By Zephyria 
My hair had now grown long enough to slightly pass my shoulder blades.
Mikael stepped foot into my palace for the first time. The moment I saw him dressed in an exquisitely neat formal uniform to greet me officially, I had to exert an immense amount of patience to keep myself from kneeling and begging him to live here with me forever.
The silk shirt, fitting his physique with a sleek, tailored grace, shimmered like an opal. He wore a vest with a deep neckline, and three pleats at the back were secured with a gem pin. This served to further accentuate his shoulders and chest while making his waist appear even slimmer. If Mikael didn’t have such a long-limbed and elegant build, he wouldn’t have been able to pull it off so easily.
Furthermore, the embroidered pattern on the front of his coat was in the shape of a budding plum blossom. I knew well what this flower signified: fidelity and integrity.
If he wanted to convey integrity, a camellia would have been better, but the delicate floral patterns complemented Mikael’s pure face, making it feel as though a bouquet of flowers was walking toward me.
Coming to me in such breathtakingly beautiful attire, Mikael spoke of the present and future we would share, his eyes sparkling incessantly. Every single moment was a sweet, fluttering thrill.
I even stole Mikael’s first dance at the Debutante.
The fact that Miss Marianne Philodendore contacted me before I could even take separate action was a very positive indicator. I was very happy, knowing full well that if Mikael hadn’t separately caught the Young Lady to consult her, she wouldn’t have bothered to share this opportunity with me.
Until then, I had never once danced with another person at the new year festival.
In Sierran aristocratic society, the first dance of the first Debutante was a tacit declaration of lovers. It was a ritual of proving one’s love while holding hands under countless candles.
There, under the gaze of hundreds, Mikael didn’t stop at hugging me tightly in the middle of the dance; he continued to keep me by his side and wouldn’t let me go. We promised to call each other by pet names under the stars and enjoyed secret trysts every night throughout the new year festival.
Mikael now wrote “Your Mika” at the end of his letters. I carried the dagger Mikael had gifted me in my bosom.
Because Mikael was still Mikael, he would occasionally leave me reeling with words of unknown meaning, but for the most part, he made me smile often.
Additionally, Mikael first requested to gift me a trophy from the first Hunting Festival. Although Mikael and I had shared the first dance at the last new year festival, there were too many people who didn’t believe in our relationship due to his status. Just as my insides were twisting at the thought of how many pests might have swarmed while I couldn’t stay at the Academy, this news came like a welcome rain during a drought.
I tried to dissuade him once, just in case, but since Mikael’s will was firm, I had no choice but to be excited. In my heart, I wanted to make Mikael’s clothes myself, but I decided to settle for sending a single letter. I thought Seiren Ernhardt might refuse, but that wasn’t the case.
Mikael arrived dressed perfectly. The vest was made of soft modal, neatly layered, and he wore a cloak fastened to only one shoulder to ensure the vest was well-displayed. He wore three obsidian buttons, and for the pendant ribbon, he used both blue and black.
His appearance, not deviating by a single inch from the attire I had requested, made my stomach flutter violently.
It seemed there was no one left in this world who didn’t know that Mikael and I were moving toward being lovers, or a relationship equivalent to it…
And most importantly.
“I… like Ruben very much.”
“…”
…He confessed. With his own mouth, to me.
My heart beat so fast and my breath caught, leaving me dizzy. Even though I was hearing the words with my own ears, I couldn’t believe it.
Of course, it wasn’t entirely unexpected. I had thought I might receive a confession during this Hunting Festival. I thought that if that happened, I would definitely dress properly and ride a horse with him, but… since he hadn’t said anything by the time the Hunting Festival ended, I was halfway to giving up.
The vest in Mikael’s hand was an object that fully revealed those expectations of mine. I thought Mikael might not notice, but he did. The thought that he truly knew everything, yet still delivered the trophy and kissed the back of my hand, made me even more breathless.
Mikael gazed at me quietly with his vivid blue eyes.
How could even a moment like this exceed my expectations?
