By Zephyria 
Cha Se-jin closed his eyes deeply before opening them again. He gently pressed and stroked Eun-won’s cheeks, which felt even softer now that they were damp with tears, without applying too much pressure.
“I’m sorry. I must have acted so like a jerk that you couldn’t even imagine I felt this way. I deserve to be dumped. Still, I’m lucky. If I had actually gone to the gym or missed the timing, I would’ve been completely out by now.”
“…Out?”
“Yeah. You were trying to break things off with me, weren’t you, Darling?”
“Break things off? Me…?”
“No?”
“Nooo…. I never thought about that. Why would I ever… to the Managing Director….”
“…Then what were you thinking about while you were walking alone earlier? Like, ‘this fucking bastard doesn’t give a straight answer and just drags things out, just get lost,’ or ‘I’m going to fucking dump him,’ something like that?”
Startled by Cha Se-jin’s aggressive phrasing, Eun-won’s tears vanished instantly. He quickly sat up and shook his head. As if that wasn’t enough, he waved his hands in denial.
“It wasn’t like that. I never thought those things. It’s just… I felt like what you said recently was right, so I wanted to think about it more on my own.”
“What I said? What?”
Cha Se-jin sat up following Eun-won and asked while smoothing down Eun-won’s hair, which had become a bit disheveled from being held in his arms.
“That the important thing is the ‘now’ that feels good. At first, I thought it was anxiety-inducing because no matter how good the present is, it can change at any time…. But as I thought about it, I felt like I was letting the good ‘now’ slip away because of that anxiety. It really is good… the present is so, so good, and I should just enjoy it to my heart’s content, but I couldn’t.”
“That’s because I didn’t know anything and made you worry….”
“No. It wasn’t that.”
Eun-won shook his head lightly. His voice was soft, but his tone in denying it was firm. Cha Se-jin waited quietly for Eun-won to continue.
“The one who made me anxious wasn’t you, Managing Director… it was me.”
“…….”
“Because it had happened before, I kept feeling anxious and worried on my own, thinking it would happen again. I don’t think I realized that those thoughts were constantly pulling me down. I thought I had to keep worrying like that so I wouldn’t lose this wonderful present…. I really, really didn’t want to lose it….”
The fact that he really didn’t want to lose him meant that he liked him that much. No, it meant he loved him. Just how much must he like him, how much must he love him, to be so afraid of losing him?
The brain that, until a moment ago, couldn’t even properly grasp his own emotions, now worked with surprising speed in that direction.
“You didn’t want to lose me?”
“Yes….”
…Ah, love is fucking great.
Unconsciously, the corners of his mouth kept curling up. Just a moment ago, he thought he was being dumped by Eun-won, but that wasn’t it. It was because he loved him so much that he didn’t want to lose him.
“Since the day I went to your father’s house…. I tried my best in my own way to make sure my heart didn’t get ahead of itself… but it didn’t work well. I thought it was working because my heart felt a bit calmer, but whenever I see your face… I start hoping again, and my heart flutters….”
“Wait, wait a second…. What was this ‘effort in your own way’?”
“…A little bit of distancing?”
“I knew it, Zombie! Juice! Wow, I wasn’t imagining it. That was it, right? You went to get juice on purpose. And then you sat a bit further away after bringing it.”
Recalling the situation back then as he listened to Cha Se-jin, Eun-won slowly nodded. Cha Se-jin let out a groan and a sigh that sounded like a lament.
“…You knew?”
“Darling…. How could I not know that? You brought the juice and didn’t drink a single sip.”
“…I didn’t?”
“Yeah. You went because you said you wanted juice, but you didn’t drink a drop and sat away from me. I thought something was strange, but I just brushed it off thinking I was being sensitive.”
He had thought something was strange, and it really was Eun-won avoiding him to keep his distance…. He thought he would feel relieved once he knew the truth, but instead, he felt very strange.
This fragile boy, who was now sobbing just because he realized it was love, must have suffered so much emotionally to try and distance himself. Thinking about that tore at his heart. He felt so sorry that he had simply thought Eun-won was avoiding him.
“Then… telling me not to pick you up and coming in another guy’s car too?”
Once again, Eun-won’s head nodded slowly. It was heartbreaking to see him walking on eggshells as if he had done something wrong, even though he hadn’t. Cha Se-jin reached out, slid his hands under Eun-won’s arms, and pulled him up to sit on his lap.
Even though it wasn’t the first time, Eun-won seemed shy about sitting on his lap; he couldn’t even make eye contact, and his cheeks and ears turned bright red. It was so lovely that Cha Se-jin regretted why he hadn’t thought of the word ‘love’ while seeing this side of him until now.
“I thought you were getting sick of me. I let it slide at first, but then there was a second time, and then today you said you wanted to walk alone, so I thought, ‘Ah, it’s really over,’ and I tried to think of something to say, but because I had too many thoughts, I had a meltdown like I did earlier.”
He remembered the face he saw as soon as he opened the door. That face that looked so anxious and nervous. Eun-won quietly raised his hand and stroked Cha Se-jin’s cheek. He didn’t know how much he had wanted to touch him. He hadn’t known that the day would come so soon when he could be this close—close enough for their hearts to tangle—and reveal his emotions without hiding a thing, so this moment still felt like a dream.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you would be so bothered….”
