By Zephyria 
Chapter 8
The fifth day of vacation, the final day staying at the villa, met a hollow afternoon.
Go Tae-gyeom and Joo Hyun-woo were suffering from hangovers, crawling across the floor and groaning, while Seo Hae-young—who had gone to bed the latest and woken up the earliest—roamed the living room alone, tidying up the liquor bottles and trash. He pulled out the rug, stained with all sorts of dried liquids, and took it to the laundry room, and emptied the ashtray that had piled up like a mountain of cigarette butts. Looking at the now reasonably clean living room with a satisfied smile, Seo Hae-young gave a cursory glance at the wretches making dying noises and headed up to the second floor, arms full of snacks he had found in the kitchen.
Slipping into the master bedroom, Seo Hae-young let the snacks clatter down onto the bed. Hae-won, who had been sleeping like the dead until just before he entered, was blinking slowly, wrapped in the duvet.
“Yoon Hae-won—.”
Lying face down beside him, Seo Hae-young tapped the tip of the dazed Hae-won’s nose with his index finger. Finding it amusing how the eyelids fluttered shut with every tap, he continued to tease him with a soft smile.
Hae-won buried his face in the duvet, avoiding the ticklish touch. His limbs, which had been beaten and dragged around, were beyond painful; they were agonizing. His hole, which had housed the genitals, felt hot and stinging as if it had been torn, but he didn’t even feel like checking it. He just wanted to sleep. He only wanted to be far away from reality, even if just for a moment.
“Wake up. Let’s play.”
He didn’t want to hear that monotonous voice whispering in his ear anymore. The reason he was being kind today was because of yesterday, and when tomorrow came, he would make him hurt again. His eyes, swollen from crying incessantly, hurt as if they were being pulled out, so Hae-won writhed and turned over to face away. He hoped it would be taken as sleep-induced fussiness and that he would be left alone, but as always, the other was merciless.
Seo Hae-young ripped away the thick duvet and yanked his arm. Without a care for the horrific skin covered in handprints, bite marks, burns, and bruises, he dressed him with excited hands. Covered entirely in Seo Hae-young’s clothes—an oversized sweatshirt and tight-fitting drawers—Hae-won stared blankly at Seo Hae-young as he clumsily rolled up the long sleeves. It felt like playing with dolls. He felt like a doll that could be dressed up as one pleased, then kicked and thrown aside if the whim struck.
“I’m scared, Hae-won.”
The arms wrapped around his waist tightened. Hae-won remained quietly embraced, not even shifting his uncomfortable body. Playing on the monitor was a horror movie they sought out every summer like a ritual. No matter how many times he watched it, he had never found it boring, but the chin resting on his shoulder and the breath brushing his cheek were chillier than the eerie screen. The hand resting on the duvet trembled faintly.
“Hey. Can’t you hear me?”
Only then did Hae-won snap back to his senses at the irritated voice in his ear; he gripped the duvet and shook his head slowly. The protagonist was fleeing into the woods. The urgent scenes were dizzying. Soft lips brushed against the nape of his neck.
“Then you should answer….”
“…Yes.”
“Good. You’re doing well.”
The hand around his waist slid down to his thigh. Embraced by Seo Hae-young, who returned his focus to the movie while stroking the burned, bruised, and scarred skin with both hands, Hae-won sank into fatigue, inhaling the familiar scent.
He just wanted to rest for a moment. He knew he shouldn’t rest if he wanted to pay rent, save for tuition, and survive, but he wanted to rest just a little.
In a few weeks, Seo Hae-young’s break would also end. Since he stayed at a house near the school during the semester, there would be some breathing room.
When Seo Hae-young had moved house because he found it tedious to drive a distance that took only thirty minutes after entering college, Hae-won had been hurt at first. He felt a great sense of loss, wondering if they were drifting apart. That was why, whenever he was told to come visit, he would postpone his part-time job and rush there. Taking a bus that took an hour in circles, carrying snacks to eat together.
“Do you want to live here?”
It was a question he had received unexpectedly while stealing glances at Seo Hae-young doing assignments. Startled, he had shaken his head. Fearing he would seem to hate the idea too much, he added an excuse—that he had barely found a part-time job and had lived in the same neighborhood for so long that he couldn’t leave easily. While Seo Hae-young would usually just say “Is that so?” and move on, for some reason, he had let out a single remark.
“There are plenty of rooms.”
Having inherited the two-story detached house where his eldest sister had stayed, there were quite a few spare rooms. However, Hae-won had his pride. He couldn’t bring himself to live off the person he liked, so he declined the offer, promising himself success in his heart. Looking back now, he realized what a great decision that had been.
As Hae-won retraced the past when he could love freely and imagine the future as he pleased, a low voice flowed into his ear.
“Ah.”
A handful of white popcorn was piled in the hand held before his chin. Hae-won lowered his head, burying his face in Seo Hae-young’s palm, and put a piece of popcorn that tasted of nothing into his mouth. The remaining three or four pieces went into Seo Hae-young’s mouth, and Hae-won chewed the popcorn as it broke mushily between his teeth.
Once the distance grew and the semester began, Seo Hae-young’s interest would gradually cool. Naturally, he would grow tired of him soon, and then Hae-won could just organize, organize, and organize again during the remaining time. That would be enough.
“Hmm?”
The tip of Seo Hae-young’s nose brushed his cheek. He didn’t think he had been asked a question, but the questioning tone made his shoulders stiffen.
“…Eh?”
“What did you just say?”
It seemed his thoughts had leaked out of his mouth. Hae-won cast his eyes down and shook his head, mumbling that it was nothing.
Staring at the pale profile, Seo Hae-young massaged Hae-won’s thigh as if it were his own, then reached his arm back. Fumbling for something on the ledge between the bed and the window, he laid something out on the white duvet.
“Want to see photos? I took them yesterday.”
“…Photos?”
He had no memory of any being taken. Hae-won looked down at the five photos spread out under the dim lighting. Four of them contained the past of the four men. Photos taken one by one every time they visited and kept at the villa. A photo taken unexpectedly while playing in the pool, one taken while eating meat, one taken while playing by burying Hyun-woo in the sand, one taken at a raw fish restaurant near the coastal path, and….
As he picked up the last photo, his throat stung. A sob that pricked his Adam’s apple rose up, but he swallowed it hard. Instead, his vision blurred slightly. His raw eyelids felt sore, as if they had been beaten.
As Hae-won stared at the photo in silence, Seo Hae-young’s whisper, as he massaged Hae-won’s thigh, held a hint of laughter.
“Came out well, right?”
Looking at the face poking out from the bottom, Tae-gyeom must have held the camera. Joo Hyun-woo, sprawled on the sofa, was looking elsewhere, and Seo Hae-young was smiling, leaning against a bare shoulder. Although the body blocked Tae-gyeom’s face, as Seo Hae-young said, the face came out very well.
In the dead center of the frame, a vacant face smeared with cloudy semen. A bruised, torn, unsightly face.
