By Zephyria 
The room contained only two beds and a small table.
Ruben was carefully placed on a bed, and the curtains were meticulously drawn. Once the room became a complete, sealed space, Rubel hesitated, holding the edge of the veil. Only after hearing “It’s alright” did he cautiously lift his veil, revealing his fair face.
It was midsummer.
The temperature-regulating Artifact was a device that prevented body temperature from rising or falling. It couldn’t arbitrarily change the surrounding air. Ruben, who had been wearing a thick veil all day, must have felt quite stifled.
My breath caught when the white veil was lifted, revealing a face flushed red.
“⋯Hoo⋯.”
My fingertips trembled at the breath the child exhaled. It felt like a highly clandestine act, and I hesitated. The small handbag a bride carried was small enough to be hidden in a sleeve. From that bag, Ruben took out a handkerchief and pressed it to his cheeks and neck.
“Thank you, Mika. All day long⋯.”
“Shouldn’t I be the one thanking you?”
“⋯.”
The child’s gaze settled on me again, lingering. After a moment, he smiled shyly and averted his eyes.
I knew.
Ruben wasn’t so foolish as to not realize I had dressed this way to please him. I hadn’t been able to properly respond to his proposal, which wasn’t quite a proposal. Nevertheless, Ruben had keenly sensed the desire I harbored and chosen to do something cute.
Was this the only way to hide my face? It was my own fault for being greedy, thinking of pairing up with Ruben. Ruben, excited about wearing pretty clothes, hadn’t thought much of it.
From the moment we entered Owen, I had been so embarrassed and apologetic all day that I broke out in a sweat. When there were fewer eyes on us, I had lifted the veil in the carriage and stretched my legs, so I hadn’t realized. If I had known the child would be so stifled and uncomfortable, I would have stopped him beforehand.
As I tried to compose my expression, the one who had been silent for a long time rummaged in his bag again and pulled out a comb about a handspan long.
“⋯Then⋯ help me with this.”
“⋯Yes?”
“My sleeves are too long, I don’t think I can do it alone. So⋯.”
“Ah. ⋯Yes.”
I readily sat behind Ruben.
It was my first time brushing someone else’s hair.
Of course, I had petted the hair of young children a few times. But usually, I ended up messing up their neatly tied hair, so it was far from skillful grooming.
Still, it was fortunate that my past as a Namgung Martial artist, who had styled their hair, meant I knew how to brush long hair. I carefully gathered the child’s hair, let it fall, and dripped a few drops of holy oil before slowly brushing from the ends. A familiar scent filled the room.
As I gently brushed, Ruben spoke again.
“⋯Still, it must have been heavy.”
“Not at all.”
“⋯.”
There was no sound, but I knew he was laughing by the tremor in his shoulders.
“Sometimes you’re strange.”
“⋯What is?”
“When I first saw you⋯. You looked like a tiny fairy. Now you’re carrying and lifting me.”
“⋯Well⋯.”
Yet, he always acted as if he could be held in my arms. Whenever our eyes met, he would lower himself, making it so I could reach his crown or his round ears with just a stretch of my hand.
Perhaps that’s why? No matter how I thought about it, Ruben always seemed small and cute. It was an absurd thought to have about a grown man, but at least that’s how he seemed to me.
“⋯Even when I first saw Ruben, I could have lifted Ruben with one hand.”
“Ah⋯. Well, you could have⋯.”
“Mmm.”
As I gently held his rustling hair, mischievous thoughts kept coming. I needed to shake them off and quickly change the subject, but something suddenly came to mind.
“Is that why you liked me?”
“⋯What?”
“Because I was smaller than Ruben⋯. Would that have been better?”
“What are you talking about,”
I gently held his shoulder to stop the startled child from turning around.
Once stopped, the child couldn’t turn back. Every time I gathered his hair, his exposed white nape stiffened with tension.
I calmly brushed Ruben’s hair down. Using this opportunity, I slowly unraveled the words I had concocted as an excuse for him not to turn back, words I couldn’t utter while looking into his dark eyes.
“Sometimes⋯. I remember the stories you told me before.”
“⋯Which ones?”
“You said you came to like me because you were curious.”
Hick, the sound of him inhaling was sweet.
“You said it started because I looked like I was crying, pitiful, and lonely⋯.”
“⋯That, Mika.”
“At the time, I thought maybe I seemed more pathetic because my physique was small⋯.”
“⋯.”
“⋯And I wondered if I was curious about things like this too⋯.”
The hair I had neatly brushed to his crown shone brightly. I gathered it in my hand and let it cascade down.
It was truly strange. I wanted to pat him because he seemed pitiful, but then suddenly the urge to grasp his fine hair in one hand struck my heart. I was surprised by my own ferocity every moment.
Ruben seemed to be contemplating, unable to even breathe properly, and I worried. Was he scared again?
I carefully reached out and hugged the child from behind. He leaned into my embrace willingly. He rested his forehead on my shoulder and sighed softly.
“⋯I’m not trying to surprise you, or question you⋯.”
I had layered so many clothes on him that it felt like hugging a large doll. It was almost a relief. If I had felt his body heat directly, I might not have been able to bear it.
After a long thought, I finally found the words to finish.
