2 – Prisoner’s Dilemma (10)

Chapter 9

The weekend arrived quickly. Hae-won, who had woken up at a reasonable hour and was preparing for work, put his crisply ironed trousers back into the wardrobe after receiving a call from Hyun-jeong. It was a notice that the shop had to close for the day because the water had suddenly been cut off during a plumbing inspection. Once the call—thick with disappointment—ended, all that remained was a lingering sense of unease.

His phone, the bracelet he hadn’t been able to give, and his bankbook. As he stared at the three items lined up on the desk, the anxious holiday ticked away. He turned on the phone, which hadn’t rung since last night, and checked his messages.

Seo Hae-young, Joo Hyun-woo, Go Tae-gyeom, Joo Hyun-jeong. Those four were the only ones who had contacted him even once. If he had to add more, it would be the telecom company and the bank. Having witnessed the stark reality of his narrow social circle, Hae-won shifted his gaze and retraced the message he had received from Seo Hae-young last night.

[Take it out]

After replying, ‘It’s a bit… sorry,’ no other messages had come. Tae-gyeom’s words telling him to turn off the phone circled in his head, but he couldn’t follow them without knowing the reason. Besides, Seo Hae-young had specifically urged him to reply promptly when handing over the new phone. Setting aside the phone he couldn’t bring himself to turn off, Hae-won checked his bankbook—showing the salary deposited last week—over and over, calming the anxiety that surged up his throat.

Around the time the sun began to set, lengthening the night, the silent phone started to buzz. Startled, Hae-won looked toward the rattling desk and felt a slight tension upon seeing the name floating on the screen. Go Tae-gyeom’s voice echoed in his mind. However, his body, conditioned by fear, promptly answered the call. As he pressed it to his ear, a noisy commotion rang out for a moment before suddenly vanishing. He answered before he even had a chance to clear his throat.

“……Yes.”

I heard the shop is closed today……. Why didn’t you tell me?

Seo Hae-young’s voice was soft, sounding as if he had already had a few drinks since it was early evening. Hae-won let out a breath of relief. He had almost ruined Seo Hae-young’s mood by listening to Go Tae-gyeom and turning off the phone. Fumbling with the bracelet case with his fingers, Hae-won murmured softly.

“They said they were closing suddenly……. Sorry.”

Come here.

“……Huh?”

My house.

By ‘my house,’ he meant the place near the university. Hae-won couldn’t help but hesitate.

“I… have something to do…….”

He didn’t want to go. He was anxious. Biting his nails, he waited for Seo Hae-young’s permission. When a short sigh was heard from the silence on the other end, Hae-won flinched reflexively. A chill ran down his spine, and he looked behind him, but there was nothing there. While he was glancing around, a slow response flowed from the phone.

There are things I want to say, too……. I’d like you to come.

“……What things?”

Just, it’s my birthday…… and there’s no one here, sigh…….

Hae-won pulled the phone away and glanced at the screen. He thought he heard a laugh, or perhaps the line had cut. When he put it back to his ear and called Seo Hae-young’s name, a clearing of the throat passed, followed by a monotonous voice.

So come quickly. I miss you.

Was it because he couldn’t see him? Or was it because he was slow-witted, as Go Tae-gyeom had said? His heart beat low. It wasn’t out of excitement. Because he wasn’t the type of person to say such things. When he didn’t answer, irritation predictably leaked through.

Would you prefer that I go there?

Even though the other person couldn’t see him, Hae-won shook his head, gripped the bracelet case tightly, and asked cautiously. The black velvet case wasn’t a bad choice as a bribe or a way to buy time. Even without a discerning eye, it looked appropriately luxurious.

“……Is there really no one else?”

Yeah, no one.

Hae-won stood up hesitantly and opened the closed wardrobe. As if expecting this, a somewhat overbearing tone followed from the other side.

I’ll give you ten minutes. Come.

“……Ten minutes?”

Hae-won looked up at the clock on the wall. 8:30. How on earth could he get to a neighborhood that took 30 minutes just to reach…….

“Can’t it be twenty minutes?”

Hae-won-aaa. Even now, time—is passing—.

Along with a giggling laugh, the countdown began.

As soon as the call ended, Hae-won hurriedly got dressed. Since the scar on his neck hadn’t disappeared yet, he wore a turtleneck and pulled out the trousers he had put in the wardrobe. He roughly swept his hair back with his hand, but it uselessly fell back to cover his forehead. Without even time to look in the mirror, he stuffed a fifty-thousand-won bill he had tucked into his account book into his pocket, grabbed the bracelet case, and rushed out of the house. As soon as he ran to where he could catch a taxi and climbed into the backseat, anxiety overwhelmed him.

“Please go a little faster.”

Gripping the back of the passenger seat, he checked the time anxiously. The taxi, smelling strongly of leather, began to slow down. Perhaps because it was the weekend, the traffic was quite heavy. There was barely a minute left until the time Seo Hae-young had specified. He had to cross the university district to reach the residential area, but drunk people were popping out onto the road. Stamping his feet slightly, Hae-won paid the fifty thousand won and stepped out of the taxi without even taking the change. From then on, he ran.

He bumped shoulders with people, apologized, ran again, entered alleys, climbed slopes, tripped on stairs, and ran again. Wondering why there were so many things to hide, he entered the residential area with high walls and ran like crazy through the neighborhood, which was silent unlike the university district. Even as he gasped for air, he didn’t stop his legs.

“Haah, haah…….”

By the time he arrived in front of Seo Hae-young’s house, he was a mess. He tidied his disheveled hair and brushed the dust off his trousers. When he checked the time, twenty minutes had already passed. Still, since he had come, he probably wouldn’t be beaten too severely. Knowing that he knew about the shop closing, he self-mockingly thought he’d at most get a few slaps on the cheek. Either come and get beaten, or not come and get beaten. For the timid Hae-won, there were only two choices.

The first call, which had been too noisy to be just one person, the laughter, and Go Tae-gyeom’s words were all unsettling, but he bit his lip and hurriedly opened the gate and entered.

Crossing the garden and opening the front door, Hae-won’s gaze dropped sharply. Scattered shoes. A boisterous interior. Cold sweat seeped into the hand holding the case. Stepping into the living room after taking off his shoes near the door, Hae-won breathed heavily, his breath not yet calmed, as his eyes darted around. ……Four, five, six. His expression hardened as he counted them one by one. Every single one was a familiar face. In a bad way.

“……That bastard actually came?”

At the laughter-laced voice that pierced through the commotion, the gazes of the gathered people converged at once. With his bangs damp with sweat, Hae-won hid the case behind his back under the stinging stares. His cheeks stiffened.

Kang Jae-hyuk, with a deep frown. And ‘Seo Hae-young’s friends,’ with whom he didn’t get along well. In his shifting gaze, he saw Seo Hae-young leaning back lazily on the sofa.

“You’re late.”

Seo Hae-young, his cheeks flushed pink, smirked. Seeing him after a long time, he was as beautiful as always. To the point where fear made it impossible to speak. The white hand beckoning him to come closer seemed so far away.

“Hey. Aren’t you coming?”

Amidst the mockery ridiculing his roots, Seo Hae-young tapped the low table. Hae-won dragged his heavy feet forward and looked down at Seo Hae-young across the table. Resting his chin on his hand, Seo Hae-young chewed the jelly that Hae-won hated and tapped the phone resting on the table.

“Is this ten minutes? Hmm?”

“……The traffic was bad.”

“That’s not what’s important, Hae-won.”

A soft piece of jelly hit his cheek and rolled away.

“If I tell you to come within ten minutes, you should come. Right?”

He had tried to come within ten minutes. Because he was told no one was there and that there were things to say, he had run with all his might. He had tripped, collided, and run just believing a single word from Seo Hae-young. Unable to meet his eyes, Hae-won stared blankly at the jelly rolling on the floor.

“Hey! What’s with you. Yoon Hae-won looks like he’s gonna cry.”

Kang Jae-hyuk walked over unsteadily, sneering loud enough to be heard. With every step he took closer, the pungent smell of strong alcohol wafted over. Though they had met after several years since graduation, they were not on terms to be glad to see each other. Because he was the one who had pinned him down and punched him, and Seo Hae-young had covered for him.

“Sit, sit. It’s been a while, let’s talk.”

Jae-hyuk roughly grabbed his wrist, sat him down in front of the table, and threw a heavy arm around his shoulder. When they were young, their builds were similar, but now, crushed under the heavy arm, it was hard to even shift his body.

Pressing down on Hae-won’s shoulder, Jae-hyuk snatched something the moment he discovered it. Seeing Hae-won’s expression clouded with panic, Jae-hyuk grinned and held the case high to avoid the reaching hand.

“……Give it back.”

“I don’t want to.”

Pouting his lips mischievously, Jae-hyuk threw the case to the lounging Seo Hae-young and gripped Hae-won’s arm forcefully, as if twisting it, to pull him down.

“Do you not eat? Were you this skinny before?”

Jae-hyuk pulled his chin, tapped his cheek, and gripped his wrist. The more he twisted his shoulder, the rougher his touch became, and the people—whose faces he knew but whose names he didn’t—hurled mockery. Even when he tried to push him away, Jae-hyuk’s hand clung to his shoulder repeatedly. It was bewildering. Such provocations had completely vanished after the fight with Kang Jae-hyuk. Feeling that something was strange, he looked up at Seo Hae-young. But Seo Hae-young’s gaze was fixed inside the case.

“Fuck, just stay still for a second……!”

“Ah……!”

His upper body was suddenly jerked backward. The back of his head hit the floor, and for a moment, his consciousness flickered out. As he frowned due to the throbbing pain in the back of his head, a hard mouth touched his lips. Strong alcohol, burning enough to sear his esophagus, was pushed inside, overflowing since it couldn’t all go down. He didn’t stop even as he choked. After pouring a whole bottle of alcohol in like that, Jae-hyuk pulled him up by the shoulder again.

The tinnitus worsened, and he could only hear a buzzing sound. Through his blurred vision, he saw Seo Hae-young closing the case. As he moved his lips to say that it was a birthday present, Seo Hae-young glanced at him. He didn’t know if his voice had come out. He couldn’t hear anything, and Seo Hae-young had casually handed it over to the person next to him.

He must not have heard. He opened his mouth once more, but slippery food blocked his voice. Kang Jae-hyuk laughed. Slippery whipped cream was smeared on his nose, cheeks, and lips. Soft bread filled his mouth. As the back of his head was gripped, a chunk of cake was shoved into his mouth by Jae-hyuk’s hand.

