By Zephyria 
“Sorry, I made a mistake.”
“Please… let go of my hand.”
‘What should I do?’
The moment he let go, it felt like the other would run away.
But if he kept holding on, the fear would only grow.
‘How do I fix this….’
At that moment, Tertius locked eyes with Fabio, who was looking up at him.
Only after seeing the light brown eyes shimmering with shock and a sense of betrayal did Tertius realize what he had done again.
‘I was just trying to use [Blessing of Oblivion]….’
He had tried to force a Blessing upon someone who could not accept it.
And he did it simply to make his own mistake vanish as if it had never happened.
‘Was I always such a crude and petty human being?’
Tertius felt a momentary surge of embarrassment, but he suppressed the urge to defend himself, remembering that there is nothing as irresponsible and foul as committing a wrong and then saying, ‘I’m not usually the kind of person who does things like this….’
“…Did you feel something?”
“Pardon?”
“Did you notice what I was trying to use?”
The moment the words left his mouth, Tertius felt like biting his own tongue.
‘What am I saying….’
If he said such a thing now, he would look like someone who had been trying to do something sinister to anyone watching.
‘The more I spoke, the worse the situation became.’
He could clearly feel it, but he couldn’t think of a way to salvage the moment.
Fabio lowered his head deeply, avoiding his gaze.
“…I really am incompatible with divine power.”
Fabio’s emotions were stained with the colors of resentment and anger.
He was biting his lip, his body trembling.
“Thank you… for teaching me.”
‘…Is this how Adna feels if she can see emotions?’
Was it always this painful when every word spoken was misinterpreted by the other person?
“…This is driving me crazy.”
Frustrated, Tertius let the words slip out, only to realize he had made another mistake upon seeing the shimmering colors again.
At this point, he felt it might be better to just let him run away if he wanted to.
‘Rather than me holding onto him, it might be less terrifying for him if someone else chased him….’
Should he call the Saintess now?
As Tertius was thinking this, he caught a glimpse of Fabio collapsing weakly.
“Careful!”
Tertius reflexively caught Fabio.
‘Did his legs give out because he was so scared?’
No, if that were the case, wouldn’t it be even more horrific for him to be held by the very person he feared?
Tertius’s mind became a chaotic mess.
“A-Apostle?”
“Are you okay? No, you’re probably not.”
“No, I….”
“I should call a healing priest right now….”
“What?”
At the sudden surge of pitch-black emotion, Tertius grit his teeth.
“…Damn it.”
Tertius closed his eyes tight.
The Saintess had clearly told him that Fabio was afraid of healing priests.
‘How can I keep making the absolute worst mistakes?’
Suddenly, something Adna had said came to mind.
‘…Your biggest problem is that you hate admitting your faults.’
Dammit, she was absolutely right.
Thinking things like the original me wouldn’t have done this, and trying to somehow compensate for a mistake to make it as if it never happened—that was clearly why the situation had become this catastrophic.
“Fabio.”
“…Yes.”
‘I’ll tell him everything honestly, and if he still fears me, I’ll accept that too.’
“I can ‘see’ other people’s emotions.”
‘Adna will definitely spend the rest of her life mocking me for this without any malice….’
He could already imagine what Adna would say.
‘…I can imagine it too well, it’s infuriating.’
“So damn it, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I can at least tell what kind of emotion you’re feeling.”
‘Stop thinking about Adna. Before I do something weird out of anger….’
He didn’t know how it had come to this.
Since he could see emotions, making others feel favorable toward him had always been a simple task….
“What do I have to do… for my words, for the emotions I’m feeling now, to be conveyed properly?”
As he spoke, Tertius realized that he truly struggled with giving up.
‘…I have to accept that he might hate me.’
For some reason, he didn’t want to be hated by the person in front of him.
“If only I could use the Blessing of Resonance… my emotions would have been conveyed instantly.”
Tertius spoke as if lamenting, then startled himself, wondering if he had made another mistake.
“…What are you thinking?”
“What? Oh, no! I haven’t had a single blasphemous thought, not even a tiny bit!”
“…No matter what you say, I will absolutely not get angry. Truly, tell me honestly what you’re thinking.”
“Honestly… you say.”
“I swear by Loclem. No matter what you say here, I will not cause you any harm, directly or indirectly.”
A Halo appeared, and the light that binds an oath wrapped around his body.
However, to Fabio, who could not see the oath, such words would not carry much weight.
A powerful impulse to somehow earn Fabio’s trust drove Tertius.
“If I break this oath, I will lose my qualifications as an apostle.”
“What?”
Adna’s previous remark—that he tended to act without thinking deeply—flashed through his mind, but Tertius ignored it.
‘Still, if I go this far, the misunderstanding should clear up a bit.’
“I….”
“Yes.”
“I am afraid of you, Apostle.”
“I see.”
“When I didn’t know you could see emotions, I was just scared… but now, it’s very unpleasant and creepy.”
“…….”
Tertius received a double shock.
The shock of hearing that he was unpleasant and creepy to someone’s face for the first time….
And the shock of his own failure to imagine he would ever hear such words.
‘…Right. I asked him to be honest.’
Not to tell him not to be afraid.
