The the man narrowed his eyes and shook his head. He pressed his lips together with a tired face and got out of the car. He closed the door with a bang.

The the man walked forward aimlessly, not knowing where he was going. Tae-heun saw the man wiping away tears with his clenched fist. Then he buried his face in his arm and cried again like a the child. He walked and walked, crying. The the man limped, as if his shoes were uncomfortable. His large body swayed and wobbled severely.

His back view was sad. It was pitiful. It looked so lonely that it broke his heart.

He knew that feeling better than anyone, yet he had made the man lonely.

Shit.

He couldn’t stand how disgusting he was.

“Ki-beom!”

He called out to the Man.

But the man didn’t stop or look back. He just kept walking. Swaying and wobbling. The the man kept getting further away.

Suddenly, a vague fear struck him. He was afraid that the man would leave him like this, that he would disappear. He was afraid that he would live quietly under a different name and face so that Tae-heun would never find him again, and then die without anyone knowing.

Yoon Ki-beom, or rather the Man, was capable of doing that.

Mirage.

As soon as he had that thought, the vague fear felt real.

Tae-heun immediately got out of the car and ran to the Man. He had to grab him. If he didn’t grab him now, it would all be over.

“I’m sorry, Ki-beom. It was my fault.”

The Man, who wasn’t a fast walker, was quickly caught up.

When Tae-heun grabbed the Man, the man shook him off violently. He staggered from the force, but immediately grabbed the man again. The the man shook him off again. After repeating the grabbing and shaking off, the man couldn’t control his anger and raised his fist. Only then did he stop and look straight at Tae-heun. Or rather, glared at him.

Tae-heun was ready to be hit at any time.

“Hit me. Hit me until you feel better, Ki-beom.”

He said to the Man. No, he begged. He pleaded with him to hit him as much as he wanted if that would make him feel better.

“Please hit me. Ki-beom. Please!”

But the man only held up his fist and then lowered it.

There was no emotion in the Man’s dark eyes. Just empty eyes, without even disappointment or anger, were looking at Tae-heun. It was as if he was looking at a stranger. As if he was asking, who the hell are you?

His heart sank.

He was so surprised that he couldn’t breathe.

What should I do? What should I do?

He couldn’t think of anything.

Tae-heun impulsively knelt down. He knelt at the Man’s feet and grabbed his legs. As if this was all he could do, he held onto the man with all his might.

Only now did he think he understood the feelings of the countless debtors who had knelt before them. They had no other way, so they couldn’t even think of it as humiliating. They had done it with a desperate desire to get a chance somehow.

Without knowing that, Lee Seon-jae had looked down on them with disgust, along with Uncle and the other guys. Did they have no pride? He had laughed at them and looked down on them.

“I’m sorry. Ki-beom, I’m really sorry. I’ll never do that again, so please don’t do this.”

He pleaded with stale words. He begged blindly.

He could have kissed the Man’s shoes, which were covered in dirt and grass. He could have licked them if he had to. He wanted to do anything if it would make the man feel better. He would even pretend to die if he was told to.

“I’m really sorry. I wanted you to only look at me, Ki-beom, not Ji-hye. I wanted you to only think about me because we were having such a good time together. That’s why I did it. I was short-sighted.”

His apologetic heart was sincere, but even in this situation, the excuses coming out of Tae-heun’s mouth were all lies. Because the the child had never called in the first place, so he hadn’t missed the the child’s call.

Tae-heun had been lying to the man ever since he left Dongjam-ri. The only thing that was sincere among the words that came out of his mouth was when he was having sex with the Man. He kept making excuses that he couldn’t help it, even though he didn’t feel comfortable deceiving the Man, and he kept rattling off lies. While worrying about the man being deceived by his sloppy lies, he secretly praised himself for being plausible.

He was ashamed of all of that. It was humiliating. And he was so sorry. He felt like he was going to die because he wasn’t honest with the Man, and because he took it for granted.

“Ki-beom, please forgive me.”

His voice choked.

Drip, drops of water fell on the back of his hand. Is it raining? Just as he was thinking that, another drop of water fell. Only then did he realize that it wasn’t rain, but tears falling from his eyes. Tae-heun was crying.

What did you do so well that you’re crying?

He scolded himself inwardly. He rebuked himself.

Tae-heun kept his head down, holding onto the Man’s legs tightly. He didn’t want to show the man that he was crying.

How long had he been like that?

The kind the man couldn’t bring himself to shake Tae-heun off. Rather, he was surprised by Tae-heun’s actions and didn’t know what to do. Maybe he was even feeling sorry. The the man was capable of doing that.

“Tae-heun, please, please get up. Why are you doing this?”

The embarrassed the man even stuttered.

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

Tae-heun gripped the legs he was holding even tighter.

“Please stop. What are you sorry for, Tae-heun?”

The the man was troubled.

“Then you’ll forgive me?”

Tae-heun raised his head and looked up at the Man, asking brazenly.

“There’s nothing to forgive or not forgive. It was a mistake.”

The the man said with difficulty. He answered that way even though it wasn’t a matter that could be easily dismissed as a mistake.

“It’s really okay. Please get up.”

The Man, who hadn’t yet recovered from his sadness, comforted Tae-heun instead. As expected, he looked at Tae-heun, who was kneeling, with pitiful eyes.

