By Zephyria I stared at his entrancingly beautiful smile, as if possessed. It was the first time since we’d met again that he was smiling like himself. If his face were even a little uglier, it would have been easier to break up with him. His face was a sin. And a weapon.
I awkwardly turned my head. The line was shrinking fairly quickly.
“……Let’s take all the pictures and go to a Korean restaurant. I actually wanted to eat some.”
“Okay.”
Even my half-hearted, honest grumbling didn’t erase the smile from his face. I’d rather look at a hairy man deeply kissing a bull’s testicles than look at that face.
He looked like a male peacock who had dressed up to the nines. Shamelessly spreading his flamboyant feathers and making silent wing flaps.
‘He’s not wearing dress shoes today.’
He was wearing black canvas shoes that looked similar to the ones I had on. They were so alike that it wouldn’t be strange if he had copied me. Navy blue and black. That was the only difference.
I was staring intently, captivated by them, when Yi-tae’s scent wafted closer. It was because he had stopped the person behind us from losing their balance and falling toward me.
I was startled for a moment but looked up at him, pretending to be calm. Instead of thanking him, my grumpy feelings burst out.
“Are you my bodyguard?”
“Sorry. I moved unconsciously.”
Yi-tae apologized easily, even though he didn’t need to apologize.
He told the woman who was clasping her hands together and repeatedly saying sorry that it was okay, and we moved up as much as the line had shrunk. He, who had been standing next to me, was now standing completely behind me, protecting me.
Everything was ambiguous. Feelings that couldn’t even become friendship, an attitude like lovers. It would have been best not to run into him, but I had pushed that away with my own feet. It was a result I had brought upon myself. In that case, what kind of relationship should I define it as to make it the next best option?
I rubbed my heart. It was still calm. I would never be able to love Kwon Yi-tae again. Or maybe anyone else.
I no longer believed in illusory love. That, too, was just a momentary delusion caused by hormones. Believing it would last forever, but able to be scattered by a small shock.
That belief, which I had pledged under the countless shining stars, was no longer inside me.
“Yi-tae, will you keep in touch with me even after this trip is over?”
We were still lingering in fragments of the past. Instead of exchanging new contact information, we were contacting each other with an email address that we hadn’t used in over five years.
Before I knew it, we had arrived right in front of the bull’s rear end. Beyond the white barricade, I could see the crowds surging like they were watching a spectacle. I could hear the people taking pictures from the side, not waiting in line, chattering. Here and there, familiar native languages were mixed in.
Instead of answering, Yi-tae moved even closer. Would I have been a little more pleased if I had seen his distorted face? But I stubbornly kept my head upright. I didn’t want to know.
“The Charging Bull was made with his own money by an Italian sculptor named Di Modica and secretly placed in front of the New York Stock Exchange building. It was an illegal sculpture, so the City of New York removed it in just one day, but…”
“…….”
“The people of New York deeply loved that symbol of strong prosperity. There was a flood of protests demanding that it be returned. Thanks to that, the bull was able to return to this place. Although it wasn’t in its original location. The citizens had won it. They had no choice but to follow because they are the owners of New York.”
His low voice tickled my neck. Surely there should still be about a hand’s breadth of distance between us. I felt like I could feel his breath. It hadn’t even been a month since he came here, but when did he look up the history of the sculpture?
The people in front of us left. It was finally our turn.
“That’s information I didn’t know. Thanks for explaining it to me. It wasn’t that I was curious, but it was informative. You know the angle I told you about, right? Take pretty pictures.”
I spat out the words even faster to get rid of the strange feeling. Although I didn’t hear the answer to my question, I felt like if I heard that answer now, I would never be able to shake off this feeling that had consumed me in an instant.
As I was about to walk aggressively toward the bull, leaving him behind, Yi-tae’s voice reached me.
“So I always follow your decisions.”
There were no sentences that followed after that.
The thoughts tangled in my heels were too heavy, so I stopped walking for a moment and then started walking again. Fortunately, I was able to smile brightly in front of the camera that was filming me. While holding both bull balls in my hands.