“It seems I want to look good for Ruben.”
“⋯More than this?”
Ruben’s voice was higher than usual. Was he laughing? I found myself smiling too.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed out my answer in a calm voice.
“Yes. More than this.”
There was no immediate reply.
So, I didn’t let go of the child either.
In the silence, I realized.
I had watched Ruben all day, trying his best to look even a little pretty for me.
He was already more than good enough. The sight of him trying so hard to be demure was pitiful, and the thought that he wanted to look beautiful for me like that made my heart flutter all day.
I didn’t want Ruben to act like a woman.
It was the same feeling as offering him prey even though I knew I couldn’t be his partner, or wanting to cover Ruben with red silk even though I knew I couldn’t take him to the Central Plains.
⋯I wanted him to act as if he were my mate.
So, I felt I had to reward his efforts in some way.
I felt a desire to look even a little good to Ruben, and to stir his heart. I was intensely curious about what trick I could play that would make Ruben happy.
Ruben twisted in my arms again. It seemed like he wanted to see my face, so I hugged him tighter, preventing him from moving. My face felt hot. My body grew warm to the point where my earlobes tingled. I didn’t want him to see.
Ruben struggled a little more in my embrace before quickly giving up and becoming still.
Instead, he answered with a laughing voice.
“⋯I⋯.”
“Yes.”
“Am curious about you right now, Mika.”
Ruben found the back of my hand and gently patted it. It was amusing how the heavy fabric covered half of his palm. I chuckled, and Ruben laughed again.
It was truly strange. I hugged him tightly once more, then loosened my grip. The child quickly turned to look at me, and I covered his eyes. If I looked into his eyes now, I felt like I would want to do something wicked again.
“Me too.”
“You too?”
“Yes. I’m curious about Ruben too. What makes him happy, how I should treat him.”
Every time the child blinked, it felt like tiny butterflies were fluttering inside my palm. The sensation of Ruben’s eyelashes tickling my grasp was vivid, making me laugh.
As if sensing my laughter, Ruben laughed along. I found his neat lips forming a gentle curve, and I gazed at them for a long time. After a moment of thought, Ruben leaned his entire weight into my embrace. Then, he chattered like a chirping bird.
“Then, give me your arm to lean on today.”
“⋯Mmm.”
“Like you did when we camped.”
Sleeping leaning on someone during an outdoor camp⋯.
No, it was an excuse. I had already held Ruben while he slept several times. As I opened my mouth to make an excuse, a laugh escaped.
Ruben tickled the back of my hand, which was covering his eyes, with his fingertips. I couldn’t stand it any longer and removed my hand. We looked at each other.
Ruben’s eyes, like sparkling obsidian, and his white face, flushed red to his ears, were incredibly beautiful.
“Yes.”
“⋯And next time, ask me again. Like this.”
“⋯Yes.”
We chatted a little longer, then lay down under the same blanket.
I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep a wink lying embraced with Ruben, but I did it anyway. I wanted to do at least that for the child who had gone to such trouble all day for my sake.
The straw mattress, which felt rougher as my affection deepened, felt softer than goose down.
❖ ❖ ❖
So, for the rest of the journey, I was busy attending to Ruben every day. Even if the child said it was fine, I wasn’t, so I brought him water, adjusted his clothes, and served him meals.
The food in Owen proper was less seasoned than what Ruben and I had eaten in the capital.
Perhaps because it was a land so close to death, they preferred and sought out healthy things. As a result, all the food suited Ruben’s palate.
After each meal, I would ask Ruben what he liked and disliked and make sure to serve it at the next meal. Ruben’s bright smile and saying it was worth the effort eased my guilt slightly.
Still, it was a relief not to have to help him bathe.
Marianne diligently used Clean Magic every day, giving me a mischievous look and telling me to speak up if I needed anything. I chided the child, but inwardly, I was truly grateful for Marianne’s presence.
Can one grow accustomed to love?
Now, I could even steal a moment’s sleep with Ruben by my side. When I slept briefly and woke up, Ruben would be comfortably nestled in my arms. At those times, I would lie there for a long time, gazing at the child, unable to sleep.
When Ruben slept soundly, he had a habit of furrowing his brow, and when I smoothed it with my hand, he would smile bashfully. He was so lovely.
During the day, I persuaded Ruben, who didn’t want to bother me, to ride horses together.
I quickly grew accustomed to the strange glances from strangers who looked at me oddly upon seeing Ruben’s flowing robes. Regardless, as long as Ruben’s cotton wasn’t sold, it didn’t matter to me.
I hoped that Ruben wouldn’t be ashamed of the memories of this day, even if he found someone new someday.
No, that wasn’t it. I did this hoping the child wouldn’t be swayed by me and leave.
Seeing Teddy dote on his wife, I sometimes made a joke like, “You’ll live happily.”
I didn’t confirm the joke, but it wasn’t an unpleasant one. Occasionally, Marianne would play a mischievous prank, and Benjamin, swept up by Marianne, would also say a few unnecessary things.
They were all saying it for my sake, so I just laughed it off.
Three days passed like this, and it was Thursday of the fourth week of August.
With the capital Bardiol just ahead, suspicious presences began to follow us.