By Zephyria 
Chapter 4 (1)
The first night in the hospital room passed, leaving behind unresolved suspicions. As several more nights went by, Hae-won did not mention what he had seen at dawn. Although Seo Hae-young showed subtle differences from how he used to be, he didn’t do anything particularly strange—like talking to walls or rambling—so Hae-won couldn’t find a reason to bring it up. It felt as if he had dreamed it; the best explanation was to dismiss it as nonsense heard in a half-asleep state that night. It could only be explained as the extreme shock of a sudden reunion.
“Give me a kiss.”
Of course, it wasn’t that he didn’t say nonsense at all. As Hae-won slowly lifted his gaze from the bubbles forming circles on the tiles, he locked eyes with Seo Hae-young, who was staring at him with his head tilted. The tips of his hair and his sleeves were wet. Because Hae-won had been lost in thought so often lately, he couldn’t tell how long the other had been watching him.
Feet wearing bathroom slippers took a step closer. Hae-won instinctively recoiled, and as the cold tiles touched his shoulder blades, slippery bubbles slid down his back. When he hesitated and failed to act, Seo Hae-young reached out and tickled the skin from his ear to his jaw with a bubble-covered fingertip. It was a gesture one might use with a dog.
“Hmm? Hae-won.”
The way he asked with a beaming smile suggested he knew exactly where Hae-won was vulnerable. Hae-won could swear that in the past, this would have made his heart flutter beyond measure. Now… he felt a bit dizzy. Despite eating regularly and maintaining a routine under Seo Hae-young’s surveillance, a persistent vertigo rose within him.
Whenever the thoughts he had consciously or naturally suppressed while living with Gi-tae surged up unexpectedly, he would often forget that he was supposed to respond appropriately. It was the same now. As he failed to speak, Seo Hae-young’s smile gradually faded. Even though he knew the right thing to do was to kiss him and avoid his anger, he felt powerless, as if only a shell of himself remained.
“You’re as disobedient as ever…”
The voice, laced with a sigh, held a suppressed irritation. Hae-won’s tense shoulders hunched slightly. Sure enough, Seo Hae-young’s hand moved upward. The hand that had been tickling his jaw just a moment ago straightened and, in an instant, struck his pale cheek. The damp palm clung to the cheek with a wet smack, and Hae-won blinked with vacant eyes.
The force was playful enough to make his reflexive tension feel embarrassing. Seo Hae-young chuckled, as if Hae-won’s frightened face was the funniest thing in the world, then used the hand that had struck him to cup both cheeks. As he pressed into the cheeks with his thumbs and fingertips, Hae-won’s tightly closed lips poked out. He looked pathetic. After squeezing and distorting his face a couple of times, Seo Hae-young released him as if tossing him aside and picked up the showerhead.
“Hands up.”
Lacking even the strength to glare with resentment, Hae-won raised his awkwardly positioned hands a bit higher. When his hands—somehow remaining dry despite the bandages—reached his shoulders, the showerhead tapped his elbows, urging him to lift them higher. Eventually, with his hands raised to the level of his head, Hae-won averted his eyes to avoid the lingering gaze. Even though every inch of his body was touched by those hands and eyes, a surge of shame rose within him as he was washed without being able to lift a finger. Seo Hae-young, who showed no consideration for his embarrassment then or now, pressed the non-flowing showerhead against Hae-won’s lower abdomen and let out a wide, sweeping grin.
“If you don’t do it, I will.”
Before Hae-won could even fully process the playful words, those parted lips lunged forward. The lightly meeting lips forced the upper lip open and pushed a soft tongue inside before he could dodge. The tongue immediately swept along the roof of his mouth, pushing deep as if to invade his throat. As his raised hands flinched and began to drop, the cold showerhead touched his elbow as a warning. Though it wasn’t a hard blow, he found himself unable to lower his arms.
