“The camaraderie we share while supporting the Second Prince becoming Emperor, and the affection I have for you… they’re a bit different. You know that, right?”
“Yeah.”
“At first… well, at the very beginning, I think I was a little bit sad.”
Instead of replying aloud, I simply gazed at Shayden. I wondered if the beginning I remembered was the same as the beginning he was talking about. No, they were definitely different. The moment that made me feel sorry and concerned for him now was that day at the entrance ceremony.
Shayden’s smile resembled carefully selected grains of rice. It was a well-cultivated smile, as if the rough and harsh parts had been sifted through a fine sieve, leaving only the most beautiful and refined. I didn’t know when he had learned to smile so maturely.
I was speechless, feeling estranged from the child who had grown up in a place unknown to me.
“You look at people like you’re looking at a flower.”
“…What do you mean?”
“You stare intently at people as if you’re looking at something very fragile and delicate, as if you’re observing a being you’re seeing for the first time in your life, with great curiosity… Sometimes, I thought that made you seem inhuman. But then, you’d occasionally show such incredibly human sides, and I’d feel like I was someone special for having become close to you.”
“…”
“Because you were that kind of person, there were times when I was proud to be your friend. It felt like I had achieved something, like I had climbed a very high mountain… something like that.”
“…”
“Of course, not anymore. That’s what I thought when I was younger, when you and I didn’t know each other as well.”
Shayden stroked the teacup with his fingertips. I remained still, observing the voice he offered, his gentle actions, and his refined smile.
“Now, I just like you because you’re a good person. Whether the Second Prince likes you or not, whether you like the Second Prince or not. I’ll remain your friend, and I want to be on your side. I’ll try to make that happen.”
“…You’re a good person too, Shayden.”
“That’s right too. I’ve never met anyone as good-natured as me in my life.”
Shayden laughed. He had a lean and firm body. Even when we met at the entrance ceremony, and even now that I had grown much taller, Shayden’s eye level was still about the same as mine. His face, still boyish, smiling like an adult, no longer felt unfamiliar.
Now, even if there were thousands of red-haired boys, I could easily pick out Shayden.
He was the one who looked after me morning and evening, teaching me the right and wrong paths. I knew why Shayden cared about me, but it wasn’t easy for him to take care of a peer so meticulously and thoroughly.
He had shaped me to act like a human being. I felt duly grateful.
“Anyway, that’s how I feel. If you had been a little harsher to the Second Prince, I might have gotten jealous and whined about you stealing my friend… But since he’s not getting enough attention to the point where it’s pitiful, I wasn’t upset, even though it was a little embarrassing.”
“…Is that so?”
“Yeah. Well, it’s not like I don’t think, ‘Everyone’s in love except me…’ It’s kind of, how should I put it…”
I waited quietly. Waiting was one of the things I was good at. As I remained silent, Shayden finally extracted an answer from within himself and presented it as if showing off a treasure.
“I want you to be happy, Mika.”
“…”
“So I hope you don’t get too caught up in the Second Prince’s ways. I hope you walk your own path, the way you’ve been doing.”
“…The Second Prince’s ways?”
“Yeah. I… What I’m worried about isn’t that you and the Second Prince will start dating, or that I’ll grow distant from you in the process. Whether you date or not, I’m still your friend, right?”
“…Right.”
“If you and the Second Prince start dating, even if you break up for some reason, you’ll… have to remain one of the Second Prince’s people. I’m worried about you becoming like that.”
Ah. That was something I hadn’t even considered.
Calypse was also worried, thinking about what would happen after a breakup with Walter. Preparing and making preparations in advance is the job of a strategist. I realized that I had only worried about whether I could accept the child, and hadn’t thought about what would happen after that, and I swallowed shallowly.
Was it because I was too focused on Shayden’s words? The teacup in front of me had already gone cold. But even swallowing the cold tea, my insides felt hot as if I had swallowed fire. For some reason, I felt like refuting it.
I swallowed the words along with the bitter tea.
Imagining myself as Luber’s lover was very difficult. But now, I realized that imagining myself standing by his side after a breakup was a hundred times more difficult. The affection and concern in Shayden’s eyes roughly scratched at my insides.
“Since you’re a bit rigid, I don’t think you’d be satisfied with being the Emperor’s mistress or something.”
“…Mistress?”
“I’m not necessarily talking about a relationship where you share a body. I’m talking about in case of, really in case of something happening. I was worried that you might have to keep those things in mind. Well, not now…”
“Why?”
“Tell me in seven syllables. What do you mean, why?”
