WNC 312

It was the first time I saw Hugh Benson take out a cigarette and put it in his mouth.

Out of concern for the unknown, I couldn’t leave the children and go far, so at most, I moved them to the room next to the one they were in. If he paid close attention, Benjamin could overhear our conversation. Of course, I wasn’t worried because he wasn’t the type to do such a thing.

Hugh puffed out white smoke a few times, then crushed the half-smoked cigarette with his hand, extinguished it, and placed it in an empty vase. Then he asked.

“How old are you?”

“…Seventeen… I am.”

Seventeen, my foot. If you add the years I’ve lived after being reborn at forty-five, I’m over sixty.

But why is sixty (the age of understanding) sixty? It’s called sixty because one is old enough to hear others speak kindly. Even after learning that in this new world, I still had many areas needing improvement, so I stood still, lowering my eyes like a child being punished.

“Have you ever killed a person before?”

“…”

Not in this life.

But should I say I have, or that I haven’t?

Are past and present lives connected, or severed?

Everything that makes up my body belongs to Sierren. I was born with the form of a Sierran Empire citizen, grew up eating Sierran grains and fruits, and learned etiquette and principles in the Sierran way.

However, eight-tenths of what makes up my soul was from the Central Plains. I studied Confucius and Mencius, and I cut down hundreds, thousands of villains and demons. My sword has not lost the light of Azure Sky, and in the deepest part of my heart, the sky of Namgung still stands firm.

Unable to answer, I remained silent.

Hugh Benson observed my expression without a word, then put a second cigarette in his mouth. However, he didn’t light it. He chewed the end of the cigarette like sugarcane and spat out a single word.

“I killed my first person around that age.”

“…”

“I couldn’t do it cleanly like you, it was a bit… rough.”

“…”

“I don’t regret it even now. Lift your head.”

When he told me to lift my head, I did. And I was surprised.

Unexpectedly, his green eyes held a gentle light.

“In Sierren, they teach swordsmanship to kill monsters, right? I took up my sword to kill people. After killing enough, I only then learned how to kill monsters, having run away.”

“…”

“I don’t think that’s wrong. A sword is made to cut down monsters or humans.”

“…”

“But if possible, use your sword to save. After killing too much, it’s too late.”

“…”

“You have to if you want to live with these softies around.”

After hesitating for a long time, I finally asked.

“…If you were in the situation yesterday, Senior… what would you have done?”

“I would have sent one of them away first, like you. To subdue them safely, you need at least equal numbers. After it became 3 on 3… depending on skill, I would have cut off one arm of the most skilled one. Then subdue them, make them kneel, and negotiate. Ending it around that point is the standard.”

“…”

“You have to hear if they committed a crime worthy of death, or if their life is worth sparing. If you don’t know immediately, hand them over to be punished by the Emperor and judges. It’s not set by law, but an unspoken rule? Something like, ‘Let’s live like this as humans,’? Something like that exists.”

I opened my mouth to reply, then closed it again. I opened it again, then closed it again.

Hugh Benson waited without rushing me. As the end of his cigarette caught fire, red sparks flew. Watching him exhale white smoke like clouds, I finally found the words.

“…What did you mean when you said earlier that you… killed them for me?”

“That.”

Hugh Benson smiled silently and crumpled the second butt into the vase.

“When you kill someone for the first time, people around you keep trying to console you.”

“…”

“Clumsy ones can be out of sorts for months. You didn’t seem excited by your first kill, nor proud… so it didn’t feel real? That’s what I thought first. So I figured you might need more time to think alone.”

“…Ah.”

“And the three guys over there would obviously be surprised too. I guess I just wanted to… what should I say?”

“…A little?”

“I wanted to postpone it. It’s a habit to deal with the most urgent matters first.”

“…Ah.”

“But well, I don’t intend to blame you for what you said. Honesty is good. It’s much better than getting pissed off by people talking behind your back. You did well.”

“…”

As if he had said all he needed to, he patted my shoulder, and I stood there frozen.

Hugh Benson deliberately put on a playful, much lighter tone and teased me.

“Still, love is quite something. It can suddenly create guilt that wasn’t there.”

“…That’s.”

“Come back after you’ve thought enough. We’ll go for a visit right after breakfast.”

He threw that out in a playful tone. He deliberately made the interrogation sound light. Then, as if he had finished saying what he needed to, he brushed past me.

I still couldn’t turn back. I was afraid of how terrible my face must look. I stood there blankly, unable to fully absorb his consideration.

Behind me, the sound of a door opening and then closing followed in succession. The sound of footsteps fading away could also be heard.

Footsteps, my foot. Hugh Benson walks so quietly that most Sword Masters wouldn’t notice. I knew he was giving me time alone while he ensured the children were safe.