“I’m giving you food, huh? Chew it!”

When he tried to push Jae-hyuk away, another hand grabbed his hair. His shoulder was pressed down and his leg was stepped on. Cake was crammed into his mouth. Seo Hae-young just watched silently, resting his chin on his hand. Occasionally, as if waiting for a call from someone, he looked at his phone and tapped the screen as if sending a reply.

Hae-won did not take his eyes off Seo Hae-young for a single moment. Even as he coughed and spat out the food, even as Kang Jae-hyuk kicked him in the stomach the moment he collapsed, even as he was grabbed by the hair and forced face-down on the table. Within the tinnitus, Hae-won searched for Seo Hae-young.

Why? He wanted to ask. He wanted to ask what the reason was for going this far.

“You were so pampered, I thought you’d even give up your ass, Hae-won.”

With his forehead pressed against the dirty table, Hae-won was simply a bit dizzy and curious. Why go out of the way to lie and make a person more miserable, why just watch, did he hate him that much—he was curious about those things. Why bother? Though he couldn’t ask because his mouth was blocked.

“So fucking dirty…….”

“I think I’d be fucking disgusted if I saw his face.”

His arms were twisted behind his back. Jae-hyuk, pressing both arms tight against the small of his back, bent his wrists in the opposite direction. As if he would snap them in one go if he moved.

“That’s why you can do it from behind……. Is this how Seo Hae-young did it? Huh?”

Jae-hyuk bumped his lower body against Hae-won’s buttocks. As his body jolted forward, curses and laughter erupted from all sides. Barking at him to make some moaning sounds, Kang Jae-hyuk slapped the back of his head, continuing the ridiculous act. The tinnitus and the voices of several people mixed confusingly, making it impossible to tell who was who.

Didn’t Yoon Hae-won not act like this before? It’s time to know your place. What do you eat to live, Hae-won? Someone said you sell your body. Who? Front or back? Seeing how you’re staying still……. Hey, Hae-young. Have you tried it? Is Seo Hae-young crazy? I think this bastard would just give it up? Disgusting, fuck……. Why isn’t Joo Hyun-woo coming? I don’t know, he said he’s busy. Go Tae-gyeom too? Can’t reach him. He was on the phone. Are you still close? Hey, Yoon Hae-wooon. Why is there no reaction, how boring. Ugh……. Honestly, is it possible? I don’t know, maybe with eyes closed? I heard Lee Hee-sung is coming. Ah, that golf guy? When is he coming. But doesn’t this bastard look a bit like him? Hee-sung would be pissed to hear that. Hey, make it interesting, you piece of shit!

With whipped cream smeared all over his face, Hae-won did not scream, curse, or close his eyes as his cheek rubbed against the glass of the table.

Now he knew. The reason he could have beaten Kang Jae-hyuk and remained unscathed was all thanks to the fence that was Seo Hae-young. He hadn’t known that until now.

“Oh, Hae-won! Let’s do this to that bastard too!”

He hadn’t known the reason why Seo Hae-young always turned him around.

“Fuck! Pretend to enjoy it, Hae-won-.”

He didn’t know the reason for this either. He knew nothing.

Every time their lower bodies collided through the damp fabric of his trousers, Hae-won swayed helplessly. If they hit him, he took it; if they put something in his mouth, he took it. Even if one wants to insult someone, if the other party doesn’t react, it tends to wither. With a look of disappointment, Jae-hyuk abruptly threw the hair he had been holding.

“Should I actually put it in? Will you act a bit more interesting then?”

“Ah, is Kang Jae-hyuk crazy…….”

“It’s fucking annoying.”

Lowering his hand, Jae-hyuk felt up Hae-won’s thigh and unbuckled his belt. Even though his trousers were on the verge of being pulled off, Hae-won didn’t budge. Irritation flared in Jae-hyuk as he reached for the buckle. He had hated Yoon Hae-won from the start. It bothered him that a penniless brat walked around with his head held high, and it was disgusting how he clung like a leech without knowing his place.

“Thought you couldn’t do it, you piece of shit…….”

As he lifted the thin waist and lay flat against Hae-won’s back, jeers and criticism erupted. At that moment, Seo Hae-young, who had been silently watching the atrocity, stretched out his leg. The moment Jae-hyuk popped the buckle of Hae-won’s trousers, the table was kicked with a loud crash. With a single kick, the heavy glass table was shoved aside.

“Ah, fuck……!”

Hae-won, who had been sprawled on the table, fell to the floor, and glasses and food spilled everywhere. Jae-hyuk, straightening his bent waist, glared irritably at Seo Hae-young, who had kicked the table. Narrowing his eyes, Seo Hae-young feigned innocence.

“Why are you doing that to Hae-won?”

“Why the hell are you acting up again……. One way then the other, you crazy bastard.”

Setting down the phone he hadn’t let go of for a second, Seo Hae-young looked down at the floor. Hae-won, with whipped cream all over his mouth, was lying on the floor, his gaze following a crystal glass as it rolled away. When Hae-won, feeling Seo Hae-young’s gaze, slowly lifted his eyelids, a strange voice was heard from afar. Probably around the garden.

“Seo Hae-young! I’m here!”

Thinking it was someone he didn’t know, Hae-won slowly raised his upper body and looked up at Seo Hae-young. Their eyes seemed to meet for a fleeting moment, but Seo Hae-young’s eyes were directed toward the entrance.

“I tried to come early, you know? But suddenly they told me to gather! On a weekend! Does that make sense?”

A pleasant voice flowed from the entrance. A cheerful, bright, and warm voice. Turning his head toward where Seo Hae-young was looking, Hae-won discovered a tall man entering the living room. Wearing a black tracksuit and a bag over his shoulder, the man naturally greeted Kang Jae-hyuk and took off the hat he was wearing. Fine, dark-colored hair fluttered softly.

“Is Go Tae-gyeom not here? I came to see him.”

“I don’t know. He’s not answering his phone.”

It seemed he knew Go Tae-gyeom as well. But no one came to mind just from the back of his head. As he forced his dazed mind to dig through his memories, Seo Hae-young’s voice came from behind.

“Hee-sung-ah.”

Seo Hae-young’s call was tender. He had once called his name with that kind of voice, but he hadn’t heard it recently. Realizing that fact suddenly made his chest tighten painfully. Hae-won tried to turn his head toward Seo Hae-young, but the man talking to Jae-hyuk turned around a bit faster. Their eyes met.

“What, uh……. Huh?”

Seeing the man’s face, Hae-won’s eyes widened slightly. The other man did the same. Setting down his bag, the man grinned and walked over with a leisurely stride, crouching down in front of him.

“Wow. The smell of alcohol…….”

Wrinkling the bridge of his nose, the man pulled out a few tissues and wiped away the whipped cream smeared all over Hae-won’s face.

“Was it that delicious?”

The touch was rough enough to push his head back, but it was imbued with an innate kindness. More than that, Hae-won couldn’t take his eyes off the man’s face.

It was someone he had never seen before. Seeing as Kang Jae-hyuk knew him, he seemed to be from the same university as Seo Hae-young, but ‘Hee-sung’? He had never heard that name. Perhaps finding his blank expression amusing, the man chuckled and crumpled the soiled tissue, tossing it into a distant trash can. The man grabbed Hae-won’s wrist, pulling him up from the floor, and gave his hand a gentle shake.

“Hi. I don’t know who you are, but… I’m Lee Hee-sung, Seo Hae-young’s friend.”

Hee-sung. Lee Hee-sung. He didn’t know him. He had never heard of him. His lips remained pressed tight, unable to utter a word. Hee-sung waited for Hae-won—who offered neither a proper response nor an introduction—to open his mouth, then smiled, his eyes curving.

“You’re really drunk….”

“Lee Hee-sung.”

Seo Hae-young tapped the seat next to him on the sofa. Hee-sung turned his head and stood up abruptly.

“Hey, I heard it’s your birthday. I almost didn’t come because of that, but here I am.”

Hee-sung rummaged through his bag as he brushed past Hae-won. From the way he pulled out a small paper bag and headed toward the sofa, to the natural way he sat beside Seo Hae-young and playfully tossed the gift at him. Watching Hee-sung while slumped on the cold floor, Hae-won felt an unknown emotion rise, choking his throat.

“Crazy, you actually brought a gift?”

Kang Jae-hyuk frowned as if disgusted, and Hee-sung smiled, knitting his brows as if by habit.

“I was originally going to give it to Seo-hyun, but I heard he hates perfume. So I’m just getting rid of it as a gift.”

“Kim Seo-hyun? You’re only giving him perfume?”

“The real gift is separate, you bastard.”

While Jae-hyuk and Hee-sung joked around, Seo Hae-young unwrapped the gift. He took out a rectangular bottle of perfume and turned it over in his hand. Seo Hae-young doesn’t use perfume, Hae-won thought. He thought Hae-young would just wrap it back up haphazardly and put it in the shopping bag. That is, until he saw Seo Hae-young open the cap and spray it on his wrist.

Seo Hae-young pressed his nose to his wrist to smell the scent, then lifted the bottle and sprayed it around the room. After spraying everyone who recoiled in horror, Seo Hae-young raised an eyebrow and closed the cap.

“I’ll use it well.”

“Ah, it’s too strong!”

Covering his nose, Hee-sung smacked Seo Hae-young’s shoulder. The moment the pungent scent pierced his nostrils, Hae-won felt a surge of nausea. The fragrance was so potent it brought tears to his eyes, making it impossible to even distinguish what the original scent was. Unconsciously covering his mouth and nose, Hae-won searched with his eyes for the bracelet. It was nowhere to be seen. He didn’t even know whose hand it had ended up in.

“So, I feel like I’ve seen all these guys somewhere… who are they?”

“What? …Ah.”

The gazes that had been drawn the moment Hee-sung entered the house now landed squarely on Hae-won’s face.

Drenched in alcohol, covering his mouth, sprawled on the cold floor, miserable….

“Yoon Hae-won.”

* * *

Seo Hae-young’s friend, Lee Hee-sung, was bright and kind. Assuming Hae-won was heavily intoxicated, he spoke to him slowly. Through this, Hae-won learned that Hee-sung went to the same school as Seo Hae-young, majored in golf, lived close to campus and commuted, and was known to both Go Tae-gyeom and Joo Hyun-woo—but that Hae-won was seeing him for the first time.

