By Zephyria 
A me I don’t know resides within.
I have lived as Michael Ernhardt for over a decade. I commanded cute and lovely Blood Kin, shared intimate memories with many friends, and harbored affection for a beautiful child.
In my past life, I was a swordsman who killed hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands. I cut down evildoers as easily as the people of this land cut down monsters, all while casually worrying about my next meal and teaching children. Now, I fear the me of my past life.
What if something even more terrifying lies hidden within?
Do I have the right to laugh, to talk, to be happy?
As I hesitated, the God holding the orb shook it up and down, urging me on.
“Huh? Not enough explanation? It’s yours. Just by looking at the color, you know it’s me! Don’t you feel that way?”
“…”
“How else would I have known the name Jeongyeon? It’s because she told me. Honestly, there are too many people on the continent now, I can’t remember all the names.”
“…”
“No, what more do you need? It’s just a little torn from being forcibly brought over. It’s not a bad thing!”
Just as the God was about to erupt in anger, Ruben spoke up calmly in my stead.
“…Must I take it? You mentioned it was fierce, so is it dangerous…?”
“Ah. Ah! Ah, you’re worried it’s dangerous? No. It’s not that it’s fierce in a bad way… This is just foreign Mana, with the same principles as our world but a different origin. If left alone, it keeps wanting to return to its original world, and since the rift was only recently closed, I’m worried the world might tear open again.”
“…After it’s merged?”
“Once it’s merged, the current him will be too heavy to do that. He’s already drawn in a lot of this world’s Mana and swallowed it, so he’ll be fine. I need to finish this quickly and go help my sister. I’ve taken too long.”
Therefore, there was no way to refuse.
If the world tears open again, what if I’m sent back to my original world? Gritting my teeth, I extended my hand. The God, as if handing off a bothersome task, placed the orb firmly in my palm with a casual air, then closed his hand, urging me to grip it.
I clearly felt something pulsing and leaping within the small sphere. My palm grew numb.
“That’s right, swallow it like this. After swallowing it, just draw in that much more Mana.”
“…Mana…”
“Yes, you know what you were doing, right? Breathing and regulating energy? Do that once.”
Amidst the worried gazes of those watching me and the mercenaries’ expressions of confusion and bewilderment, I sank to the ground. Ruben’s gaze met mine directly on my cheek.
Even if I become someone else, will I still receive this gaze?
I am afraid, so afraid.
I placed the blue orb into my mouth. It felt like swallowing a wicked medicinal pill. As I felt the thick mass of Qi melt on my tongue, I closed my eyes. Sitting with my hands on my knees, I slowly performed the Microcosmic Orbit.
The words that it originated from me seem to be true.
As if it were meant to be, the orb melted away without a trace within my body.
…
And nothing happened.
It was no different than waking up in the morning and doing one session of Breathing and regulating energy. What changed? Did I learn anything new? No matter how hard I racked my brain, I couldn’t tell. I opened my eyes.
“…Ah, ahem.”
I tried speaking. This too… it felt like nothing had changed.
“What’s wrong?” the God asked.
“…It feels like nothing has changed.”
“Ah, no, I’ve been telling you from the start. You just got yours back, so what’s the problem?”
“But you didn’t say I lost anything.”
Then the God laughed heartily and said,
“You know that friend who carried a fan? Remember? The one with the funny hat who was always pestering you?”
“…Jegal Heon? Why would he…”
“Why? Because your soul fragment kept making noise! It was shouting.”
Oh.
Ah.
…Ah!
I finally understood what I had forgotten. No, I had forgotten that I had forgotten.
Was this all it was?
I would rather forget that Peng Joo-hyuk, even past forty, was ashamed of his Mongolian spot and wouldn’t bathe in the stream. I remembered how Moyong Jin wielded his sword, how he lived, and when he died, even before reclaiming this soul fragment. I couldn’t forget Jegal Heon’s habit of trailing after Moyong Yeonhwa, pretending ignorance while whining behind her back.
I remembered the faces, voices, and moments spent with my friends, so what was the big deal about remembering a few more names? I had even been reborn after dying once. What need was there to specifically remember the names of people long dead and buried?
Wasn’t it enough that I never forgot their very existence?
It was just a few names of friends I was close to in my past life that came back to me.
Relieved, I let out a laugh. It was utterly amusing.
The me before finding the lost fragment and the me now are entirely the same person. I looked back at Ruben, just in case. Seeing the child’s determined and serious expression made my chest tingle.
Wanting to comfort him, I brushed myself off and placed a hand on his shoulder.
Ruben didn’t hesitate and embraced me. I held him as he clung to my waist, but I inwardly gasped, embarrassed by the eyes of our companions. Still, I was purely happy.
Until I saw the slight tremor in the child’s gaze.
Why?
“…What… has changed?”
