By Zephyria 
Kate had treated both Lucilla and me with coldness until now.
Lucilla and I closely resemble Beneto. There was a time when I admired the man who had tormented Kate her entire life. Simply because he was strong. Because he could make the terrifying Kate freeze in her tracks with a single word.
But now, it just seemed pathetic. I hated Beneto, I hated Marquis Antines, and I hated Kate. However, in front of Mikael, I worked hard to pretend that I liked my family and that I had grown up receiving plenty of love.
“…That’s why she favors me, who is aiming for the imperial throne, and keeps Lucilla at a distance. I suppose she thinks the foundation she’s built shouldn’t flow toward Lucilla, who won’t become the Emperor.”
Because only then would Mikael think that I am worthy of his love.
I hoped Mikael wouldn’t find me difficult or fear me. I wanted him to think nothing of holding my hand or touching my forearm, just as he does now. I wanted him to look up at me with that innocent face, smile, and offer me comforts that I didn’t even really need.
Still, not everything I was spouting was a lie.
Kate had a strong desire for power. It was true that she had aimed for the position of Empress even before the previous Empress passed away, and it was true that from the day Lucilla and I were born, she had worked to make one of us the Emperor. She had built a sufficient support base through her father, and now she was mistreating Lucilla to funnel everything toward me.
At some point, Kate began to avoid meeting Lucilla unless I was present. Despite such treatment, Lucilla worried about me. Believing that the relationship between Kate and me was poor because of a switch she had been hit with as a child, she would fidget anxiously whenever I clashed with Kate.
“That’s why I don’t talk about Mother in front of Lucilla. I just… felt like I was stealing Mother’s presence away from her for no reason.”
It was true that I had stolen Mother from Lucilla. A mother who could have cherished, loved, worried for, hugged, and spent time with Lucilla was not given to her. Well, setting aside whether Kate was the kind of person who could have poured out such affection even if that incident hadn’t happened.
After listening to the whole story, Mikael patted the back of my hand to comfort me.
That comfort, which I had never needed and had never been given until now, filled my heart to overflowing. I let out a small chuckle, thinking about how beautiful his face looked when it was filled with such worry.
At the same time, I tried to remember many of the things I had casually let slip. This was so that if Mikael asked about the same story later, I could answer as similarly as possible.
However, there was one thing I could say with absolute certainty.
“Rather than thinking about fulfilling Mother’s dream, I first thought about wanting to become the Emperor. This is my dream. Not hers.”
Regardless, I wanted to live. That is why I decided to become the Emperor.
Having laid out my story, appropriately adapted to the extent that Mikael could know, I fell silent for a moment.
Then, I spoke about the world I wanted to create. Talking about the future was more comfortable and interesting than talking about the past. Because this was a story I didn’t have to fabricate with lies.
“…You want to create a city where the width of the roads is uniform?”
“Yeah. The current capital is too congested, and the thickness of the roads varies. I want the width of each road to be determined by its purpose. For example, alleys for pedestrians only would be 3m wide, roads for people and carriages would be 7m, and roads for carriages only would be 15m.”
“How on earth did you decide on those widths?”
“Carriages used by commoners rarely exceed 2m in width, and even noble carriages don’t exceed 3m. To reduce accidents, there needs to be enough space to pull aside when meeting another carriage on the road, so I think that would be just right. It would be better if they were wider, but the buildings in the current capital are too close together, making it hard to create more space.”
“Hmm…”
“Why, is it strange?”
“No, well. I think it’s a good idea. I hope you succeed.”
“Yeah… I hope you can help me then, too.”
“Well, if it happens.”
Now that the words were out, I was curious. Did Kate feel guilt back then?
I don’t know. I hoped she didn’t regret it. Even if she did, I didn’t want to forgive her.
* * *
Michael Ernhardt reconciled with Edwin Kiadris.
I knew that would happen. I almost made a sarcastic comment, but stopped myself.
It was just… like that. Having become accustomed to living in a cycle of expecting and being disappointed several times a day, I barely managed to say a single word, telling them it was for the best. Seeing Mikael beaming with a bright smile, I felt that I had made the right choice.
Still, seeing as I wasn’t as angry as before, it seemed my efforts to like Mikael less were working. Or perhaps, I was just pretending not to notice because Edwin wasn’t in my sight.
Summer was coming soon. I hoped vacation would arrive quickly. Over the past few months, both Mikael and I had grown a bit taller. Since I see Mikael several times a week now, it’s not easy to let go of these feelings, but I felt that once vacation passed, I might be able to stop liking him.
While talking about vacation, the topic naturally shifted to the summer ball.
“A banquet to find a partner… Do the seniors have marriage partners as well?”