Hae-won wasn’t curious about those things. He didn’t even register them. He simply observed Hee-sung closely. The fair skin, the neatly groomed hair, the clean clothes, the pleasant scent, the innate confidence and kindness. And a look that was somehow familiar.

“…Hey. But don’t they actually look a bit alike?”

“What? Those two?”

Someone’s finger pointed to Hae-won and then to Hee-sung. Hee-sung’s eyes widened, and then he burst into laughter.

“Do I look like Hae-won? Well, I am handsome. I know that.”

Seo Hae-young glanced at the boasting Hee-sung, only wearing a smile of ambiguous meaning. Amidst the numerous gazes shifting between himself and Hee-sung, Hae-won lowered his head and looked down at his own body.

Skin covered in bruises and scars, disheveled hair, dirty clothes, the smell of alcohol, an ingrained gloom and fear.

“Alike, my ass… they’re fucking different.”

As soon as Kang Jae-hyuk finished speaking, everyone laughed. Seo Hae-young, Lee Hee-sung, and the guys whose faces he knew but whose names he didn’t. Hae-won stared silently at his mottled palms, absorbing the sharp ridicule with his bare body.

Suddenly, he remembered a black glove with a white stripe. The black glove Seo Hae-young used to carry around before it ended up in the trash. A glove that had been worn down in less than two years.

Perhaps those laughs weren’t mocking. Maybe they were just funny, a meaningless laughter that spread like a contagion because one person started. But to Hae-won, it felt like they were laughing at his pathetic state. His wretched appearance with nothing to boast of. The head he had kept held high—enough to annoy Kang Jae-hyuk despite his poor circumstances—could no longer be lifted. The situation he had never once been ashamed of until a few months ago was now slightly embarrassing. He felt ashamed and resentful.

“Go upstairs.”

He saw a foot nudge his knee. He hadn’t even noticed Seo Hae-young approaching because he was so busy hiding his flushed face. Staggering up from the cold floor, Hae-won took a step forward, pushed slightly by a hand toward the stairs. He wanted to go home. As he stopped in his tracks, a large hand gripped his shoulder tightly.

“Don’t make me say it twice, Hae-won.”

The plea to be let go got stuck in his throat. Unable to meet anyone’s eyes, he walked unsteadily. As he slowly climbed the stairs, which felt unusually high today, the downstairs remained noisy. The boisterousness that followed the arrival of an uninvited guest felt foreign.

“Where’s he going? What, a high school friend?”

Hee-sung’s question drifted through the commotion. Hae-won stopped and listened. He was curious about Seo Hae-young’s answer. He worried he might not hear Seo Hae-young’s voice because the other guys were shouting so loudly, but he was mistaken. Seo Hae-young’s answer rang out clearly, piercing into his ears.

“Not… anymore.”

Having received his answer, Hae-won hesitated before continuing up the stairs. He felt dizzy.

Before entering the bathroom attached to Seo Hae-young’s bedroom, he turned on the bright lights and left the door wide open. Avoiding the mirror, he washed his greasy face. It took several rounds of soaping before the slippery sensation disappeared. While washing away the remnants of whipped cream from his hair, his chest suddenly felt tight. He turned off the rushing water and beat his chest.

“Ugh….”

A large lump filled his chest up to his throat, choking his breath. With his lips parted, Hae-won gasped and gagged, trying to vomit the lump out. His back heaved, and his hands gripped the sink with intense strength. As soon as he collapsed to the floor and the cold tiles touched his skin, he gasped in horror and crawled out of the bathroom. He curled up in the corner right next to the bathroom door. Though it wasn’t cold, his limbs trembled violently.

He thought he could go back. He thought that once Seo Hae-young got tired of the sex, they could return to a relationship where they spent weekends gaming, watching movies, and killing time with trivial conversations. But it seemed his vacant spot had already been replaced by someone else. Someone who knew Go Tae-gyeom and Joo Hyun-woo, someone who looked similar yet entirely different. Someone who could maintain an equal relationship on an equal footing with them.

A different curiosity arose in Hae-won. Then, where is my place?

“Uh….”

What happens to me?

He chewed his nails anxiously, his eyes darting. He felt more afraid and disgusted than when Kang Jae-hyuk stuffed cake into his mouth and did those bizarre things. The indefinable emotion was akin to loss.

Just as the taste of blood lingered on his tongue, he heard the sound of the tightly closed door opening. Seo Hae-young entered the room and immediately closed the door with a click. As he locked it and approached, Hae-won looked up blankly, water dripping from his hair. Seo Hae-young knelt in front of the curled-up Hae-won and reached out to tap his pale cheek.

Seo Hae-young’s expression was subtle. It was impossible to tell if he was in a good or bad mood. He brushed aside the right hand that was biting the white back of the hand hard enough to draw blood and pushed his thumb between Hae-won’s lips. Pressing down on the lower lip, he supported Hae-won’s chin with another finger and shook it from side to side. Seo Hae-young’s firmly closed lips parted, and a comment laced with ridicule leaked out.

“Look at that face….”

Seo Hae-young peered into Hae-won’s wide eyes. Betrayal, fear, anxiety, and even a tiny speck of trust. It was all plain to see. Seo Hae-young stared at the pride-less Yoon Hae-won—who came when called, took it when hit, and was hurt when wounded—and hid the hand resting on the floor behind his back. He repeatedly clenched and unclenched his fist. Each time, the veins on the back of his hand bulged.

He wanted to startle him. He wanted to slap his cheek and kick his stomach right here. The vivid sensation remaining on his palm fueled the urge. He wanted to tease him. Knowing how worth-watching the reaction would be made it even harder to endure. He forced the corners of his mouth up, suppressing the surging desire.

Left with no choice, Seo Hae-young extended a single index finger instead of a harsh palm. As he pushed the closed lips apart and inserted his finger, he felt the hard front teeth. He pushed deeper, pressing down on the soft tongue. He inserted and withdrew slowly, gradually increasing the speed. When his index finger scraped the roof of the mouth and came out, Hae-won flinched, unable to bear it. Bringing his face close, Seo Hae-young whispered lowly with a hint of a smile.

“Every time you’re like this… it almost makes me think I actually like you.”

Seo Hae-young’s hand moved from the lips up to the cheek.

“Why are you crying?”

His thumb swept under the eye. Hae-won kept his lips pressed tight and let his loss drip away. No matter how much he wiped them, the tears continued to flow, soaking Seo Hae-young’s hand. Looking at the wet back of his hand, Seo Hae-young asked in a tone of incomprehension.

“Why are you crying? What did you do to deserve sympathy?”

At the cold rebuke, Hae-won’s eyes distorted. His vision blurred, and Seo Hae-young became a smudge. His trembling lips quivered.

“I, I….”

Seo Hae-young felt like a stranger. They had been together for ten years, he thought he knew him well, but the person before him didn’t seem to be the Seo Hae-young he knew. Pushed outside the boundary and losing his place to stand, Hae-won reached out with a pitifully thin hand. He lowered the knees he had been holding against his chest and gripped the firm arm. In his desperation, the knuckles touching Seo Hae-young’s skin grew hot. His upper body leaned slightly toward Seo Hae-young.

“I really like you…. I liked you….”

He didn’t know how much he had liked him. He loved the white cheeks that flushed pink, the even teeth, and the long eyelashes. He loved the way he laughed aimlessly and his unchanging, cozy scent. He loved his tall stature that required a slight tilt of the head to meet his eyes, and his body with well-defined muscles. He loved the comfort, ease, and stability Seo Hae-young provided.

“I really… since a long time ago….”

Whenever Seo Hae-young tapped on his phone, he wondered who he was contacting. He wondered what kind of friends he made at university and what kind of life he led. Seo Hae-young would laugh playfully, saying that he was always the one to contact first, but Hae-won would stare at his phone whenever there was a gap in his busy daily life. Fearing that he would be noticed or disliked if he acted too bothersome, he waited silently for a message. There was no way that wasn’t love.

“I liked you, a lot….”

He had wanted to date Seo Hae-young. The exchange of emotions, those ticklish things.

But being friends who could never even hold hands properly for a lifetime was also fine. Because Hae-won had realized at a young age that there are many things in the world that one cannot have, no matter how much they want them. But now, even that place was disappearing. The only reason he had endured the insults, shame, and pain was that he didn’t want to lose that spot.

The memories of being slapped, kicked, and taken turns being used as a hole evaporated, leaving only desperation. He still needed Seo Hae-young to survive. Ten years couldn’t just vanish so hollowly. He couldn’t believe it.

He gripped Seo Hae-young’s arm tightly and slowly approached. Lacking the confidence to face that indifferent expression, he closed his eyes, and the pooled tears spilled over. Their faces became so close they could feel each other’s breath. Their noses touched, and Hae-young, tilting his head slightly, lowered his lips. He wanted him to believe him. He hoped they could go back to how they were. However, what touched his sensitive lips was not Seo Hae-young’s. It was skin—soft, but not pliable. A palm blocked his lips. When he opened his eyes, he saw Seo Hae-young with a furrowed brow.

“Did you seduce the other guys like this too?”

Hae-won poured his sorrow into the palm blocking his mouth. Seo Hae-young stifled the sorrowful breath that escaped as a ‘hugh’ and grabbed his forearm to pull him up. He didn’t even go as far as the bed. Throwing Hae-won onto the wooden desk nearby, Seo Hae-young pressed down on the back of his head and roughly stripped off the pants, whose buckle was already undone.

“Hmm? Did you do this to Go Tae-gyeom too? Crying and saying you like him, that kind of bullshit?”

His cheek was pressed down. Hae-won mouthed a denial. No, that’s not it.

“What about Joo Hyun-woo? You did it to him too, right? Ah, he probably did it even earlier? No wonder that bastard was always hanging around the house, right?”

Seo Hae-young wasn’t listening at all. The drawers covering his lower body dropped to his ankles. The more he writhed, the more the large hand gripped his head as if to crush it.

“Maybe you were giving yourself away here and there behind my back…. I was the only one who didn’t know, Hae-won.”

Lowering his hand between the buttocks where the bruises had faded, Seo Hae-young abruptly pushed two fingers into the tightly closed entrance without warning. The hole, which had been stretched open for a while after the vacation, had only recently closed back up. Hae-won trembled violently from the pain surging up his spine. It was still a sensation he couldn’t adapt to.