“Hng…”
His back was pressed tight against the tiled wall. Even though there was no gap between them with a knee pushed between his legs, the pressing lips could no longer be called a light kiss. As saliva mixed with a sticky sound, a sweltering heat filled the cool bathroom. Hae-won rubbed the soles of his feet against the slippery floor, suppressing the urge to push him away.
When he ran out of breath, after exchanging hot tongues several times, Seo Hae-young finally pulled away. He didn’t retreat fully, but instead lowered his head to the nape of Hae-won’s neck, rubbing the tip of his nose. The relatively cold tip of his nose traced the skin downward as if inhaling his scent, lingering at the collarbone. The rough breath against his skin spoke volumes about what he wanted to do next. However, instead of pinning him to the floor as he once had, Seo Hae-young withdrew the knee wedged between his thighs and pulled his upper body back. After that, without a single word, he turned on the shower and rinsed away the soap bubbles.
While rinsing the slippery bubbles with a stream of warm water, Seo Hae-young remained silent. He then brought a large towel and began by wiping the moisture from Hae-won’s tightly shut eyes. After meticulously shaking out the wet hair and wiping away the droplets on his shins, the towel finally wrapped around his shoulders. The end of the towel, falling to his navel, tickled the lower abdomen that had been pressed by the showerhead. After pulling up the edge of the towel draped over one shoulder to cover the side of his hair and kneading it gently, Seo Hae-young finally spoke after a long silence.
“Is there anything you want to do?”
It was different from before, when his voice had been laced with irritation or playfulness. His tone, sounding as if he were simply curious, carried a disguised sincerity, as if he would grant whatever Hae-won asked for. Hae-won bit his swollen lower lip with his front teeth. As blood rushed to the lip, turning it red, a soft thumb pressed his jaw down.
“Or anything you want to have.”
It was a question he had heard exhaustively for the past few days. What do you want to have, what do you want to do, what is it that you wish for…
“I’m asking, Hae-won.”
He was sick of it. Everything he wanted to have, do, or wish for had been left behind in the past. For days, Hae-won’s response to these questions had been consistent: he either shook his head or remained silent to shut down the conversation. But today, Seo Hae-young was being persistent. Cornered against the bathroom wall, the hand stroking his towel-wrapped forearm felt like an ultimatum, as if he wouldn’t let him go unless he spoke. Looking up with tired eyes at Seo Hae-young, who was shaking his arm slightly while asking “Hmm?”, Hae-won let out a rare, honest answer.
“…It’s hard being with you.”
The voice, saturated with fatigue, echoed in the small bathroom. It was the first piece of sincerity he had uttered since their reunion. He didn’t care if he got hit for it. He was used to being hit, and he was so exhausted that he felt he wouldn’t even resist if his flesh were carved away. The grip on his forearm tightened further, but once the floodgates had opened, he couldn’t stop.
“I wish we were strangers… I want to stop.”
This was all he wished for now. As he pushed out the words very slowly, as if chewing on each one, the speech he usually stumbled through flowed out evenly. After a long silence, Seo Hae-young released the forearm that bore a red handprint. He brushed away the stray wet hair on Hae-won’s forehead and parted his firmly closed lips.
“Shall we go to school? Is there something you want to learn?”
Hae-won grabbed the wrist of Seo Hae-young, who was kissing his moist cheek while their lips brushed.
“…Hae-young.”
“Shall we go on a trip? You couldn’t go this year.”
A wave of futility washed over him. Seo Hae-young wasn’t listening. He didn’t even seem to have the intention of listening.
“Hmm? Is there nothing you want?”
The man, who spoke everything he wanted to say but avoided everything he didn’t want to hear, kissed him while pretending to be kind. Having lost all the words he wanted to say, Hae-won’s dry lips twitched before he dropped his head. A voice devoid of expectation leaked out, unable to withstand the pressure.
“…I think I’m hungry.”