“Huu….”
His breath grew ragged. Dropping the photo onto the duvet, Hae-won clawed at his chest. He couldn’t breathe properly. His sprawled legs pushed away from the bed as if kicking it. Even as he dug his nails into Seo Hae-young’s arms wrapped around him from behind and screamed, nothing improved. It felt as if a thick penis was still plugged into his hole. His throat felt the same. As he dug his nails into his suffocating neck and scratched downward, a strong hand gripped his wrist.
“Yoon Hae-wooon—.”
The back of his head touched a firm shoulder. It felt as if Joo Hyun-woo and Go Tae-gyeom would barge in at any moment to spread his legs, while Seo Hae-young sat by his head, casting a gaze mixed with contempt and ridicule.
“I, I can’t do this anymore…. Hae-young….”
No matter how he struggled, he couldn’t escape. As he gasped for air, a large hand covered his mouth and forcibly turned his body around. His calves were draped over Seo Hae-young’s thighs, and a warm, fragrant embrace enveloped his convulsing body. When the breathing calmed, leaving only a frail trembling, Hae-won buried his face in the broad chest, his ruined lips moving slightly.
I’m sorry, Hae-young. I won’t act disgusting, I’ll do everything you tell me to, so let’s go back to how we were. If you hate it, if I’m disgusting like a rag, just give me a little time. I’m still scared to be alone, so if you give me a little time, I’ll handle it myself. It’s hard. I really can’t do this anymore. I’ll organize my house, organize my work, organize everything and stay out of sight. I don’t know where, but I’ll go somewhere….
The voice whispering rapidly was very small, and Seo Hae-young, who had his ear pressed to Hae-won’s lips, frowned. Because he was mumbling and stumbling, there were almost no words he could understand.
“What are you talking about….”
Seo Hae-young pulled the still-muttering Hae-won up and patted his buttocks.
“If you’re tired, sleep.”
Resting his chin on Seo Hae-young’s shoulder, Hae-won looked at the wide night sea stretching beyond the window. Fog had descended, hiding the horizon. Despite not knowing how to swim, he felt a sudden urge to dive into the middle of it, and he gripped Seo Hae-young’s forearm tightly.
The same horror movie they sought every summer, dry popcorn, the rustling duvet, and a distance so close their breaths brushed. Along with moments that were mundane yet no longer mundane, the final night of the vacation passed.
* * *
The four photos of the past and the one photo of the present were placed neatly inside the villa’s dresser. Tae-gyeom engaged a lock he had never used before and put the key in his pocket. Seeing as there was no memory of taking the photos, they must have drunk a lot. Since he had slept all day yesterday too. After looking at the drawer containing the photos with a subtle expression, Tae-gyeom turned around and scanned Yoon Hae-won, who was hugging his bag and staring only at the floor.
He seemed to have gotten thinner in the meantime. Since he vomited whether he was fed or not, it was inevitable.
Even Seo Hae-young, who was obsessed with feeding him, had given up, and even when a sober Joo Hyun-woo anxiously pressed a drink into his hand, he only took a few sips and stopped. Though he didn’t like the frail appearance, there was no way to stop his gaze from drifting.
Three days ago, when Seo Hae-young had cornered Hae-won in the bathroom and killed time, Tae-gyeom had asked once. If he really had to go that far. Seo Hae-young, sitting in front of the bathroom, had stared blankly before spitting out a single sentence.
“You started it.”
Seo Hae-young always spoke that way. Vaguely, ambiguously. Having no particular desire to understand, Tae-gyeom had simply snorted. Since he hadn’t expected the situation to turn out like this, it was quite baffling for Tae-gyeom as well.
An isolated space, a shared purpose, and clouded consciousness converged to create synchronization. At the fingertips that reached out without hesitation, as if they had lost their minds, there was Yoon Hae-won.
For some reason, the way Yoon Hae-won behaved was irritating, so he had gladly joined in, but he felt a slight sense of regret. Whether it was because he hated seeing him act so pitiful… he didn’t know. Tilting his head, Tae-gyeom took out the car keys and pressed down on the head of the blankly sitting Yoon Hae-won, heading toward the entrance.
“Let’s go home.”
The vacation was over.
* * *
The weather after the end of the heat was cool. At the end of summer, with autumn just around the corner, Hae-won returned to his daily life.
The only things that had changed were that the old fan had been moved to the corner of the room, there was no longer any reason to visit Seo Hae-young’s house, and a new phone he had been gifted. About three things. Waking up late, he went to work at Hyun-jeong’s shop and returned home in the early morning, running at a constant speed on a hamster wheel.
Since no one mentioned what happened at the villa, it all felt like a dream. He consciously tried to forget the past vacation, but the thick nightmare repeatedly grabbed Hae-won’s ankles as he ran on the wheel.
Since the vacation ended, he couldn’t turn off the lights for a single moment. The bathroom door was always left wide open, and when washing, he scrubbed his skin raw until it turned bright red. He couldn’t eat slimy foods, and when he woke from sleep, he blocked his ears and waited for daylight. The sound of water and laughter became awls that pierced his eardrums.
On some miserable dawns when he felt he couldn’t breathe, he packed his bags frantically. Then, naturally, fear would arise.
What if I start over in a strange place and suddenly run out of money? What if I have no money for rent, no money for food, or if I suddenly get sick? What if there’s no one to ask for help, what if Seo Hae-young isn’t there?
Having lived in the same neighborhood for twenty years, he had spent his school days, part-time jobs, and leisure time here. Strange places, strange people, strange jobs. He was afraid of strange things. An uncertain future approached him gloomily.
And so, he would collapse in front of the entrance clutching his bag, only to unpack it again when the sun rose. He postponed the organization out of habit. Consoling himself by saying he would go once he had a little more money, once he saved enough to last a few months.
Seo Hae-young and Go Tae-gyeom returned to school after the break ended, and although Joo Hyun-woo was dragged away on a family trip, Hae-won still lived under their shadow. He passed by Seo Hae-young’s house to go to work at the shop run by Joo Hyun-woo’s sister, and Go Tae-gyeom’s calls often remained as missed calls. He didn’t reply to anyone except for Seo Hae-young’s texts. While hours, days, and weeks passed.
“Ah….”
And during those few weeks, he encountered Joo Hyun-woo, who had left numerous missed calls. At Hyun-jeong’s shop, just as opening time approached.
Hae-won, who had been wiping the tables with a black apron tied around his waist, slowly straightened his back. Hyun-woo, staring blankly at Hae-won, who had returned to his neat appearance as the bruises faded while he was alone, went into the storage room and came out wearing the same apron.
“Are you… feeling okay?”
Hae-won didn’t answer the cautious question and moved on to the next table. Surprisingly, his body was fine. He had been in agonizing pain for a few days, but after taking all the remaining medicine, he managed to endure and healed quickly.
Even so, the memories of that day hadn’t disappeared. He wasn’t so naive as to laugh heartily with Joo Hyun-woo.