“Ugh…!”

“I was the only one who didn’t know, right? Huh?”

Fingers ruthlessly rummaged through the inner walls. The place that hadn’t been touched from the end of summer until autumn approached clung tightly to the two fingers, refusing the intrusion. Turning both arms back, Hae-won struggled to push away the unreachable Seo Hae-young. His body, kicked and exhausted by Kang Jae-hyuk, could not move an inch under Seo Hae-young’s hand.

“It hurts, it hurts….”

“I guess you think everyone will like you if you pretend it hurts….”

He heard a mocking laugh. Seo Hae-young circled the narrow entrance, widening the space to enter. Hae-won was terrified of Seo Hae-young, who didn’t care that his friends were chatting boisterously on the first floor.

“Hae, Hae-young-ah….”

Out of breath, Hae-won sobbed and gasped. Because he felt he finally knew where his position was now that he had been stripped of his status as a friend. A position where he had to provide his hole while listening to all sorts of insults. Depending on Seo Hae-young’s mood, he would be passed around to the guys on the first floor, or if he was lucky, deal with only one.

“We’re, we’re friends…. We’ve known each other for so long…. I still….”

Hae-won murmured, rubbing his cheek against the hard wood. He knew he looked pathetic and subservient. But still, couldn’t he appeal to those ten years one last time? If Seo Hae-young cared for him even a little, if he cherished the time they spent together even slightly.

As he begged piteously through tears for him to stop, the fingers that had been widening the inner walls without consideration stopped moving. Hae-won hurriedly swallowed his sobs and panted.

“I’ll, I’ll be good. I won’t get in your way. I’ll, I’ll get along with Hee-sung too. I’ll be nice to him, Hae-young.”

The fingers pulled out all at once. Hae-won let out a shallow breath and gave a faint smile. Yes, he could be nice to that Lee Hee-sung or whoever. Hehe, he begged with a smile, devoid of any pride. As he uttered those shameful and humiliating words, the hand pressing his head away vanished. A wave of relief washed over him, and he sobbed, pressing his forehead against the backs of his hands. He laughed while crying, and cried while laughing. He should have quickly picked up and put on his stripped pants, but he couldn’t calm down. Amidst the ringing tinnitus, he caught a faint sound. The clink of metal…. and the questioning voice that followed.

“Why the hell would you get close to him?”

“Uh….”

The buttocks held in two hands were pried apart. A hot piece of flesh touched the opened entrance. Just as he slowly lifted his head, thinking no way, Seo Hae-young’s member tore through the unrelaxed inner walls and slammed inside.

“Ah, aguh-!”

His pupils dilated wildly. The mouth that let out a scream was immediately blocked. As Seo Hae-young leaned his waist forward, the connection deepened. Hae-won’s knees, with his heels lifted, trembled violently. A laugh that shattered all hope reached his ears.

“You and Lee Hee-sung are different…. Why would you get close….”

The heavy desk began to clatter. His head bent back, his mouth blocked, pants stripped, and again, pushed back. The weight crushing his back, the rough breathing in his ears, the intermittent sneers. With wide eyes, Hae-won streamed tears, shaking under Seo Hae-young. Every time the member rummaged through the tight inner walls, his body jolted. Every time Seo Hae-young’s groin collided with his buttocks, there was a loud sound of flesh hitting flesh. It hurt more than ever before. It was a pain that felt like his limbs were being torn to shreds.

“Hae-won. Just because your faces look a bit alike, do you think you’re similar to him? Hmm…?”

The pen on the desk rattled along its unstable center, rolling back and forth before falling to the floor.

“He doesn’t do things like this… He’s not a slut who sleeps with anyone, like you…”

A thin trickle of blood ran down Hae-won’s thigh. The squelching sound grew louder. Hae-won reached up to scratch near his protruding collarbone, his nails catching on the soft knit fabric. Every time Seo Hae-young pressed down and thrust his hips, the backs of Hae-won’s hands slammed against the desk, scraping his tender skin.

“Mmph, ugh…!”

“And, Hae-won… we aren’t friends anymore. Friends… hey, who the hell calls someone a friend while doing this?”

Hae-won’s heels, strained high to match Seo Hae-young’s height, grew stiff. The muscles in his thighs and calves pulled painfully. Hae-won felt like he was dying. It wasn’t just because the torn opening hurt, nor because a dizzying pain surged every time the glans stabbed deep inside; he simply felt like his insides were turning over, and he was dying.

Lee Hee-sung flickered before his eyes. His neat appearance, the mannerisms that clearly showed he grew up in an affluent environment, and a personality that was easy to like. He was the kind of person who naturally fit in with Seo Hae-young, Go Tae-gyeom, and Joo Hyun-woo. A terrible sense of inferiority surged within him.

If only he had been born into a wealthy family; if only he had grown up under parents who gave him plenty of love instead of a father who beat him whenever he drank; if only he had received a good education and worn nice clothes. If, instead of agonizing over how to earn living expenses, he had attended college, or if, instead of working part-time all day, he had gone on trips with Seo Hae-young. If that had been the case, would he be in this position just because he liked him? Would Seo Hae-young have smiled in gratitude and then ripped off the bracelet he gifted right in front of him?

Hae-won resented every adjective attached to him. Poor, parentless, ignorant, unskilled, dreamless. Because he bore those labels, he had ended up in a state where his backside was being torn open the moment he confessed to the person he liked.

“Haa… relax a bit.”

The hand covering his mouth moved to grip his waist. Lifting the collapsing waist with both hands, Seo Hae-young thrust his hips leisurely. As if he only wanted the hole to insert his organ, he didn’t touch anywhere else. Hae-won, with his cheek pressed against the desk as intended, was powerless as he was pierced through.

The first time he had sex with Seo Hae-young was also at a desk. The situation was similar, but so many things had changed since then. So many that he clenched his teeth until his jaw grew stiff. Droplets of fluid fell onto the desk where his forehead was pressed, forming a small puddle.

“Ugh, hmph… kh…”

“I told you to relax, Hae-won. How many times do I have to say it…?”

Watching the junction where his organ slid in and out, Seo Hae-young gripped Hae-won’s buttocks firmly and pulled them apart. As he shoved the glans deeper, the shoulder blades hidden beneath the black knit flinched.

“Why, is it because I wouldn’t let you do it with Kang Jae-hyuk…? Are you angry because of that?”

“Ah, ahh…!”

Hae-won, leaning on the desk, lifted his upper body slightly. Just as it seemed he was slowing down, the speed of the thrusts from behind gradually increased.

“You wanted to do it with that bastard, didn’t you? That’s why you… ate up everything he gave you… and seduced him like a slut. Right?”

“It hurts, ah! It hurts…!”

“Shut up… You love it. You fucking love this…”

It felt as if the flesh Seo Hae-young was gripping would be crushed. Pushed back onto the desk by the force of the thrusts that felt like angry blows, Hae-won rubbed his splayed legs together. The hole, which had held nothing for weeks, was now filled to capacity; every time the hot organ pushed against the inner walls, an immense pain mixed with a learned pleasure.

“Ugh, yes… kh… ngh…!”

“See… you’re getting hard even like this. Just how much have you…?”

Seo Hae-young’s hand reached around to the front, grabbing his organ and shaking it roughly. His thumb rubbed as if digging into the glans, and his soft palm stroked upward so hard the skin of the shaft felt as if it would peel.

“Heeu, hng…! Mmph, ugh…!”

His knees drew inward. Even though he could vividly feel that the entrance was completely torn, when the upward-curving organ slammed into him, his toes curled and his shoulders hunched. He wondered how he could feel pleasure from something like this. Hae-won frowned and smiled. It must look ridiculous, the way he practically collapsed in pleasure no matter who entered him. He must look like a slut. He could almost understand why Seo Hae-young didn’t trust him.

“Haaa… ah…”

The sensation of his stomach being filled was unpleasant yet pleasant. He felt like he had liked it from the beginning. Actually, he wasn’t sure. Since Seo Hae-young said so, he was probably enjoying it.

He wanted to scrape it all out. Until the pleasure disappeared.

The long-awaited fucking did not end quickly. While he was being shaken, pierced by Seo Hae-young’s organ and sobbing, a clicking sound was heard. The sound of a doorknob catching halfway and failing to turn down echoed repeatedly. The noise, buried under the slapping of skin and the squelching of the junction, suddenly grew louder.

“Hey! What are you doing? Why is this locked?”

A knock followed. Hae-won, who had been letting out tearful moans with his face pressed against the desk, froze. Upon hearing the gentle voice, goosebumps reflexively broke out across his skin. Lee Hee-sung. Similar, yet different. Seo Hae-young’s friend.

“Take my car. I didn’t drink.”

“Ah…!”

The organ, which had been halfway in, was pushed all the way to the hilt. The moment a moan escaped, Seo Hae-young clamped his hand over his mouth and pulled him back roughly. As his waist arched, the tips of his toes, supporting his weight, trembled violently. Seo Hae-young continued to thrust his hips with a wet, slapping sound, slowly speaking toward the door.

“Sure… I’ll be out in a second.”

“Are you washing up?”

“Yeah… I’m washing Hae-won.”

The buttocks touching Seo Hae-young’s groin were crushed. Hae-won, barely gripping the desk with his fingertips, shivered. It was too deep. Seo Hae-young, blocking both his nose and mouth, hugged his waist and thrust upward from below. His calves stiffened. The moan blocked by the palm leaked out in a small trickle through the gaps between the fingers.

“Heeu…!”

“Whatever. Stop bothering him and come out quickly.”

The sound of pacing footsteps suggested he intended to wait in front. Seo Hae-young, pressing his lips against Hae-won’s ear, whispered with a smirk.

“I’ll have to hurry then…”

The movements quickened. The desk rattled more violently, and Hae-won, his upper body pinned, had no choice but to take the organ as it slammed into him. His body was pushed up and pulled down repeatedly. The hip movements were merciless, as if only serving to satisfy his own desire. Tears streamed down Hae-won’s face, running over the back of Seo Hae-young’s hand that blocked his mouth.

“Huugh…!”

“Haa…”

Hard teeth gnawed at the outer rim of his ear. Separate from the pain, the burning hole easily accepted Seo Hae-young’s organ and tightened with a pleasant grip. When the filling organ pulled out, it clung as if reluctant to let go, and when it entered, it wrapped around softly. As the speed of the thrusts increased, his vision shook dizzily. Hot breath and moans burst out instinctively, only to be scattered by the palm.