Only then did Seo Hae-young beam, as if he had finally heard a satisfactory answer.
“Really? What do you want to eat?”
“Anything, just… anything. Not hospital food.”
“You should have said so sooner.”
Led by an excited hand out of the bathroom, Hae-won leaned against Seo Hae-young, who was drying his hair, and looked out the wide window. The lukewarm indoor temperature, neither cold nor hot, was similar to the temperature of the emotions Hae-won harbored. The hours where he could do nothing of his own will felt tepid and lukewarm. There were no moments of piercing sorrow or explosive rage.
“I like it when we’re like this. Right?”
The noise of the dryer ceased, and long fingers slid into his limp hand. Leaving Seo Hae-young to interlace their fingers, Hae-won stared out the window with vacant eyes. There wasn’t a single cloud in the blue sky, yet the suffocating feeling in his chest would not clear.
After dressing him and tidying his hair as if playing with a doll, Seo Hae-young brought over a curtain tie neatly placed on the nightstand. It was a soft piece of cloth about two finger-widths wide. Wrapping it in a figure-eight around both wrists and fingers, the end of the cloth was tied firmly to the headboard of the bed. After giving the cloth connecting his wrists to the bed a few tugs, Seo Hae-young stood up with a satisfied expression.
“Think about what you want to do.”
As the hand that had tapped the bridge of his nose pulled away, it smelled of the same scent that came from his own body. Lying with his head on the pillow, Hae-won didn’t see Seo Hae-young off as he left the room with his outer clothes; he simply turned over. He wondered what kind of patient was allowed to wander around so freely, but he concluded that Seo Hae-young probably had it handled. He tugged at his uncomfortably bound wrists, let out a long sigh, and closed his eyes.
* * *
Seo Hae-young’s role as a guardian felt uncomfortable in some way. Setting aside the lingering resentment between them, the words ‘Seo Hae-young’ and ‘guardian’ did not suit each other well. One would think that eating or washing with only one hand would be difficult, but after struggling for about two days, he became proficient, leaving Hae-won with nothing to do but sit quietly. When he entrusted his body to Seo Hae-young, who washed him with a playful grin, or when he was forbidden from taking a single step outside the room, it was almost confusing as to who the patient was. Whenever the time came to be apart for even a moment, he was tied to the bed like this, and with Seo Hae-young even insisting on spoon-feeding him, every day was a series of uncomfortable moments.
Min-jung had not been seen since she handled the admission process, and what was even more sorrowful was that not even Seo Hae-young’s family had come to visit once. Even before his sisters had independently scattered, their family hadn’t been particularly harmonious, but he hadn’t expected them to not even make an appearance for something like this. It felt strange that Seo Hae-young, who naturally should have seemed hurt, treated it as nothing; the hospital room, lined with empty sofas, contained only the two of them throughout. No one came. Truly, no one.
Wondering where all those numerous friends had gone, Hae-won observed him quietly, and Seo Hae-young would only smile faintly, as if asking why he was looking at him like that. The phone placed face-down on the nightstand buzzed incessantly, but after a few days, it stopped, perhaps because the battery had died. There was a time when he never let it out of his hand, but lately, he spent his time staring exhaustively at Hae-won’s face instead of the small screen.
Despite this, he did not demand sex. Except for the first day when he pushed his genitals against Hae-won’s thigh, he limited himself to occasionally massaging and foreplaying his body with a lingering touch. The tender touch caused arousal, but it never led to ejaculation.
As the subtle days continued and the end remained opaque, it sometimes felt like being tortured by a crude method. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t been confined before, but he wondered if the reason it felt so suffocating now was because of his changed emotions. As Hae-won reflected on the past with a foggy mind, he suddenly remembered a certain person’s face.
“…Ah.”
