By Zephyria 
Strangely, Eun-soo needed less sleep. He still slept a full twelve hours a day, but compared to before, when he was barely awake for two or three hours, he was much closer to a normal sleep schedule.
That didn’t mean Eun-soo’s condition had improved. He was still depressed, and the time he spent with Do-kwon felt uncomfortable. Only his hand was injured, yet he hated spending the whole day staring blankly into space as if he were a patient with a terminal illness.
Eun-soo stared with disinterested eyes at the TV, which filled the bedroom with a moderate amount of noise, then turned his head toward the nightstand.
There, on a tray covered by a glass dome, a paring knife lay neatly. Its well-sharpened blade glinted coldly.
Do-kwon had placed the paring knife there. Claiming that Eun-soo might accidentally stab himself if it were left lying around, he had enshrined it as if it were an exhibit in a museum. Eun-soo had let out a hollow laugh at the absurdity, but Do-kwon remained adamant. Whenever Eun-soo so much as looked at the door, Do-kwon’s face would turn pale as he repeated:
‘If you want to leave, kill me first.’
Eun-soo gazed blankly at the paring knife on the tray. The handle was clearly facing him and the blade was pointed toward Do-kwon, so why did it feel like shackles wrapped around his own ankles?
“Haa…”
Eun-soo let out a long sigh and rubbed his face with his hand. Just then, with a short knock, the bedroom door opened. Before he could even answer, Do-kwon entered carrying a large tray.
Do-kwon set the tray on the table and turned off the TV. Then, he looked at Eun-soo and smiled brightly.
“Come here, Eun-soo. Let’s eat.”
“…”
Eun-soo looked at Do-kwon with a dissatisfied expression. However, Do-kwon paid him no mind and began setting the food. He skillfully sliced thick pieces of meat, checked the temperature of the soup, and pushed the side dishes to one side so that Eun-soo could eat comfortably.
Eun-soo closed his eyes tightly before opening them and reluctantly pushed himself up. At first, he had tried to protest by refusing to eat, but Do-kwon was just as stubborn.
Do-kwon told him that if he didn’t eat, he would have no choice but to receive nutritional supplements. He worried that an IV needle would have to pierce the back of his hand again. He pretended to cry, asking what would happen if his hand healed more slowly or if he started sleeping all day again. Finally, he sat before Eun-soo with a haggard face and pleaded with him. Please, just eat.
That was incredibly tedious. To the point where it was much better to just eat quickly in ten or twenty minutes and get it over with.
Eun-soo was exhausted. He was tired of arguing with Do-kwon over trivial things. Tired of the way Do-kwon paced back and forth, walking on eggshells around him. He even hated the way Do-kwon’s eyes welled up when he looked at Eun-soo’s palm, which was now covered by a bandage instead of gauze. He hated it all.
Slowly rising, Eun-soo approached the table. He sat on the sofa with a mournful expression, like someone who had come to receive the date of his own death.
In contrast, Do-kwon smiled and placed a spoon and fork in front of Eun-soo. Since Eun-soo’s right hand was injured, chopsticks would be too much for him to handle alone. Knowing Eun-soo well, Do-kwon didn’t insist on stubbornly trying to feed him by hand.
He was happy enough just by preparing the meal to avoid side dishes that were hard for Eun-soo to pick up and by cutting things like meat for him.
Eun-soo awkwardly picked up the utensils with his left hand. It had been several days since he started eating with his left hand, but he still hadn’t adjusted. It wasn’t as if he was working, yet there were so many inconveniences in essential daily activities—changing clothes, washing, eating—that he wished he would heal quickly.
Eun-soo scooped up some seaweed soup filled with beef. Do-kwon stared intently at him. What was so fascinating about eating? He looked at him like that every single meal. It had reached the point where Eun-soo had become an expert at ignoring that burning gaze.
Eun-soo’s fork picked up a plump rolled omelet. As he brought it to his mouth, he glanced at Do-kwon with a sharp look.
“How long are you going to leave that knife there?”
At that, Do-kwon glanced at the paring knife on the nightstand and replied with an expressionless face.
“Until I am certain that you won’t leave.”
“What if I… slit my own wrists with that?”
“…Would you?”
Do-kwon’s eyes instantly turned cold. It was a gaze that seemed to condemn Eun-soo thoroughly. At that, Eun-soo unconsciously lowered his eyes.
It was strange. In a life where nothing was as familiar as death, he was using it as a sarcastic remark. Moreover, he didn’t have the slightest intention of slitting his wrists with that knife.
He didn’t know why. Even though he had shredded his own palm, captivated by glass, he felt no desire to slit his wrists despite having a gleaming blade right beside him.
Perhaps he just hated being in pain now. Or perhaps he knew that even if he did, Do-kwon would stubbornly keep him alive. Or maybe he had started wanting to live. Or perhaps the desire to escape from Do-kwon was stronger than the longing for death.
What he wondered most was what kind of confidence Do-kwon had to leave the knife there when even Eun-soo didn’t understand his own inner thoughts. Did he plan to die with him if he died? Or did he know that he wouldn’t? How could he know that?
As Eun-soo chewed the soft omelet and racked his brain, Do-kwon picked up a thick piece of meat and placed it on his plate. Eun-soo let out a sigh through his nose and put it in his mouth. The rich juices, the subtle scent of butter, and the chewy yet tender texture were delicious, but he couldn’t feel the taste.
It was around the time Eun-soo’s bowl was two-thirds empty. Do-kwon, who had been poking the meat with the tip of his knife for no reason, spoke tentatively.
“Eun-soo.”
“Yes.”
“After we eat… shall we go for a walk?”
Eun-soo’s movements stopped abruptly as he had been irritably poking at a quail egg in the braised beef that kept sliding away. He looked up at Do-kwon. What? A walk? He couldn’t believe what he had just heard.
At that, Do-kwon gently took the fork from Eun-soo’s hand. He pierced the quail egg and placed it back in Eun-soo’s hand.
“Spring won’t last long. Let’s see the flowers and get some fresh air before it gets hot.”
Eun-soo didn’t take it and stared intently at Do-kwon.
“What you’re doing to me right now is not much different from confinement. Is it really okay for me to go outside?”
“…Huh?”
“What if I start screaming for help?”
“…I’m sorry if that’s how you feel. But, Eun-soo. I think you’re misunderstanding something…”
Confusion filled Do-kwon’s face. He carefully placed the fork on Eun-soo’s plate.
“What am I misunderstanding?”
Eun-soo asked in a sharp tone. Do-kwon rubbed his eyebrow with his index finger.
“I told you. I’ll do anything for you. You can do whatever you want.”
“What does that…”
“If you want to work at a gallery again, do it. It’s fine even if you have to go to Gyeonggi-do. Or somewhere close to the house would be good. There are dozens of galleries in Gangnam. How about running your own gallery? I’ll buy you a decent one. No, I’ll build you a new one.”
“…”
“If not that, design again. You love working. You can go back to Seong-jin, or any other company. With your talent, you could go to any company you want.”
Eun-soo’s eyes twitched at Do-kwon’s calm, steady words. Buy him a gallery. Work. Go to a company. To think those words were coming out of Do-kwon’s mouth. After telling him to kill him if he wanted to leave.
Seeing Eun-soo’s confused face, Do-kwon licked his lower lip. He had never dreamed that Eun-soo would have such a misunderstanding, and his palms grew sweaty.
“So just… just do whatever you want, and just sleep here. In my house, by my side, just commute to and from work.”
“…”
“Leaving me and going out are two completely different things.”
“…”
“If you want to go out, go. Anytime. As long as you come back, it doesn’t matter.”
Eun-soo stared at Do-kwon. Going out didn’t matter? Since the moment Do-kwon had personally handed him the knife, he hadn’t left his side for a single moment from morning till night. He hadn’t gone to the office and handled all his work from home. Eun-soo had thought he was monitoring him to prevent an escape. It turned out he was just staying home because Eun-soo was home.
Eun-soo let out a hollow laugh. A brief silence followed. Do-kwon, who had been tapping his knee with his finger, asked tentatively again.
“Do you… want to go for a walk?”
“…”
“It’s been a while since you’ve been out. Let’s buy some coffee and go to the Han River. I heard many flowers have bloomed.”
“…”
Eun-soo, who had kept his mouth shut, looked out the window. The sky, just entering the afternoon, was incredibly bright. Since Do-kwon’s house was on such a high floor, there was no way to tell if the flowers had bloomed or fallen, but he could feel how brilliantly spring had blossomed just by looking at the sunlight.