“Uuu… hmph…!”

His waist twisted and his toes stood on end. Reaching back to grip Seo Hae-young’s thigh, Hae-won squeezed his eyes shut. The organ, which had carved through the inner walls and lodged itself deep inside, stopped moving for a moment before thrusting a couple more times as if pumping semen inside. Following a low moan, the organ that had been stirring the inside slid all the way out, and the thick semen leaking from the hole bypassed the bloodstains and dripped onto the floor.

“Hey, come out already. I’m heading down!”

“Haa…! Huk…!”

The moment the arm supporting his waist released, Hae-won slid down, his head hitting the edge of the desk with a thud before he collapsed onto the floor. Blood-streaked semen seeped slowly from between his reddened buttocks. Looking down at Hae-won, who was twitching from the aftershocks of ejaculation, Seo Hae-young tidied his clothes and walked toward the bathroom as if he had finished his business. The sound of running water flowed through the closed door.

Hae-won, stripped only from the waist down and filled with Seo Hae-young’s semen, breathed irregularly. His lower abdomen trembled. The semen soaking the inner walls spread throughout his body, eating away at his mind. Shaking with humiliation, he reached for a tissue box that had fallen from the desk, pulled out a few sheets, and pushed himself up. Even as he wiped away the sticky fluid between his legs, his tears would not stop.

Groaning, he pulled up his drawers and pants that were caught around his ankles. His waist felt as if it would break, and his buttocks were not even worth mentioning. After dressing, he gripped the desk leg to steady himself and wiped the semen that had splattered on the tabletop. Horrified by the fact that he had come during such an insulting act of sex, he scrubbed obsessively, wiping his tear-soaked eyes with the back of his hand.

While he was erasing the traces with several tissues, the bathroom door opened and a clean Seo Hae-young appeared. Clutching the crumpled tissues, Hae-won recoiled into the corner, wary of the approaching Seo Hae-young. Approaching nonchalantly, Seo Hae-young tapped Hae-won’s forehead with his fingertip. His hand moved past the temple, down the cheek, and gripped his chin to lift it.

“A shame. Right?”

Damp hands pressed firmly against both cheeks, almost painfully. His lips, swollen from being bitten, protruded. Seo Hae-young looked down quietly at the face that was red and swollen in places, rubbing a thumb over the wet eyelashes.

“Take it off. You smell.”

The hand slid down and entered the collar of the knit. Startled, Hae-won wrapped both hands around his neck and hunched his shoulders.

“N-no…”

As he shook his head and backed away, Seo Hae-young’s expression shifted subtly. Even if he were beaten, he couldn’t take it off. His skin was dirty. His upper body, marked with handprints and hickeys, was literally dirty. It was so hideous and disgusting that no matter how many times he washed, it wouldn’t go away.

As he crouched, unable to meet his gaze, Seo Hae-young let out a short sigh and pulled his arm. Unable to even stand, Hae-won was dragged in an awkward posture and thrown into the bathroom. The moment he felt the cold tiles against his palms, he jumped up and looked toward the door.

“I hate it here…!”

“Wash up… and wait.”

Seo Hae-young gradually disappeared through the closing gap of the door. The moment he scrambled over and grabbed the handle, the door slammed shut. Moreover, the knob wouldn’t turn, as if something had been placed against it. Even as he leaned his weight into the metal handle and sank to the floor, his arms only trembled; the door didn’t budge. Panting, he pounded on the door, but just like that day, no response came.

“Why, why are you doing this… I, I did well. I did it well…!”

Hae-won rolled his eyes, scanning the small bathroom attached to the room. Fortunately, the yellow light on the ceiling remained on, but the sound of water dripping from the shower Seo Hae-young had used gnawed at his nerves. His teeth chattered. Hae-won quickly stripped off the pants he had just put on and screamed at the door.

“I’ll wash! If I wash, that’s okay, right? Then you’ll open it, right?”

He stripped off the drawers stained with semen leaking from his hole and struggled to remove the turtleneck that hid his dirty skin. Limping into the glass shower booth, he washed away the alcohol, whipped cream, and semen from his body, checking the door frequently. He squeezed body wash over and over, rubbing it into his skin. He washed his alcohol-soaked hair until his scalp felt tight, and with clenched teeth, he washed out the semen-filled hole. Pain was nothing compared to the terror of being trapped in the bathroom. Soon, a pleasant scent began to waft from his entire body. Without even drying himself properly, Hae-won rushed out and shook the handle.

“I’m all, all washed! I’m clean now… I’m not dirty.”

It seemed something was propping up the handle from the other side. The strength in the hand knocking on the door gradually faded. Sliding down, Hae-won looked down and gasped when he discovered the traces of Go Tae-gyeom scattered across his chest.

“I’m really not dirty. I washed well. I’m not dirty, I did well… I can do even better. I washed…”

He used his nails to scratch away the hideous marks.

“I’m clean, really. I’m not dirty, Hae-young. I’m clean. I washed well.”

He scrubbed his neck harshly. The scraped skin stung. His voice grew smaller. Leaning the back of his head against the door, Hae-won hugged his knees, terrified of the bathroom where even the smallest sound echoed. He knew. Seo Hae-young wouldn’t be outside the door. A hallucination of Lee Hee-sung’s voice, who was now taking his place, told him to come out.

Pressing his forehead against his cold knees, he buried himself in Seo Hae-young’s scent. His eyelids grew heavy and his breathing slowed, but then he heard a faint vibration from somewhere. Slowly lifting his head, Hae-won looked around and spotted his discarded pants. As he pulled the pants toward him, the vibration grew stronger. With trembling hands, he searched the pocket and found his phone; seeing the name on the screen, he answered immediately. The person on the other end remained silent for a moment as if angry, and Hae-won couldn’t open his mouth either. After a long sigh, a low voice pierced his ear.

…Where are you.

Sobs choked his throat. He took a deep breath and opened his lips.

“Get me out, I want to go out…”

I asked where you are.

Hae-won stammered out only ‘Hae-young’s room’ and ‘bathroom.’ The other side said they understood and tried to hang up, but Hae-won gripped the phone with both hands, shaking his head violently even though he couldn’t be seen.

“D-don’t hang up. Keep talking.”

You’re really something else.

He heard an irritable voice and the sound of rustling. To avoid being dragged back to that nightmare of a villa, he clung to every trivial sound. Whenever his mind began to fray, a report filled with annoyance flowed from the other side.

I left the house, I’m in the car, which house? I hit a red light, why are there so many people out this late, it’s fucking far, I’m almost there.

Biting his bleeding thumb, he relied on that grating voice. Tears that had stopped began to fall one by one. He hated the low voice so much, yet the reality that he had no choice but to cling to it was so miserable that his vision blurred. Just as his body grew cold and began to shiver, he heard the sound of an engine turning off.

What’s the passcode?

“Four zeros…”

Are you crazy? You’re just asking to get robbed…

The sound of the main gate passcode being pressed, and the clatter of it opening. He closed his eyes and focused on every sound so that the terrifying villa on the mountainside overlooking the sea would be erased.

Ha… what a fucking mess…

The sounds began to mingle. Turning around toward the direction he had been leaning, Hae-won slowly lowered his hand upon seeing the rattling door. The warm phone slid to the floor. Finally, when the handle turned and the door opened, he bolted from the tiles. Pushing through the door that hadn’t even opened halfway, he lunged forward and hugged the body before him. Even as his legs gave out and his knees buckled, he did not release his arms wrapped around the waist. As he buried his face in the warm chest, his limbs trembled uncontrollably. The sense of stability he felt in the disgusting, repulsive embrace of Go Tae-gyeom was horrific.

“Fuck, look at the state of you…”

Tae-gyeom, who pulled Hae-won up by the waist to separate their upper bodies slightly, frowned. The once-clean skin was covered in reddish-purple nail marks. It was especially bad on the neck and chest, with some areas where the skin had been scraped and blood had beaded.

When he released the arms around his waist to look closer, Hae-won urgently wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him in. Their noses brushed lightly. Rarely flustered, Tae-gyeom looked down at Hae-won, who was close enough to kiss. Frowning, Hae-won pulled up the corners of his mouth and smiled.

“Tell me I’m clean. I washed everything. I smell good. Right? I smell good, don’t I?”

Tears clinging to wet eyelashes fell, wetting his pale cheeks. Tae-gyeom furrowed his brow and stroked the cold back with his palm. It was because Yoon Hae-won, weeping pitifully and forcing a smile, looked far too young.

“Kang Jae-hyuk… what did that bastard do?”

Hae-won opened his eyes wide as if asking what he meant, then pulled up his trembling lips and shook his head.

“Sex? I didn’t. I’m not dirty. B-but, please tell Hae-young for me.”

“…Tell him what.”

“I did it with you first. You were my first. B-but I think Seo Hae-young is misunderstanding. You really were my first.”

Tae-gyeom stared intently at Hae-won’s face as he asked, “Right?” without a word. The faint warmth felt from their pressed bodies and the arms wrapped around his neck didn’t feel the same as before. Was he this thin when they first did it? He thought deeply, sliding his hand from the shoulder blade down the spine, but he couldn’t remember. However, when he first held Yoon Hae-won, it certainly hadn’t felt like this. A feeling of being a bit sorry, a bit pitiful, and slightly uncomfortable. It was likely because he didn’t seem to be in his right mind.

“Right? Tae-gyeom.”

When I lifted my downcast eyes at the quiet call, a pair of light brown pupils met my gaze. As their long eyelashes intertwined, Tae-gyeom impulsively kissed the lips that were torn in places and tinged with blood.

Wrapping one arm around the waist and supporting the back of the head with one hand, Tae-gyeom pushed his tongue between the parted lips. He delved into the mouth, which tasted of blood, with a haste that felt almost desperate. He entwined their soft tongues and swept across the neat rows of teeth, pressing their lower bodies tightly together.

“Huu…”

Whenever their locked lips parted slightly, Hae-won let out a held breath and drew in a new one. Tae-gyeom, unable to endure even that brief moment, gripped Hae-won’s jaw firmly and kissed him more deeply. Pushed against the wall before he knew it, Hae-won, with his chin tilted up, helplessly accepted and swallowed the invading tongue and saliva. After a kiss longer than the one at the sea, Tae-gyeom pulled his lips away, rested his forehead against the panting Hae-won, and twitched his wet lips.