“I’ve decided to work here for a bit…. Until next month.”
If he had been ignored once, he should have just left on his own, but Hyun-woo insisted on wiping the same table, rambling about things he hadn’t asked. That his sister would come in a few days, that his departure was delayed due to visa issues—stories he wasn’t curious about. After enduring it, Hae-won cut him off and spoke.
“Hey.”
“Yeah?”
“You’re noisy.”
Having finished wiping the last table, Hae-won closed his eyes tightly and opened them as he passed by the uncomfortable-looking Hyun-woo. In his honest heart, he wanted to throw the dishcloth in his face and even throw a punch, but he had no intention of passing a clumsy situation onto the innocent Hyun-jeong.
After three or four hours of being open, the shop became busy. While frantically taking orders and serving, there were frequent moments when his shoulder bumped into Hyun-woo’s. Hae-won frowned but brushed past him as if it were nothing, but Hyun-woo bit his lip and glanced at the retreating back. He hadn’t hoped for him to suffer, but the sight of him looking too perfectly fine was unsettling. Naturally, unlike before, Hae-won made frequent mistakes.
The kitchen staff, who had lent Hae-won perfume, poked his head out into the noisy hall.
“Hae-won! Is this for table 5?”
“Huh? One moment.”
Putting down the tray and checking the POS, Hae-won pressed his hand to his forehead with a look of dismay.
“…I’m sorry. It’s table 6.”
“I thought so…. Is something going on lately? You keep making mistakes.”
Hae-won gave an awkward smile and turned to walk toward a table where the customers had left, only to have his shoulder grabbed by another part-timer. The part-timer pointed alternately at his empty hands and the tray, and Hae-won, realizing his mistake, picked up the tray he had set down. He let out a short sigh while tidying the cluttered tableware. A problem had arisen as soon as the vacation ended. He would turn around and forget, then turn around and forget again. He couldn’t even remember if he had eaten dinner.
“Hae-won!”
“Hae-won Hyung…, this.”
“Hae-won, wait a second.”
His name was being called from all directions.
In the center of the noisy hall, Hae-won buried his face in his palms. Orders were missed, and the food going to the tables was swapped. He dropped cups, and his movements became tangled, leading to repeated collisions with Joo Hyun-woo. Eventually, the manager, who was acting as the CEO while Hyun-jeong was away, suggested he take a break.
“We’re closing soon, so just rest and then do the cleaning before you go.”
It was more of a demand than a suggestion.
Entering the storage room and sitting on the sofa, Hae-won rubbed his stinging eyes and checked his phone. Seo Hae-young’s texts were piled up.
[Call me when you’re done]
[No, don’t]
[It’s too wide here, I’m scared]
[Hae-won]
[New duvet]
[Go straight home]
There was one photo of a dark-colored duvet, and beneath it, meaningless texts continued endlessly. Hae-won tapped the unfamiliar screen and left a short reply: ‘Yes’. The rambling texts that used to be welcome were now exhausting. The read receipt disappeared immediately. Lying on his side on the sofa, Hae-won glanced at the glowing screen.
[You fucker, you gonna keep ignoring me?]
It was a text from Go Tae-gyeom. He deleted it as soon as he read it and turned off the phone.
Due to the landlord’s stubbornness, he couldn’t change the locks on the front door. Even the auxiliary lock was broken. Tae-gyeom, who possessed the key, could walk in at any time. Whether it would be today or next week, he didn’t know, but the sheer dread of it made him too exhausted to even reply. He collapsed limply, resting his head on the armrest. Next week was payday. The week after that was Seo Hae-young’s birthday. After that… he didn’t know.
“You can just clean up and go now. Get some deep rest, and let’s get our heads straight tomorrow.”
Hae-won nodded with a sense of apology toward the employee who was teasingly scolding him, then stepped out into the empty hall. He exchanged light greetings with the departing staff and picked up the mop. Once he turned off the music playing in the background, the interior of the shop fell silent. Only then did he feel like he could breathe. As he rubbed his ear and moved his feet, he saw Joo Hyun-woo’s back. Every time Hyun-woo bent his waist to lift a chair onto a table, his white shirt pulled taut.
Backing away from a distance, Hae-won lifted the chairs in the corner onto the tables. He didn’t know why Hyun-woo wasn’t leaving and was just getting in the way. The silence, which hadn’t been there before, felt uncomfortable.
“Hae-won. Give me that.”
While Hae-won was scrubbing the floor, Hyun-woo reached out. Startled, Hae-won recoiled, and Hyun-woo, his eyes widening, brushed the back of his neck with an awkward expression. Hae-won gripped the long mop handle tightly and turned his back.
Pretending to be considerate, pretending he wasn’t the one, yet gripping his waist so hard his internal organs felt crushed—the memory of that hand made him not want to go near him. The marks from Joo Hyun-woo’s grip on his waist had dug deep and still remained faintly. As if erasing those marks, he scrubbed the smooth floor as if he intended to destroy it.
“Ah…!”
Suddenly, his palm stung, and he hurriedly pulled his hand away. As the mop fell to the floor with a loud clatter, Hyun-woo’s gaze landed on Hae-won.
“What, are you hurt?”
Hyun-woo approached quickly and snatched his wrist before he could dodge. Seeing the wooden splinter embedded in his palm, he furrowed his flat brow.
“We need to replace this. What kind of wooden mop is this…?”
A fairly large splinter had pierced through the plump flesh and embedded itself deeply. Looking down at the wound where blood was already beginning to bead, Hyun-woo pulled Hae-won’s wrist.
“Let’s put some medicine on it first.”
“I can just pull it out.”
Hae-won tried to twist his wrist away from Hyun-woo, who was acting as if he’d been stabbed with a knife over a mere splinter, but he ended up being dragged into the storage room where the light entered dimly. Pushed onto the sofa, Hae-won looked back and forth between the door and Hyun-woo, who was searching for medicine. The door, which hadn’t closed completely, remained open with a small gap. He felt a slight sense of relief.
Hae-won grabbed the end of the splinter in his palm and pulled it out in one go. Red blood immediately pooled, and a sharp pain flared. Having found the medicine and a bandage, Hyun-woo sat on the edge of the low table and quickly pressed a tissue against the blood-stained palm.
“The blood… is flowing quite a bit.”
Hae-won clenched his fist to hide his palm and dropped his gaze from the door. Hyun-woo’s thigh was blocking his exit. His two legs were positioned between Hyun-woo’s closely pressed knees. Flinching as he gathered his legs, Hae-won sat up and watched Hyun-woo tear open the bandage packaging. Though he was acting kindly now, he couldn’t let his guard down.
“I, uh, bought a gift… It seemed like chocolate was the only famous thing there.”
Hyun-woo, who eventually managed to apply the bandage to the hand that had been resisting with all its might, fumbled beneath the table. As he leaned over, his firm shoulder pressed hard against Hae-won’s tense thigh. With nowhere to retreat, Hyun-woo wrapped his palm around Hae-won’s rounded knee, who had frozen in place, and straightened his upper body. It was a natural contact made without much thought, but Hae-won’s eyes darted anxiously as he took the large paper bag.
