By Zephyria 
Still not enough?
What, does he expect me to crawl on all fours and say, ‘Thank you for granting me enlightenment’?
‘I have my pride too…’
I can’t do that.
‘I’m not doing anything beyond kneeling.’
“…Please let go of my hand.”
At my words, the absolute genius of gaslighting snapped his hand away.
I felt a bit offended by his attitude, as if he had been touching something he shouldn’t have, but as always, my feelings weren’t particularly important.
‘Kneeling is fine; I’ve done it a hundred and eight times during prostrations…’
Compared to a position like a “human bomb” plunge, kneeling isn’t exactly physically taxing.
If I just made a humiliated expression and trembled a bit, most of those nightmare customers who complained just to satisfy their sadism would leave satisfied.
‘Behold! This is my kneeling!’
“Careful!”
Just as I was about to kneel gallantly, I was suddenly grabbed and left dangling awkwardly.
“A-Apostle?”
“Are you okay? No, you’re probably not.”
“No, I’m…”
“I need to call a healing priest right now…”
“What?”
‘He’s going to bring that maggot of a priest?’
Is he planning to start psychological torture now?
How could he have such a horrific idea?
“…Dammit.”
The Sixth Apostle closed his eyes tight.
“Fabio.”
“…Yes.”
“I can ‘see’ other people’s emotions.”
‘What?’
“So dammit, I don’t know exactly what you’re thinking, but I can tell what kind of emotion you’re feeling.”
“If that’s the case…”
‘Does that mean if I’m pretending to be humiliated and shedding tears on the outside, but on the inside I’m wondering what to eat for dinner, he can see all of that?’
Is that why he gritted his teeth earlier instead of being satisfied?
Because at that moment, I was just thinking that he was an annoying bastard…
‘Wait, if he read that, am I screwed?’
“Even now… you’re shimmering with an incredibly unpleasant color.”
‘Wow, shit, is there no freedom of thought anymore?’
The Dark Realm is truly a godforsaken place.
“…You’re afraid of me, aren’t you?”
The Sixth slowly let me go.
Having been held awkwardly, I ended up plopping down onto the floor.
“What do I have to do… for my words, for the emotions I’m feeling now, to be conveyed properly?”
Looking at the Sixth Apostle, who seemed to be having a bit of a mental breakdown, a question suddenly occurred to me.
‘…Could it be that he really had no intention of gaslighting me?’
What if everything he said was meant literally?
What if he pushed me to be honest because he knew I wasn’t okay, simply because he could see my emotions?
What if he hugged me earlier purely to comfort me and tell me not to cry…?
‘If so, isn’t he just catastrophically bad at communicating?’
He’s a Priest… can he really be that bad at speaking?
Priests have to give sermons and all.
How did a guy who only says things that lead to misunderstandings even become an apostle?
“If only I could use the Blessing of Resonance… the emotion would have been conveyed immediately.”
‘He sounds like a phone addict complaining about how he can’t express emotion without emojis.’
Blessings… come to think of it, there were Blessings here.
Maybe it doesn’t matter if you’re terrible at speaking as long as you use a Blessing to convey your intent.
‘…Wait, if you think about it, isn’t that actually terrifying?’
It means he uses Blessings so lavishly that he’s unfamiliar with how to have a normal conversation. Won’t his linguistic abilities atrophy?
‘Well, even if he meets a furious customer, one use of the Blessing of Consolation would turn them into a gentle lamb… so what’s the problem if his language skills decline.’
Whether someone is crying, angry, or trembling in fear, one Blessing of Consolation solves everything.
If he’s so bad at speaking that his meaning is misunderstood, he can just use the ‘Blessing of Resonance.’
If he makes a serious slip of the tongue, he can use ‘Oblivion’ to make it as if it never happened…
‘And even without that, being an apostle is basically a cheat for Affinity.’
Does that mean these apostle bastards live their lives in a cheat mode where the Affinity of every NPC is MAXed out?
‘No wonder his communication skills are abysmal…’
“…What are you thinking about?”
“Huh? Oh, no! I haven’t had a single blasphemous thought, not even a speck!”
“I’ve scared you again.”
“T-That’s not it.”
“Tell me honestly.”
‘No, do you really think I can answer honestly at this point, you psycho?’