Yi-tae took several pictures that I would be satisfied with. His picture-taking skills were also in the realm of learning, so I could definitely call them on track. This was also thanks to me, though.
I told him to send the pictures by email. I still didn’t want to give him my new contact information.
The more time I spent with him, the more my heart changed. It was a kind of sense of crisis. He was like a pair of shoes that had been worn for a long time and had worn-out soles, but were so comfortable that I reached for them often.
“The soybean paste stew and spicy pork bulgogi are famous here.”
He was like that now, too, as he said that while looking at the menu. How did he know my tastes so well and make such easy decisions?
“I want to eat both.”
“Let’s order them and share.”
Yi-tae immediately called the employee and ordered the food. Even though it was a Korean restaurant, the employee wasn’t Korean, so he communicated in English. It was a fluent skill that was neither slow nor fast. I stared at him for a long time, finding that side of him unfamiliar.
There were still aspects of him that I didn’t know. That was a given, but somehow I had a strong conviction that I wanted to see these things.
Perhaps because it was a famous place, more than half of the people in the restaurant were foreigners. There were also people who were presumed to be Koreans in various places, but they didn’t seem to be tourists either.
A few basic side dishes came out, and soon the main dishes were placed in the center of the table. I had occasionally made them while busy, but perhaps because my stomach wasn’t great, they didn’t taste as good as I had expected.
I used a spoon to scoop up the tofu in the soybean paste stew, which had a crack in it and was soaked in moist broth. The incredibly savory aroma coming from the glossy broth stimulated my taste buds. I blew on the hot broth, which hadn’t cooled down, and put it in my mouth in one go.
I could endure the hot pain that hit the roof of my mouth in front of the soybean paste stew. The salty and moderately savory taste relentlessly stimulated my taste buds.
I also took a large spoonful of the chewy, cooked rice and put it in my mouth. I couldn’t stop my chopsticks and spoon as if I were possessed. It would have been the same even if the person facing me was my mortal enemy. The food was really perfect. I hadn’t found a place like this in Seattle yet.
It was a shame that this place was in New York. It was a place I couldn’t come to often.
“Is it good?”
I nodded instead of answering the friendly voice.
Once I was fairly full, I finally came to my senses. I didn’t know where the sandwich I had eaten for breakfast had gone, but I kept eating endlessly and ended up finishing it all. I didn’t feel hungry, though.
“There’s no restaurant like this near my house. If I had Auntie Jang’s soybean paste and red pepper paste, I could make something similar.”
I stirred the empty plate with regret.
I put down my chopsticks and looked around, and the rice left in Yi-tae’s bowl came into view. Was it because I had eaten all the side dishes? Feeling a pang of guilt, I glanced at him, but he seemed to have put down his spoon a long time ago.
However, he was looking down and pressing his lips tightly together, as if he was thinking about something.
“I brought a little…… Should I give it to you?”
What Yi-tae had arrived at after a long period of deliberation was a very commendable conclusion. I nodded as if possessed by a very strong temptation that I could never refuse.
∗ ∗ ∗
It was pretty.
So I looked away. I often stopped walking because I felt suffocated. The emotion that filled my heart was fear. I wanted to back away and run away right now. I have to disappear, becoming the only misfortune in your life.
Gyeoul, who was reaching out to the sunlight, turned to me. His hair, which had received the light, fluttered in the wind. His eyes, which resembled spring and were smiling happily, poured down on me.
I took a step back.
“Yi-tae, how is it? Do I look a little like the Statue of Liberty?”
No, you can’t compare. You’re prettier. Such futile words lingered in my mouth. Instead of answering, I nodded. Then Gyeoul’s expression brightened even more.
When I tried to choose words that I could say to Gyeoul, nothing remained. Like now. My words couldn’t affect your mood, but I wanted you to continue to be happy. Although it was somewhat impossible because you were with me.
The ferry swayed in the waves. Gyeoul, who was leaning on the railing and looking back at me, staggered a step and moved backward. Ah. A short scream was heard.
When I came to my senses, Gyeoul was already in my arms.