From a distance, the sound of the bedroom door where the children were gathered opening and closing again, and the sound of children murmuring, could be heard. I deliberately activated my Aura Barrier to block all those sounds.

After pondering, I sat on a suitable sofa.

I was given time to think, but I was at a loss as to what to reflect upon.

The first person I thought of was Maelo Sanson. He recognized the killing intent in my sword and called it a Demon Sword. A sword that kills people was called Demonic Arts in this land.

I thought I was walking the righteous path, but at some point, I found myself standing on the path of Demonic Arts.

The first time I killed a person was at fifteen. The man I killed that day was a bandit captured from the distant land of Fujian. He had robbed hundreds of passersby and taken dozens of lives.

There were many comrades waiting in line before and after me, so I didn’t have time to hesitate. I immediately swung my sword and ended his life, receiving praise.

Still, I did ask him to speak of his sins, and we did try to ascertain right from wrong. It was hazy when I started cutting people down without dwelling on their sins.

Even so, before the Demonic Cult rose to prominence, I recall listening to one or two last words before striking.

No, there were many days when I heard them but deemed their words unnecessary and simply cut them down. I only now realized that I had always drawn my sword first if they seemed like an obstacle.

I didn’t kill the wicked and save the good. I saved my own side and killed the other side. Around the age of forty, when I was driven by desperation, thinking I would die if I didn’t kill, it had always been like this.

A fifteen-year-old child in Sierren doesn’t learn how to kill people. They either enroll in the Academy or chirp about finding what they want to do and step out into the world. Most of them live their lives without ever hitting or killing a person.

I am a stone worn down too much. Is there any way to fill back the parts that have already been carved away?

I still couldn’t fully grasp it with my heart. Still, it was a great relief to have awakened now. I didn’t want to make Ruben sad, and I didn’t want to see the other children afraid, so I decided to regain my composure. It is proper to ponder five times before killing one person.

The more I think about it, the more absurd it is.

Did my affection bring back guilt?

No. What I brought back was pretense. A mask. It was only when I became anxious that Ruben might become afraid of me and lose his affection that I finally began to be cautious. Since it’s not goodness for the sake of goodness, how can I discuss righteousness? The more I think about it, the more ashamed I am.

I realized that only with Ruben could I live as a human, not a fiend. How much more time will it take for me to be able to act like a proper human, even without the child?

After cleansing my heart somewhat, I returned to the bedroom where the group was before dawn broke.

Ruben greeted me with a smile, without a word. I was very curious about what they had discussed, and what this child was thinking inwardly, but I was too afraid to ask.

Marianne chattered on, just as she always did. I lost my train of thought several times and couldn’t answer, drawing laughter from the children. Each time, I would often laugh along.

Whenever a part of my heart felt empty, Ruben would tightly grip my hand, which was both amusing and sorrowful. I couldn’t help but laugh.

❖ ❖ ❖

The room where the hostage was held was underground.

The Artifact binding the woman’s hands and feet, and the Magic Circle glowing a faint yellow light around the prison, confined her. She was made to sit on the cold stone floor, devoid of any Tapestry, separated by thick bars.

A chair was placed in the position to observe the prison. Elvin, who had been sitting in that chair, scanned the group silently and then stood up, leaning against the wall. It was to block any escape route, but I felt sorry for Elvin, who had stayed up all night in this cold, musty place.

Our group consisted of ten people in total. Our usual six, plus four informants including Tedros, stood for the interrogation. The informants all wore robes that covered their faces, but just in case, I carefully memorized their gait and breathing patterns.

I naturally expected Hugh Benson to sit down and begin the interrogation. However, Hugh stood upright at a suitable distance. Seeing our group, the woman spoke with a flippant tone.

“I thought I’d see you around lunchtime. You’re early?”

“…”

“I’d already thought about what to say first. But no matter how much I thought about it, it was too unfair. We… well, they’re all dead, so only I’m left. I swear I didn’t know the Second Prince had a cross-dressing hobby.”

It was obvious she was deliberately provoking.

The woman’s hair was a reddish-brown. Her dark eyes were a deep purple. Her words, thrown out carelessly, were fierce. Her lips, painted with vivid red rouge, looked large compared to her face. The woman grinned and shrugged her shoulders.

“You can ask me anything, but I don’t know what you’d be curious about.”

In the Central Plains, torturing such a person to find evidence was the job of the Tang Family or the Jegal Family. I had participated in such things only a handful of times, and even then, I was mostly kicked out for being a hindrance. Having just been caught killing people by the children, I also didn’t want to do anything harsh.

As I remained silent, contemplating what to say first to gain the upper hand.

Rubel sat down on the chair and crossed his legs.