By Zephyria 
I waited for quite a long time.
For the first hour, I thought perhaps Mikael’s closing ceremony hadn’t ended yet. He might be busy exchanging farewells with the other children. Since most of them would be staying in the capital for the new year festival, it would be quite hectic to say goodbye to everyone individually.
For the next two hours, I worried deeply that we had simply missed each other. Was it a mistake to believe he would come to the promenade we always walked together, even without a designated meeting spot? Still, on a day like today, the library or the Wind Magic Practice Hall seemed unlikely.
Even so, I thought I would find him soon. The places Mikael could go within the Academy were limited, and I knew all of them well. I ordered someone to find Mikael and guide him to me.
However, the answer from Sir Aaron, who returned thirty minutes later drenched in sweat, was shocking.
Mikael had already left for the Valentia Territory.
He left?
My gaze fixed on the fallen leaves rolling miserably across the ground, swept away by the wind. The biting wind brought by the fast-approaching winter chilled me to the very core.
Sir Aaron, who had informed me of Mikael’s absence, hesitated for a moment before speaking cautiously.
“Shall I tell the carriage to turn back?”
“No.”
The answer flew out before I could even think.
I had always lived assuming the worst. Had I truly never once anticipated that Mikael might not show up? No, that wasn’t it.
It was, in fact, the most effective way to reject my feelings as gently as possible. Once he heard me express a desire to advance the relationship, it would be too late. If he didn’t want me as a lover, nor did he wish to be my enemy, the best course of action was to not hear my confession at all.
Alternatively, he might have forgotten our promise. If that were the case, it meant that the promise with me, and the time spent with me, was not particularly important to Mikael. At the very least, he could have sent a servant to leave a word saying he was sorry but had urgent business. But Mikael did not.
In either case, turning the carriage back would not solve anything.
The various moments I spent with Mikael flashed through my mind. The flushed cheeks, the affectionate gaze, the tender touch… Was it all my delusion?
When I gestured for him to leave, Sir Aaron quickly bowed and departed. But I could not bring myself to move. I looked down at the bouquet held in my frozen hands. The fragrant, delicate, and soft lilac petals had already withered, exposed too long to a cold wind that did not suit them.
“…”
A metallic sound escaped my throat.
In my entire life, I have never uttered a vulgar word. Even if I chewed on curses and muttered them internally a thousand times, I never poured out my anger, disappointment, or sorrow outwardly. Because I must not. There were bastards lurking everywhere, eager to bite and tear at my weaknesses. Every single move I made was recorded and conveyed to everyone, whether within my sight or not.
Therefore, I.
…I did not cry. Instead, I glared and threw the bouquet into the middle of the pond. I threw it with such force that the bouquet pierced halfway through the thin layer of ice on the pond and became stuck. Crushed and fallen petals scattered in all directions. Like a scream that couldn’t be let out…
If I hadn’t expected anything, I wouldn’t have been disappointed.
Excessive confidence had invited disaster. The many words Mikael had given me now took on a different meaning. The numerous red flags that I, blinded by love and made foolish, had tried to forget and ignore suddenly swelled up at once, making it feel as if my head would explode.
‘…You don’t have any intention of marrying?’
‘Probably.’
‘…Then, surely, a man…’
‘What? Why would you say such a thing.’
The face that had widened its eyes and shaken its head the moment I mentioned a male lover, or—
‘Why do you keep staring?’
‘…Is it uncomfortable?’
‘Sometimes.’
‘…Then, should I stop looking…?’
‘There’s no need for that. I’m just curious about the reason.’
‘Because you’re pretty. I just… find my gaze drawn to you.’
‘Ah. …Hmm.’
‘Do you hate it…?’
‘I don’t really mind.’
The attitude of shrugging with a smile, without a hint of embarrassment, as if it were truly fine.
Was that really a sign of love? Or was I just overheating alone, wishing it were so?
Thinking back, it was true. Mikael was the only person in this world who acted so comfortably around me. Looking straight into my eyes, smiling with a gaze so tender it felt like it would melt, pitying me, worrying about me, petting me, and hugging me because he found me lovely—all those actions held a very special and immense meaning for me.
But was it the same for Mikael?
I recalled the countless acts of kindness he showed, the many moments that had scorched my insides. There were always many people around Mikael. Shayden, Edwin, Benjamin, Damian, and dozens of other Young Masters and Young Ladies of his age…
What if they were treated the same as I was? What if I was wrong from the start? What if I had taken information contaminated by vain expectations, reinterpreted it, pieced it together, and been prattling on as if my irrational hopes were the truth?
My heart beat too fast. Instead of collapsing, I gripped the railing tightly to hold myself up, clenching my teeth to suppress the breathless gasps trying to burst out.
The many crazy things I had done made me feel ashamed, and they made me… furious.
I forgot the past semester, where I had been fluttered by a short-lived sweet dream. Hovering subtly by his side and begging for affection was never my way to begin with.
It seemed I really was a brat born under the Curse of the Ninth God. Seeing as I couldn’t endure it unless I shook things up properly.
I waited exactly until midnight.
Until the ridiculously miserable hope that Mikael might change his mind and return to me was finally shattered into pieces, leaving not a single trace.
* * *
Winter was a busy season.
December, in particular, was the month when every business in the Sierran Empire submitted their year-end closing statements. Every department within the Imperial Palace was bustling day and night.