“I bought the non-sweet kind, so eat them if you’re bored.”
Looking down at the enormous amount of chocolate, Hae-won felt a strange sensation. Did he think he’d be liked if he gave him a heap of this after fucking him like that? If I looked that stupid, he should have just given me money.
While Hae-won stared at the chocolates with vacant eyes, Hyun-woo carefully stroked the knee where his hand had remained. The narrow storage room, lit by a yellowish light, was so quiet that the other’s breathing could be heard. It was tense.
Since it was a trip with his family, Hyun-woo had pretended to be happy, but he had been thinking of Yoon Hae-won. Unlike Tae-gyeom, whose memories were hazy, Hyun-woo could recall most of it.
A tattered Yoon Hae-won. The image of him shaking helplessly and streaming tears surfaced frequently. When eating something delicious, when touring sightseeing spots, or when talking with family, the sight of him looking pitiful and miserable to anyone would suddenly pop up. That was why, when he was left alone in the bathroom at the end of the day, he masturbated while recalling that image. He thought he had done it to the point where he wouldn’t feel sexual desire for a while, but during the two-week trip, he gripped and shook his cock every single day.
After ejaculating, a guilt that made it impossible to lift his head followed. He vowed he shouldn’t do this, but when night came, he repeatedly raped Yoon Hae-won in his imagination. Covering his mouth, tying his arms, and eventually even strangling his neck. It was disgusting, yet whenever he indulged in those disgusting fantasies, his lower abdomen tightened incessantly. He worried that the wounded Hae-won might disappear somewhere, but deep down, he knew.
Yoon Hae-won had nowhere to go. Everyone knew. Seo Hae-young, Go Tae-gyeom. There was no reason to intentionally shout at him. Because he couldn’t go anywhere.
“…Hey.”
“…Huh?”
Hyun-woo, awakened from his deep thoughts, raised an eyebrow. He saw Hae-won, who looked visibly displeased.
“I said I have to clean.”
Seeing Hyun-woo make him say it twice, Hae-won felt he could understand why Seo Hae-young would get stern when he didn’t answer. He gestured toward the legs blocking the way and the hand touching his knee. Even exchanging words was irritating. Hyun-woo let out an “Ah” and withdrew his hand, but he didn’t move his legs. The sound of the ventilation fan echoed through the silent storage room. As the silence lingered, Hae-won’s expression grew increasingly rigid. His breathing became labored, and a cold sweat broke out.
“…I have to… clean.”
He hurriedly tried to stand up, push Hyun-woo’s shoulder, and climb over his legs.
“Wait…”
Unconsciously wrapping his arm around the waist that brushed past his nose, Hyun-woo pushed the thin body back onto the sofa. Then, he climbed on top of the fallen Hae-won and pinned his shoulders down. It wasn’t intentional. His body had simply moved on its own.
“…What.”
Hae-won looked up at Hyun-woo, who was pressing down on his shoulders, and answered as calmly as he could. Although his fingertips had already begun to tremble, he could hide it as much as he wanted. Joo Hyun-woo, Joo Hyun-jeong, the shop, money. Those four words gnawed at the fearful Hae-won.
Hyun-woo, wearing a look of bewilderment himself, bit his lip. Time passed without anything happening. After contemplating for a long while, Hyun-woo spoke without even making eye contact.
“Can I ask you for one favor?”
The posture was far from a request, but driven by fear, Hae-won reluctantly nodded. The hand that had been pressing his shoulder slid down his collarbone and lingered around the collar of his neck. Just as he thought it was strange, a gloomy and rough voice leaked from Hyun-woo’s mouth.
“Can I… try strangling you?”
The bizarre request was difficult to even comprehend. After blinking, Hae-won, suddenly horrified, grabbed Hyun-woo’s wrist and struggled.
“N-no. Move, I have to clean…”
“I won’t do anything else. I’m sorry…”
There was no way a request to be strangled instead of “anything else” would be welcome. Unable to escape from under the heavy arm, Hae-won tossed and turned with all his might. The paper bag, hit by his arm, fell to the floor. Without even glancing at the chocolates spilling out, Hyun-woo moved both hands to the long neck. His expression was confused, but the rims of his ears were flushed red.
“It’ll only be for a moment, Hae-won. I just want to check… I’m really sorry.”
In the shop’s storage room where all employees had clocked out, there was no one to stop him. Sitting while pressing down on Hae-won’s thighs and pelvis, Hyun-woo wrapped both hands around his neck. The more the struggling intensified, the more a strange euphoria surged up his spine. Swallowing the saliva pooling in his mouth, Hyun-woo squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them. He intended to just check, moderately.
“I’ll finish quickly. Sorry, Hae-won…”
“Joo Hyun-woo, are you actually crazy…?”
Hae-won looked up at Hyun-woo with eyes full of horror. He wasn’t a guy so irrational that he’d drink while working, but those eyes, glistening with desire, looked abnormal no matter how he saw them. Just as he was about to say something, the overlapping thumbs pressed hard against his Adam’s apple, and his neck was strangled. As the cervical vertebrae were pressed, a pain followed as if they were about to crush.
“Kugh…!”
Even as he dug his nails into the backs of the hands covering his neck and scratched, the grip did not loosen. The sofa, kicked by the feet pushing off the armrest, rattled with a creaking sound. The parts where the fingertips touched felt numb and painful, and the palms, carrying a heavy weight, blocked his airway.
“K-kh… ugh…”
“Just bear with it for a bit…”
Red lines were drawn across the backs of Hyun-woo’s hands, and Hae-won’s face gradually turned the same color as the nail marks. His eyelids trembled. His vision blurred, and Joo Hyun-woo appeared and disappeared in flashes. He frantically felt around his surroundings. To the left was the sofa backrest, to the right was the low table. He fumbled over the table with pale hands, but all he could grasp were the ointment and the bandage wrapper. As he gripped things that couldn’t even serve as weapons, black dots proliferated in Hae-won’s blurred vision, and his focus converged on one spot.
Joo Hyun-woo’s lips. The corners of his mouth turned up. Lips that were smiling fully.
“K-ugh, kh…!”
His blood-rushed face turned bright red. His eyeballs throbbed as if they were about to pop out, and feeling as though his oxygen-deprived brain was slowly dying, he struck Hyun-woo’s forearm with his fist. Even as he struck with all his might, the body that didn’t budge was like a rock. He pulled at the white shirt as if to tear it. The ointment he had been holding dropped, and his strength gradually drained away. He felt like his eyes were rolling back. Just before his pupils disappeared behind his eyelids, Hyun-woo, who had been strangling him, suddenly released his grip.
“Hah…! Haah, k-ugh, kh…!”
