By Zephyria 
A stack of reports was placed very carefully on the office desk.
Warm autumn sunlight was pouring in through the half-drawn curtains. The iron handles of the drawers, crafted from sturdy walnut, had grown warm under the sun. It wasn’t enough to burn one’s hand, but one had to be careful before grabbing them. With that thought, I flipped through a page of the report I had received.
Theodore, standing two steps back from my desk, looked alternately at the ceiling and then at my fingertips. Then he looked at my fingertips again, then the ceiling, and finally rested his gaze on the tip of my chin.
“…I beg your pardon?”
“I said that upon Michael Ernhardt’s graduation, I shall ascend the Yuil Mountains with him.”
“I… I beg your par—”
“How many times do you want me to say it?”
Theodore Grand was the most useful of the people I employed. He was fearless enough to look at my chin or hands, even if he couldn’t look me straight in the eye, and his mind worked so quickly that I never had to tell him things twice.
But today, the fellow had an expression more vacant than a three-month-old puppy.
Theodore clenched and unclenched his empty hand a few times before pulling out a handkerchief to wipe the sweat from his palms. I narrowed my eyes and studied his face. Pale as a ghost, Theodore asked in a thin voice that could have passed for a scream.
“Um, I am truly, truly sorry to say this, but perhaps… Your Highness, are you currently in a state of mental or physical instability?”
“If you know you’re sorry, you should also know when to shut your mouth.”
“It’s just that I truly cannot believe it… No, I mean, really?”
“Yes.”
I had already made my decision.
Michael Ernhardt was a genius of swordsmanship. Everyone in the Sierran Empire who could swing a sword, including Maelo Sansone, raved that Michael was the material to become the next Grand Sword Master.
Even in my eyes, Michael’s talent shone brighter than anyone else’s. His blade, becoming faster and sharper by the day, was now something I could barely discern with my own eyes.
However, opinions were divided regarding when Michael would become a Grand Sword Master.
The realm of a Grand Sword Master was not something that could be achieved through aura manipulation alone. Maelo Sansone became a Grand Sword Master after the age of thirty, and Wesley Kiadris received the title several years after ascending the Yuil Mountains.
And I did not have the confidence to be apart from him for that long without even having my first kiss with Michael.
As he himself said, Michael has a conservative nature, so perhaps he wouldn’t change his mind if I stole a kiss and we exchanged rings. But can you really call it a romantic relationship if you haven’t even had a single light peck?
At this rate, ten years from now, Michael might return with a refreshing smile and say, ‘We were both so young back then,’ effectively erasing all our bittersweet memories, and I would have nothing to say…
I simply cannot bear to see that happen with my own two eyes while I am still alive.
Theodore, who had waited in silence until I finished scanning and signing all the reports on the desk, whimpered as if he were about to fall to his knees, and began speaking nonsense once again.
“No, really, truly. Have I ever tried to stop Your Highness from doing something? But the Yuil Mountains are different, truly. If you leave your post now, leaving only the First Prince in the capital…”
“….”
I knew that people around me had started treating me more comfortably since I fell in love with Michael. It was a natural result, as I had also tried to act more gently toward others. But this level of boldness was unpleasant. When I narrowed my eyes at him, the fellow quickly tucked his tail.
“…My apologies.”
“I have made a few requests of Viscountess Seiren Ernhardt. I hear the eldest daughter of the Korn Trading Company has a wonderful dream. Tie her down to both Korn and Sabre, and keep a steady eye on the movements of the Sieran Daily. If necessary, you may borrow the hands of ‘The Silent Ones.’ Also, change the report format so that settlements can be made in intervals of two, four, and six months.”
“…Yes, Your Highness.”
“And find a few suitable excuses as well.”
“…Yeees….”
Even if I had neglected my physical training for a while, my body was one that had taken swordsmanship classes five days a week at the Academy until last year. Even if I ascended the Yuil Mountains, I would likely perform simple patrol duties at the base of the mountains for the first few years, so there would be little danger. Besides, receiving the Blessing of Mana would be helpful for my future duties.
If I stayed by his side for about a year and acted cute, surely he would give me at least one kiss…
As I thought about this, I suddenly found my own situation so absurd that I burst into laughter.
What on earth is this thing called love? It’s truly something. Whenever I’m entangled with Michael Ernhardt, everything becomes so difficult that I simply cannot predict what lies ahead.
* * *
The list of team members who would accompany me to the Yuil Mountains was quite satisfactory.
Me, Michael Ernhardt, Marianne Philodendore, and Benjamin Claudian.
Marianne Philodendore had provided much help from very early on to ensure that the bond between Michael and me became firm. Benjamin Claudian was taciturn, tended to rely less on Michael, and was interested in Marianne Philodendore. Consequently, neither of them had any possibility of becoming my romantic rival.
Hugh Benson and Elvin Brooks, who were attached as guides, were also not bad.
Before coming to the Yuil Mountains, I had already received a list and brief profiles of the knights active in the Widdrow Duchy.
Hugh Benson was an exceptionally talented individual. Being the top of the Shierun Academy Swordsmanship Department was not something just anyone could achieve. His quick situational judgment and excellent survival skills would surely be a great help to Michael, who quickly recognized and learned from the strengths of others.
Furthermore, the fact that both of them were not originally from the Empire was a bonus. They were the furthest removed from the eyes and ears of the Imperial Nobility Yearbook. As a result, their connection to Richard was faint, which put my mind at ease knowing there was less risk of having my head cut off or being poisoned in my sleep.