“…I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Uttering his thick regret, Tae-gyeom tugged at the clothes of Hae-won, who seemed reluctant to let go, and tossed him onto the bed. Stroking the stiff nape of his neck, he walked toward the dressing room somewhere on the second floor. Low curses escaped through his teeth.

While Tae-gyeom searched for comfortable clothes, Hae-won, looking around anxiously, spotted a large album tucked into a bookshelf. Hesitantly stepping off the bed and approaching the shelf, Hae-won hooked his finger and pulled out the album from the bottom shelf. A cloud of grey dust rose, as if it had been placed there and never opened once.

Elementary school, middle school, high school. He pulled out all the albums lined up in order and flipped through the thick covers. Whether it was fate or a curse, he had always been in the same class as Seo Hae-young, so finding him wasn’t difficult. He saw a young face smiling brightly, as if something were so great. It was eyesore. After staring down at the three open albums for a while, he turned his head toward the desk.

When Tae-gyeom returned with his clothes, Hae-won was putting the albums he had thoroughly looked through back into the bookshelf.

“What are you doing?”

“Just…”

Hae-won swept up the crumbs fallen on the floor, scattered them into the trash can, and dusted off his hands. When he looked up and gave a slight smile to the approaching Tae-gyeom, a crease formed on the other’s handsome brow. Apparently, he didn’t like the sight. Lowering his head to hide his face, Hae-won murmured.

“You’ll tell me, right? Ah… You, if you want to put it in, you can. Since I did it with Hae-young earlier…”

Seo Hae-young’s clothes tumbled down over his head.

“Stop talking bullshit and put these on.”

“I’m really okay. I’m good at it now. If you just tell me…”

Tae-gyeom glanced with a complicated expression at Hae-won, who was stuttering while clumsily picking up and putting on clothes, and gathered the scattered garments and phone from the bathroom. As soon as he picked up the phone—the same model as Seo Hae-young’s—it vibrated with a ghostly timing. Looking down at the incoming call from Seo Hae-young, Tae-gyeom snorted, let it go to missed calls, turned off the power, and put it in his pocket.

Not knowing how much he had withered in the meantime, Tae-gyeom pulled Hae-won—who looked like he was wearing a potato sack—by the arm and left the room. The way he followed, limping, made it obvious that his hole had been torn again. Gnashing through a constant stream of curses, Tae-gyeom headed straight for the entrance, but Hae-won suddenly stopped in his tracks.

“What.”

“Wait a second…”

Approaching the living room, which had become a mess after everyone left, Hae-won searched the long sofa. He looked under the cushions and pushed his hands into every gap; his back looked quite frantic as he searched for something. Tae-gyeom, with Hae-won’s clothes draped over his arm, frowned.

“What are you doing?”

“The bracelet, my gift…”

“What?”

Ignoring the sigh coming from behind, Hae-won knelt and looked under the sofa. He saw a black case. He quickly reached out, grabbed it, and opened the lid. However, the space where the bracelet should have been was empty. He checked the table and even inside the glasses where liquor sloshed, but the silver-shining bracelet was nowhere to be found. If Tae-gyeom hadn’t eventually lost patience and dragged him toward the kitchen, he would have crawled across the floor until dawn.

Sitting in Tae-gyeom’s car, Hae-won fiddled with the empty case and leaned his head against the window. He wondered where the bracelet had gone. Whose wrist it was on, or if it had been thrown away.

Thin raindrops tapped against the cleanly wiped window. Having completely forgotten the order to wait, Hae-won traced the water marks that scratched across the glass with his index finger.

It felt like it would take a long time to forget today, the day he realized his reality and position. Perhaps he would remember it every year on Seo Hae-young’s birthday. He should have been sad, but he wasn’t. He felt nothing. His chest just felt a bit tight.

* * *

The two arrived in front of an old apartment complex around midnight. After circling the villa, which lacked a proper parking lot, Tae-gyeom finally parked in an empty alley and broke the silence as he unbuckled his seatbelt.

“I’m staying over.”

Hae-won neither affirmed nor denied, simply stroking the case. Getting out of the driver’s seat, Tae-gyeom moved to the passenger side through the drizzle. He pulled the dazed Hae-won out and headed toward the shabby house. Standing before the rusted entrance at the very end of the hallway, Tae-gyeom held out his hand.

“Key.”

“Pocket…”

Tae-gyeom frowned as he searched the pocket of the pants he was carrying.

“It’s not here.”

A pale gaze returned to the pants. Hae-won fumbled with the pants he was wearing, searching for the key that couldn’t possibly be there, before letting his hand drop. He seemed to have left it under the desk, in the bathroom, or perhaps dropped it in the living room. Or maybe he lost it while running through the streets. As he kept his head bowed, Tae-gyeom rubbed his forehead as if contemplating, then turned away.

“Let’s just go to my place and sleep…”

Hae-won didn’t follow and instead grabbed the door handle. Thinking that if he kept at it, it would eventually open, he shook the spinning handle back and forth, unaware that Tae-gyeom was looking at him strangely.

“What are you doing? Let’s go.”

“No… I want to stay home.”

“Is it going to open just because you want it to?”

Just as Tae-gyeom took a step forward, intending to drag him away if necessary, there was a sign of presence inside the house where no one should have been. At the same time Tae-gyeom looked up, the entrance clicked open. The person who appeared, opening the door as if it were his own home, was Joo Hyun-woo, his face full of worry.

“Yoon Hae-won! Where the hell did you go…”

Hyun-woo’s gaze, his mouth snapping shut, flickered between Hae-won and Tae-gyeom, then distorted with a hint of displeasure. Shrugging, Tae-gyeom grabbed the half-open door and swung it wide.

“It’s open.”

Tae-gyeom pushed Hae-won inside first and followed, and as he closed the door, an awkward silence fell. Hyun-woo, who carefully grabbed the arm of Hae-won as he stepped inside after taking off his shoes, blocked the approaching Tae-gyeom.

“I thought you were with Seo Hae-young. Didn’t you go?”

“Why don’t you go instead?”

“…But why are you two coming in together?”

“I’m more curious why you’re here, you bastard.”

Whether the two were exchanging probing conversations or not, Hae-won twisted his arm free and walked across the room to sit in front of a drawer. He pushed the empty case deep into the drawer and covered it with a household account book he had taken out before leaving the house so it wouldn’t be seen.

Now even his sanctuary had been invaded. He had neither the energy nor the will to tell them to leave. Then, an enticing thought occurred to him. He could just move his sanctuary. To a place no one knew, a place where no one could enter. Taking out the account book and the case again, Hae-won stacked the important things neatly on the low desk. He chuckled as he organized them so that he could sweep everything into a bag and leave at any moment, so he could go to a new home.

“…Hey. What are you doing?”

Placing his bankbook on top, Hae-won looked back and forth between Tae-gyeom and Hyun-woo, who had approached him, and grinned.

“Cleaning.”

Hyun-woo, staring blankly at Hae-won’s pale, smiling face, cleared his throat, while Tae-gyeom sighed and brought over a folded blanket from the corner of the room to spread on the floor.

“Just sleep for now. You seem a bit crazy.”

Placing the single pillow in the center, Tae-gyeom pushed down the resisting Hae-won’s head to make him lie down and lay himself beside him. Tae-gyeom waved his hand at Hyun-woo, who was still standing there, and pointed to the switch.

“Turn off the light and leave. It’s late, so run.”

“I can’t go because it’s raining. I’ll catch a cold.”

Tae-gyeom narrowed his eyes and glared at Hyun-woo, who used such pathetic excuses despite having a sturdy body that was second to none.

“Use an umbrella, you fucker.”

“You’re so cold, Tae-gyeom.”

Tae-gyeom threw the wallet he took from his back pocket at the pretending-to-be-hurt Hyun-woo, hugged Hae-won’s waist, and rested his head on the narrow pillow.

“Here. I’ll give you money. Take a taxi.”

Hyun-woo, his sarcastic smile completely vanished, took a large step forward.

“No, what the fuck are you two trying to…”

“Stay and sleep.”

The gazes of the two men snapped to Hae-won upon hearing the voice that leaked out like a sigh. Lying facing the ceiling and blinking his swollen eyes, Hae-won’s lips moved weakly.

“I said, stay and sleep.”

Hyun-woo quickly turned around and turned off the brightly lit fluorescent lamp. When the light, which flickered a couple of times before finally going out, vanished, the narrow room was submerged in darkness. Lying to the left of Hae-won, Hyun-woo used two fingers to pinch and lift the back of Tae-gyeom’s hand, which was hugging the waist. As he flicked it away as if discarding something dirty, a burst of laughter mixed with the sound of rain tapping the window.

“You’re gonna die, seriously…”

“So what, aren’t you going to move it?”

Hae-won grabbed the arms that were wrestling—hugging and then pushing away his waist as if it were their own—and threw them to either side. The occasional bursts of laughter also dried up. A rough-knuckled hand eventually slid under the T-shirt, caressing the flat stomach before gripping the waist tightly, and a ticklish breath brushed against the nape of his neck. Having no desire to guess whose it was, he simply stared up at the ceiling and steadied his breathing.

His mind was so tangled that emotions surged up and down erratically, repeatedly flaring and then fizzling out. One moment he wanted to prostrate himself at their feet, clutching their pant legs and begging; the next, he wanted to kill them all. Right now, his heart leaned toward the killing. Since both were here, there were knives in the kitchen and a large bag. If necessary, he could even strangle them. Especially Joo Hyun-woo.

The pleasant imagination, which extended to a suitable place to dump the bodies, soon came to an end. He would probably be caught before he even left the area. He might end up spending a meaningless life in prison, or be contract-killed by wealthy parents who lost their children. Either way, it was a sad thing.

In the early dawn when everyone was asleep, Hae-won, having finished his ruined imagination, turned his head to the left. A hypocrite who was once a friend and now got excited while strangling him was sleeping with his eyes closed, breathing steadily. Turning to the right, a loose-lipped piece of trash was asleep in a similar manner.

Eyes adapted to the darkness could catch silhouettes with only the faint light coming through the window. He carefully turned his body and reached out both hands. Creeping up, he wrapped both hands around Tae-gyeom’s neck. Just as he was about to apply pressure, the closed eyelids slid open. Meeting eyes that showed no sign of sleep, Hae-won slowly tightened his grip. With a small wish that he would just die like this.

