By Zephyria 
Reading through the chat room of a close friend, Eun-ha found himself turning pale without even realizing it. Once, that person had asked if it would be okay to mention to people around them that they had a boyfriend. They had said they were so happy that they wanted to brag about it to anyone and everyone…
He had thought it was just a comment close to an affectionate joke, but they actually did it…?
Turning his head stiffly, Eun-ha looked down at the face sleeping soundly and peacefully, without a single worry in the world. He stared as if looking at something completely incomprehensible, something he had never seen before.
He explored a bit more after that, but he couldn’t find any other significant clues. There were certainly a lot of accumulated messages, but that was all. Yeon-jun had maintained a minimum level of sincerity and politeness, but he possessed no enthusiasm for them. In the first place, he had signaled his intentions far more by not replying than by replying. For the most part, he had simply checked the messages and moved on.
But what had I done?
“…….”
His mind suddenly cleared, as if splashed with cold water. Holding the phone with both hands, Eun-ha’s expression stiffened. It was a terribly belated realization.
His gaze wandering aimlessly in the darkness, Eun-ha let the phone drop onto the blanket. He felt cold sweat soaking into his palms. It wasn’t that he doubted him. It was absolutely not that. There was no way.
It’s just, I…
Closing and opening his eyes tightly, Eun-ha placed the phone back in its spot. He did so urgently, like someone being chased. Then, like a person exhausted of all strength, he lay down languidly. Perhaps sensing his presence, Yeon-jun tossed and turned, burrowing into Eun-ha’s embrace. Because the limbs winding around him in sleep were so cozy and warm, Eun-ha felt his insides crumple further with self-loathing.
‘Truly the worst…’
Giving himself a fairly objective evaluation, he squeezed his eyes shut.
* * *
“……Is this already broken?”
A morning like any other. Having finished getting ready for school early, Yeon-jun spoke seriously while looking down. With Yeon-jun behind his shoulder, Eun-ha stared blankly down with him. There, on the scale, was a number showing he had lost about 1kg compared to a few days ago.
It had happened one day. Anxious after seeing Eun-ha looking frail, Yeon-jun had not only procured all sorts of food to offer him but had one day bought and brought home a scale. He gave reasons such as wanting to see him get healthier with his own eyes. After that, he began weighing Eun-ha every three or four days as if conducting an inspection. If Eun-ha’s weight increased even by a few grams, Yeon-jun would make it obvious that he was in a great mood; if it stayed the same, he would become noticeably subdued.
Then, when he weighed him a few days ago and saw that he had lost 2kg for the first time, he was shocked. But since it was like this again today, it meant he had lost a total of about 3kg in a short period.
Yeon-jun muttered seriously once more.
“This isn’t good.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“There’s no reason for you to be losing weight.”
“I did think I felt a bit thinner again lately…” At the addition, which sounded almost mournful, Eun-ha tilted his head. He wondered how Yeon-jun could have thought that. Because Eun-ha himself hadn’t realized he had lost weight. It was only a few kilograms, after all.
“Can you actually tell just by looking?”
“I can. I touch you every day, too.”
“…….”
Since he said so, Eun-ha had nothing to say; he simply moistened his dry lips and stepped off the scale. As he walked leisurely, fiddling with the nape of his neck, Yeon-jun, who had been following close behind, naturally wrapped an arm around his waist and clung to him, letting out a troubled sigh.
“Hyung—”
“Yeah.”
“Haven’t you been eating well lately?”
“…You know that better than anyone.”
Eun-ha looked back at Yeon-jun, as if asking if he was really asking because he didn’t know. You won’t leave me alone and keep feeding me… You make me eat three full meals and even snacks… As he grumbled and complained like someone who was fed up, Yeon-jun let out a giggle behind his back.
Then, he let out another sigh of lament.
“Then why do you keep losing weight…?”
“How should I know.”
“You aren’t even gaining much to begin with… and you’re taking your protein well.”
“My constitution is just like this, what can I do? I’ve never been the type to put on weight easily.”
“But that doesn’t mean you need to lose it.”
“I guess not.”
“Hyung.”
“Yeah.”
“Is something going on?”
“…….”
Eun-ha wondered why he kept clinging and extending the topic, and it seemed this was the main point. Asking if something was going on.
Stopping for a split second, Eun-ha soon replied while continuing to walk as if nothing were wrong.
“Nothing.”
“Why? What is it?”
“What do you mean ‘why’? I said nothing is going on.”
“Did you have another conflict with your mother?”
“…Why is that coming up all of a sudden?”
“Because you get stressed about that often.”
“…It’s not that. Nothing happened with Mom.”
“…So that means something is happening.”
Ah. He’d been tripped up. While it wasn’t a conflict with his mother, it was practically an admission that something else was going on.
Eventually, Eun-ha came to a dead stop in front of his room. Yeon-jun slid away and grabbed both of Eun-ha’s shoulders to make him face him. Turned halfway, Eun-ha wore a reluctant expression under the gaze that pressed down on him like an interrogation.
“What is it?”
“It’s nothing… I’m going to change my clothes.”
As he raised his arm to close the door, the boy replied naturally, “Yes. Go change,” and grabbed Eun-ha’s wrist. Entering as if it were the most natural thing in the world, he stood Eun-ha in front of the dressing room.
Eun-ha stood still for a moment. As if carefully chewing over a situation he didn’t quite understand.
Letting out a dry breath through his teeth, he turned his head to find Yeon-jun standing right behind him.
“I meant for you to go out for a moment.”
“Since when did you start being so modest with me?”
“…….”
“And after you’re always making me embarrassed…”
He had no rebuttal to such a criticism. Normally, Eun-ha wasn’t particularly bothered by showing his naked body. He would change clothes regardless of whether someone was watching, or walk around the house without dressing after sex.
Yeon-jun had always been the one to be flustered or embarrassed by such things. Yes. That was how it was. It seemed he had adapted to some extent. He was even bold enough to make a joke like this.
However, contrary to his brazen words, the nape of his neck had already turned a faint red. Judging by that transparent skin, it seemed the comment had required quite a bit of courage.
Eun-ha observed Yeon-jun with his characteristic calm, expressionless face, and then, without any change in expression, began to pop open the buttons of his pajamas. He didn’t change his gaze either, staring blankly into Yeon-jun’s face.
The moment he finished undoing them and let the top slide down to the floor, Yeon-jun’s pupils rolled to the side. Out of Yeon-jun’s line of sight, the corners of Eun-ha’s mouth twitched, and Yeon-jun cleared his throat with a “ahem.”
“……So, what’s going on?”
“I told you it’s nothing.”
“I’ll listen first. To see if it’s nothing or not.”