Come to think of it, lilacs had bloomed in front of the gallery. He had wanted to see them. But because Seong-heon appeared, he hadn’t even been able to smell them once. Eun-soo slowly closed and opened his eyes.
“Will there be… lilacs?”
“I’m not sure. Do you want to see lilacs? Then let’s go somewhere that has them,” Do-kwon said with a bright smile.
Eun-soo shifted his eyes awkwardly. It was the first time in his life that walking felt awkward. Even the day he was discharged from the hospital, walking had felt strange, but it was different from now. Back then, it was just the unfamiliarity of moving his legs, knees, and muscles by his own strength; now, it was the atmosphere that was unfamiliar.
The warm sunlight. The gentle breeze. The bitter coffee in his hand and the flowers in full bloom everywhere. The subtle scent of flowers and, just as fragrant… the smell of Do-kwon’s pheromones.
When he lived alone, he never thought about going for walks. He had lived his life far removed from things like hobbies or leisure. He would wake up in the morning and go to the gallery, eat when it was time to eat, stare blankly until it was time to leave work, and then do housework when he got home.
It was all things the hospital counselor had told him to do.
Live a regular life. Make sure to eat. Try starting a job. Always keep your home clean.
So, he didn’t do anything the counselor hadn’t told him to. For example, sleeping in. Doing nothing. Walking without a particular thought. Looking at flowers. Things like that. Things he was doing now at Do-kwon’s house.
Eun-soo looked at the cherry blossoms, forsythias, and lilacs swaying gently in the wind. A faint smile naturally touched his lips.
In truth, he didn’t have much of a hobby for walks or flowers. Eun-soo was a very ordinary office worker in his 30s, and if he had a hobby, it was Friday evenings—ordering chicken and tteokbokki at home and watching action hero movies with beer. The most special hobby he had was visiting museums and galleries periodically.
But perhaps it was because his heart felt empty. Or perhaps it was because the newly budded flowers were so lovely. He liked this moment very much.
Eun-soo walked wherever his feet took him. Do-kwon followed him, staying exactly one step behind. He didn’t strike up trivial conversations, nor did he make any clumsy attempts to hold his hand or wrap an arm around his shoulder. He was trying his best not to disturb Eun-soo’s leisurely walk.
Just seeing the smile that seeped into the corners of Eun-soo’s mouth from a short distance was enough to make him feel overwhelmed with emotion.
Do-kwon and Eun-soo walked through the Han River Park for about thirty minutes. Do-kwon glanced at his wristwatch. It was time.
Just in case, he had picked out a movie. If they left now, they could watch it comfortably. It would be perfect if they bought the caramel popcorn and grape-flavored soda that Eun-soo liked before going in. Since he seemed to be in a good mood, Do-kwon hoped he would agree to watch a movie together.
Just as Do-kwon licked his dry lips and was about to speak to Eun-soo, something approached rapidly from behind. Do-kwon quickly turned his head.
A bicycle—a heavy, thick one that looked like a mountain bike—was approaching at high speed. If left alone, it looked as if it would clip Eun-soo’s elbow. Even if it didn’t, it would surely startle him.
Do-kwon didn’t do something like pulling Eun-soo, who was walking comfortably. No one, and nothing, was allowed to disturb Eun-soo’s peace.
Do-kwon simply lifted his foot and kicked the rear wheel of the bicycle as it whizzed past.
A loud, crashing sound echoed. The heavy piece of metal tumbled across the well-manicured lawn. People here and there let out startled cries. Eun-soo also flinched at the sudden noise. Do-kwon subtly shifted his position to stand in front of Eun-soo, shielding him.
“Do-kwon? What happened?”
“It’s nothing,” Do-kwon replied with an expressionless face. It was literally nothing.
The man on the bicycle screamed as he lay sprawled on the ground. His leg had been scraped against the pavement during the fall, and his sportswear was torn, with bright red blood seeping through.
After checking his injury, the man glared at Do-kwon.
“You fucking…! What the hell!”
“…Fucking?”
Do-kwon tilted his head slightly and repeated the curse the man had spat.
“Are you crazy, you bastard? What the hell are you doing!”
“…”
Do-kwon said nothing. He simply looked down at the sprawled man with cold eyes. At this, the man seemed to grow even angrier; with a face flushed red, he jumped up and limped toward Do-kwon. He then grabbed Do-kwon by the collar.
“Hey. Who the fuck are you?”
“…”
“This is attempted murder. Do you know that? You crazy bastard!”
The man raised his fist. A startled Eun-soo tried to pull Do-kwon back, but Do-kwon’s movements were faster. Do-kwon grabbed the man’s wrist, blocking the punch. Then, he pulled the wrist to break the man’s balance. After that, he grabbed the man by the scruff of his neck with his large hand and slammed him downward.
The man plummeted face-first. His nose was on the verge of being crushed into the ground. Do-kwon pulled the man’s clothes, stopping him just a palm’s width from the floor.
“Heeek…”
The terrified man gasped for air. His red complexion turned pale in an instant. After rolling his eyes for a moment to assess the situation, the man began flailing his limbs wildly.
“T-t-this bastard! Let go! Let go of me!”
“…”
“I said let go, you son of a bitch!”
The screaming, like that of a pig, was incredibly loud. Frowning slightly, Do-kwon dragged the man a few steps forward. He stopped in front of a sign painted on the ground. It was a picture of a bicycle with a prohibition sign over it.
At the Han River, the pedestrian paths and bicycle paths are separated. Yet the man had brazenly been speeding along the pedestrian path on his bicycle.
“What does this look like to you?” Do-kwon asked.
“What? What are you talking about!”
“The picture in front of your eyes. I’m asking what it looks like to you.”
Despite Do-kwon’s urging, the man made no effort to look at the sign. He only struggled and struggled to escape Do-kwon’s grip. At this, Do-kwon let out a sigh. He then kindly explained the meaning of the sign.
“No bicycles.”
“…”
The man froze. It seemed he had belatedly realized why he was hanging there in such a state. Do-kwon released the man’s neck. The man fell flat on his face in an unsightly manner. Do-kwon growled lowly as he looked at the back of the man’s head.
“Someone almost got hurt because of you.”
“W-who…”
“You don’t need to know that.”
Do-kwon stood to block the man’s view. This was to ensure that the man’s unpleasant gaze didn’t reach Eun-soo. The man glared fiercely at Do-kwon. However, it didn’t last long.
The strength to drag an adult male with one hand. Fists that looked powerful even at a glance. A physique as massive as a mountain. The boldness to not even blink at the mention of attempted murder. And the aura unique to a Dominant Alpha that was slowly seeping out.
The man instinctively realized. This was not a species he could defeat. Gritting his teeth, the man turned his head slightly and shouted.
“Fine, you fuck! I get it! I get it! I just won’t ride here, okay!”
“Good choice.”
The corners of Do-kwon’s mouth curled up. As the man let out a small sigh of relief, Do-kwon’s smile vanished instantly.
“But rather than that, how about you just stop riding bicycles altogether?”
“…What?”
The man frowned, unable to understand. As he looked up at Do-kwon with eyes mixed with irritation and fear, Do-kwon suddenly lifted his foot. Then, he stomped directly down on the man’s knee—specifically, the part where the knee and calf connect. A loud crack sounded as something broke.
“Aaaagh!”
The man let out a scream and tumbled backward. Eun-soo gasped in surprise. The bystanders did as well. Only Do-kwon remained composed. He pulled a phone from his pocket and dialed someone.
“Yeah, Secretary Jeong. It’s me.”
Do-kwon briefly explained the location and the situation. He added a request to send an ambulance. Then, without sparing the man a second glance, he turned back to Eun-soo.
Probably by tomorrow morning, a small article would be published. In summary: ‘Lawless Biker on the Promenade,’ ‘Man in his 30s riding a mountain bike on a pedestrian path nearly collides with citizens,’ ‘Fortunately, thanks to the help of a citizen, the accident was avoided…’, ‘The selfish reason for riding a bike on a pedestrian path when a bike lane is clearly available,’ and so on.
“Sorry. Shall we finish our walk?”
Do-kwon stood beside Eun-soo, the corners of his lips curling into a slight smile. Eun-soo stared at him silently. Then, he let out a small sigh.
“Do-kwon. Your pheromones are too strong.”
The pheromones radiating from the enraged Do-kwon were overwhelming. At those words, Do-kwon flinched, his shoulders trembling, and he took a large step back.