Mikael was smiling with a face softer than any expression I had imagined. Unknowingly, my grip tightened. Mikael drew closer.
Fearing that closing my eyes now would make it too obvious that I was expecting a kiss, I stared at Mikael without blinking once. Sure enough, instead of a kiss, Mikael took the scented candle from my hand and carefully set it aside.
The fragrance emanating from Mikael as he approached was sweeter and more enchanting than the fresh floral scent spreading from the scented candle as it clicked against the table.
I was pulled along wherever he led. I sat down obediently.
Mikael continued speaking as if whispering, and I clenched my fists to hide my trembling fingertips.
“It wasn’t a feeling I held as a close friend, but a greater greed… that I harbored. Probably… for quite a long time. Though it seems Ruben already knew.”
“…”
Of course I knew.
“That is why I couldn’t easily reach out, worried many times, and felt anxious whenever something happened. Even when I said I would give what I caught at this Hunting Festival to Ruben…”
“…”
No, I was expecting it.
“…After realizing the meaning of that, I became even greedier. Because Ruben is to become the Emperor. I thought that before Ruben… got engaged to someone, I wanted to stand by his side at least once. I was setting my heart down even before I could offer it.”
“…Mika, I.”
I wanted to catch the tail of the words pouring out. As I tried to say something in haste, Mikael looked at me intently with a faint smile. My tongue froze, unable to utter a single word due to the affection deeply imbued in that gaze. His calm voice melted both my ears and my heart.
“Because I am cowardly. And, still… too young.”
Mikael had now become an adult. As of last month, his height had exceeded 173cm. In Sierren, people no longer called Mikael a boy. However, I had always been more than 10cm taller than Mikael.
It was the same now. It was only natural for Mikael to feel the age difference while looking at me…
Mikael spoke as if gently advising me.
That he would climb the Yuil Mountains, that he didn’t want to blame me even if my heart changed, that it was still too early to become lovers, and that a better person might come along for me…
It was a ridiculous piece of advice.
Mikael doesn’t know how helplessly I fall for those eyes filled with vivid affection.
Even if there were hundreds, thousands, or tens of thousands of people in this world, the only person who could not fear me, who could look straight into my eyes and smile beautifully, and who was bold and warm enough to constantly worry about my low body temperature and embrace and tease me, was Mikael.
I wrapped my hand around Mikael’s. A laugh I couldn’t suppress burst across my face.
“…I get it. I understand, Mika.”
It wouldn’t take long for Mikael to fully declare us as lovers. Should the engagement ring be platinum with a sapphire, after all? While only the presence of a ring would matter in chasing away the flies around Mikael as he headed for the Yuil Mountains, I wanted a mark that my partner was Mikael to remain…
While drinking tea together, our eyes met often. Just meeting his eyes was enough.
We laughed a lot, and we were happy for a long time.
* * *
…Or so I thought.
My spine stung from being pushed back violently. Lying on the bare floor of the martial arts training ground in bewilderment, I blinked my eyes, not knowing what to say. My heart sank to the bottom exactly as much as it had fluttered when those lips had suddenly approached my face.
This was the first time I had seen Mikael’s expression so stiff. He was clenching his teeth so hard that his jaw bulged, and the veins in his neck stood out.
Is he angry?
Why?
I thought I knew Mikael well. We had already confirmed each other’s feelings. Although we hadn’t pinky-sworn to become lovers immediately, we were already a recognized couple.
We often held hands. Sometimes I even allowed hugs. So, I thought it would be okay to subtly ride the mood and kiss him now.
No, maybe the time hadn’t come yet.
But to hate it this much…?
I was so stunned that it was hard to regain my senses immediately. Really? No, does he really hate it? Even though he smiled as if he were melting every time our eyes met, while stroking my cheek and tickling my ear, while tenderly whispering love and promising a future.
As I stayed there blankly, unable to even lift my body, Mikael grabbed my wrist. I was led to my feet as he pulled. However, I didn’t even have the leisure to brush off my clothes. My chest tightened and I felt suffocated.