Gi-tae. Come to think of it, he hadn’t been able to contact him properly since they arrived here. In truth, since he didn’t know his number, there was no way to contact him, but it was a bit strange that he hadn’t shown his face at all. Curling his body into a small ball, Hae-won propped up his elbow and tugged at his bound arms a couple of times. He couldn’t slip his hands through the cloth, but it seemed he could somehow undo the knot tied to the bed. Since his fingers were wrapped together, manipulating it was difficult.
He crawled up the bed and pressed his lips against the knot. Using his teeth, he bit the thick cloth and shook it slightly from side to side. When he bit the end and pulled it through a gap in the twist, it began to show signs of loosening. After practically chewing through the knot, Hae-won neatly folded the cloth that fell into his hand and placed it back on the nightstand as if it had always been there. After slipping into his slippers, he hesitated for a moment.
He’ll hate this. He rolled his eyes, dragging the soles of his shoes across the floor. The memory of a certain day when he was slapped just for going to the bathroom without a word was embedded in a corner of his mind, planting hesitation. However, the desire to leave this place was greater than the fear. Hesitating, Hae-won opened the nightstand drawer and took out a memo pad and a pen.
After leaving a brief note and stepping out of the room, Hae-won lingered in the quiet hallway before catching the elevator. If someone had asked where he was going or blocked his path, he would have gone straight back into the room, but no one hindered his hesitant steps. As the numbers displayed at the top of the elevator decreased, he felt a floating sensation in his chest. It was a mediocre feeling, too lukewarm to be called freedom.
The elevator finally reached the first floor and stopped with a cheerful chime. Stepping out through the opening doors, Hae-won blended into the sparse lobby where elderly people, shorter than his shoulders, were passing by. His pockets were empty, and without even a phone, he had no certainty that he could meet Gi-tae or Hwang. However, since Gi-tae was the one who first brought him to Seo Hae-young, he thought he might be able to get a contact number if he went to the administration office. With that simple thought, he walked while looking around.
Dragging his feet—which only avoided looking like a limp if he walked slowly—across the lobby filled with low noise, Hae-won stopped as he passed a row of aligned chairs.
An old checkered shirt caught his eye. As the short hair and the sun-burned nape of the man sitting with his back turned came into view, Hae-won’s pace quickened, even though he knew he shouldn’t walk fast. Staggering, he ran forward and touched the man’s shoulder.
“Ah, Mister…”
After confirming the face that turned around, Hae-won’s tense shoulders slumped. It was Gi-tae. As he wore an awkward smile, a mix of relief and gladness at the chance encounter, Gi-tae, who was sitting with a gap of one seat, patted the spot next to him. Quickly sitting in the chair, Hae-won scratched his fingers aimlessly, looking back and forth between Gi-tae and the large screen broadcasting a baseball game.
He wanted to pour out glad sentiments, such as asking what brought him here or saying he had been looking for him, but he couldn’t speak because Gi-tae’s expression, as he suddenly grabbed Hae-won’s wrist, was not very good. Gi-tae looked over the hand wrapped meticulously in clean bandages, then carefully placed the back of the hand on his own thigh and asked,
“Are you doing okay?”
“Ah, yes… the stitches come out tomorrow, and… uh… I wanted to contact you, how did you… get here…”
Caught off guard by the sudden question, Hae-won blurted out his words in a jumbled mess. The trailing ends of his speech grew fainter and eventually vanished. At some point, it had become excessively difficult to speak coherently. Looking at Hae-won, who bowed his head in embarrassment, Gi-tae answered in his usual blunt tone.
“I stopped by for a bit after work.”
“I was upstairs the whole time…”
The question of why he hadn’t come up didn’t escape his throat, but the other man seemed to have understood. Turning his gaze toward an elderly person being assisted, Gi-tae muttered in passing, “They said visiting wasn’t allowed.” Unable to understand, Hae-won furrowed his brow and opened his mouth, straightening his bent waist.