“Oh, ah, sorry.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. Then, belatedly, he checked Eun-soo’s expression. Had he shown a side of himself he shouldn’t have in front of Eun-soo? He should have just remembered the man’s face and dealt with him later. As Do-kwon let out a long sigh of regret through his nose, Eun-soo began walking again.
Do-kwon hurried to follow him. As he did, he stole glances at Eun-soo’s profile. Without looking at him, Eun-soo stared straight ahead and asked.
“Did you… have to go that far?”
“…Huh? Ah… He’s the kind of guy who would have caused an accident eventually. He would have hit a child or a dog.”
“….”
“If a few metal pins are driven into his knee, he won’t feel like riding a bike again, right?”
Do-kwon glanced back. The man sprawled on the grass was clutching his knee and screaming in agony. He should have just cracked his skull. Then he would have passed out and wouldn’t have been able to shriek so loudly. Just as Do-kwon’s mouth twisted in dissatisfaction, his eyes locked with Eun-soo’s.
Do-kwon held his breath. He didn’t know how long Eun-soo had been watching him. Do-kwon’s pupils shifted anxiously from side to side. In contrast, Eun-soo’s gaze was unwavering. Though he said nothing and simply looked at him, Do-kwon felt a phantom sensation as if his Adam’s apple were being pressed.
Do-kwon lowered his head like a student summoned to the faculty office for doing something wrong. Eun-soo was the only person in his entire life for whom he would bow his head. Even when being scolded by Myeong-hui, he had never lowered his head of his own volition.
“…It’s a lie. I don’t give a damn if that bastard hits a kid or a dog. I was angry because he almost hit you.”
“….”
“I’m sorry if I startled you.”
Only then did Eun-soo take his eyes off Do-kwon. Do-kwon exhaled a silent, ragged breath. Meanwhile, Eun-soo gulped down the coffee, which had grown lukewarm, as if it were water.
“It’s still awkward for me to realize that you’re this kind of person.”
“….”
“Because before… before I lost my memory, you were never, never like this.”
Eun-soo’s eyes narrowed slightly. The cold Do-kwon. The calculating Do-kwon. The terrifying Do-kwon. The Do-kwon who trampled others without a second thought using his power and influence. The Do-kwon who didn’t treat humans as humans. Even though he had seen it countless times since losing his memory, he still hadn’t adjusted.
It was surprising that such a person had been nothing but tender to him, and it was sad that he had eventually done bad things to him as well. Now, he felt confused, as if the Do-kwon from before the memory loss and the Do-kwon after were haphazardly mixed together.
“I guess I’m not very perceptive. I didn’t notice your original personality at all… whether it was you or Executive Director Seo.”
At the sight of Eun-soo’s face sinking into darkness, Do-kwon wrinkled the bridge of his nose.
“It’s not your fault. It’s the fault of the people who intentionally hid it. You know those phrases you often see in the news when a heinous criminal is caught? ‘He seemed like such a kind person,’ ‘I didn’t know he was that kind of person,’ ‘I was completely fooled.’”
“….”
“The person who deceives is the sinner; the one who is deceived is innocent. How could you know when they’re determined to trick you?”
“….”
“I… I did it because I wanted to look good to you. Actually, there were no dangerous situations like today. If there had been, I don’t know.”
“Pfft, you’re right. It would have been better if there had been such a situation. Then, even when you forgot me, I might have been able to… endure a little more, thinking, ‘Well, he was always like that.’”
“…Would you have?”
Do-kwon wore a bittersweet smile. If Eun-soo had known he was originally a bad man, would something have changed? If he had revealed that their beginning was wrong, that he had approached Eun-soo with wretched intentions, would Bomi exist between them now?
As Do-kwon blinked slowly, ruminating on the irreversible time, Eun-soo murmured in a voice barely audible.
“…Still, it’s okay for today, because you were mean to a bad person.”
“Huh?”
“Like you said, he might have hit a child or a dog… who knows. There are so many kids in the park; why would he ride a bike here?”
Eun-soo frowned and scanned the surroundings. There were many people out for a picnic in the beautiful weather. Many were families. Thus, the characteristic laughter of children could be heard easily.
But to ride such a brutish-looking bike at high speed in a place like this. If he had collided with a child or a dog, it would have certainly been a horrific accident. In that case, isn’t it far more just for that man’s leg to be crushed?
Eun-soo tipped the rest of the coffee into his mouth. As he looked around for a trash can, Do-kwon swiftly took the empty cup.
“Still, I’m sorry. The walk was ruined.”
“…It’s okay. I saw plenty of flowers. Let’s go back now.”
Eun-soo answered in a flat tone. He then turned and headed toward the parking lot. Do-kwon chewed the inside of his cheek. He had even planned to watch a movie. That idiot of a man had ruined everything. While thinking this, he belatedly realized what Eun-soo had said.
‘Let’s go back now.’
Eun-soo said let’s go back. He said let’s go back to his home. It was likely said without much thought, but Do-kwon was genuinely happy.
Eun-soo was adjusting to him. If they spent their days like this, could he and Eun-soo love each other again someday? Could they whisper love to one another again? He felt an anticipation.
Despite being in a position where he was desperately clinging to Eun-soo’s ankles. It was a shameless and brazen expectation, but still, Do-kwon dreamed of a better tomorrow in every moment.
A tomorrow where he could love Eun-soo even more. A tomorrow where he could be even more devoted to Eun-soo.
* * *
In the deep dawn, Eun-soo opened his eyes for a moment. It was because he was hungry. He had clearly eaten a whole bowl of samgyetang for dinner. He didn’t know why he felt so hungry. It had been particularly like this for the past few days. As soon as he finished eating, he was hungry again.
He had always had a good appetite, but that meant he ate a large amount per meal, not that he ate at all hours. However, lately, he wanted to eat something regardless of the time.
For that reason, Do-kwon had been in high spirits lately. It seemed he loved it when Eun-soo, who used to eat barely anything with a gloomy face, chattered about wanting to eat this or that.
Do-kwon would smack his lips while stroking Eun-soo’s slender stomach even though he ate heartily. Then, he would sneak a glance at the clock. 3 AM. It was a very awkward time to eat something.
But he was hungry. His empty stomach was almost painful. He felt like he wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep like this.
Eun-soo turned his head to look at the sofa. Do-kwon was nodding off on the sofa again today. There were three or four extra rooms in this spacious house.
He didn’t know why Do-kwon insisted on dozing off there, in that posture, every single day.
Since Eun-soo moved into Do-kwon’s house, the two had never slept in the same bed. No, in the first place, Do-kwon didn’t sleep much. Whether day or night, he stayed by his side, and at night, he only closed his eyes for a very short while. It was as if someone had handed down a punishment forbidding him from sleeping.
He had only seen him close his eyes a few times. Do-kwon fell asleep after Eun-soo did, and woke up before he did.
“….”
Propping his head up with his arm, Eun-soo gazed at Do-kwon. Do-kwon had fallen asleep while working, with a tablet resting on his thighs. His broad shoulders heaved shallowly with every breath. His lightly closed eyes indicated that he wasn’t in a deep sleep.
Why sleep so uncomfortably? It wasn’t as if Eun-soo had thrown a tantrum telling him not to sleep. Nor had he sneered, asking how he could sleep soundly after doing such things. Lately, he wasn’t even thinking of running away and was obediently receiving his care. Moreover, the palms of his hands had fully healed, and he wasn’t even wearing bandages anymore.
He truly couldn’t understand. He felt like Do-kwon was a handsome fool, a handsome idiot, frustrating, and strangely annoying—making him want to smack him on the forehead—yet at the same time, he wanted to provide a pillow and blanket so he could sleep comfortably.
After watching Do-kwon for a while, Eun-soo rose silently. Regardless of how Do-kwon slept, he had to deal with his hunger first. That said, he had no intention of pestering the sleeping Do-kwon at 3 AM to give him something to eat. There would be food in the refrigerator.
Usually, Do-kwon prepared Eun-soo’s meals, but that didn’t mean he cooked them himself. He bought them from outside, had Secretary Jeong do it, or a chef who came every other day prepared a feast and left.
Therefore, not only the refrigerator but also the pantry and storage room would be overflowing with food. Since it was dawn, he planned to eat something simple like bread or cereal.
Eun-soo stealthily opened the bedroom door. Just before leaving the room, he checked on Do-kwon. Do-kwon was still asleep.
“….”
After watching him for a moment, Eun-soo left the bedroom.
The house was dark. Although indirect lights were on here and there, his vision wasn’t clear. Thus, Eun-soo unconsciously moved more carefully and quietly. To an observer, he looked exactly like a thief.