Mikael still wouldn’t give me a single glance, keeping his head turned away.
…
Why?
No, seriously… why on earth?
Is it okay to laugh and fool around with me, but you can’t kiss me? I want to kiss you, hug you, and do even more, but you don’t? Are you scared and afraid of me too? Am I hideous? Why are you telling me this now? After you’ve been so affectionate all this time?
My fingertips trembled. I wanted to grab Mikael by the collar and shake him right now. I wanted to scream at him to look at me, to look at me straight.
I desperately blocked my throat with the tip of my tongue to keep from screaming that he shouldn’t do this to me. I took a few more breaths to produce a decent voice before letting it out.
“…Mika?”
My voice sounded unnecessarily pitiful, even to my own ears.
Because I didn’t want to be hated. Because I wanted you not to be afraid of me, fuck, like an idiot.
“I’m sorry, I did it without thinking… Are you angry?”
“No. It is not that…”
Then why won’t you look at me?
Mikael, who rubbed his face as if troubled and composed his posture, still kept his gaze far away with a stiff expression. Mikael was someone who meticulously cared and worried even if a single button was undone, but now, he didn’t even brush off my dust-covered clothes once.
I stared blankly at Mikael, who was being cautious like someone terrified that their fingertips might touch me by mistake.
“Just now, you tried to step forward twice with your left foot at once, which is why you lost your balance…”
The following voice didn’t enter my ears. Heat rushed to the top of my head, making me dizzy. My vision blurred and felt hot. The inside of my nose felt stuffy and I couldn’t breathe well. I moved my steps and stood straight according to Mikael’s gestures, but I felt absolutely no mood to continue after that.
It was terrible. I thought things were good just a moment ago? I really, really tried my best…
I couldn’t understand how Mikael’s heart had suddenly cooled. Since I didn’t know the reason, I couldn’t find a way to solve it. I just felt so sorrowful, scared, and hateful. Anger pooled in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry. I was still awkward with my own tears.
I didn’t want to cry. What I wanted was love. Not pity…
A flustered Mikael pulled me into his embrace. His tenderness made me suffer more. I wanted to rummage through Mikael’s mind and look inside. I was going crazy wondering if he really liked me, and if it was the kind of love I knew.
What should I say first? How should I say it so that Mikael doesn’t lose interest in me and doesn’t take back the love he gave?
But no matter how I tried to continue thinking, my mind blurred white. I kept mumbling unlike myself, and Mikael looked at me with a sunken expression…
Then, Mikael began to soothe me, whispering in a cautious voice.
“…I mentioned before that I am… on the conservative side.”
“…”
“Because Ruben is a precious person to me, I have a desire to treat you even more preciously. Today, I acted coldly because I did not want to lay a hand on Ruben in such a… presumptuous manner. I am sorry for startling you.”
“…”
“I hope you can wait a little longer until I become someone worthy of Ruben.”
Finally, our eyes met. His manner of wiping my face with a cautious touch was no different from before when he adored me. As I looked into those blue eyes, my tears slowly stopped.
At this point, there was no one in the Sierran Empire who didn’t know that I had set my sights on Mikael. The only person worthy of me right now was also Mikael.
He didn’t want to lay a hand on me in a presumptuous manner. Then, does that mean he does have a desire to lay a hand on me?
…If so, then it was okay. Since it really was a mistake that I fell just now… As long as Mikael felt the same as I did, and if he was holding back because he wanted to share a more proper love with me, I felt I could wait a bit longer.
I really should have set the mood better. Not the martial arts training ground, but the study, or the greenhouse, or anyway, a quiet place where only the two of us are, dark and cozy. The study would be best. Because it’s a good place to miss him after Mikael goes to the Yuil Mountains…
Calming my breathing and trying not to sound nasal, I asked.
“…Until when?”
“Until I become a Grand Sword Master.”
“…Huh?”
What?
…Is this guy sick or something?