By Zephyria 
The place they arrived at was a restaurant not far from where they had been standing. It was the traditional Korean restaurant Yeon-jun had briefly shown him on his phone. Even without that, Eun-ha recalled noticing it while on his walk earlier, thinking to himself that a new place had opened.
As it was lunchtime, a few tables were already occupied. Eun-ha took a seat in a partitioned area. He looked at Yeon-jun, who sat across from him, with blurred, unfocused eyes.
How did I end up here…
When he came to his senses, he was already there. He had sat down instinctively following the guidance, but he still couldn’t quite understand why he was in this seat. He felt as if his sense of reality was floating away and vanishing.
He remembered himself from yesterday and the day before, desperately needing deep sleep. He remembered the hours he spent agonizingly seeking the unconscious, as his mind would invariably fill with dark thoughts whenever he was awake.
Those two depressing days felt like a dream. And the present felt even more like one.
While Eun-ha remained dazed, Yeon-jun handed him the menu. When Eun-ha merely stared back with an expressionless face instead of answering which dish he wanted, Yeon-jun asked if Hyung didn’t like this kind of food.
Eun-ha likewise did not answer. As he continued to show only a cold face as if protesting, the boy gave a thin smile. Then, he went ahead and ordered on his own.
Thus, he found himself in an unwanted dining situation. Eun-ha, trying to organize the thoughts that had become complicated by the sudden turn of events, had been building up things to say, but he fell silent when the ordered food arrived. As the savory scent stimulated his olfactory senses, his gaze was involuntarily drawn to the meal. It was because he hadn’t been eating properly while he had been unconscious.
It would be poor manners to act stubborn in front of food. It would only make him look pathetic. Eun-ha picked up his utensils. He liked the food; it wasn’t too salty and was generally light. He appreciated that eating didn’t feel burdensome despite his long fast.
His mood improved slightly. Then, it immediately plummeted again. He suddenly felt that he was a simple person, swayed by something as trivial as delicious food.
In the quiet atmosphere, Eun-ha, who had been eating slowly, suddenly blurted out.
“We broke up.”
He felt a gaze turn toward him. Eun-ha stubbornly kept his eyes fixed on the table as he continued. His face remained devoid of emotion.
“We’re strangers. To be precise, worse than strangers.”
“…….”
“So, I hope something like this doesn’t happen a second time.”
“I never answered that I would do that.”
“What does that matter? I’m saying I want to stop.”
“…….”
“I said I don’t want to.”
“Do you hate me?”
Eun-ha froze, his hand stopping mid-air. As he sat there blankly, his gaze fixed on one point as if he had been pierced through, a low voice reached him.
“Hyung.”
“…….”
“That’s not true.”
The tone was soft yet assertive. A feeling of resistance slowly rose within Eun-ha. What do you know…
“…It’s not ‘not true,’ I really don’t like you that much. That’s why I want to break up…”
“You know you’re bad at lying, Hyung.”
“Yeon-jun.”
Finally, Eun-ha snapped his head up, putting strength into his eyes. The Yeon-jun he looked at had a faint smile in his eyes. It was an attitude as if he were looking at someone who was being stubbornly unreasonable.
Eun-ha suddenly felt the tips of his ears grow hot. He felt utterly pathetic.
He dropped his gaze again. After a brief silence, Yeon-jun spoke.
“Tell me. Why you did it.”
“…….”
“That day, at that house.”
His voice was calm throughout. He wanted to know what Eun-ha had thought and what conclusion he had reached to say they should break up. Hearing that unwavering voice, Eun-ha felt the chaos in his own mind begin to settle.
He organized his thoughts calmly. Recalling the few days ago—which somehow felt as distant as a very old memory—he aimlessly intertwined his fingers. He slowly began to speak.
“Do you remember the first time we ate together?”
“Yes.”
“……I told you then. That I had no intention of dating.”
He had vowed he would never do it for the rest of his life. He had lived for several years adhering to that. He had believed he truly didn’t need it.
“It’s just… that mindset came back to me. I felt that it was the right thing.”
As expected, he felt that was correct. Being alone was right. Keeping someone by his side was, in the end, a harmful act. In the sense that distrust and anxiety would inevitably pop up.
“I, Yeon-jun.”
“…….”
“……I really hate breaking up.”
He spoke in a cracking voice. He knew these were not appropriate words to say while discussing a breakup. But he couldn’t find a more suitable explanation. This was the way to best express Eun-ha’s heart. Because he hated breaking up, he wanted to break up with you.
He didn’t want to grow fond of something that had an end. He didn’t have the confidence to experience the end, nor the confidence to handle the aftermath.
The fear of parting. The volume of that anxiety would only grow larger over time; it would never decrease. Therefore, it felt right to break up now. It was an obvious fact that ending it now would be a hundred, a thousand times better than breaking up a month from now, or a year from now.
Yeon-jun laughed quietly. As if wondering if he had understood correctly.
“The logic is a bit strange… saying let’s break up because you hate breaking up.”
“……I admit that.”
Brushing back his hair, Eun-ha continued.
“…That’s what I mean, the reason I’m negative about dating.”
“…….”
“Because in the end, you always end up breaking up.”
Yeon-jun let out a hum in his throat. After a brief silence as if choosing his words, he met Eun-ha’s eyes. His eyes curved slightly, as if he were playing a prank.
“Then we just don’t have to break up.”
“…Baek Yeon-jun.”
A glare shot toward him, as if asking if this was the time for jokes. It was very rare for Eun-ha to call Yeon-jun by his full name. At that fierce reaction, Yeon-jun immediately smiled in a gesture of surrender to defuse the tension.
“Ah, I’m sorry.”
“I’m not in the mood for jokes right now.”
“I know. I know, but…”
“…….”
“As I listened, I just felt happy…”
“What…”
At what point exactly… Eun-ha stared blankly at Yeon-jun, questioning the answer that was so difficult to understand.
“Those words, to me, sound a bit like a confession.”
Yeon-jun added, not hiding his pleased expression. I mean—this is what you’re saying, Hyung.
“That you’re scared you might come to like me too much.”
“…….”
“That we should break up before you like me even more.”
Eun-ha took a quiet breath. He clenched his fists tightly under the chair as if he were about to crush them. He put all his strength into his eyes. If he didn’t, if he faltered even slightly, he feared his inner feelings would be laid bare instantly.
“So, I’m actually a bit happy right now…”
As proof of his sincerity, the nape of Yeon-jun’s neck turned slightly red. Since he had always been a child honest and transparent with his emotions, this wouldn’t be a calculated act. That’s why it was absurd. To think he was happy about something like this.
To think he liked such a thing…
“Do you really… have no shame? I’m saying nothing but hurtful things to you right now.”
When Eun-ha scolded him, asking how he could always be like this, the boy lowered his eyelids and smiled softly.
“How could I not be?”
“…….”
“Because I already knew that, in the beginning, you didn’t accept me because you liked me a whole lot.”