Eun-soo succeeded in making it down to the kitchen without anyone noticing. The distance from the bedroom was considerable. He probably could have sung loudly and Do-kwon wouldn’t have heard.
Eun-soo dropped his shoulders, which had been hunched up to his earlobes, and let out a sigh of relief. Then, with sparkling eyes, he began his earnest search for food.
First, he opened the refrigerator. As expected, it was full of food. There were various soups, a diverse array of side dishes, steaks aging, and meticulously selected, glossy fruits. He found himself staring blankly at the colorful tarts and cakes prepared for dessert.
After admiring the refrigerator for a while, Eun-soo suddenly snapped back to his senses. If he ate something that lavish, he felt he wouldn’t be able to sleep again. He had to find cereal or bread.
Eun-soo took out some milk and placed it on the dining table. Then, with a slightly lingering gesture, he closed the refrigerator door.
Eun-soo rummaged through the kitchen with familiarity. This was his first time entering the kitchen since coming to Do-kwon’s house, but because he had frequented it often while they were dating, he could find where everything was even with his eyes closed.
Eun-soo took out a large cereal bowl and a spoon, then headed to the pantry. In the pantry, there was not only cereal but also sliced bread and baguettes.
Eun-soo’s eyes sparkled. He thought there were many types of jam in the refrigerator. It would be delicious to mix peanut butter and blueberry jam. And he planned to cut up some strawberries to put in the cereal.
Having planned his meal, Eun-soo moved diligently. He gathered this and that, took out the washed strawberries and sliced them, took out the jam, and sat at the table.
“I will eat well.”
Eun-soo whispered to himself and picked up the spoon. He enjoyed his late-night snack leisurely. Although it was merely a way to stave off hunger compared to the meals Do-kwon provided, it was still delicious enough.
The sound of Eun-soo chewing the cereal echoed softly. It sounded like a hamster or a squirrel eating.
After polishing off two bowls of cereal, Eun-soo didn’t stop there and spread a thick layer of peanut butter on a slice of bread. Just as he was about to pour blueberry jam on top, suddenly, a gust of wind swept across his bangs.
It was a chilly wind. Eun-soo shrunk his neck like a turtle. He was cold, as he was wearing only thin homewear. Setting the bread down, Eun-soo looked around to find the source of the wind.
Then, he noticed the curtains hanging by the large living room window fluttering gently. It seemed the balcony door was open.
Eun-soo stood up and approached the balcony. Because the kitchen and living room were both so spacious, it took a while to reach the balcony. As he reached the curtains, he caught a glimpse of a very alien silhouette.
A fairly tall height. Jagged, protruding branches. Dense, thorn-like leaves.
“…A tree?”
It was a tree. Eun-soo’s face twisted in bewilderment. Why was there a tree here…? Did Do-kwon have a hobby of growing plants? No. He wasn’t the type of person interested in such quaint things. Had he developed such a hobby without his knowledge? Something like growing another life to forget his own death and Bomi’s death?
He imagined Do-kwon on a sunny day, holding a watering can and looking at the plant lovingly.
…It wasn’t exactly strange, but it didn’t suit him either.
Eun-soo pulled back the curtain without much thought. Whether Do-kwon grew a tree or not was none of his business. He just wanted to close the door and go back to eating his bread.
The tree, basking in the characteristic blue moonlight of dawn, revealed itself. It was about waist-high. The leaves were densely packed like those of a pine tree. It was a species that looked familiar, but he didn’t know the name. Unless it was something common like a pine, ginkgo, or lilac, Eun-soo was completely ignorant about trees. Of course, he had no interest in them either.
But it was strange. There were no other plants on the balcony; only this tree stood alone. Yet, it didn’t seem neglected. A watering can, nutrients, and pruning shears were neatly organized.
Did he really develop an interest in growing plants? Then… he should have grown something pretty. Why grow something like this that doesn’t even bloom? Moreover, with such a heavy and large pot… it didn’t seem suited for growing inside a house.
Eun-soo shook his head and passed the tree. As he was closing the window, which was open by about a hand’s breadth, he caught a glimpse of something hanging from the tree.
After turning the window lock, Eun-soo stood before the tree again. A nameplate smaller than a palm was hanging from the trunk.
Narrowing his eyes, Eun-soo bent his waist. What does it say… Is it the name of the tree? Or some kind of caution? Because of the thick darkness, the letters weren’t clearly visible.
Eun-soo leaned in deeper. He even lifted the nameplate to catch the moonlight. Then, the letters began to appear.
[Yoo Eun-soo]
[19xx.xx.xx-20xx.xx.xx]
“….”
Eun-soo gasped sharply. His name and numbers that looked like dates were listed. Though there were only a few characters, Eun-soo knew instantly what this nameplate meant and what this tree was.
The day Do-kwon first visited the gallery. The day he had said words that were somewhere between a threat and a request, saying he would return the phone if they had a meal together. He had said something during that meal.
‘To think I’m eating with you like this… Normally, I would have been counting the days left until Saturday.’
‘Ah, Saturday is the day I go to see you. The day I go to the… woodland cemetery where you’re buried.’
‘I went every week. Bringing donuts.’
‘Do you remember? That donut shop near the company. I bought the ones you liked and went.’
‘I’d leave the donuts, change the vase, clear the fallen leaves, and so on…’
Yes. He had definitely said it was a woodland cemetery. Since he had died, a grave must have been made. Do-kwon must have commemorated him, grieved, and regretted in front of that fake grave.
But that was literally when he was dead. Now that he knew he was perfectly alive—and moreover, staying in his house—the fake grave had served its purpose.
What had happened to that grave after that?
He hadn’t particularly thought about it. Thinking about it now, it should have been removed or simply left abandoned. A fake grave with no visitors. That would be the most likely scenario.
But why was it here? How could it be here? What on earth was Do-kwon thinking, moving his grave to this place?
Eun-soo hurriedly covered his mouth. If he didn’t, he felt he might scream. He was chilled to the bone. He had clearly closed the window, but a cold wind blowing from somewhere clawed coldly down his spine.
Eun-soo stared at the tree, his face pale, when suddenly—crash!—a thunderous noise echoed. It came from inside the house. Startled, Eun-soo trembled violently. He peeked halfway out from behind the curtain. He was terrified that a thief, an intruder, or perhaps Seong-heon had broken into the house.
However, the source of the noise was none other than Do-kwon.
He was sprawled in the corner of the stairs leading down to the first floor. It looked as though he had missed a step and tumbled down. Shocked, Eun-soo stepped out onto the balcony.
Whether or not he felt goosebumps at Do-kwon’s act of moving the tree, he couldn’t help but worry when he saw a person tumble down the stairs. The moment Eun-soo opened his mouth to call out to him, Do-kwon sprang up as if bounced. Then, with incredibly swift movements, he descended the remaining stairs and ran straight toward the entrance.
“…….”
Eun-soo watched Do-kwon with a blank expression.
Do-kwon looked as if he were being chased by a monster. He looked like someone escaping a burning building. Though Eun-soo had known him for a very long time, he had never seen him make such a face. It was so extreme that Eun-soo felt a sense of urgency and followed him.
Just as he entered the living room, Eun-soo whispered softly,
“Do-kwon…?”
He hadn’t truly intended to call him; it was more of a mutter to himself. Yet, Do-kwon, who had entered the entrance hallway, whipped around to look at Eun-soo. It was as if he had heard that tiny voice.
“…….”
“…….”
Their eyes met from a distance. Eun-soo froze stiff. This was because the terror swarming in Do-kwon’s eyes seeped all the way down to Eun-soo’s toes.
He couldn’t fathom what on earth had Do-kwon so frantic. Had he had a nightmare? He wasn’t the type of person to dwell on such things. Or had a major problem occurred at the company? Perhaps Seong-jin had suddenly gone bankrupt, or something had happened to Myeong-hui or Ki-ho.
Do-kwon’s eyes widened. He didn’t blink once, looking like a man trying to determine if Eun-soo was a hallucination, a ghost, or the real Eun-soo. Then, he stumbled toward him.
Eun-soo stood blankly, watching him approach. Do-kwon, who had been coming slowly, suddenly accelerated as he entered the living room. He approached like a predator, and the overwhelming pressure was so intense that Eun-soo almost turned around and ran.
Do-kwon stopped exactly one step away from Eun-soo. Then, he stared at him for a long time. His pupils were so black and void that Eun-soo felt as if he were plummeting into them.
“Do, Do-kwon… is something wrong?”