Unfortunately, instead of the wish coming true, lips crashed against his. As soon as their front teeth collided with a click, his lower lip was sucked. Gripping both wrists, Tae-gyeom left the hands strangling his neck alone and raised his upper body. As the strength left the trembling arms and the grip snapped open, he tilted his head and kissed him deeply.

“Ugh…!”

A thick tongue ransacked the inside of his mouth more intensely than before. He was persistent, kissing his cheek when he turned his head one way, and his jaw when he turned the other. Tae-gyeom slowly kissed from the cheek downward, leaving numerous kisses on the nape of the neck where ugly nail marks remained. He touched lightly and pulled away, then parted his lips to suck just enough not to leave a mark. The soft sensation as he swept back up the nape ended with a clean break after a loud, smacking kiss on the lips.

“Sleep now.”

Tae-gyeom, letting go of the wrists he had been holding, rested his head on the edge of the pillow and closed his eyes. Hae-won rubbed his tingling lips and the skin where the ticklish sensation rose with the back of his hand. He didn’t even have the strength to strangle someone to death, so there was no point in picking up a knife.

Thinking about it, he felt wronged. Suppose he packed his things and left. At first, they’d be pissed that there was no one left to fuck around with as they pleased, but how long would that last? Seo Hae-young, Go Tae-gyeom, and Joo Hyun-woo would still be close, and Lee Hee-sung would take the empty spot. Just like he had been before the summer—no, in a more stable and happy way.

That couldn’t happen. It mustn’t happen. Since he had ruined someone’s ten years, it only made sense for everyone to be ruined together. He felt he would only be satisfied if he ruined the relationship between the three of them as well.

Staring at the dark ceiling and fidgeting with his fingers, Hae-won looked at both sides in turn and let out a silent lament. Ah. They were all the same. So, he chose the side he hated more and slowly turned over.

Swallowing the rising nausea, he poked his head out and lightly pressed his lips against the other’s before pulling away, and the closed eyelids opened. Their gazes intertwined for quite a while at a distance of only a finger’s width. The sound of rain masked the momentary silence, and it was only a second before their lips met again.

“Ah…!”

“Be quiet.”

The short kiss broke. Tae-gyeom, pointing to Hyun-woo with his eyes, hooked Hae-won’s right leg over his arm and pushed his penis, including the glans, into the deeply loosened hole. The entrance, stretched by half a tube of gel Go Tae-gyeom had left scattered around the house, easily accepted the penis. Delving into the path Seo Hae-young had already prepared, Tae-gyeom slowly moved his hips, kissing the cheeks and the heavily furrowed brow to an annoying degree.

“Huu…”

Hae-won, stripped of all the clothes that would hide his unsightly skin, wrapped his arms around Tae-gyeom’s neck and pressed their upper bodies together. The torn entrance stung, but because Tae-gyeom kissed him every time a groan of pain escaped, he chose to bite his lip and endure it. At Tae-gyeom’s slow movements, inserting only halfway and then pulling out, his cold body gradually heated up.

“Haa… this is fucking hilarious. Joo Hyun-woo is sleeping.”

Tae-gyeom, wrapping one hand around the back of Hae-won’s head and pressing his lips to his ear, whispered in a voice laced with amusement. Hae-won also burst into laughter. Go Tae-gyeom was something else, coming over immediately after seeing that madness at Seo Hae-young’s house. As he pressed the protruding bone in Tae-gyeom’s nape and moved down to the vertebrae, his earlobe was bitten and sucked with strong force.

“Ugh, huu…”

“Fuck, don’t touch me. I’m trying to go slow…”

Tae-gyeom, resting their foreheads together and letting out a playful laugh, looked into his eyes and thrust his hips upward. It was a relief that the face, cast in shadow by the darkness, wasn’t clearly visible. Hae-won suppressed a gag and breathed shallowly while meeting Tae-gyeom’s gaze.

“Haa, ha… Ah…”

The speed at which the penis entered repeated between fast and slow. His insides felt ticklish. Every time their bodies rubbed and shook, their lips brushed. Frowning at the irritating ticklish sensation, Hae-won closed his open legs and wrapped them around Tae-gyeom’s waist. Calves covered in bruises wrapped around the firm waist, and ankles crossed. As he pulled with strength in his heels, the penis that had only been halfway in was pushed deep inside.

“Ah…”

His eyelashes trembled at the unpleasant pressure and sense of fulfillment. Tae-gyeom, losing his grip on the legs, let out a hollow laugh and slid his arms under the upper body to grip the shoulders. Contrary to his words about going slow, Tae-gyeom’s groin began to slap against the buttocks. Between the hip movements that pushed all the way in and then pulled out leaving only the glans, the sound of sticking gel leaked out.

“Hng, ugh…!”

“Now you really like it, huh? Begging first… Eh? Yoon Hae-won…”

Hae-won, wrapping around Tae-gyeom’s neck and burying his distorted face in the broad shoulder, gnashed his teeth. He hated it; it was horrific. He wanted to kill him. Then, suddenly, Seo Hae-young’s face popped into his mind. Loathing was stained with fear, then turned into resentment. He thought he felt nothing when thinking of that face now, but on the other hand, he was so afraid and sorrowful that his body trembled. The emotions, soaring endlessly and then crashing to the bottom, reached a level he could no longer control.

Instead of shedding tears, Hae-won nodded slightly and hugged Tae-gyeom’s head. Hiding his crumpled expression, he tightly gripped the T-shirt he could reach.

“Haa, eu…”

“Fuck, say it in words… Huh? Does it feel good?”

His thighs, spread to accept Tae-gyeom’s penis, felt stiff. When he didn’t answer, the movements became faster and more persistent. The glans slammed into the spot Seo Hae-young had poked around, and the erect penis rubbed against Tae-gyeom’s stomach. A dizzying pleasure poured out, and Hae-won moved the hand that had been around the neck down to the shoulder and pushed him away urgently.

“Hng, sl-slowly… Tae-gyeom, ah, slowly…!”

The blanket spread on the floor was pushed aside. The pillow had long since flown far away. Hae-won squinted his eyes, shaking uncontrollably as he was pierced by a penis that showed no sign of decreasing its intensity. Tae-gyeom, who bit and then released the rim of his ear, whispered with ragged breaths.

“I’m… fucking loving this… huh? Ah, fuck… This is such a waste, man. Just…”

“Hng, I—I like it… gently…!”

The legs that had been wrapped around Tae-gyeom’s waist gave out, pushing haphazardly against the floor. Putting his full weight on Hae-won to crush him down, Tae-gyeom drove his penis in deep, then thrust his hips upward in shallow, stabbing motions. He kissed Hae-won’s lips several times—Hae-won, who couldn’t even breathe properly—before moving down his cheek to his ear. Letting out a deep sigh, Tae-gyeom dragged out his words as he cupped Hae-won’s cheek with one hand to lift it.

“Just, ha… I… I messed up… fuck…”

A faint glimpse of a grinning face appeared as he pecked at his lips. As the movements slowed and Hae-won caught his breath, he gasped, staring quietly at that face.

“It’s a waste to switch… Joo Hyun-woo is leaving soon anyway. And Seo Hae-young… you don’t actually like that bastard yet, do you?”

“Hng!”

Thud. The penis slammed in deep. Trembling violently, Hae-won ejaculated onto Tae-gyeom’s t-shirt. Embracing Hae-won, who had gone limp from exhaustion, Tae-gyeom continued to thrust his hips, faintly revealing a murky greed.

“You don’t like him. After getting beaten like that, if you liked him… you’d be a complete idiot. So…”

“Ah, ah-eu… hng…!”

The ensuing pleasure scrambled his mind into a blur. A chilling shiver ran through him. Go Tae-gyeom—a man with so many desires and so much greed.

“Ah, this is fucking great… what should I do about this? What do you want to do, Hae-won…?”

Hae-won looked up at Tae-gyeom, who didn’t give a straight answer but instead handed the choice over to him, and smiled slightly. An inexplicable laugh escaped him. When he covered his face with both hands, wet lips traced over each of his fingers.

At that moment, Hyun-woo, who had already woken up to the loud noises and had been resting his arm over his eyes, cursed and stood up. Hyun-woo suddenly smacked the back of Tae-gyeom’s head as he was mounted on top of Hae-won. Tae-gyeom’s neck snapped forward just as he was about to say something.

“Ah, fuck…!”

“Are you out of your mind, you piece of shit? Right next to a sleeping person, I tried to hold back, but wow…”

Through the gaps in his fingers, Hae-won clearly saw Tae-gyeom’s expression. Eyes filled with genuine irritation closed tight and then slowly opened. To anyone, he looked like he was barely suppressing his rage. Straightening his back and pulling one of Hae-won’s limp legs into his embrace, Tae-gyeom glanced at Hyun-woo and thrust his hips hard. Hae-won’s spine arched in a curve as he gripped the crumpled blanket and let out a moan.

“Haa, ah…! Ah, Tae, Tae-gyeom…”

“No, fuck… do I really need permission to fuck Yoon Hae-won? Me?”

Hyun-woo looked down at the junction where a squelching sound could be heard, then shifted his gaze to Hae-won’s face, which was consumed by pleasure. The sound of rain, the sounds produced by filthy intercourse—amidst them, dissatisfaction began to creep up. Frowning, Hyun-woo scanned Tae-gyeom’s expressionless face as he supported Hae-won’s waist and drove his penis in.

Since childhood, he had been a bastard with greed for everything. He might have thought he spoke quietly, but in a small house, there was no way he wouldn’t hear someone whispering right next to him. Given his temperament, if he liked Yoon Hae-won enough, it made sense that he wouldn’t want to share him. Eventually, as he watched Tae-gyeom moan as if ejaculating inside the sobbing Hae-won, a single sentence floated through Hyun-woo’s mind.

Who gave you permission?

Like attracts like; Joo Hyun-woo was not without greed either. A reaction against Go Tae-gyeom, who was trying to cross an implicitly drawn line, intertwined with a subtle possessiveness. The long history between Joo Hyun-woo and Go Tae-gyeom, as long as the period Seo Hae-young and Hae-won had shared, began to creak ever so slightly.

In the early hours of a dawn where the rain grew steadily heavier, emotions that roughly aligned with Hae-won’s desires quietly seeped through the microscopic cracks.