Hae-won choked as he took in the sudden rush of air. He heaved his pinned body while coughing. While he was gasping for air to recover his breath, the hand resting on his neck suddenly tightened again. Before he could even calm down, the bone, muscle, and flesh were crushed under the large grip. In the terror that he might actually die, Hae-won pushed and clawed at Hyun-woo’s shoulders.
I feel like I’m going to die. I don’t want to die. I want to live. He had never once thought that he wanted to die. Even when he had to provide his holes in rotation, he wanted to live. He wanted to live somehow.
“K-ugh, ugh…”
Hyun-woo exhaled hot breath while looking down at the bright red face. Eyes stained with tears were messily furrowed and blinking frantically. The hands that beat his shoulders painfully before pushing him away violently, and the struggling legs—everything felt lovely. A chill ran down his neck. The front of his black pants was already bulging as if it would burst. With his ears flushed red, Hyun-woo pressed the neck with one hand and urgently undid his belt with the other.
“Kh, k-ugh…! Heuu…!”
“I’m sorry, Hae-won… Just bear with it a little more.”
Hyun-woo, whose voice was now thick with excitement, positioned himself over the chest of Hae-won, who was panting after barely getting a breath. As he braced his weight on his knees and pulled out his hideously erect penis, Hae-won, who was coughing, was startled. Looking at that red face, an uncontrollable impulse surged, and Hyun-woo crudely pushed the glans into the lips. Hae-won looked back and forth between the rock-hard penis and the insane Hyun-woo with wide eyes.
“Mmph, ugh…”
“Don’t suck… I’ll take care of it.”
Before he could even scream at Hyun-woo, who spoke as if he were being considerate, his mouth was blocked. The entering penis poked the roof of his mouth. After muttering a small curse, Hyun-woo grabbed Hae-won’s limp head and lifted his neck high. The menacing penis, adjusted to the angle, forced its way into the narrow throat.
“Haah… Hae-won…”
“K-ugh, ugh…!”
The corners of his mouth, which had been healing, tore open again, and the strength left the hands that were pushing against the firm thighs.
“Ugh… k-huk…”
As soon as the strength left, the penis plunged in, and his nose was crushed against Hyun-woo’s groin. Hae-won, whose mouth was stretched to the limit, tried to escape by pushing against the thighs and the sofa again, but Hyun-woo, holding his head with both hands, quickly pulled his waist back and slammed it in again. A surge of nausea rose, and his chest heaved violently.
“K-huk, ugh…!”
“I’m sorry, Hae-won… Sorry…”
Hyun-woo looked down as if licking the red, wet face and worked his hips inside Hae-won’s mouth. The soft tongue supported the base of the penis, and when pushed deep, the narrow throat tightened around the glans. Gripping the wrists of Hae-won, who was hitting his lower abdomen, and supporting the back of his head, Hyun-woo narrowed his eyes as he heard the gagging sounds. An intense pleasure paralyzed his reason.
He liked this. He liked Yoon Hae-won’s crying face. He liked forcing the throat open, gripping the wrists to the point of twisting them, and strangling the neck. As long as the partner was Yoon Hae-won.
“Hah… Hae-won, Yoon Hae-won…”
Tear-soaked eyelashes trembled. The bright pupils glared at the friend who was slamming his penis in with a gaze where fear and anger were filthily intertwined. Hyun-woo found even that look so lovely that he didn’t know what to do and thrust his hips violently.
“K-huk, ugh, mmph…”
The gripped fingers and eyelids twitched. He was suffocating. The corners of his mouth became wet with lukewarm saliva. Consequently, the penis, using the saliva as a lubricant, grazed the Adam’s apple and slid in smoothly.
It seemed that villa trip wasn’t a dream after all. Seeing as he remembered how to inhale the moment the penis withdrew after several thrusts. That he shouldn’t swallow, and how to relax his neck to open the hole.
It was hollow. He thought it had ended that day, but it was only the beginning. He hadn’t realized that Joo Hyun-woo would be the start. The torn corners of his mouth stung.
Seo Hae-young and Joo Hyun-woo were similar yet different. They both treated him like a doll, but dolls for slightly different purposes. He hated both so much that he couldn’t choose which one was better.
The feet kicking the armrest became slower than before. The sound of Hyun-woo’s rough breathing as he held the head and worked his hips, and the sound of the penis entering and exiting the throat, were squelching. The sound of mucous membranes and flesh mixing together. Every time he slammed in, his nose was repeatedly crushed against the groin. Saliva, flowing down a jaw that felt dislocated, dripped onto the white shirt collar. Hae-won, whose strength had completely drained from his limbs, pushed back only enough to touch Hyun-woo’s thighs.
The moment the eyes glaring upward went vacant, the glans, which induced gagging, suddenly slid out and swayed in front of his face.
“Hik, haah…! Kehk…!”
The slippery glans poked the cheeks and eyes of Hae-won, who was desperately inhaling the missing air.
“Kkh… Hae-won…”
Soon, just like that day, lukewarm semen covered his face. Droplets of semen caught in his eyelashes dripped down, landing one by one on the lips that were exhaling ragged breaths. Hae-won wiped the whitish semen that crossed the bridge of his nose with his hand, wiping away the tears as well. The sticky texture and smell were terrible, yet familiar.
Until a few months ago, he could never have imagined that having a penis shoved down his throat would become familiar. If it were Seo Hae-young’s cock, he might have been willing to suck it once while enduring the disgust, but even that would only be possible after a great deal of resolve. To have it happen like this… The more he tried to hold back his sobs, the more severe his panting became.
Hyun-woo grabbed the rim of Hae-won’s ear, who was pitifully wiping away tears, and rubbed it with his finger. When he pressed hard with his thumbnail to the point of pain, Hae-won’s head whipped away. After staring quietly at the eyes that glared while panting, Hyun-woo gently combed Hae-won’s disheveled bangs with his fingers to tidy them.
“…Hae-won.”
Pushing back the bangs wet with thick semen to reveal the clean forehead, Hyun-woo lowered his hand toward the tear-filled eyes. He tried to wipe the semen off the eyelashes, but as soon as his fingertips touched, Hae-won violently shook his hand off.
“Fuck…! Don’t touch me…”
Looking down at the back of his hand, where the skin was scraped by nails and felt hot from being hit, Hyun-woo let out a hollow smile. It seemed it was a lost cause. Seeing as he got an erection upon seeing the horrified expression. Hyun-woo gripped the wrist that was pushing his thigh to move away, twisting it. The face that cursed violently and then immediately became consumed by fear was lovely.
“…I’m sorry.”
Hyun-woo’s expression was relaxed as he offered a sincere apology. It had taken so long to accept the flaw. The confirmation was over. Then and now, without change… he wanted to rape Yoon Hae-won.
Joo Hyun-woo shoved his penis into Yoon Hae-won’s mouth once more. This time, he gripped the back of Hae-won’s head and used his other hand to squeeze the throat, where the outline of his penis was visible. As Hae-won gasped and choked, his face turning beet red, Hyun-woo grew even more aroused, pushing his penis deep into the throat before ejaculating. There was no need to swallow; it naturally slid down the esophagus.