At the thin, wavering voice, Do-kwon flinched with a spasm. Then, like a man whose soul had departed through the crown of his head, he collapsed to his knees with a thud.
“Ah… aaah….”
Do-kwon groaned intermittently. His shoulders shook violently. Eun-soo looked down at him, not knowing what to do. Do-kwon was strange. He had thought he looked odd from a distance, but up close, his condition was severe.
Just as Eun-soo opened his mouth to ask what was happening, Do-kwon abruptly lifted his head. The corners of his eyes were drenched. The dim moonlight clung to his wet eyes and sparkled. Tears streamed down his handsome cheekbones and cheeks.
Do-kwon was crying.
Eun-soo had seen him cry quite a bit since their reunion, but these tears felt different from the others. Until now, his tears had stemmed from regret, but now, it was pure terror.
As Eun-soo’s bewildered eyes darted back and forth, Do-kwon spoke haltingly, his voice suppressed by sobbing.
“Ugh, Eun-soo. I… I thought you… had gone….”
“Ah….”
“I was so, so shocked… hic, Eun-soo….”
The words were fragmented and the sentences jumbled, but Eun-soo understood immediately what he meant.
Apparently, Do-kwon had misunderstood and thought Eun-soo had run away while he was sleeping. It seemed he had rushed out in a panic, startled by the empty bed and the silence of the late dawn.
He finally understood why Do-kwon had run to the entrance with a devastated face, crushed by terror, looking like he was being chased by a monster. If Eun-soo hadn’t called him, he looked poised to bolt outside without even putting on shoes.
Eun-soo let out a silent sigh. Still, really. How could he even tumble down the stairs of his own house? It had been a massive crash. He worried if something was broken or sprained.
He had told him to leave whenever he wanted.
But how was he supposed to leave while Do-kwon was clinging to him like this? It felt as if Do-kwon would have a seizure and faint just by seeing him put on shoes.
“Do-kwon. Get up. Are you hurt anywhere?”
Eun-soo called out to him soothingly. However, Do-kwon’s trembling did not stop. The gaze looking up at him was strangely out of focus, as if he hadn’t yet escaped his state of shock. It felt as if Do-kwon were wrapped in something like a thick, tough cloth.
With a trembling hand, Do-kwon gripped the hem of Eun-soo’s pants.
“Eun-soo, thank you… thank you for being here….”
“…….”
Tears clung to the tip of Do-kwon’s chin. For a long time after that, he alternated between saying he had been scared and saying thank you. Even then, the grip on Eun-soo’s pant leg did not loosen. His trembling traveled up through the fabric.
Eun-soo crouched down in front of him. Then, he quietly looked down at Do-kwon, who had bowed his head.
That bizarre moment stretched on. Do-kwon showed no sign of stopping his crying, and Eun-soo didn’t know how to comfort him. He unconsciously parted his lips, then quickly pressed them shut.
‘I’m not going anywhere.’
‘I’ll keep staying here. By your side, Do-kwon.’
Because he had almost said such foolish things. Crazy. He was crazy. Eun-soo closed his eyes tightly and opened them again. He shook his head to clear his mind.
Do-kwon before him—the broken and ruined Do-kwon.
The tree on the balcony—the tree that had been planted at his own grave.
Bomi’s shoes displayed in Do-kwon’s study—shoes that would likely never find their owner.
He recalled those things.
They were all wrong results. Not a single one of them wasn’t horrific.
This relationship was wrong. It was a twisted relationship from the start. It was obvious that forcing it to continue like this would only lead to a bad end. Perhaps this time, they would both truly die.
The expression washed away from Eun-soo’s face.
“Do-kwon.”
Eun-soo called him in a flat, toneless voice. At that, Do-kwon took a sharp breath, as if sensing something. As he leaned his upper body back, Eun-soo braced himself with both hands on the floor and pushed his face forward. He forcibly locked eyes with Do-kwon.
“Aren’t we… too strange?”
“……What?”
“What is this? Why am I here doing this, and why are you crying in the middle of the night?”
“…….”
“Are we meeting again? Have we become lovers again?”
“……Eun-soo.”
“We haven’t. And we won’t in the future, either.”
Eun-soo rubbed his eyelids with the back of his hand as if exhausted. If he hadn’t suddenly become hungry, this wouldn’t have happened. No, perhaps it was a relief to have this conversation now. It was a festering wound that would have burst eventually. Leaving it alone would only make it rot and decay.
While Eun-soo paused to choose his words on how to persuade Do-kwon, Do-kwon spoke in a damp voice. It sounded like a plea, like he was begging for mercy.
“Eun-soo. I don’t wish for things like that. If you just stay here….”
“That’s exactly why! That’s what’s strange. What changes if I keep staying here? Do we live like this for the rest of our lives?”
“…….”
“With me looking at you and remembering the past, feeling uncomfortable around you, sometimes strangling you in resentment, and wondering whether or not to kill you and run away?”
“…….”
“And you obeying me like a dog, serving me, sleeping curled up on the sofa at night, and feeling anxious that I might leave even the moment you close your eyes?”
Eun-soo asked pointedly, his eyes wide. Do-kwon needed to realize. He needed to realize that this relationship was beyond strange—it was deformed. He had to realize it wasn’t something that could be recovered.
The things they had lost were not things that could be reclaimed.
Eun-soo whispered in a soft voice.
“Do-kwon. We’re too strange….”
“…….”
Do-kwon’s mouth hung open. A thick tear rolled down his cheek. It looked so painful. So sad. Eun-soo wanted to wipe that tear away, but he deliberately did not raise his hand.
Lest Do-kwon misunderstand. Lest he hope.
“…….”
“…….”
A heavy silence strangled the two of them. It was a suffocating silence, so oppressive that they couldn’t even breathe carelessly. An unknown pressure tightened around his lungs.
Do-kwon was the first to speak. He gritted his teeth. The veins at his temples bulged. His low voice sliced through the air, like the growl of a beast.
“What’s strange about us? Who says we’re strange?”
“…….”
“We aren’t strange at all, Eun-soo. If people say we’re strange, I’ll just kill them all.”
“…….”
His sharply honed eyes were full of madness. Emotions—sadness and anger, despair and desperation, regret and longing—all mixed haphazardly and were transmitted vividly to Eun-soo.
Eun-soo flopped backward onto his backside. Do-kwon climbed on top of him. He didn’t sit on his waist to crush him, but instead lay over Eun-soo with their legs entwined, supporting himself like he was doing a push-up.
Then, he buried his face in the crook of Eun-soo’s neck. He inhaled Eun-soo’s scent deeply. That breath was unfamiliar yet strangely stimulating. At such close range, Eun-soo could also clearly smell Do-kwon, and perhaps because of that, he missed the timing to push him away.
“Eun-soo….”
Do-kwon called him softly. It was a completely different voice from when he said he would kill everyone. At the sorrowful, tender voice, Eun-soo bit his lip. Do-kwon murmured.
“Stay here… I’ll do everything for you… I’ll do anything….”
“…….”
“Use me like a dog. That’s fine. I want that. That’s why I’m keeping you here.”
“…….”
“Please, Eun-soo… please….”
The crook of Eun-soo’s neck grew damp. Eun-soo bit his lower lip hard. Otherwise, he felt as if foolish words would slip out.
Do-kwon’s grief-stricken sobbing continued for a long time. During that time, Eun-soo stared blankly at the high ceiling. Then, he slowly turned his head to the side. Beyond the curtains where the blue moonlight seeped through, he saw the solitary shadow of the tree.
That shadow looked truly… desolate.
* * *
The doctor thrust a needle into Eun-soo’s arm. After a sharp prick, red blood filled the empty syringe. Eun-soo watched it blankly. It had been a long time since a syringe had poked around in his body, so the feeling was novel.
Today, Eun-soo had visited the hospital with Do-kwon. It was to get a pheromone test. Due to the aftereffects of pheromone shock, he had to come to the hospital for a test every couple of months.
He could clearly feel the needle drawing out the blood. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling. But it wasn’t particularly painful either. Since it didn’t take long, it was bearable.
While he sat with an indifferent face, things felt restless beside him. Eun-soo glanced sideways.
Do-kwon, sitting next to him, was acting fidgety. He would pull his chin in and squeeze his eyes shut and open them, wiggle his fingers, look at Eun-soo’s arm where the needle was inserted—he was a complete mess. Anyone watching would think Do-kwon was the one having blood drawn.
“Do-kwon.”
Unable to watch any longer, Eun-soo called him. At that, Do-kwon looked up and asked urgently,
“Yeah, why, does it hurt?”