Was I the only one who thought nothing had changed?
Now I noticed the suspicious gazes of the children around me. While Ruben buried his face in my shoulder and wouldn’t let go, Marianne, who had been scrutinizing my face, let out a soft gasp.
“Hoo…”
“…What is it, exactly?”
Hugh Benson answered that question.
“You… you must have gone through some hardship?”
“Pardon?”
“No, your face is the same, but how can you look so different just because your expression has soured a bit?”
“…Pardon?”
My expression?
Then, murmurs arose from among the mercenaries. Some said I had changed, others that I hadn’t. Among them, Ann’s voice, full of intrigue, lodged itself clearly in my ear.
“Oh, I don’t know. Even now, if you put a flower crown on her, she’d sparkle like a fairy. It’s just like usual, hasn’t her expression just become more serious?”
“Michael didn’t usually have that expression! She was always smiling so blissfully!” Marianne retorted quickly, looking quite indignant. As she shook her clenched fists up and down, Giselle, who had stepped back half a pace to avoid being hit, burst into laughter and asked,
“Isn’t that a blissful expression now?”
“No! That’s a ‘Huuuh…’ expression!”
“I’m sorry, but I honestly don’t know what’s different.” Leon raised both hands in surrender and stepped back.
What was this now?
Startled, I covered my lower face with my free arm.
Come to think of it, Ruben’s hand on my waist had lost its grip. His face was also filled with a sense of disappointment. What, I’m the same, but my love cools just because my expression changed a little?
How could this child do this to me? I wondered if I needed to practice my expressions again. I couldn’t remember if I had brought a mirror on our journey, and I grew anxious.
Then Ruben whispered in my ear,
“Is it… someone you liked?”
“Pardon?”
“The one who carried a fan…”
“Nonsense! In my entire life, the only one I’ve adored is Ruben—”
…Oops.
I shouted in shock and cut myself off. Seeing all the eyes looking my way widen, my face flushed with heat.
Ruben, startled by my loud voice, giggled and hugged my waist tightly again. It had felt warm and nice just moments ago, but now it was so hot it felt suffocating. I couldn’t lift my head.
My gaze lowered to the weeds on the ground, and Benjamin’s voice, which had been silent until now, struck my head heavily.
“…Nothing has changed, has it?”
…What a relief, but I was so mortified I bit my tongue hard.
It was Hugh Benson who stopped the God, who was about to leave to do his own business. While I was doing my Breathing and regulating energy, he must have wrestled with the God; his thin hair was disheveled like a cow had licked it, standing on end. Yet, his expression and words were utterly serious.
“So, that… the sister you need to help now, is she the First Goddess?”
“Ah, well, yes?”
“We… we can’t help with anything? You just called us to give us that, right? Really?”
“Yeah. So I just asked to bring Jeongyeon for a moment, but she wouldn’t listen. Still, thanks to our Nadi and Sylph, I was saved. I’ve been stuck here for years, holding onto this…”
Elwin, receiving a sharp glare from the God, shamelessly replied,
“No, did I tell you to kidnap her! Couldn’t you have persuaded her?”
I watched the trivial banter for a while, letting the heat on my cheeks cool.
It was then that Ruben, who had been holding me for a long time, lifted his head. I felt his rapidly beating heart calm down throughout my body. He pondered for a moment, looked at me, then at the God, and only then let go of me and stood up straight.
What was he going to say?
The eyes of the chattering children also gathered one by one.
Waiting for everyone to quiet down, Ruben cautiously asked,
“Are you perhaps… planning to go now and rescue the figures captured by the Ninth God?”
“Huh? That might be a bit difficult,” the God replied lightly, without a hint of hesitation. The faces of the children who had been laughing and chatting froze instantly. But regardless of our surprise, the God’s face remained beaming. Ruben asked again,
“Are they perhaps… already all dead…?”
“No? That’s not it. The youngest is trying to steal souls from another world right now. To open the passage, energy needs to burst out all at once, so he’s just gathering it. He’ll probably last another year or two.”
“Then, then, God…”
“Uh-huh. No, you’re misunderstanding something.” The God scratched his cheek with his index finger.
The action made him look like a living person. Yet, this beautiful sculpture, which didn’t blink or breathe, was merely something that existed in that place. Unlike us, who reacted to his every word, he continued speaking with a playful smile from beginning to end.
“Creatures die naturally. I’m trying to prevent the youngest from shattering this world by stealing souls from another, but I don’t want him to just cry helplessly within it.”
“…”
“If you want to save those who were captured, you have to do it. They won’t live even a hundred years after being saved, so why should I?”
Elwin said something.
The God laughed loudly and replied cheerfully,
“That’s right, Hissert. That’s our destiny. Gods help gods, humans help humans, and monsters help monsters. Let’s take care of our own business, by ourselves.”