“Visiting, ah…”
The hospital room, where no one had come or gone, suddenly flashed through his mind, and an uncomfortable realization burned at the soles of his feet. There wouldn’t have been a reason for Gi-tae, who had never once fallen ill, to come to the hospital every time, and for him to say he just stopped by after work, his back looked as if he had been waiting for quite a long time.
Could he have been coming and waiting every single day? It was a bit burdensome, a bit tingling, and he didn’t actually want to know the truth. Naturally gauging Gi-tae’s reaction and wondering whether he should apologize or make an excuse, Hae-won glanced at the eyes that showed no anger or irritation and finally spoke.
“That… the contact, I didn’t know your number.”
“…Ah.”
“I don’t have a phone, but I think I can make a call. If you tell me, I’ll… call you often.”
Fearful that he might be rejected, Hae-won layered his request with clumsy excuses. Instead of offering platitudes to the fidgeting man, Gi-tae pulled a ballpoint pen from his shirt pocket. Seeing him click the pen and then fumble through his empty pockets, Hae-won let out a small gasp and held out his hand.
“You can just write it here.”
Beneath the neatly wrapped bandage, the palm closest to his wrist showed a reddish hue. Glancing at Hae-won’s face, which betrayed a hint of joy, Gi-tae rested Hae-won’s thin hand on his own thigh and set the pen tip down. Because the ink didn’t flow smoothly, he had to trace over the same spots several times to carve out an eleven-digit number. As Hae-won looked over the random sequence of numbers, the corners of his stiff lips curled upward.
“I’ll contact you right—”
The smile vanished in an instant. He lifted his head to look at Gi-tae, but the person caught in the periphery of his vision was someone else. His relaxed muscles snapped tight. The moment a man towering over the short elderly people came into view, Hae-won forgot he was in the middle of a conversation with Gi-tae and scrambled up from his chair.
“Oh…”
Even blended into a crowd, that back was unmistakable. The man, who had just emerged from the hallway where the elevator Hae-won had taken was located, came sprinting toward him. The sight of him breathless, his well-textured hair disheveled, evoked a memory from several summers ago, far beyond the recent past. The memory of watching Seo Hae-young run far into the distance against a backdrop of the sea through a cafe window suddenly seized all of his senses. He didn’t know why that specific moment had surfaced.
Curling his tingling fingertips, Hae-won stared at Seo Hae-young, who stood frozen like a lost soul in the center of the bustling lobby. Between the long fingers that habitually stroked the back of his white neck, a curtain tie—which Hae-won had carefully folded and left behind—was tangled. It was clear who he was looking for, but Hae-won’s legs were frozen; he couldn’t run to him. Yet, he couldn’t simply pretend not to see him and sit back down.
“Why?”
As he awkwardly leaned back toward Gi-tae, who was holding his wrist, his eyes met the man’s angry gaze. The man, who had shed the boyishness of the image in his memories, approached with a face devoid of any smile. Shrugging his shoulders, Hae-won took a step back as if trying to hide Gi-tae behind him. An ingrained fear welled up from the soles of his feet.
Though he hadn’t been hit since their reunion, Seo Hae-young was not the type of man who would refrain from raising a hand just because they were in a crowded public place. Tense and not knowing what to expect, Hae-won let out a vacant moan instead of retreating further from the approaching Seo Hae-young.
“Ah…”
Seo Hae-young frowned as if disgusted and walked right past him. His rapid stride did not falter.
Hae-won instinctively pushed away the rough hand holding his wrist and blinked with a vacant expression. He was dazed. He was familiar with looks of annoyance or irritation. But this was different. A gaze filled with blatant boredom—something he had never received before—pierced the center of his chest. It was only when Gi-tae stood up from the chair, noticing the strange atmosphere, that Hae-won snapped back to his senses.