Having taken Hyun-woo’s semen twice, Hae-won—now a mess of tears, snot, and saliva—burst into a fit of sobbing. He distorted his face and tried to scream, but no sound came from his flushed lips. Only the sound of ragged panting barely escaped. Suppressing the urge to keep him tied up and ram into him until his hole tore, Hyun-woo hugged the struggling Hae-won tightly and patted his thin back.
“Sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
Hae-won struggled to escape the embrace of a man who didn’t say he’d never do it again, spitting out curses in a raspy voice. It felt even more miserable because the apologies sounded completely sincere. If he hadn’t let his stubbornness get the better of him and provoked Joo Hyun-woo, none of this would have happened. He no longer knew who to blame.
* * *
A pale man was reflected in the mirror. The pink flesh exposed by the torn corners of his lips looked painful just to behold, and the reddish handprints remaining on his neck made him frown instinctively. Hae-won picked up the showerhead and sprayed the mirror. With a loud shhh sound, the wretched man was blurred away.
After washing with cold water, Hae-won stood before the toilet and shoved his fingers down his throat. He pressed hard against the back of his tongue to induce gagging. His back heaved with a ugh, but his burning esophagus refused to expel anything. Only cloudy saliva dripped down. Joo Hyun-woo’s semen lingered on his tongue. The fishy taste would not fade for a long time.
Dripping water from his wet hair, he walked into the living room, took his bankbook and ledger from an old drawer, and placed them on a low folding table. After cross-referencing the sparse transaction records with the ledger, he wrote down the amount he could use immediately on the corner of a white piece of paper and then dropped the pen.
“…So little.”
3.5 million won. After subtracting rent and living expenses, about 2 million remained. If he gave up the apartment, the security deposit would be added, but he didn’t want to think that far. The fear of having nowhere to return to was still too great.
Sniffling with a congested nose, he reached into the pocket of his slumped trousers and pulled out crumpled bills. He smoothed out four 50,000-won notes and tucked them into a side of the ledger. 200,000 won given by Joo Hyun-woo.
He had trudged back home and stood before the entrance, and at some point, bills had been pressed into his hand. He couldn’t remember if he had asked for them or if Joo Hyun-woo had given them as charity. He tried to recall, but his mind was a blank. Whether he had cleaned the shop, whether he had locked the door properly. Hae-won stared silently at the mysterious bills tucked into the ledger’s spiral.
Even in high school, the three of them would often slip ten or twenty thousand won into his pocket as “pocket money.” Hae-won had been flustered at first, but once he adapted, he started taking cash from their wallets right in front of them, so it wasn’t an unusual occurrence. It was a public fact that Hae-won’s circumstances were poor, and it was also a fact that the three of them were wealthy, so there was no reason for his pride to be wounded. If they were giving away rotting money, he should just be grateful and take it. Most of that “pocket money” was spent on snacks, and since it wasn’t a large sum, no one cared.
But… it felt strange. Bills pressed into his hand after being strangled by a friend, having a cock shoved down his throat in that state, and swallowing semen. It would be strange if he had asked for it, and strange if Joo Hyun-woo had just given it. Hae-won glared at the yellow paper before closing the ledger.
The “pocket money” of unknown meaning was neither spent nor deposited into his bank account; it went deep into the drawer along with the ledger. While the crumpled bills were flattened by the weight, Hyun-woo entered Hae-won’s house every morning with a key and filled the refrigerator. Since the side dishes bought from the store remained untouched, he replaced them entirely with instant meals and swapped out the bruising fruit for fresh ones. Closing the refrigerator door—where the only thing that ever changed was the bottled water despite his daily visits—he eased his guilt in this selfish manner.
After finishing a light cleaning, Hyun-woo approached the bundle of blankets curled up in the corner of the room and sat down by the bedside. He rubbed his tired eyes while looking at the pale face peeking out from under the covers.
Since the day the “confirmation” ended, Hae-won had consistently worn a black turtleneck. When asked if he wasn’t hot, Hae-won would simply laugh it off weakly, and Hyun-woo wasn’t shameless enough to push the conversation further. Though he didn’t give him much of a chance to speak anyway. He noticed Hae-won occasionally slipping a finger into the collar of the thin, clinging knit to pull it slightly, as if he were indeed hot. Whenever the purple bruises were glimpsed through that gap, Hyun-woo would momentarily forget what he was doing and fluster. He felt sorry, yet he liked it so much it drove him crazy. The contradictory emotions were simply filthy. Looking down at the increasingly wasting Hae-won, Hyun-woo left the house today without waking him.
Long after Joo Hyun-woo left, Hae-won woke up in time for work, put on a laundered turtleneck, and rubbed his sunken stomach. When he opened the refrigerator, it was packed with an excessive amount of food. He knew it was Joo Hyun-woo’s doing, but he couldn’t tell him to stop. To do that, he would have to engage in conversation, but whenever he faced Hyun-woo, he felt as if he were being strangled and couldn’t utter a single word. His voice wouldn’t come out.
After some hesitation, he took out a square-packaged instant meal and put it in the microwave. He scooped the steaming fried rice into his mouth and chewed slowly. After about five bites, a fishy taste suddenly rose. The grains of rice chewing in his mouth felt like rubber, and he spat them out. Throwing the remaining half of the fried rice into the sink, Hae-won opened the refrigerator and shoved various things into his mouth.
One bite, then spit. One bite, then spit. Everything tasted foul. Fruit, desserts, salads—he spat them all out. Food waste piled up in the bone-dry sink.
* * *
Mid-week, Wednesday evening, the shop was quiet as expected. Since he even had time to sit and rest, Hae-won processed his work step-by-step, glancing occasionally at the notes written on the back of his hand. As he began to forget things more frequently, Hyun-jeong, who had returned from his trip, started to worry, so Hae-won had come up with a trick. Since he couldn’t carry memo pads everywhere, he scribbled on the back of his hand, which reduced his mistakes. Washing them off was a chore, but since he scrubbed until his skin peeled anyway, his hands returned to being clean by the next day.
“The reserved table is for Tae-gyeom? It’ll be nice to see him after so long, Hae-won—.”
Hyun-jeong, who was massaging Hae-won’s shoulder, smiled brightly. Hae-won froze for a moment, then smiled and asked “Is that so?” while setting the table. They weren’t children anymore; they were past the age of being thrilled every time they met. Hyun-jeong, who always treated him like a ten-year-old, asked in passing.
“Isn’t Hae-young coming? I guess he’s busy since the semester started?”
“…Yeah. He says he’s busy.”
Since the vacation ended, Seo Hae-young had only sent clusters of trivial texts and hadn’t appeared in person. Since that was always the case when the semester began, it gave Hae-won some breathing room. Strangely, his fear of Seo Hae-young was even greater than that of Joo Hyun-woo, who had actually strangled him. He had trembled even while reading those mundane texts.
“Ah, he’s here. Tae-gyeom!”