He looked as if he were ready to punch the doctor if Eun-soo said it hurt.
“No. It doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t hurt, so just stay still.”
Eun-soo scolded him softly. Do-kwon’s mouth formed an ‘O’. Then, he immediately nodded and straightened his posture. He looked like a private with strict discipline.
A few seconds later, the doctor withdrew the needle. Eun-soo wiped away the swelling bead of blood with an alcohol swab. At that, Do-kwon’s face twisted in pain again.
Clicking his tongue silently, Eun-soo looked at the doctor. He was waiting for the test results. The results came out quickly. Since it was a simple pheromone level check, there was no reason for it to take long.
The doctor’s eyebrows twitched upon checking the results. Eun-soo and Do-kwon raised their eyebrows in tandem. They were curious about the result that would come from his mouth.
The doctor pulled up a graph on a small monitor. It was a graph showing Eun-soo’s pheromone levels. The line graph, which had been hovering at the bottom, was gradually rising.
“Congratulations. Your pheromone levels are returning to normal.”
“…….”
“…….”
“It seems the effect of consistent contact with an Alpha is showing. After all, the quality of a Dominant Alpha pheromone is different from a pheromone scented candle. The recovery speed is very good.”
The doctor smiled. At those words, the corners of Do-kwon’s mouth lifted. On the other hand, Eun-soo’s face went dark. He had come expecting to hear nothing but negative news today. The sudden news of recovery made his heart sink.
“Have you been feeling hungry often lately? That’s because calorie consumption increases as pheromones rise. Please make sure to get good nutrition. And….”
The doctor paused. It was a signal that he was about to say something significant.
“Your heat cycle will arrive soon.”
“Ah….”
“It’s your first heat cycle in two years.”
Eun-soo clenched his fists tightly. He had wondered when he heard the levels had improved. Sure enough. A heat cycle was coming. Something he had lived forgetting for two years. The very reason why he had sometimes even been grateful for the aftereffects.
The sizzling heat, the dampness below, the languidly loosened muscles. Recalling the state of a heat cycle—that is, his own state in heat—Eun-soo’s shoulders trembled. He truly, horribly hated it. Without a doubt, all sorts of dark memories would come flooding back.
The time he had mistaken Seong-heon for Do-kwon, and the way he had clung to Do-kwon like an aroused dog, would surely become as vivid as if it were yesterday.
For the first time in a long while, Eun-soo became afraid of the future. The world felt overwhelming and horrific.
Eun-soo rubbed his face vigorously with both hands. Then, he stared intently at the doctor with cold eyes.
“Give me suppressants. A lot of them. I’m not pregnant anymore, so it doesn’t matter how many I take, right?”
“…….”
“…….”
At those words, the doctor and Do-kwon looked at Eun-soo simultaneously. Do-kwon tried to say something but closed his mouth. The doctor pushed up his glasses, looking troubled. After considering for a moment, he interlaced his fingers on the desk.
“Well… in my professional opinion, I recommend that you do not take suppressants.”
“What does that mean? It’s a heat cycle, and you’re telling me not to take suppressants?”
Eun-soo asked back irritably. He had never heard such a thing in his life. Omegas are educated from a very young age. They are told they must take suppressants during their heat cycle. They had to do so if they had no plans for pregnancy. For their own safety.
Why was a doctor saying something so irresponsible? Then what was he supposed to do? Unless he was being told to grab any random Alpha on the street and have wild sex, this was unacceptable.
The doctor licked his dry lips and tapped the graph on the monitor with the tip of his pen.
“As you can see, the patient’s pheromones are not currently normal. Of course, they are improving, but they aren’t fully within the normal range yet. You’ve only just entered the orbit toward normalcy.”
“…….”
“But if you forcibly block that now, there’s no telling where or how this line will jump. It might plummet downward again, or it might spike like it did during the pheromone shock.”
“…….”
“You must give the pheromones that have been suppressed in your body a gap to come out. They’ve already been suppressed for two years; if you press them further, you might develop a pheromone disorder.”
He couldn’t tell if this was good news or bad news. Just a few minutes ago, he said the pheromone levels were returning to normal. Now, he was constraining Eun-soo by mentioning a disorder.
Eun-soo felt as if he were going to vomit. Something hot and disgusting surged up from inside him.
After thinking for a moment, Eun-soo looked at the doctor with eyes as stiff as a doll’s.
“……Is a pheromone disorder a bad thing? If that disorder happens, wouldn’t I be able to live like a Beta for the rest of my life?”
The doctor’s eyes widened at the unimaginable question. Do-kwon reacted the same way. His face, which had been brightened by the news that Eun-soo’s health was improving, instantly turned pale.
“Eun-soo. What do you mean by….”
“Stay still.”
As Do-kwon tried to reason with him, Eun-soo cut him off sharply, as if beheading his words. A mixture of faint anger and irritation blended into his low, growling voice. After glaring at Do-kwon for a moment, he looked back at the doctor and spoke calmly.
“I have no intention of getting pregnant. I don’t want to live as an Omega, either. I feel like I’d do anything if I could just become a Beta. It’s not like I’m missing limbs; it’s just a pheromone disorder. What’s the big deal?”
He was sincere. These weren’t words spoken in a fit of rage. Aside from the time he was with Do-kwon and when he carried Bomi in his womb, he had never once thought that being born an Omega was a good thing.
The fact that there was a problem with his pheromone system—that it might become a disability—was, for Eun-soo, actually welcome news.
However, it seemed the doctor didn’t feel the same. The doctor let out a heavy sigh.
“Sigh… Mr. Patient. You know that an Omega isn’t an Omega simply because they emit pheromones, right? You were built from birth with a body capable of pregnancy, a body meant to live as the other half of an Alpha. Of course, it is also correct for an Alpha to live as the other half of an Omega.”
“And?”
“Alphas and Omegas are incredibly delicate beings that cannot be discussed through biology alone. For a pheromone system to develop a disorder is a problem on the same level as eating food but being unable to digest it.”
“…How exactly is that a problem?”
“It means a function as essential as your internal organs is being lost. A solidly constructed body will twist and warp bit by bit, and eventually, it will collapse. Like cancer cells spreading.”
“…….”
“Then it will go far beyond the point where you can manage it with pheromone scented candles as you do now. You would need periodic pheromone injections, similar to kidney dialysis, and it would interfere with your daily life. I’m not talking about the headaches, nausea, and psychological anxiety you’re experiencing now; I’m talking about a defect in the physical body itself.”
Every word from the doctor was despairing. Every option presented to Eun-soo was horrific. He was being told to either spend his heat cycle without suppressants or, if he still wanted to take suppressants, to be prepared for admission to the intensive care unit.
Wasn’t this too much? What on earth was God thinking when He created the Omega species like this?
Eun-soo bit his lower lip hard. For the first time in a long while, the inside of his wrist felt itchy. It was the wrist where a long scar remained. As Eun-soo began to scratch his skin harshly with his blunt nails, a hand gripped his wrist. Eun-soo snapped his head up. Do-kwon was holding his wrist.
Tensing his lips, Eun-soo tried to pull away from Do-kwon’s grip, but Do-kwon wouldn’t let go. His coldly hardened face seemed to be scolding Eun-soo for having wicked thoughts. Just as Eun-soo grit his teeth and was about to raise his voice, the doctor offered an unexpected solution.
“Perhaps… taking sleeping pills would be better?”
At those words, Eun-soo’s eyes, which had been bristling like an angry cat, softened considerably.
“Sleeping… pills?”
“Yes. You would sleep through the heat cycle. It’s not as if you’ll be taking them continuously; taking them once or twice is fine. It might be easier if you think of it as having a fever or a bad cold.”
“Give them to me. The sleeping pills. A lot of them.”
Eun-soo leaned his upper body toward the doctor. He seemed to be very fond of the prescription of sleeping pills. On the other hand, Do-kwon’s face twisted in disapproval.
Sleeping pills? How long had it been since Eun-soo recovered from his hypersomnia disorder? He still slept well over ten hours a day. Unless this quack was insane….
The doctor gave a faint smile at the contrasting expressions of the two men.
“You don’t need to take many, so I won’t give you a lot. I’ll give you exactly one dose. To prepare for any eventuality, the guardian must stay by your side and look after you until the heat cycle ends. If your body temperature rises excessively or if you show signs of seizures, you must call an ambulance immediately.”
“…….”
“…….”