“I’ll… I’ll call you later. I think I have to go…”
Apologizing repeatedly in a pitifully trembling voice, Hae-won limped after Seo Hae-young. He had barely walked a few steps before his breathing became ragged and out of sync. There was no justification for chasing after a man he resented so deeply, as if the past were surging back for no reason. Yet, driven by a feeling that he simply had to, Hae-won caught up to Seo Hae-young. Instead of calling his name to stop him, he reached out and grabbed his sleeve.
“Haa, haa…”
He exhaled sharp breaths through parted lips, his confused eyes darting around. Why did I follow him? Why did I grab him? Why did I do that? There was nothing he could explain.
“…Ah.”
Only then did Seo Hae-young come to a dead stop and look down, his eyes widening in slight surprise. After slowly processing the hand firmly gripping his sleeve and the vivid warmth of another person, he swallowed a curse and pressed a hand to his forehead. A deep sigh escaped him as he rubbed his eyelids, a gesture steeped in exhaustion. When the palm covering his eyes dropped, the revealed face was etched with unconcealed irritation. The confusion that had shaken Hae-won’s mind and led him to Seo Hae-young turned into regret in an instant.
“Did you untie this?”
Seo Hae-young asked in a low voice, holding out the curtain tie. When Hae-won reluctantly nodded, another question followed.
“Why?”
Seo Hae-young looked as if he were facing a bleak and bizarre problem, his expression one of utter incomprehension.
“Why are you doing this? What is wrong with you?”
As Seo Hae-young stepped a foot closer, the top of his head blocked the harsh light shining from above. With the backlight obscuring his face, Hae-won felt a surge of nausea in his empty stomach. The image of the man walking past him with a cold face had robbed him of his words.
I don’t know either.
Hae-won’s lips moved silently, but in the end, he couldn’t say a word and dropped his head like a sinner. The gaze looking down at him in frustration, the occasional glances from passersby… everything was uncomfortable. As a throbbing headache began to set in, he no longer wanted to be there. Lifting his cold-sweat-slicked hand, Hae-won clung to Seo Hae-young’s arm as if pleading and pulled him toward the elevator hallway.
“Can we… go up?”
His voice was barely a whisper, but there was no way Seo Hae-young wouldn’t hear it. However, the feet planted in that spot wouldn’t budge. Lacking the strength to actually pull Seo Hae-young, Hae-won glanced toward the hallway where Gi-tae might still be and hugged the slack arm a bit tighter. His dropped head touched Seo Hae-young’s shoulder. Rubbing his forehead, which felt feverish, against the soft fabric, he called his name softly.
“…Hae-young.”
The touching warmth flinched and recoiled. Creating a gap of about a span, Seo Hae-young looked down at the arm being held with joyless eyes. Startled, Hae-won hurriedly withdrew the hand that had been clutching the sleeve. As he swallowed an apology that had almost reflexively escaped and gauged the other’s reaction, a hand shot out in the blink of an eye and gripped his forearm.
Before he knew it, Hae-won was dragged into the elevator and trapped in the cramped space as the doors closed. He could no longer pretend not to be afraid. With their toes touching and nowhere to retreat, tension bloomed in the precarious, narrow space where he had no choice but to shrink.
The silence stretched. Just as he instinctively tried to pull away, the back of his neck was seized. With his neck supported by a full palm rather than fingers, his head was snapped back, revealing his shadowed face. There wasn’t a hint of playfulness anywhere.
Hae-won saw the flat palm being raised and froze, unable to avoid it. In a way, it was natural. That Seo Hae-young would pretend to be kind, unlike his usual self, only for his habits to resurface, and that Hae-won would tremble helplessly before him. As if he knew it would end this way, Hae-won lowered his eyes, and the hand raised as if to slap his cheek trembled slightly. After slowly scanning the pale cheek and quivering lips, Seo Hae-young grit his teeth so hard a vein popped in his jaw.
The hand that had been hovering in the air dropped abruptly as if it had lost its purpose, and the foot planted between his legs pivoted, grinding into the floor. Hae-won, who had been staring blankly at the checkered floor, stumbled as an arm suddenly wrapped around his waist and pulled him.