A moment after Hyun-jeong, Hae-won’s head turned toward the shop door. He almost locked eyes with Tae-gyeom as he entered, but he naturally averted his gaze and moved toward the table where someone was raising their hand. It was the first time he’d seen Go Tae-gyeom since the vacation. Anxiously taking the order and entering it into the POS system, he consciously struggled not to look.
Once the six-person table was full, the quiet shop became noisy. Even though he hated it, the playful conversation between Hyun-woo and Tae-gyeom drifted clearly into his ears, causing his expression to crumple. Hae-won focused on other tables and didn’t give the table where Tae-gyeom sat a single glance. Even when Tae-gyeom’s companions waved their hands frantically, he deliberately ignored them, though it began to feel increasingly uncomfortable.
Since everyone seemed to be leaving so quickly today and had no requests, eventually, there was no one else calling him, and he had to head toward Tae-gyeom’s table.
“Oh, he’s finally coming.”
He heard a snicker. It seemed obvious that he had been ignoring them. Since the table happened to be by the window, Hae-won stood a step back from Tae-gyeom, who was sitting at the end, and held up his pen.
“…Would you like to order?”
“We’ll take three of these and…”
The man sitting next to Tae-gyeom slightly lifted an empty beer bottle and held up his fingers. Just as the bright voice continued, a curse laced with irritation cut the words short.
“You fucker, are you blind?”
Silence fell over the table. Regardless of whether his companions stared with their mouths agape, Tae-gyeom, leaning his elbow on the table, looked up at Hae-won askew. Scanning the furrowed brow, Hae-won lowered his eyes and wrote “three beers” on the back of his hand before speaking.
“Nothing else you need.”
“Now you’re ignoring me too?”
A companion, sensing the mood, wrapped an arm around Tae-gyeom’s shoulder and tried to play it off.
“Is this guy drunk…? That’s all we need! Sorry about that…”
The moment Hae-won nodded and turned to leave, a stretched-out arm brushed his thigh. Tae-gyeom, sliding his fingers into Hae-won’s trouser pocket, pulled him hard.
“What do you mean ‘that’s all’? Sit.”
Stumbling, Hae-won instinctively braced himself against Tae-gyeom’s shoulder, then flinched and dropped his hand. The palm that had touched the hard muscle and bone felt hot, as if burned.
“Hey, hey… Are you crazy? Let go!”
“No, fuck… I said sit.”
The atmosphere grew restless. Not only the companions, who thought their friend was just being a drunk nuisance to a staff member, but even nearby customers glanced at Tae-gyeom. Seeing Hyun-jeong poke his head out from the kitchen to check, Hae-won grabbed the wrist that was holding his pocket. He had absolutely no desire to talk, but it seemed better to step out for a moment before any more strange things were said. Asking another part-timer with a look to take over the order, Hae-won met the eyes of Tae-gyeom’s companions.
“He’s a friend… I’ll talk to him for a moment.”
“Ah, oh… You’re really… friends, right?”
Hae-won nodded to the companions, who were looking up at him with worried faces, and let out a short sigh. When he pulled Tae-gyeom’s wrist, Tae-gyeom stood up obediently, though he glared as if he wanted to kill him. Rising from his seat, Tae-gyeom bumped his shoulder hard and headed for the back door.
“Friends, my ass…”
Staggering, Hae-won regained his balance and rubbed his stinging shoulder. The sentence left by that low, angry voice seemed to perfectly illustrate the “relationship” between them. Friends, my ass.
“Why is that bastard acting like that all of a sudden…?”
Turning his back to the bewildered customers, Hae-won signaled to Hyun-jeong, and only after receiving a confirming hand gesture did he reluctantly follow Tae-gyeom. Tae-gyeom, like Seo Hae-young, usually didn’t show up during the semester, so he wondered why he was making a fuss and coming all the way from a distant school now that they had this kind of relationship. Technically, it was a similar distance to the school Seo Hae-young attended, but since he had never been to that area, it might as well have been the other side of the world.
Opening the back door and stepping out, Hae-won reached behind him to close the door tightly and kept his distance from Tae-gyeom, who was smoking. In the alley dimly lit by a single distant streetlight, Tae-gyeom sat crouched against the wall, drawing deeply on the filter before exhaling a long cloud. He looked every bit the chain-smoker who couldn’t last an hour without a cigarette.
“Hae-won really makes me come a long fucking way.”
“You could’ve just not come.”
He didn’t intend to provoke the visibly displeased Tae-gyeom, but his lips moved reflexively.
“Wow. Yoon Hae-won, you’re fucking…”
Tae-gyeom let out a hollow laugh, crushed the barely-smoked long cigarette on the ground, and stood up. He thought Hae-won would be cowed and groveling since he had ignored all the messages, but not only was he fine, his skill at talking back had actually improved. The absurdity of it made laughter leak out.
“I really thought… Hae-won. Is your brain that bad? Do you forget the moment you turn around? Why. Do you think I won’t nail you here?”
Tae-gyeom approached, sneering in a sharp tone. Hae-won didn’t avoid the narrowed eyes and hid both hands behind his back. No matter how much he clenched and unclenched his fists, his fingertips trembled slightly, but he didn’t want Tae-gyeom to notice. As much as he was afraid, he tilted his chin up.
“…So what.”
Stepping closer one foot at a time, Tae-gyeom stood before him, looking down at Hae-won’s face, which was cast in shadow by the streetlight, and smirked. At this distance, the fluttering eyelashes and the teeth clenched so hard they ached were clearly visible.
“What do I mean. I’m just asking you to take my calls too… like you do for Seo Hae-young.”
As Tae-gyeom closed in, Hae-won backed away. When his heels hit the wall and there was nowhere left to retreat, his steady gaze dropped. Tae-gyeom, so close their breaths brushed, slid his index finger under the thin knit covering the neck.
“Aren’t you hot?”
Bending his finger to pull the knit away, Tae-gyeom peeked inside and immediately frowned. Even under the yellow light, the deep blue handprints were vivid.
“Seo Hae-young?”
Tae-gyeom gently rubbed along the handprints and pushed his thigh between Hae-won’s legs. The narrow, dark alley was situated between buildings, with no way in or out other than the shop’s back door. This meant no one would come, but Hae-won frantically looked around and tried to push Tae-gyeom away.
“Stop…!”
“Ah. No. I heard Seo Hae-young was fucking busy.”
Both hands suddenly slid down his waist and entered the knit. A repulsive shiver ran through him as cold palms gripped his waist.
“Joo Hyun-woo? It was that bastard, wasn’t it?”
“Take your hands… out…”
Hae-won grabbed the wrist and tried to push it down, but the thumb pressed firmly and subtly between his ribs. A stinging pain and a ticklish sensation raced along his waist. Hae-won groaned and twisted his body, trapped between the wall and Tae-gyeom, but as if that bothered him, the thigh pressed hard against the front of his trousers.
“I’ve always said that bastard Joo Hyun-woo was weird.”