The expressions of Do-kwon and Eun-soo mixed strangely. Regardless, the doctor looked at the monitor and entered various notes. The clicking sound of the keyboard echoed through the consultation room.
After a moment of silence, Eun-soo and Do-kwon spoke at the same time. Eun-soo wanted to ask for an increase in the amount of sleeping pills, and Do-kwon wanted to ask if there was any other way besides sleeping pills.
But the doctor was faster.
“Let’s examine the pheromone changes again after this heat cycle. You might be able to take suppressants starting from the next heat cycle.”
Then, he gestured for them to leave. In the end, Do-kwon and Eun-soo had to leave the consultation room without having resolved a single thing satisfactorily.
Ding. The hospital elevator stopped at the parking garage. Do-kwon held the open button, signaling for Eun-soo to exit first. Accordingly, Eun-soo stepped out of the elevator with slow movements. As Do-kwon followed and took out his car keys, Eun-soo didn’t move.
“Eun-soo?”
Do-kwon called him affectionately. But Eun-soo remained motionless. With his head hanging low, he stared intently at the polished floor of the parking garage. Sensing something was wrong, Do-kwon stepped closer to him.
“Are you hurting somewhere? Should we go back inside?”
“I have to go back.”
“…Huh?”
“I’m going to my house.”
“Why, why?”
Panic filled Do-kwon’s face. In his urgency, he tried to grab Eun-soo’s wrist. He felt as if Eun-soo would vanish in an instant if he didn’t. However, he couldn’t reach him. Eun-soo had taken a step back. Do-kwon’s hand fluttered in the air, unable to find its destination.
Without looking at Do-kwon, Eun-soo spoke while staring off into space.
“You said the heat cycle is coming. How can I stay at your house, Do-kwon?”
“I—I don’t mind. You’re… taking sleeping pills. Something might happen, so I need to be by your side….”
“I don’t want to. I’m going back.”
“…….”
“This is enough. I’ve stayed at your house long enough.”
Eun-soo looked around. How would he get home from here? He didn’t have a car. Would a taxi go that far? It was a long distance, so it wouldn’t be easy to catch one. Would public transport be better? Where was the nearest subway station? Besides, he was worried about the house he had neglected for so long. He’d have to do a thorough cleaning. While thinking these things, he spoke.
“Thanks for taking me to the hospital. Give me the medicine.”
Eun-soo looked at the pharmacy bag in Do-kwon’s hand. It was the bag containing the prescribed sleeping pills.
“…….”
However, far from giving him the bag, Do-kwon didn’t even answer. Eun-soo had fully expected this reaction, so he wasn’t surprised.
If he wouldn’t give it, he just wouldn’t take it. It wasn’t as if sleeping pills were narcotics. There was no reason he couldn’t get them. If all else failed, he could just drink himself into a stupor and sleep. Either way, as long as he slept, what was the difference?
With his mouth tightly shut, Eun-soo turned back toward the elevator. Then, Do-kwon blocked his path.
“No, Eun-soo.”
“Sigh… What ‘no’?”
“How can I leave you alone?”
“Why? Are you worried?”
“Of course I’m worr—”
“Are you worried that a vulgar Omega like me will throw my body around? Worried that I’ll roll around filthily with some Alpha whose face I don’t even know?”
“…Eun-soo.”
“Tell me the truth. Forget the sleeping pills and the aftereffects—isn’t it actually because you’re worried I’ll have sex with someone else?”
Eun-soo’s voice rose. It was the moment the mask he had worn, pretending to be fine since leaving the consultation room, shattered.
A heat cycle was coming. It was natural for an Omega, and something Eun-soo had experienced his entire life, but this time the meaning was quite different. It was his first heat cycle in two years. To be precise, it was the first one since Seong-heon had forced a heat inducer on him.
He had hoped he would never have one again. He wanted to live in a body that was neither Omega nor Beta. He hoped the situation where he felt the bone-deep reality of being an Omega would never return.
But it happened. He had returned to it. In the end, he could not escape the shackles of being an Omega.
It was all because of Do-kwon. That’s how Eun-soo saw it. No, it was an objective fact. Hadn’t the doctor said so?
‘It seems the effect of consistent contact with an Alpha is showing. After all, the quality of a Dominant Alpha pheromone is different from a pheromone scented candle. Your recovery speed is very good.’
Do-kwon, an Alpha. Of all things, a Dominant Alpha. Because he was by his side. Because he had stayed close to him regardless of Eun-soo’s intentions. Because he had stubbornly held onto him and wouldn’t let go. If not for that, his pheromones would still be lingering at rock bottom.
If only it weren’t for Do-kwon! If only he hadn’t!
Eun-soo felt as if he were dying of unfairness. At the same time, he hated Do-kwon so much.
Eun-soo’s eyes turned red. He didn’t know how to swallow the surging anger. So, for now, he decided to flee this situation. He felt that only by removing Do-kwon from his sight could his reason and thoughts return to normal.
“…….”
Do-kwon didn’t answer. Perhaps Eun-soo’s biting words were a shock, as he simply stood there with a hollow expression.
Eun-soo pressed the elevator button. The elevator, which had already zipped up, seemed like it would take a long time to come down. Eun-soo brushed back his hair in irritation. As he looked around for the emergency exit, Do-kwon blocked his path once again.
“It’s not like that.”
“…What do you mean ‘not like that’? It is.”
Eun-soo sneered, his eyes narrowing. Do-kwon, who only offered denials no matter what he said, was infuriatingly annoying. He felt like scratching and hitting that handsome face.
After glaring at Do-kwon for a moment, Eun-soo turned away sharply. As he tried to head toward the emergency exit, Do-kwon murmured to the back of his head.
“Even if you were to meet another Alpha and sleep with them right now, I have no right to stop you. I have even less right to criticize you.”
At those words, Eun-soo’s feet came to a dead stop. It was an unexpected response. He thought Do-kwon would absolutely forbid it. He thought he would throw another pathetic knife into his hand and act out, telling him to kill him first before going.
Eun-soo turned his head slightly to look at Do-kwon. Under the dim, pale lighting characteristic of a parking garage, Do-kwon stood with a sorrowful face. He gave Eun-soo a faint smile.
“Who am I? How could I possibly do that, Eun-soo?”
“…….”
“I’d just have to be shoved in some corner… hoping and praying for you to return, whether it’s night or dawn. That’s the best I can do.”
Do-kwon rubbed his face with his hands. Of course, he would probably retaliate against any Alpha who slept with Eun-soo, but he wouldn’t be able to utter a single word of resentment to Eun-soo. He would simply gather his crumbling heart and shed useless tears.
Do-kwon bit his lower lip hard before letting go and taking a step toward Eun-soo. Startled, Eun-soo tried to step back, but Do-kwon carefully grasped his wrist. Then, he whispered softly.
“But you wouldn’t do that.”
“…….”
“You’re not… a vulgar Omega. You’re just protesting right now, reminding me that you were hurt by the things I blurted out and that you haven’t forgotten.”
At those words, Eun-soo’s neck shrank slightly. A protest. A protest, huh. Yes, Eun-soo was protesting. No, ‘throwing a tantrum’ would be a more fitting term.
I’m irritated right now. I’m angry. I’m taking it out on you because it feels like you’re the reason for everything in this situation. So whether you’re hurt or you endure it, deal with it yourself. He was radiating that feeling with his entire body.
Eun-soo felt a bit embarrassed. He felt like an immature child. As Eun-soo looked down at the floor, unable to manage his gaze, Do-kwon very carefully cupped his cheek. Their gazes locked precariously.
“If that’s the case, it’s okay. You can do it more. Break things, throw things, do whatever you want.”
“…….”
“But I just hope you don’t get hurt or suffer because of it. If you go like this, you’ll just be groaning in pain alone at home. How could I pretend not to know that, Eun-soo?”
Do-kwon’s low voice gently tickled Eun-soo’s forehead. Do-kwon lowered his hand and gripped Eun-soo’s wrist again. Then, with a slight force, he pulled Eun-soo toward him.
“For now, let’s just go back. I have no intention of leaving you alone.”
“…….”
“Please….”
At Do-kwon’s desperate plea, Eun-soo chewed on the inside of his cheek. He was conflicted. As Do-kwon said, being alone could be dangerous. If he took the sleeping pills and his fever rose severely, or if he had a seizure, he might finally succeed in the death he had failed at so many times. It would be an unintentional success, but still.
But wouldn’t that kind of death be too… pathetic? An Omega who died of a seizure while taking sleeping pills during a heat cycle. No matter how few friends or connections he had in this world, a final end like that would be shameful even in death.