“Ah…”
Pulling the staggering back into his embrace, Seo Hae-young buried his face in the stiff shoulder and let out a sigh full of irritation. A reprimand, like a monologue, flowed from the lips that brushed against the goosebump-covered nape.
“I’m holding back well, so you shouldn’t be doing this.”
Wrapped in the broad chest, Hae-won couldn’t see his expression and simply clenched his trembling hands. The voice he heard was still low, and the arms tightened firmly around his waist. As he only trembled without answering, he heard a long sigh above his head. Just as the hair brushing his ear began to feel ticklish, a straight forehead bumped repeatedly against his shoulder. It didn’t hurt much, but the situation was incomprehensible.
“Ah, fuck, Yoon Hae-won, seriously…”
After biting down hard on the solid bone and rubbing his face for a long while, Seo Hae-young finally reached out and pressed the button for the floor with the hospital rooms. Hae-won, unaware that the button hadn’t been pressed until now, could only roll his eyes, unable to even touch his stinging shoulder. The moment he realized there would be more than three tooth marks clearly engraved if he took off his shirt, the hand that had been scratching around his nails stopped. He wanted to figure out the intent behind Seo Hae-young acting as if he were throwing a childish tantrum, but with his lacking intellect, he couldn’t find an answer and only sank deeper into the pit.
“I was surprised. I came here and no one was around… You understand, right?”
Leaning his weight against Hae-won’s back, Seo Hae-young peeked over his shoulder, rubbing his soft cheek. When Hae-won glanced back, he saw Seo Hae-young—his bangs completely disheveled—grinning, the previous expression gone without a trace. As his even teeth showed and dimples formed in his cheeks, he instantly radiated a boyish aura.
“Then I’d be really surprised. Right?”
The moment his eyes met those gently smiling eyes, Hae-won whipped his head away. It was because the sudden shift in attitude felt frightening. Perhaps the jumble of emotions was clearly visible in his pale eyes, because this time, the hand wrapped in the light pink string dug into his palm.
“You know I hate this, yet you’re so disappointing…”
Interlocking fingers with the string in the middle, Seo Hae-young released his waist and stood close beside him. They had just arrived at the lobby where the hospital rooms were spaced apart, so Hae-won had no time to be surprised by the whining about being ‘disappointed’ or ‘hurt.’
He tried to quickly pull his entangled hand away, but Seo Hae-young held on even tighter as if wondering what the problem was, making him restless. Dragged all the way to the room with his hand held in that embarrassing manner, Hae-won looked around the room with bewildered eyes the moment he stepped through the open door.
The hospital room, which had been tidy when he left, was now a mess. The note he had left on the bedside table was crumpled and rolling on the floor, the blanket was half-off the bed, and the doors to the built-in closet were all wide open. Seo Hae-young casually crossed the messy room and pushed a paper bag, which was precariously perched on the edge of the table, further inside.
“You said you were hungry. Let’s eat.”
While Hae-won looked back and forth between the bag with the restaurant logo and the puzzling back of Seo Hae-young’s head, he was sat down in a chair. Pulling up the opposite chair and flopping down, Seo Hae-young rested his chin on his hand and gave a smile that sounded like an excuse that wasn’t an excuse.
“I thought you wanted to play. We used to do this often.”
Hae-won glanced blankly at Seo Hae-young, who referred to the things he had run away from with all his might as ‘playing,’ and then lifted his pain-free hand to open the packaging. It was a Korean restaurant that had been one of the few to suit his taste when he had spent a fortune on meals he couldn’t even properly eat. While he unfolded the neatly packed containers one by one, a ticklish touch caressed the nape of his neck. Even when he shrugged his shoulders to show his discomfort, the hand didn’t leave, tugging at his earlobe and pinching his cheek.