“Why aren’t you worried about that now?”
Shayden smiled slightly and took a bite of his cookie.
“Right now, it doesn’t seem like the Second Prince is someone who would force you to do anything.”
“…Yeah.”
Luber wouldn’t force me to do anything. So I shouldn’t force him to do anything either. I smiled bitterly. Shayden shrugged at me and promptly offered his thanks.
“Anyway, thanks.”
“For what?”
“For telling me these things. We’re not at an age where we can say these things anymore… And I know we shouldn’t rank friends in front of others, but we shouldn’t rank friends.”
His clear, light green eyes were filled with playfulness. He smiled and wrinkled his nose. It was a smile I hadn’t seen recently. I wondered if I had ever seen this smile a long time ago.
“I wanted to be your best friend.”
“You already are.”
“Yeah, so I’m satisfied with my position right now.”
Shayden smiled, finished the cookie, and began to clear the empty plate. Knowing that he was finishing the conversation and about to start studying, I stubbornly added one more word.
“You’re a really good friend, Shayden. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be thinking and acting the way I am now. I’m very grateful to you.”
“…Yeah. That’s enough for me, so you don’t have to worry about me too much.”
Shayden, who had stopped clearing the teacups, spoke nonchalantly.
“We’re already on the same boat, Mika. I thought this would happen from the moment I first saw you. You’re the captain of this ship, and I’ll be the first mate. While you’re moving forward, I’ll be constantly thinking about what kind of cargo to load on this ship and what kind of crew to bring on board.”
“Then what about Luber?”
“What else would you call someone who provides money and justification other than a shipowner?”
I thought it was a funny analogy. I laughed out loud. Shayden, still in a playful tone, added a few more words as if singing.
“Should I try being the first mate instead of the first mate? What do you think, will you let me?”
“Well, I’ll think about it.”
“You’re so picky.”
Something I was curious about from a past conversation suddenly came to mind.
“By the way, what is a love bite?”
“…Huh?”
“Walter Orgen left one earlier.”
“No, no, crazy. That, uh, no… That’s… I don’t really know either… Could you ask your dad about it later?”
“…My father?”
“Yeah. I want to be your friend, not that kind of teacher…”
“Hmm. Okay.”
I didn’t want to force him to do something difficult, so I put aside my curiosity.
After clearing the teacups, we each studied in our own places. Occasionally, when we didn’t know something, we would raise our heads and ask questions. Shayden wasn’t as cautious as Luber. He often used explicit words to explain things.
I gratefully accepted all of his teachings.
❖ ❖ ❖
Tuesday. Maelo Sanson taught me about the attack range, shape, and form of monsters, and corrected my swordplay.
I lacked imagination and couldn’t easily recall things I hadn’t seen. The way of fighting that Sanson taught me made me think of a war with a person as big as a house. This was because most of the monster forms I had seen in textbooks resembled humans.
Two arms, two legs, walking on two feet, even wielding a Club, it was difficult to fully imagine that it used different hip joints and moved in a different way than humans.
So, after correcting my swordplay several times, Sanson said that he would soon find a way for me to safely see a monster. I was very grateful for his concern and bowed deeply to express my gratitude.
On Wednesday evening, I followed Wilton Roberts to the Imperial Aristocratic Yearbook Management and Inspection Department.
This time, I didn’t enter through that invisible door. The carriage drove along the main street and stopped normally in front of a building. Even though Wilton didn’t ask me to be quiet, I didn’t open my mouth. When the door of the building opened, it was already a dark night, but the inside was noisy.
Wilton Roberts opened his mouth nonchalantly.
“Have you ever seen poison directly?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“What is your knowledge of poisons?”
“In the camping class… I learned not to put poisonous plants on the street in my mouth.”
“So you only know about common stomachache weeds or poisonous mushrooms.”
I walked between the fifty-odd to less than a hundred people wearing white gowns, moving from east to west and from south to north.
I was able to join Wilton Roberts after his throwing knife technique class was over. It was a late hour past dinner, but it felt strange that so many people were here. I felt a chill for no reason.
Wilton walked like a shadow. I followed behind him, resisting the urge to keep looking around.
“Do you know where this place is?”
“I don’t.”
“Where do you think the most poison is handled in the Empire?”
“…The Alchemist’s Tower?”
“That’s right.”
This building had a very low floor height to be called a tower. But I knew that I shouldn’t be deceived by appearances. I swallowed the urge to stick out my tongue and moved on again.
The Alchemist’s Tower. I decided to just be curious about what I would see here.