I, too, had no leisure to fall into idle thoughts, as I was busy preparing documents—comparing the annual plan submitted last year with this year’s performance, finding discrepancies, and proposing solutions.
Furthermore, this year was the 20th year of the Beneto calendar, an even-numbered year. The direct imperial family of the Sierran Empire beheld the Divine object once every two years. As a preparatory step to purify the body, we had to wash ourselves with cold water for an entire month, and for three days, we had to flutter about in eight layers of clothing made of fabric as thin as a moth’s wing.
Still, after today, I would be done with this bizarre ritual until the year after next.
The priests extolled the Divine object of the Sierran Empire as the central axis of the continent, but the principle of its use was not that complex.
The Divine object of the Sierran Empire could control the flow of Mana descending from the Yuil Mountains. For several years, the Sierran Empire had been performing a simple repetitive task: inputting how much Mana to accommodate at the current coordinates of the Divine object—specifically, coordinates 15.33.1.7 in Building 34-11 of the Imperial Palace north of the Sierran capital—and sending the remaining Mana to coordinates 58.34.8.7 at the bottom center of the current Dunmel Canyon direction. It was so ingrained that I could recite these two sets of coordinate numbers even if I woke up from a deep sleep.
Thanks to this, the Sierran Empire had few Mana Addiction patients despite having the Yuil Mountains over its head. Most Sierran Citizens were accustomed to low-concentration Mana. Because Mana Users capable of utilizing high-concentration Mana, as well as knights or wizards above a certain class, were permitted to travel to and from the Yuil Mountains at any time with simple documentation, there was a fair number of useful Mana Users.
However, this was the pinnacle of Beneto’s stupidity.
Generations ago, Dunmel Canyon could sufficiently accommodate the remaining Mana. But how much longer could that last? Dunmel Canyon was already oversaturated, and those remnants were filling the voids around the Widdrow Duchy.
If an equal amount of Mana were scattered across the south, crop yields would jump several times over immediately, and if this were entrusted to the Magic Tower to establish Magic Stone Factories, the profits would be substantial. It was utterly frustrating that they kept it dormant, treating a high-grade Artifact as sacred while performing such pointless acts.
The three children of the Imperial Family—myself, Lucilla, and Richard—sat side by side in a formal posture. In this room, there were three chairs for us to sit in and three tables with handkerchiefs and fans placed upon them to maintain minimal etiquette. Under the pretext that we must fast for at least 24 hours, not even a single teacup was provided. But that bastard Beneto was probably eating well by himself. Who knows what he’s doing where others can’t see.
Thirty priests, sitting in a semicircle around us, recited the Prayer in unison. The scale drawn by the high, clear voices, like those of young boys, was as boring as it was familiar.
“I tua respiro ibide giorno della notte ergeni cosa…”
Have we only just reached Chapter 29?
By Your breath, day and night are divided, and under Your gaze, all things bloom. With the wisdom born from Your breath and the order taught by Your steps, please look after us frail humans. Your Blood Kin, born to carry on Your will, now take steps toward balance and harmony in this very place…
The content of the Prayer for the sacred ritual was entirely predictable. Praising the god, repenting for human sins, begging for the god’s mercy, and promising future sincerity. If they worked during the time they spent praying, wouldn’t they live a hundred times more sincerely? It was a waste of time spent on vain praise.
Still, religion was the best means to seize people’s hearts. As long as traces of the god remained on this continent, I had to at least pretend to follow him. I composed my expression and mimicked praying along whenever each chapter ended.
“La Prira Et-sa.”
In the Name of God, all shall be accomplished.
Of course, if it is the will of god that I become the new absolute ruler of this Empire.
The priests continued their recitation. I felt a similar pity for them, staying like that without even being able to moisten their throats.
I kept my eyes cast down, thinking various thoughts. Far from becoming purified, my body felt heavier and heavier. After finishing this tedious event, the new year festival awaited. That, too, was equally exhausting, so I felt no energy at all.
“…I tui pereti consanguine aventi la tua volonta, movendo pasi verso requibrio ellamonia. La Prira Et-sa.”
“La Prira Et-sa.”
While the priests, having finished the recitation of the final 30th chapter, observed a silent moment of reflection, the room was so quiet that not even a breath could be heard.
Only after they bowed and disappeared did the escort knights enter and stand guard to protect us, who had finally become ‘purified.’ The people around us now were not the eyes and ears of god. They were those who had promised to be the hands and feet of the Imperial Family.
Lucilla, who felt more at ease after confirming their identities, whined and slumped over the table.
“…I’m hungry.”
“…”
“I’m hungrrrry. Right now, I feel like I could chew up a bowl of sardine pie.”
It wasn’t a bad thing for Lucilla to show such a friendly and unpretentious side in front of the Imperial Knights. But I could not do that. It was better to show a proper respect for the Divine object, the foundation of the Empire, wherever I was. Thus, even after hearing Lucilla’s spoiled complaining, I neither stopped her nor responded.
Just then, Richard, who had been glancing at Ikyun, picked up on Lucilla’s words.
“There are about three hours left until mealtime. Should we, uh, eat together?”
“…”
My already sensitive nerves were pulled taut like a bowstring. Without turning my gaze once, I steadied my breath. Only after crafting a composed face could I look at him.
Why is this bastard pestering me again?