Both hands suddenly rose and hovered around his chest. Tae-gyeom gripped Hae-won’s ribcage tightly, tracing the nipples with his thumbs while nibbling on the earlobe.
“Fucking pervert, crazy bastard.”
The rough voice seeped slowly into his ear, and Hae-won stared at the opposite wall, suppressing the urge to cover his ears.
Who’s responsible if you die from strangling someone, it looks hideous, I really don’t get why you get aroused by this kind of thing…
It was absurd. Go Tae-gyeom was in no position to criticize Joo Hyun-woo. “Birds of a feather” applied to their tastes as well. They hung out because they clicked, and they overlooked each other’s wrongs because they had things to share. He grumbled that he couldn’t understand it, yet his crude hands circled the nipples, satisfying his own desire.
In the dim alley, the unwelcome touch burrowing under his clothes began to feel creeping and nauseating. Despite having eaten nothing, a wave of nausea rose, and he bit his lip hard. Home, bathroom, car, villa, alley. Go Tae-gyeom didn’t care about the location, and that was what was terrifying. He was afraid he would think of it wherever he went. He was afraid he would never be comfortable anywhere. Hae-won, who had been resisting, slumped his stiff neck and crumpled his face.
“Stop it now, please… Tae-gyeom.”
It was a tired voice. Looking down at the neat crown of the head, Tae-gyeom let out a sneer.
“Since when do I stop just because you tell me to?”
“Ah…!”
Two fingers sharply pinched the erect nipple. A dizzying pain shot through his chest, and Hae-won’s expression cracked. Tae-gyeom pressed the reddened nipple hard with his thumb while pushing his thigh in further.
“Stay still. Let me touch you for a bit.”
Tae-gyeom pushed the knit up with somewhat hurried hands. Hae-won didn’t even have the energy to push him away. Leaving him be, Tae-gyeom pressed his lips to the jawline below the ear and sucked the skin hard. The top was pushed up to the collarbone, and the chilly air brushed against his chest. After leaving a few marks, Tae-gyeom lowered his head, lightly biting the rounded nipple with his front teeth before licking it with his tongue.
“Hng…”
Hae-won tried to ignore the ticklish sensation, but he reacted helplessly to the wet feeling, the sound of sucking, and the palms stroking down his back. The areas that had been touched every time he slept with Tae-gyeom woke up with a flare at the slightest contact, delivering a repulsive pleasure. As Tae-gyeom clung to his chest, sucking his nipple and leaving red marks on the clean skin, Hae-won slid his hand into Tae-gyeom’s hair, clenched his fist, and pulled back.
“Stop… now…”
He had grabbed the hair, but Tae-gyeom didn’t seem to find it painful; he wrapped both arms around Hae-won’s waist and pulled him in. With his waist arched back, Hae-won was practically lifted into the embrace, exposing his chest. As his nipples grew damp, shallow breaths escaped him.
“Ah… hng…”
Hae-won clung to Tae-gyeom’s head, trembling in fits and starts as he endured the pleasure. He loved it as much as he hated it. Whenever Go Tae-gyeom pinched or sucked on his nipples—parts he had never even dreamed of touching before—a bizarre sensation followed. A feeling so ticklish he wanted to carve it out with a knife.
After one last suck on the swollen nipple, Tae-gyeom grabbed the hem of the knit sweater that had slid up to the collarbone and pulled it straight down. He patted the clothes into place, then laughed, rolling his index finger in a circle over the nipple slightly protruding through the thin knit.
“Satisfied? What’s with this… it’s a shame.”
Tae-gyeom pinched Hae-won’s cheek and shook it gently from side to side, noting that Hae-won was wearing a look of shame just from having his chest sucked, despite having taken three dicks at once in the past.
“Our Hae-won, now he likes it even if I just touch his chest…”
Tae-gyeom chuckled, subtly pressing his thigh between Hae-won’s legs. Hae-won grit his teeth and swallowed his sorrow. Telling himself he just had to endure a little longer, he shoved Tae-gyeom’s shoulder away. Tae-gyeom let himself be pushed and patted Hae-won’s cheek with his large hand. Hae-won’s head swayed from the impact.
“If you want more, wait until you get off work.”
“…I hate you.”
“You fucking brat, always saying you hate it. Would it be easier if you just admitted you liked it?”
Tae-gyeom shrugged as if his mood had improved, then beat around the bush, stalling as if he had something to say. Hae-won’s anxious gaze shifted toward the back door. He had wasted too much time. Though it wasn’t crowded, he didn’t want to look like he was slacking off, so he brushed away the hand fiddling with his cheek and stepped toward the back door of the shop.
“…Hey.”
The moment he grabbed the cold doorknob, Tae-gyeom yanked his forearm. Pulled backward, Hae-won’s chin was cupped by a warm palm and lifted upward. The lips that had been sucking his nipples moments ago met his own healed lips. With a light mwah sound, Tae-gyeom kissed him and pulled away, whispering softly with their noses touching.
“This weekend… if Seo Hae-young calls, don’t go.”
He whispered in a tiny voice, as if sharing a secret, then quickly muttered a curse and flicked his chin away. Tae-gyeom stared at Hae-won as he stumbled back, sighed, and left one last word before disappearing back into the shop.
“Birthday or whatever, just keep your phone off.”
As Tae-gyeom entered the shop, Hae-won, left alone in the alley, rubbed his chest with his palm. It felt as if a wet tongue was still tormenting his nipples. He used his sleeve to wipe his lips, and finally looked halfway decent again. However, he couldn’t go back in immediately.
Glancing down, a surge of disgust welled up inside him. His face contorted as he felt less than an animal, getting his chest sucked and getting hard in an alleyway. Gripping the doorknob and leaning his head against the door, Hae-won took a deep breath and repeatedly bumped his forehead against it.
“Dirty, fuck, so dirty…”
He muttered, clenching his fists. His nails dug into his palms. He wanted to tear it all away. Everywhere Go Tae-gyeom had touched, licked, or looked at. Most of all, the dick that stood up without a shred of pride. He slammed his forehead against the iron door until it turned red, suppressing the jagged impulses flickering within him. Just then, the phone in his back pocket vibrated briefly. Stepping back slowly, Hae-won quickly scanned the text from Seo Hae-young.
[This weekend]
[Come hang out]
The text contained exactly what Go Tae-gyeom had warned him about. The weekend, a meeting, Seo Hae-young’s birthday.
Seo Hae-young wasn’t the type to be obsessed with his own birthday. In fact, it took about two years of being friends before Hae-won realized and asked about it. Hae-young didn’t consider it special, nor did he rejoice when someone gave him a gift. It was just another day. This year would likely be no different.
Hae-won sent a short reply, ‘When I’m done with work,’ and entered the shop. He ignored Tae-gyeom, who was now mingling politely with the others, and ignored Hyun-woo, who was lingering nearby. When Hyun-jeong asked why his forehead looked like that, he told him he’d bumped it, and he told the other employees the same thing, spending the rest of the day struggling through as usual.