Upon arriving at the Widdrow Duchy, I suffered a bit from unexpected mana sickness, but I too was a knight of the highest rank of Sword Expert. The cause was clear and I would recover soon, so there was truly nothing more to worry about.
However, Michael seemed unable to put his mind at ease, worrying about me.
My small and cute lover often forgot my age. No matter how much I acted spoiled, asking him to stroke my hair, hold me in his arms, or hold my hand—even though I am three years older than him and much larger in stature—Michael treated me like a newborn chick while tending to me during my mana sickness.
Even on crowded streets, he held my hand tightly without worrying about the eyes of others. With every step, he looked up at me with eyes full of concern. Looking at that face, which cared entirely for my breathing, my pace, and my expression without a thought for our companions, I couldn’t stop smiling even amidst the dizziness.
He came into my room several times at night. He would stand by my side for a long time, and if I let out a groan of pain, he would stroke my face. Fearing he would leave if he knew I was awake, I pretended to sleep until I actually fell asleep. Waking up after such a deep sleep felt incredibly refreshing.
Is this what it feels like to be loved? It was very ticklish and warm.
It was May 1st, the day before the departure.
Thanks to Young Lady Philodendore deliberately making time for us, Michael and I went for a night walk. Since there would soon be fewer opportunities to spend time alone, I gratefully accepted the consideration.
From the moment we stepped outside the building, I quickly held out my hand toward Michael.
“….”
“No?”
“No, it’s fine.”
Holding hands was okay, but kissing was still a no. You really are difficult, Michael Ernhardt.
Michael’s hand was very warm. Thick calluses, characteristic of someone who had held a sword for a long time, were embedded in every joint of his fingers. When we first met, Michael’s hand fit into mine with plenty of room to spare, but now our hand sizes were quite similar.
It wasn’t just the hand size that had become similar.
When did he grow this much? Michael continued to grow rapidly even after I graduated. Now, he looked like a splendid adult man to anyone’s eyes.
Long ago, I once thought that once Michael grew this much, I might be able to stop liking him, but even after our eye levels became similar, my heart did not change in the slightest. Now that our eye levels were similar, it felt cozy and wonderful how he filled my arms whenever I hugged him.
Seeing that Michael’s hands were slightly larger than mine, I wondered if he would grow a bit taller too. Still, isn’t the current height just ideal? I should probably be at least 1cm taller…
As I was indulging in such futile thoughts, Michael squeezed my hand tightly. Should I try to interlace our fingers? Surely that much is okay… Did he realize what I was thinking? Michael’s gaze fell upon our joined hands.
And then, he began to say something frightening.
“Previously, to the senior.”
“Yes, to me?”
“No. Not Ruben, but in front of Senior Hugh Benson.”
“…Ah. Ah, yes. In front of that senior…?”
“You spoke as if we were lovers.”
“….”
Are we not?
I stopped walking without realizing it. My heart, which had been floating airily in the high sky until a moment ago, plummeted to the bottom.
With a precarious feeling, as if I were about to fall face-first into the mud, I quietly studied Michael’s face. Then, Michael slowly licked his lower lip…
…
Was he teasing me, or was he trying to seduce me? I was a bit confused.
“You did the same in front of my parents and blood kin.”
“….”
“Before even telling me, you spread the word here and there to those around us. Is it because I am not trustworthy?”
Ah.
This is it.
Until now, Michael had grown in my greenhouse. From the very moment I first discovered him, I had been desperate to make Michael mine.
I suppressed the young ladies and young masters who took an interest in him with my authority, and every day I hovered around Michael, lowering myself and wagging my tail. And I displayed that image to everyone as if boasting. So that not only my aides, but everyone breathing in this Empire, would consider Michael to be mine.
But at that time—no, even until now—I never hid such a side of myself from Michael.
You acquiesced too. You went along with it. Hadn’t you already forgiven me? No matter how oblivious you were, there was no way you couldn’t have known.
I had such shameless thoughts, but then I realized this was a conversation that had to happen eventually, so I took a deep breath.
“…Because you are kind to everyone. I did it because I was afraid the people who received that kindness would misunderstand.”
“What misunderstanding?”
“…I.”
However, knowing my fault in my head and uttering it with my mouth were two different things. I was deeply ashamed of this moment, where I had to scrape out the very bottom of myself and show it to the person I least wanted to see it. Just to receive a single bit of your love, I…
The moment I was about to pour out my frustration, Michael’s hand touched my lips. Inevitably, a part of my heart melted away. I wanted to lick and suck him just like this. The desire to kneel before you, even if I had to beg, dragged me out of my lies and flung me naked before your eyes.
Because of that, the words I spoke became more honest.
“I know. That before you even had your debutante, I took away all your opportunities… That these were things that couldn’t be excused by saying I like you. But, …but I’m not sorry for it.”
“…Hmm.”
“When I see another person standing beside you, when someone else looks at you the way I do, when you smile kindly and soothe them and stand side by side with them, Mika.”
Before I met Michael, when I got angry, I thought I wanted to kill everyone. I wanted to tear and rip and violently kick them all until they looked up to me.
But now it was different. I wanted to be a person Michael liked.
I strove to become a kind, gentle, and mild person solely to look good to you. So now, the blade I swing is turned toward me, not others. Every time you smile at someone else, I began to blame myself for being unable to steal that smile away.
“I feel like I’m going to die. That’s why I did it.”