Yet, it felt unsettling to be in Do-kwon’s house, by his side. He was an Omega, and Do-kwon was an Alpha. He worried that he might lose his mind with Do-kwon nearby during his heat cycle, or cling to him like a dog in heat.
Then he would truly become loathsome.
“…….”
Eun-soo couldn’t easily make a decision. It was frustrating that neither option seemed good. He just wanted to run away somewhere.
Eun-soo’s hesitation grew longer. The longer it lasted, the more Do-kwon’s face turned a bruised shade of blue, as if he had been beaten. He sensed that Eun-soo would refuse.
Growing desperate, Do-kwon suddenly dropped to his knees. He looked up at Eun-soo with a pleading face.
“Don’t go… Eun-soo.”
“Do-kwon, what are you doing!”
Horrified, Eun-soo’s eyes widened. What on earth was he doing all of a sudden? It was a parking garage, so there were no people around, but it was still outdoors. Someone could appear suddenly, or perhaps someone was already watching from somewhere. They might even recognize Do-kwon’s face.
Eun-soo pulled on Do-kwon’s arm.
“Get up! Are you crazy?”
“…….”
But Do-kwon was steadfast. It was as if his knees were bolted to the ground; he didn’t budge an inch. Eun-soo grit his teeth and pulled, but it was useless.
“I said get up!”
Eun-soo kicked the floor in irritation. He felt like his brain was cramping. His eyes felt hot. He felt like it would have been better when Do-kwon handed him a knife and told him to kill him first. He was on the verge of going crazy because of Do-kwon’s stubbornness.
“Fine, fine! I’ll go. I’ll just go!”
Fuck…. With his face flushed bright red, Eun-soo muttered a curse. As he panted with ragged breaths, Do-kwon stood up with an expressionless face.
“Right. Good choice.”
Do-kwon brushed off the grey dust from his knees. Eun-soo let out a hollow laugh at the sight. He had begged so desperately, saying ‘please,’ and now he was acting as if nothing had happened. It was absurd. Eun-soo clenched his fists tight.
“You are truly… the worst.”
“I know.”
Do-kwon answered shortly and gripped Eun-soo’s elbow. Then, he began to walk steadily toward the car. Eun-soo was practically dragged along, his expression overflowing with disillusionment.
Opening the passenger door, Do-kwon nodded toward the seat.
“Get in.”
“…….”
Keeping his mouth shut, Eun-soo put strength into his legs and resisted.
“It would be better if you just got in, Eun-soo.”
Then, Do-kwon threatened him in a sweet voice. He looked as if he would do something ‘wicked’ if Eun-soo didn’t get in. Like emitting those cruel pheromones, or using force, etc.
Eun-soo grit his teeth. He was so infuriating. He was so angry that his whole body trembled.
But what could he do? He was blocked in the front and back, with the open passenger door on one side and the mountain-like Do-kwon standing firmly on the other. He couldn’t escape.
Eun-soo reluctantly climbed into the car. Only after Do-kwon personally fastened the seatbelt did he close the car door. Watching Do-kwon walk around the car to the driver’s seat, Eun-soo swallowed his rage.
As soon as I get home, I’m running away. This time, I’ll go abroad. I’ll hide so well that Do-kwon can never find me. While he was making these vows, Do-kwon got into the driver’s seat. He started the engine and asked as he pulled the car out.
“Do I seem like a son of a bitch?”
“Yes.”
Eun-soo answered without a moment’s hesitation. Do-kwon let out a chuckle. Then, his face hardened instantly again.
“You can hit me when we get home.”
“Ha… What did you say?”
“As you well know, there are knives and golf clubs at home. I think there’s a baseball bat somewhere, too… I can find it for you if you want.”
“…….”
Shock washed over Eun-soo’s face. A baseball bat? Did he mean an actual baseball bat? What on earth did he mean by offering to find one? Was he suggesting that Eun-soo beat him with it?
Eun-soo’s lips twisted strangely. He couldn’t fathom what Do-kwon was thinking. No, he didn’t want to. He felt as though Do-kwon was filled with things he simply couldn’t handle.
The current Do-kwon was different from the Do-kwon he once knew, and different again from the Do-kwon who had lost his memories.
Because of that, Eun-soo couldn’t gauge how to handle him or how to react. As Eun-soo stared at Do-kwon’s profile in a half-daze, Do-kwon turned the steering wheel in a long arc and asked,
“Aren’t you hungry? Do you want to eat something before we go in? Is there anything you want?”
At these utterly ordinary words, Eun-soo’s jaw dropped open. Do-kwon felt like a complete lunatic.
Not long after Do-kwon’s car left the hospital, a drizzling rain began to fall. The sky had looked gloomy, and it seemed it was finally raining.
Spring rain wasn’t particularly welcome. It was because the flowers that had finally bloomed would all be stripped away by the heavy rain.
He had only gotten to see the flowers once.
He hadn’t cared until now, but as they were about to disappear, he felt a sudden sense of urgency. Eun-soo stared intently out the window, hoping he might spot some flowers blooming along the roadside. However, the raindrops clinging to the glass blurred his vision. Even as he stared piercingly, only Do-kwon’s profile, reflected intermittently in the window, caught his eye.
Do-kwon and Eun-soo hadn’t spoken a single word since the conversation about the baseball bat. The car had been filled with an uncomfortable silence, but with the rain falling, it felt slightly less desolate.
Eun-soo, who had been looking out the window with stubborn persistence, finally spoke.
“I saw the balcony.”
“……Huh?”
“The tree. Why did you put it there?”
He still clearly remembered the nameplate that read [Yoo Eun-soo]. It was no different from a grave. He wondered what Do-kwon had been thinking while bringing it home, watering it, and letting it soak up the sunlight.
From Eun-soo’s perfectly normal way of thinking, it was utterly incomprehensible. Why on earth would he grow a tree that had been buried in a grave while he had the living, breathing version of himself right there?
“…….”
Do-kwon remained silent for a moment. The fingertips gripping the steering wheel tapped in a regular rhythm. Then, the moment the car stopped at a red light, Do-kwon answered in his characteristic low voice.
“To me, that was you, too. During the two years I thought you were dead, I loved that tree instead of you.”
“……But I’m right here.”
Eun-soo pulled his chin in and frowned. At that, Do-kwon let out a short, airy laugh.
“Right. You’re here, by my side, and that’s just a tree. But… I couldn’t bear to leave it there.”
“…….”
“Regardless of what my mother was thinking when she made it, for two years, that was you to me. But now that you’re back, it broke my heart to suddenly throw it away.”
Do-kwon slowly stroked his chest, as if it truly ached. Back when he believed Eun-soo was dead. In the past, when he would visit the woodland burial site for two hours once a week to see him.
Whether it snowed or rained, or whether the weather was too hot or too cold, he had always worried. He worried if Eun-soo—that is, the tree—was doing well, or if a branch had broken.
It was a futile worry, but Do-kwon would often frown while glancing out the window in the middle of work. Thus, he couldn’t just discard such a tree the moment Eun-soo reappeared.
Seeing Do-kwon’s solemn expression, Eun-soo bit his lip. Fidgeting with his seatbelt, he spoke again.
“Isn’t it a hassle? You have absolutely no interest in flowers or plants, Do-kwon.”
“Well… it’s easy to grow, so it’s not a hassle. It’s an evergreen, so it doesn’t bloom or drop its leaves. It doesn’t die even if I forget to water it for a few days.”
“…….”
“But that also felt like a shame. I wished it would bloom a bit, or drop its leaves when it’s cold.”
“…….”
“If it were a sensitive plant, I would have worried about it, handled it with care, and cherished it. It makes me feel bad that there wasn’t much I could do for it.”
Do-kwon frowned slightly. Then, staring ahead, he murmured as if talking to himself.
“……Like right now.”
At those words, Eun-soo’s eyelashes fluttered. Eun-soo knew immediately what and who Do-kwon meant by ‘right now.’
In other words, he wanted to worry about him, handle him with care, and cherish him. Eun-soo thought that if that were the case, he should act better, but then it occurred to him that Do-kwon couldn’t possibly do any better than he was now.
Feeding him, taking care of his sleeping arrangements, taking him to the hospital, putting up with his intermittent irritation and anger. He was a man who said he would die if told to, or take a beating if hit—what more could he possibly do?
As he continued these thoughts, he suddenly snapped back to reality. What was he thinking? Eun-soo closed his eyes tightly and then opened them to look out the window. The rain was falling more heavily than before.
Soon the light changed, and the car started moving again.