“Say something. Hmm? I’m holding back so well.”
When he twisted his waist to avoid the intrusive touch, the hand crept back as if magnetized and poked his tightly closed lips. The hand then moved down to stroke his jaw and lightly gripped his silent throat with one hand.
Startled by the hand threatening his airway, Hae-won dropped the utensils he was holding. Watching the terrified reaction blankly, Seo Hae-young withdrew his hand with an expressionless face and leaned over the table. He didn’t seem to have any intention of eating together.
Looking as if everything in the world bored him, Seo Hae-young rested his head on his arm and watched Hae-won peck at his late lunch. Even in that short moment, as if he couldn’t bear to be apart, he kept his pinky hooked onto Hae-won’s left ring finger. The lips that had curled in disgust when speaking now opened in a round shape, revealing the dark interior of his mouth. After one clumsy-looking movement of the chopsticks, his mouth closed and his pale cheeks moved slowly. It was a sight that was neither special nor peculiar.
However, Seo Hae-young couldn’t take his eyes off those mundane movements for a single second. While he wanted to feed him himself, imagining the sight of him vomiting made him realize that staying still was the right choice. Even though he knew the answer, it was hard to remain still.
Thinking back to what happened a moment ago, he wanted to shove his face into the lunch box he was enjoying and beat him severely so he would never do such a thing again. Since the man had practically no capacity for learning, he would probably spend a few days cautiously reading the room before slipping away, but as a temporary measure, it wasn’t bad. Or… there was another way. Though the party involved seemed to hate that even more than being hit.
If he had been completely ignorant, it would be one thing, but Seo Hae-young, who had experienced dozens of times how pleasantly Yoon Hae-won could make him feel, sensually stroked the scarred fingers. As he formed a loop with his thumb and index finger to fumble with the particularly long middle finger, Hae-won, who had been obediently offering his hand while eating, flinched. When he pinched the soft flesh between the fingers as if scratching it, Hae-won showed signs of trying to slowly pull his hand away, so Seo Hae-young quickly interlaced their fingers. Considering his age, the sight of that still naive face and his own unresolved impulses brought out Seo Hae-young’s wicked nature.
“By the way, Hae-won. Who is it?”
“…Eh?”
“This.”
He tilted the held hand to reveal the palm. Discovering the eleven-digit number written clearly on his palm, Hae-won hurriedly put down his utensils. He was as lacking in meticulousness and thoroughness as ever. The smile Seo Hae-young wore while watching Hae-won frantically rub the ballpoint pen marks with his thumb came out as a sneer, contrary to his inner thoughts. Since it wasn’t purely cute, it was also a smile that appropriately expressed his mood.
“Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”
“Just… someone who helped me. Last, last time, you also…”
To Hae-won, who hadn’t fully escaped his fear, it felt even more so. He had quickly seared the numbers into his mind, but he couldn’t trust his brain, which forgot things the moment he turned around. A sense of gloom washed over him as the last four digits he couldn’t transcribe vanished, but there was nothing he could do. He didn’t want to give any room to Seo Hae-young, who was currently well-behaved but could turn at any moment. However, the other party had been persistent.
“Did you make a promise? To meet today?”
If he was asking while knowing full well that there was no means of contact, there was only one reason. Seo Hae-young, not hiding his desire to find a flaw no matter what, lifted his slumped upper body. Shaking his head as naturally as possible, Hae-won hid his trembling hands while cleaning up the nearly finished meal.
“I was frustrated… I just went out for a bit and met them.”
“Really? That’s fucking amazing…”
The hand covering the lid of the bowl, which still had half of the fluffy white rice left, hesitated. A large hand, bringing a shadow, pressed the lid down instead and took the bowl from the idle hand. As he neatly tucked the remnants into the paper bag, Seo Hae-young muttered, sweeping in even his own untouched meal as if throwing it away.
“The fact that you’re only telling me now is fucking amazing.”