“…No matter what you say, I will never get angry. Truly, tell me what you are honestly thinking.”
“Honestly… then.”
“I swear upon Loclem. No matter what you say here, I will not inflict any harm upon you, directly or indirectly.”
‘Can’t you make false oaths? I can’t see any Effect, so I’m not sure.’
“If I break this oath, I will lose my qualification as an apostle.”
“What?”
‘He’s risking his entire character save over this?’
Is he insane?
‘Still, he’s probably not lying, right?’
“I…”
“Yes.”
“I am afraid of you, Apostle.”
“I see.”
“When I didn’t know you could see emotions, I was just scared… but now, it’s very unpleasant and creepy.”
“……”
‘He really isn’t doing anything.’
“Especially when you keep denying what I say and forcing me to be honest… I was so flustered that I seriously considered calling the Saintess just to get away from this situation.”
“……”
“Since the Sixth Apostle is also an Apostle of Order, I tried to endure my fear somehow… but to be completely honest, I’m so terrified right now that I don’t want to be in the same room as you.”
“…I’m sorry.”
Even though I spoke quite harshly, seeing the apostle become crestfallen without even attempting a rebuttal made me feel a bit empty.
‘He’s like a loser who can’t even make eye contact once you take away his phone.’
To think I almost admitted defeat to a guy like this.
“Whatever I say now probably won’t be conveyed properly… I’ll leave you alone for now. Who would you like to have come instead? The Saintess?”
‘No, that’s not it. He’s just flustered because the situation is unusual… the fact that this bastard is fundamentally dangerous remains unchanged.’
I quickly organized my thoughts.
Let’s not forget. This bastard can read human emotions and manipulate the mind… he is the representative of the ‘God of Order and Judgment.’
He’s treating me like a human now because I’m a ‘protected subject,’ but the moment I’m redefined as a ‘suspect,’ he’ll turn into a creature more horrific than the most vicious secret police of the KGB.
‘He’s a fanatic who moves not by loyalty to a state, but by faith in an existing god…’
These are people who wouldn’t blink at their own death; imagine how they’d treat others.
‘This isn’t a joke; these are people who could actually torture a skeleton to make it cough up secrets.’
This was not the time to test how far he’d hold back his anger just because of one oath.
“Why do you believe what I’m saying right now immediately?”
“…Hm?”
“Earlier, when I said I was okay, you told me to be honest. So why do you accept what I’m saying now right away?”
“That’s because…”
“Because the emotion I’m showing you is fear, so you think my saying I’m okay was a lie, and that telling you I’m afraid of you is me revealing my honest inner thoughts, right?”
‘I shall throw him into confusion.’
“Do you believe that any words matching the emotion are the truth? If someone says something different from the emotion they feel, is that a lie?”
I slowly stood up and straightened my clothes.
The Sixth Apostle looked bewildered, as if he had just been asked, ‘Why do you think fire must be hot?’
“Where do you believe a person’s true heart lies? In emotion? Or in reason?”
“That is…”
“If there is a person who instinctively feels disgust upon seeing someone with a severe skin disease, but knows that revealing such a feeling would hurt the other person, and knows that despising others for their illness is wrong, and thus treats them kindly without showing any sign of disgust—is that person’s true heart disgust?”
Without waiting for an answer, I continued.
“If someone feels resentment and jealousy seeing another achieve what they dreamed of, but hides those feelings and offers congratulations, is that a fake congratulation? Must they say they are actually jealous and don’t want to congratulate them to be honest? Even if that person hates themselves for being unable to stop feeling jealous? Even if they wish they could be someone who doesn’t feel such jealousy and can truly rejoice and congratulate others?”
‘I’ll destroy the very premise that emotions are helpful in determining sincerity.’
“Would you tell the first person, ‘You are a hypocrite who hates others,’ and the second person, ‘You are a hideous creature who is jealous of others’? Is that correct? Don’t you think the reason that suppresses emotion is closer to a person’s essence?”
I took a step closer.
As the Sixth Apostle tried to step back, I grabbed his wrist to stop him.
“Apostle. I hate that I am afraid of the Lord’s representative.”
“……”
“I do not want to feel fear. I do not want to be an oddity who doesn’t know how to behave because I am outside of Order.”