‘Then I should have naturally expected to hear that he was scared.’
Realizing that he had inwardly hoped that once the intention of not intending to threaten him was known, Fabio would say he was now okay, Tertius felt a sense of self-loathing.
Even if the true intention is recognized, the other person would probably only think, Do you really call that a consolation?
That’s exactly what he always thought while looking at Adna….
“…I’m sorry.”
‘Now, even if Adna tells me I’m just like her… I don’t think I can refute it.’
“Why do you believe the words I’m saying right now immediately?”
“…Huh?”
“Earlier, when I said I was okay, you told me to be honest. So why do you immediately agree with what I’m saying now?”
“That’s because….”
‘Because your emotions are saying so.’
“Because the emotion I’m showing the Apostle is fear, you think saying I’m okay was a lie and that saying I’m afraid of you is my honest inner heart, right?”
Tertius became confused by Fabio’s words.
‘If not that, then what?’
“Do you believe that any words matching the emotion are the truth? If someone says something different from the emotion they feel, is that a lie?”
Fabio slowly stood up from his seat.
Only then did Tertius notice that the color of Fabio’s emotions was less negative than before.
“Where do you think a person’s true heart lies? In emotion? Or in reason?”
“That is….”
“If a person sees someone with a severe skin disease and instinctively feels disgust, but knows that revealing such an emotion would hurt the other person, and knows that despising others for a disease is wrong, so they act kindly without showing it at all—is that person’s true heart disgust?”
‘…Didn’t they, in fact, feel disgust?’
“If a person feels resentment and jealousy upon seeing someone else achieve what they dreamed of, but hides those feelings and congratulates them, is that a fake congratulation? Must they say they are actually jealous and don’t want to congratulate them to be honest? Even if that person hates themselves for being unable to stop the jealousy? Even if they wish they could be someone who doesn’t feel such jealousy and can truly be happy and congratulate the other?”
‘Still, jealousy is a very real feeling….’
“Would the Apostle tell the first person, ‘You are a hypocrite who hates others,’ and the second person, ‘You are a hideous person who envies others’? Is that correct?”
‘If that’s… not correct?’
His mind became a jumble.
He had believed that the ability to see emotions was a power that allowed him to understand a person better.
He had never once doubted that thought.
‘Have I been wrong all along?’
If so, how many mistakes have I made?
The achievements I built with these eyes….
“Don’t you think that the reason which suppresses emotion is actually closer to a person’s essence?”
As he spoke and took a step forward, Fabio’s emotions were a mixture of desperation and fear. However, Tertius could not understand what that desperation meant.
Even amidst the confusion in his head, the obsession that he could not make any more mistakes moved his body.
‘He’ll be afraid of me, so I should avoid him….’
“Apostle. I hate that I am afraid of the Lord’s representative.”
Tertius, whose arm was grabbed by Fabio, froze instantly.
“I don’t want to feel fear. I don’t want to be an oddity who doesn’t know how to behave because I am out of Order.”
‘…Is he asking me not to avoid him?’
“That’s why I said I was okay. Because I truly want to be a person who is okay.”
‘Even while being that scared….’
“Even if it contradicts the emotions I’m feeling right now… could you accept my words as my true heart?”
‘A desperation so strong that it overcomes that fear….’
Is it a wish not to be hated?
“I like you, Apostle. I’m not scared at all, and I feel at peace when I’m with you.”
‘…That’s a lie.’
Tertius knew immediately.
The eyes that had distinguished truth from lies countless times told him that those words were a lie.
But….
“If these words don’t sound sincere… could you wait for me until they become sincere?”
‘If those words are closer to the truth.’
The moment he accepted that premise, every judgment he had ever made became a judgment that ‘might have been wrong.’
The eyes that see emotions would no longer be eyes that uncover the truth.
Hesitation would be added to every judgment he made from now on.
And yet.
“Look, haven’t I already improved a lot? Or is it still a color you hate to see?”
What was this emotion that made him not want to dismiss this as mere sophistry and lies?
Even at this moment, infuriatingly, Adna’s words came back to him.
An overwhelming, intense, giant emotion that shakes one’s values….
‘…I didn’t want to understand why Adna suddenly said such nonsense.’
“You….”
“Yes?”
Tertius first covered his eyes, trying to calm his emotions.
“No, it’s nothing.”
‘When I was reporting to the Saintess earlier, what did I say?’
I think I said something like, does it make sense to fall in love in that short time, or to want to spend my life protecting this person, that I’ve completely lost it, that I’m absolutely not normal….
‘I… shouldn’t be normal.’
It was certain that Fabio had not used any Miracle to tamper with his mind.
In the first place, it made no sense that anyone could tamper with the mind of an apostle connected to the Lord.
If so, then this emotion….
‘This emotion originated entirely from me?’
“Apostle?”
“…Sigh.”
This is driving me crazy.
And the moment he thought ‘this is driving me crazy,’ the Adna in his head chimed in, saying, ‘The expression “driving me crazy” is inappropriate in this situation. According to your own claim, you are already completely insane,’ making him feel like he was going even crazier.
‘I wish someone would just get Adna out of my head….’
Chapter 37