“You don’t have to be sorry. But please know that I’m fucking bothered by you.”
Cha Se-jin grinned and looked at Eun-won, who was nodding. He rubbed his face against the warm hand stroking his cheek, then turned his head slightly and gave a quick kiss to the palm. Pink emotions poured over Eun-won’s face once again.
“I’ve been like that until now, and I’ll be like that in the future.”
“…I’ll be like that too.”
“Then are we really dating now?”
At the sudden mention of ‘dating,’ Eun-won’s closed lips parted slightly. He seemed to like it, despite the embarrassment. Seeing him smile with his face flushed in various places.
“We happened to get married first…. Is it okay for the order to be like this?”
“…Wouldn’t it be?”
“Right? Whether we date and then marry, or marry and then date, it’s up to us.”
Eun-won nodded as if that were true. The face that had been stained with various emotions and tears just a moment ago was now filled only with excitement. Finding that beautiful, Cha Se-jin couldn’t hold back any longer and tilted his head. Soft lips were pressed together with a ticklish, kissing sound.
“Starting tomorrow, I’ll pick you up every day. Unless I’m really too busy and can’t make the time.”
“Yes.”
“If you finish late, you’ll call me now, right?”
“Yes…. I’ll ask the Managing Director for everything.”
“Yeah. Tell me everything. If something difficult, hard, or too heavy to carry alone happens, tell me right away. Don’t agonize over it alone.”
Cha Se-jin lightly kissed the lips of the obediently nodding Eun-won, buried his face in his neck, and deeply inhaled Eun-won’s pheromones, which had been wafting out for a while.
“I don’t want to lose you either, Eun-won.”
“…….”
“I felt like you were avoiding me, and I didn’t know what to do. My heart was racing, but why hadn’t I ever thought about it before? I couldn’t work, I couldn’t sleep, and I spent all day thinking about you. I should have known then. Why I was so obsessed.”
He loved the voice calling his name in a low tone. Eun-won let out a trembling breath, carefully hugged Cha Se-jin’s shoulders, and slowly stroked his hair.
“It was because I love you. Not just liking you, but loving you.”
“…….”
“Without knowing that, I kept wondering why I was like this, why I was so irritated, why you were avoiding me when you said you loved me. Ridiculous, right?”
“No…. I didn’t know well at first either. Why is my heart beating so fast, why can’t I make eye contact, why do I keep thinking of you before I sleep…. I was like that every day too.”
“Since when?”
Cha Se-jin, who had kissed the milk-scented nape of his neck deeply, lifted his head to look at Eun-won. Eun-won, who bit the inside of his lip at the question that was too embarrassing to answer immediately, cautiously opened his mouth slightly.
“……Since before we got married….”
“You liked me since then?”
“…Yes…. It wasn’t like that from the very beginning, but I gradually grew to like you, Managing Director. When I met you and was with you, I couldn’t think of anything else. You aren’t frustrating like I am. I liked that.”
“You aren’t frustrating either. You’re not frustrating; you’re just kind. The ones who take advantage of your kindness and then treat you as frustrating when things don’t go their way are the ones who are wrong.”
Cha Se-jin always made him feel like a decent person. He never scolded or criticized him, nor did he ever blame him for anything. It was the same now. Smiling, Eun-won lightly held Cha Se-jin’s face with both hands, leaned in, and pressed their lips together. Cha Se-jin’s words were cut off.
“You always spoke to me like that. That’s why I could breathe easily when I was with you. I liked being with you more even when we hadn’t known each other long… and later, I hated having to go home.”
“I didn’t want to let you go either. Though for different reasons.”
A small laugh escaped them simultaneously. Lips stained with laughter approached each other and touched briefly several times.
“Was it because I made things hard for you that you couldn’t breathe properly again?”
This time, Eun-won’s head shook from side to side. It was incredibly cute how he nodded when it was right and firmly shook his head when it wasn’t.
“There are times when I can’t breathe well… but not for that reason.”
“Then what is it? Is there something I do that stresses you out like crazy? Isn’t not being able to breathe something that happens when you’re stressed or pressured?”
“…Because I like you too much….”
“Huh?”
“…Because I like you so much, Managing Director… there are times when I tremble, and in those moments, I can’t breathe well…. Since it’s because I like you, I think… it can’t be helped.”
…Fuck, what do I do. He’s so fucking pretty that I’m also, fuck, losing my breath right now.
Cha Se-jin, who had been staring blankly at Eun-won as if he had truly forgotten how to breathe, finally exhaled and felt a sensation gathering below. He didn’t want to feel this way in this situation, but this was all Eun-won’s fault.
“I try not to be like this too, but it’s not something I can control.”
Wondering what he meant, Eun-won felt something hard pressing against him beneath his hips, unlike before, and looked at Cha Se-jin. Realizing that Cha Se-jin had reacted to his words… his heart beat faster and he couldn’t breathe well again.
“How about now?”
“…….”
“Can you still not breathe well now?”
“……Yes….”
“Me too.”
“…….”
“I’m like that too, right now.”