“……”
“That is why I said I was okay. Because I truly want to be an okay person.”
‘Sincere emotion, sincere emotion, sincere emotion…’
“Even if it contradicts the emotion I am feeling right now… could you not accept my words as my sincerity?”
‘Please be fooled by my lies~’
I was desperate.
I was confident in crafting words and expressions, but because I had a habit of thinking completely different things internally, I would be in a lot of trouble in the future if this Sixth Apostle didn’t fall for this sophistry.
“I like you, Apostle. I’m not afraid of you at all, and I feel at ease when I’m with you.”
‘Total lie.’
“If these words don’t sound sincere… could you wait for me until they become sincere?”
‘Get confused about whether this lie is sincerity or not.’
“See, haven’t I already improved a lot? Or am I still an unpleasant color?”
‘This part is actually true. Now that I think of him as a communication-impaired loser, I’m not scared at all.’
“Y-You told me not to try, but… I believe that both emotions and relationships require effort. So please do not give up on me. I will put in the effort and truly become okay…”
“You are…”
“Yes?”
The Sixth Apostle covered his eyes with the hand that wasn’t being held.
“No, it’s nothing.”
“…Your expression doesn’t look like it’s nothing.”
“It really is nothing.”
“Did I… make you uncomfortable?”
“What? No, that’s…”
As soon as the apostle lowered his hand, he locked eyes with me, who was beaming with a smile, and lost his words.
“It’s flustering, isn’t it?”
“What… is?”
“Having someone tell you your expression is off or that you look upset, and then asking if it’s because of them—that’s flustering.”
“……”
“If I say that’s how I felt earlier, do you understand now?”
“……”
“Apostle?”
“…Sigh.”
‘Hmm. Did I cross the line a bit?’
At the Sixth’s reaction, I quickly reminded myself of my place.
The other party is one of the highest authorities in the Dark Realm, and I am a heretic bastard (of serf origin) surviving by their mercy.
Being able to get close by cracking jokes was only possible within the same social class.
‘That’s why President Park in
“…U-Um, Apostle. Was I just being rude?”
“What?”
“If I have committed a rudeness, I hope you can generously forgive me this once.”
“…Did I look angry just now?”
“I-If not, I apologize. I thought you found my joke a bit too absurd…”
“No, not at all.”
‘There’s no soul in those words.’
“Then what were you thinking?”
“…What was I thinking?”
“Since I don’t have the ability to see emotions, I can’t know how you feel unless you tell me directly. I’m glad if it wasn’t because of me that you were unpleasant, but…”
The apostle didn’t answer and simply looked down at me with those mint-colored eyes.
‘…I don’t think it’s down to negative Affinity.’
Is it just a feeling of “this is absurd”?
Like, “what on earth is this” kind of feeling?
“…I was thinking that you are quite fascinating.”
‘Close enough.’
So, jokes up to this level are OK…
“Is that so? I’m glad you weren’t unpleasant.”
‘I should keep this in mind when grinding for Affinity.’
“Apostle.”
“Yes?”
“What should I call you?”
“…You can just call me the Sixth Apostle.”
“Still, that’s a bit…”
“No, my apostle name really just means ‘the sixth.’ Just call me that.”
“Then what about the Baptismal Name you received at birth?”
“…Tertius, meaning the third.”
“Tertius…”
“Is it alright to call me by my Baptismal Name?”
“I think it’s fine! Tertius… Lord Tertius!”
‘Fortunately, this guy has a normal name.’
It’s a bit tedious to memorize, though.
Still, not all apostles have strange names.
‘Well, Loclem isn’t an Othergod… the similarity in their names must be a coincidence.’
“Just in case, try calling me by a shortened version.”
“Then… would it be alright if I called you Lord Ter?”
“…Yes.”
‘I wasn’t confident I could memorize five letters, so I’m glad he shortened it.’
Tertius… it’s a name that doesn’t roll off the tongue.
If I messed up, I felt like I’d call him Tarteus or Tyrteus, or even Tartarus, and not even realize I was wrong.
‘If I were a gamer, I’d just call this guy Tartar Sauce.’
For a modern person who can’t fully remember a three-letter name without a phone contact list, a five-letter name is crossing the line.
32 – #032