“Not yet? I have to find one now. The summer ball is a place where all the nobles who don’t attend the Academy gather, so we’ll see many unfamiliar faces. I’m already looking forward to it.”
“Hmm. Since all three of you are high-ranking, perhaps an arranged marriage…”
“No? I trust Ruben. Ruben will become the Emperor through his own strength, and I’ll have a beautiful love with a cute and adorable younger man.”
“Pardon?”
“Strangely, if they’re older than me, I find them a bit creepy.”
“…Even Senior Rubel?”
“…Yeah, me too. Someone younger than me… is good.”
Even though it was a trivial answer, my throat tightened. Ah, I guess it’s not over yet. As expected, I like you. You look so cute and pretty that it’s driving me crazy.
Mikael let out a huff and frowned his pretty brow, looking back and forth between me and Lucilla. For a moment, I was startled, wondering if I had spoken my thoughts aloud instead of keeping them inside. However, despite hearing nothing, Mikael said something strange again.
“…Are you saying you like children?”
“No! That’s not what I meant, no, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but absolutely not.”
You. I like you.
While I swallowed the words I couldn’t speak several times, Lucilla argued on my behalf, rambling on about various things.
I hoped the brat would return as a man soon. I desperately wished that all these things could remain as funny memories.
Just, a close older brother… who happens to be the Emperor… I thought I’d like to live like that.
So that no matter who Mikael reconciled with, or who he liked, I could simply smile and say it was for the best.
* * *
I miss him.
I miss him.
I miss him.
I missed him.
Summer vacation had begun. Unlike Mikael, who left for home without a single lingering regret, I, who remained in the capital, writhed in an unbelievably bewildering emptiness.
When Mikael was by my side, it hurt as if someone were gripping and twisting my heart and lungs, but now that he was gone, it felt as if someone had carved them out entirely, leaving me hollow. Even when I woke up as usual, I was twice as tired, and even though I ate as usual, I developed canker sores.
I was taking a break to read the budget execution report for the business I was in charge of. I couldn’t concentrate at all.
At this point, it was funny. Where did that bastard go who guaranteed that he could easily forget some boy? The great Rubel Anti Sieron has lovesickness. He’s about to fall ill just because he can’t see that kid for two months. Please, let’s not go that far, Rubel Anti Sieron. Get a grip, please.
At some point, my internal monologue had increased. This wasn’t a habit I originally had. Then again, where did the habit of desperately wanting to follow that kid around and serve him come from? Still, I believed it would get better with time, and that I’d be fine once I recovered. There was no other choice…
My pen stopped due to a pointless daydream.
Should I tell someone to find out what he’s doing right now?
But even without asking, it was obvious what he would be doing. He’d probably be carrying Michael around in his arms or giving Asdel a piggyback ride. He’d wake up early in the morning to run laps around the martial arts training ground, correct the posture of the knights, and laugh loudly. Then, he’d eat three portions by himself at the dining table surrounded by his family.
Why wasn’t I born into House Ernhardt?
I’d rather have been Mikael’s biological older brother. Then I could have played with Mikael every vacation. I could have played with Mikael sitting on my lap… No, wait. That felt like it would be more dangerous than now… That was simply impossible for me…
Then, is it okay that he’s the same gender?
I don’t know. Mikael looks very pretty and fluffy. So, when he was right in front of me, it didn’t feel like he was a man at all. But now that we’re separated by such a distance, my thoughts multiply. I was anxious about whether I would still be the complete ‘me’ if these violent and destructive emotions disappeared in an instant.
Anxiety followed anxiety, constantly poking its head in.
If Mikael really returns after suddenly growing up, will I be able to stop liking him?
It was true that same-sex relationships were not common. However, among peers, there are quite a few who don’t mind. I had never considered homosexuality before knowing Mikael, but even someone as strict as Professor Calypse Agrigent openly lives with Walter Orgen.
No matter how great Mikael’s martial power is, he is ultimately human. I imagined suppressing Mikael with power and threatening him with his family to drag him into bed.
…It seemed plausible. No, I can’t. If I did that, Mikael would surely hate me.
If that tiny baby glared at me with those bright blue eyes filled with rage…
…
…I’m going crazy. Why do I even like that? No, that’s not it. I’d better think of something else.
What if he returns with a lot of rugged muscles? Since it’s Mikael, he’ll probably grow up quite handsomely. If he looks down at me, having grown much taller than me, and smiles, saying, “Senior”…
…
Clang! The candlestick I threw as I grabbed it crashed against the wall, bending and breaking. Philip and Theodore, who were quietly organizing the cash flow statements at the side table, flinched and looked this way, so I gestured for them to continue their work.
I’m really going crazy.
I desperately wanted to stop liking him.
…I missed him.