“If you say you forgive me.”

Tae-heun insisted. He was being selfish even at this moment. He couldn’t help it. He felt like he wouldn’t be relieved until he heard a definite answer from the Man’s mouth.

The the man immediately said, “I forgive you.” He just said, “It’s really okay,” without any conditions. Then he bent down and stroked Tae-heun’s head like he would a the child. A surge of emotion welled up at the gentle touch. He felt relieved and all the strength in his body drained away.

Tae-heun started crying loudly, even though he had no reason to be sadder than the Man. Forgetting his age, he called the Man’s name, “Ki-beom,” and cried sadly. Then the man sat down and hugged Tae-heun. He patted Tae-heun’s back, just like Tae-heun had done to the man earlier.

He didn’t say anything, but Tae-heun was greatly comforted just by being embraced by the Man. He received the Man’s forgiveness and love, even though he didn’t deserve it.

Before he knew it, the man was also crying. The two hugged each other and cried more sadly than anyone else in the world.

* * *

“Your nose is red.”

“Is it as red as Ki-beom’s?”

“It’s redder than mine.”

Two burly men teased each other with eyes and noses swollen from crying.

“Where are you looking?”

He looked at his face in the rearview mirror.

“Hey, I’m doing pretty well.”

“No, it looks like a Rudolph nose.”

As he said this, the man kissed the tip of Tae-heun’s nose.

“Christmas is a long way off, what should I do?”

This time, Tae-heun kissed the Man’s nose, who was talking nonsense.

“I’ll have to pull the sleigh, I guess.”

The the man laughed when Tae-heun agreed.

“Are you okay, Ki-beom?”

He asked belatedly. He had cried first instead of the Man, who should have been sad. He trembled with an intangible fear. No matter how he thought about it, he wasn’t like him.

“Yes. I’ve calmed down a bit now.”

The the man replied kindly.

“You can cry more if you want to.”

“I cried a lot.”

The Man, whose voice was hoarse, scratched his head awkwardly.

The two were silent for a while, looking at the scenery. The sky reflected in the car’s windshield was darkly clouded, but the lush greenery made it look anything but eerie.

“Who will take over the chairman’s body?”

The Man, who had opened his mouth after a long time, asked.

“His Father died, so his sons will turn themselves in. They’ll have to turn themselves in and hold the funeral themselves.”

“I hope so.”

The the man seemed to have a lot on his mind.

“Yong-jun…. No, it’s nothing.”

“Why Yong-jun?”

“…You must have heard the news?”

“I probably did.”

A heavy silence flowed.

“I’m going to try to persuade him to turn himself in when I meet him today.”

The the man said in a firm tone.

“Yes. Yong-jun will listen to you, Ki-beom.”

“I hope so.”

A tear fell from the Man’s eye.

It must be because of the sadness he still hadn’t recovered from.

“Why do I keep crying?”

The the man wiped away his tears with the back of his hand, embarrassed.

Tae-heun kissed the Man’s cheek. Tears streamed down. This time, he licked the tears with his tongue. Then he hugged the Man. The the man buried his face in Tae-heun’s shoulder. He cried again without a sound.

“It’s okay. Cry as much as you want until you feel better. Cry all you want.”

Tae-heun comforted him. He held the man tightly.

This time, Tae-heun’s comfort seemed to help. As Tae-heun kissed Man, licked away his tears, patted him, and hugged him, the man quickly perked up.

With reddened eyes, he smiled at Tae-heun.

“We’ll have to pull the sled together.”

He joked.

Tae-heun pecked Man’s lips. He was so lovable that he couldn’t stand it.

“I’m hungry.”

They both spoke almost simultaneously and laughed at the same time.

“I guess going back to that place is a bit much, huh?”

When Tae-heun asked, the man said, “Yeah. I’m embarrassed.”

“Then let’s go to the first restaurant we see on the way and eat.”

They agreed and started the car.

The two went into a nondescript restaurant and ate nondescript udon. The inside of their mouths felt rough, but the smooth udon noodles went down easily. Unlike Tae-heun, the man couldn’t even finish half of his and put down his chopsticks.

Tae-heun got the man his favorite sweet coffee from the vending machine and handed it to him. Fortunately, he drank it well.

Perhaps because of the sugar, color returned to Man’s pale face. He regained his composure, though not as much as usual.

“But who was that earlier? The person you asked to put Ji-hye on the phone.”

man asked, sipping his coffee.

“I don’t know. Seemed like an older person. I was just so focused on my feelings then…”

“Then what do we do? The elder must have been surprised.”

“Probably.”

The Helper’s shrill voice, asking, ‘Are you crazy?’ rang vividly in his ears.

“I’m sorry. I think you scared them, so they didn’t put Ji-hye on.”

Tae-heun lied again.

Was this a white lie, or an extension of his false life?

“It’s okay. I have the phone number, so I can call again.”

man said nonchalantly.

“Once my voice comes back a bit, though.”

man was worried that the child would be startled by his voice. It was the voice of someone who was clearly sick or had been crying.

“Yeah. Drink some water. That’ll help it come back faster.”

Tae-heun pretended to worry about the man but was relieved inside.

He couldn’t call that number again. The Helper would know that too, so even if they didn’t want to, they would have the child make the call.

Please contact me soon.

He prayed inwardly.

162 – Chapter Title Without Number