* * *

Go Tae-gyeom, enjoying the afterglow as he slowly pushed his ejaculated penis in and out; Joo Hyun-woo, wearing an uncomfortable expression. Receiving the gazes of both men, Hae-won sank into a mixture of fatigue and a strange sense of exhilaration. He felt sad, yet triumphant. He felt suspicion, and within that anxiety, he discovered a tiny possibility.

Even if it were hard to define, what did it matter now?

Feeling an itch where Tae-gyeom’s tongue had wandered, he scratched it with his nails. The itchiest spot was his hole, but since Tae-gyeom showed no sign of pulling out, it was difficult to reach in and scratch. Tae-gyeom grabbed his hand and pulled it down as he was scratching his neck to the point of bleeding. Bending his trembling knees, Hae-won pushed against the broad chest with the soles of his feet.

“Joo Hyun-woo… is awake.”

“And? So what.”

Hae-won rubbed his eyes, which stung from crying so much, and answered slurringly.

“Can I do it with Joo Hyun-woo now?”

Tae-gyeom, who had been gently stroking Hae-won’s ankle, looked as if he had been smacked in the back of the head.

“…What?”

Tae-gyeom’s voice, scraping his vocal cords, was rough. Hae-won, his limbs aching from being tossed around by men of unusual build, shifted his gaze toward Hyun-woo. Hyun-woo’s expression was also complex. A messy look, a mixture of bewilderment and arousal.

“This, you piece of shit, now…”

Grinding his teeth and cursing, Tae-gyeom grabbed Hae-won’s face with one hand and turned it toward him. The protruding red lips were swollen. Yoon Hae-won had definitely kissed him first. Who was the one who egged on a man trying to sleep peacefully? Tae-gyeom, staring down at the infuriating Hae-won, let go of his face as if throwing it away.

“…Fuck this, seriously.”

Slipping out from between his legs, Tae-gyeom snatched his car keys from near the entrance and left. Hae-won glanced indifferently at the door that closed with a loud bang and slowly pushed himself up. His limp legs trembled. With effort, he gathered his thighs, leaned on the shoulder of the nearby Hyun-woo, and turned his body. Resting his forehead against Hyun-woo’s stiff collarbone, Hae-won placed his hand on the other’s pants. As soon as he undone the buckle, an erect penis popped out.

“Hae-won, if it’s too hard…”

A hand, conveying a burning heat, grabbed his arm. Facing the penis with bulging veins, Hae-won looked up. Following Hyun-woo’s avoiding gaze, he looked into his eyes and asked quietly.

“Can I stop now?”

He hadn’t known until now whether he could decide that for himself. When he asked “Hmm?”, Hyun-woo’s gaze shifted toward the entrance. His eyes, as if looking at someone beyond the unlocked door, quickly returned. There was no more hesitation. A strong grip seized his waist and pulled him up onto his lap. Hae-won smiled faintly, held in Hyun-woo’s arms. Of course. Not a single one of them was backing down.

In the small house where the blanket on the floor was crumpled and pushed into a corner, breathless moans burst out amidst the viscous sounds. His face flushed bright red, Hae-won squeezed his eyes shut and gripped Hyun-woo’s wrist. Even then, the grip didn’t loosen, so he struck the shoulder with his fist, and the force tightening his throat eased. Hae-won desperately inhaled through his narrowed airway. Saliva leaked from his distorted lips.

“Hng…! Ha, hng…!”

Lightly gripping the neck of the panting Hae-won while thrusting his hips, Hyun-woo murmured low.

“Hae-won, you’re too tight…”

Pinned beneath the heavy body, Hae-won had to struggle desperately not to lose consciousness between the penis slamming into him from below and the hand that suddenly choked his neck. Once the reins were loosened, Hyun-woo placed his hand on the neck without guilt, and Hae-won realized too late that the more he resisted, the more excited Hyun-woo became. The best way was to endure as much as possible and then stop him only when it became absolutely unbearable.

Hyun-woo stared blankly at Hae-won, who was dripping tears and clutching his wrist like a lifeline. When he choked the neck, the face flushed red and trembling with fear was more stimulating than the inner walls that tightened frantically. That was why, contrary to his desire to embrace him, he kept applying force.

“Ngh, mmp… Kh-huk…!”

“Ha, Hae-won…”

Watching the eyes twitch as if the pupils were about to roll back, something surged in the center of his chest. Suppressing the urge to grab the hair in one hand and cover the mouth, Hyun-woo released the pressure again.

Hae-won blinked his teary eyes several times and coughed. Because he had been spreading his legs for two men in succession, it felt as if his pelvis was about to shatter. Not just his pelvis, but his entire body felt like it was breaking.

“Hng, kh…! Hyu, Hyun-woo… Hyun-woo…”

Tilting his chin back, Hae-won looked at the shaking ceiling, his lips parting. Ah. He felt like he might actually die.

Even if the three of them only ejaculated once each into his hole, it meant Hae-won was ejaculating three times. His body, already sensitized to the limit, felt a distant pleasure twice exactly at the moments Joo Hyun-woo choked his neck. Whenever oxygen was cut off, he became dazed. Every time that happened, it felt as if the shape of the penetrating penis was being carved into his inner walls. Every vein, the sensation, and the overwhelming size. It was hard to believe, but the semen staining their touching bellies was indeed Hae-won’s. He had reached his limit.

“Haa… ah, Hyun-woo-ya…”

As he stammered a plea to please stop ejaculating, the hip movements, which were already burdensome, grew even more violent. Hae-won gritted his teeth until his jaw felt stiff and took in Joo Hyun-woo. At this rate, it seemed only a matter of time before his hole became loose. There was no way he could remain intact with things the size of forearms being driven in one after another.

How much time passed? After a few thrusts and a low moan, Hyun-woo pulled his penis out. A cloudy liquid, from whom it was unknown, leaked from the slowly closing hole. Hyun-woo gritted his teeth and shook his penis, and soon, lukewarm semen was sprayed from Hae-won’s chest up to his chin.

Covered in filthy desire, Hae-won was defiled just as Joo Hyun-woo had wished. His spread legs would not close. It was because he was completely drained. His groin, where two men had passed through, glistened with slippery gel and semen. Hae-won let out a dry cough and turned his head to the side.

Looking at the neatly stacked luggage, Hae-won wiped the semen from his chin onto the disheveled blanket, but he continued to pant painfully under Hyun-woo, who, without backing off, pushed three fingers into the semen-filled hole and shook them roughly. His vision flickered white, and sometimes pitch black. A pleasure arrived that made choking feel preferable.

“S-stop it…! Please, ah, please…!”

“Hae-won, let’s do it together…”

Hae-won, who tightened his trembling thighs around the arm of the speaking Hyun-woo, writhed and struggled with his whole body. He tried to crawl away from the floor as if having a seizure, but his waist was pulled in, leaving his buttocks exposed. Fingers entered, parting the buttocks that were already red as if they had been beaten, and stimulated the inner walls with violent intensity. Hae-won screamed, scratching the floor and the arm of Hyun-woo who held his waist.

“Ah! Ack…! St-stop it…!”

“It’s okay, right, Hae-won? In winter…”

Three fingers curled at once, scratching the upper part before pulling out. Hae-won gasped and convulsed in Hyun-woo’s arms. Hyun-woo whispered something in his ear, but he couldn’t hear it properly. He just nodded frantically and trembled. He really felt like he was going to die. Every time the painful pleasure struck, Hae-won repeated to himself.

I just have to endure a little longer. As always, there is always an end. The father who used to beat him had died, the teacher who tormented him in childhood had retired, and the shop that didn’t pay his daily wage properly had closed. If he endured, bore it, and held on, the painful moments would pass. This time, without a doubt…

Would it?

He had no certainty.

* * *

The autumn rainy season blocked the sun. Facing a gloomy Monday, Hae-won washed himself clean, laundered the soiled blankets, and forced himself to eat. It was a lunch where he left half behind, but it was a relief that he didn’t throw it up.

Last dawn, Go Tae-gyeom had not returned after storming out the entrance, and Joo Hyun-woo had left as soon as it grew light. Left alone in the house where the old wallpaper rippled and cried whenever it rained, Hae-won was overwhelmed by an unknown sense of emptiness. It felt as if he had been broken into pieces, and only the pieces that could be put back together had vanished.

Stroking his forearm, he looked around. The house, which should have been familiar to the point of boredom, felt strange. Feeling that something was odd, Hae-won wandered the small house with a limping gait and discovered his phone lying on the floor. He wondered why it had been so quiet; the power was off. He didn’t remember turning it off, but since he had been forgetful lately, he assumed that was the case and turned it on.

As soon as the pitch-black screen lit up, numerous notifications filled the display. The most recent was a text from Go Tae-gyeom. After deleting the text filled with curses, the remaining notifications caught his eye.

38 missed calls, 12 unread texts, Seo Hae-young.

[Is this how you’re going to be?]

After checking the last text that had arrived while he was in the middle of mixing bodies with Joo Hyun-woo, Hae-won carefully placed the screen face down. Since it was a weekday and they would have gone to school, he had some time for now. With a blank expression, Hae-won stared at the logo on the back of the phone, then stepped back and began the cleaning he had been putting off.

Dusty items were thrown one by one into a large trash bag big enough to fit a person. School uniforms, shoes that had become too small, clothes he no longer wore, a graduation album, toys of unknown purpose, a half-remaining pack of cigarettes he no longer smoked… After shaking the square box, Hae-won hesitated and then placed it on top of the laptop Seo Hae-young had left behind.

Hae-won felt he was moving diligently, but the bag wasn’t even half full. He didn’t have enough belongings to throw away in bulk, and there was also the fact that he felt lingering attachment when it came time to discard them. He tied the end of the bag tightly and dragged it to the entrance. It wasn’t even that heavy, yet it felt as if sharp needles were stabbing his lower back, so he rubbed his protruding bones and opened the door.

He pushed the trash bag through the gap and propped the door open so it wouldn’t close. The rain was heavier than expected. As soon as he stepped back inside to get an umbrella, the face-down phone rang. After checking the caller, he hesitated before answering.

Did you sleep well?

The tone was tinged with kindness. Hae-won stroked his neck, where handprints remained, and answered in a hoarse voice.

“…Yeah.”

I wanted to have breakfast together… but I had some work.

Hae-won briefly pulled the phone away from his ear, ignoring Joo Hyun-woo’s rambling. He merely gave reactions to show he was listening, frowning. Most of the content was things that made him wonder why he was reporting them. Strange reports about who he met, what he ate, and that he would stop by the house before heading to the shop. He tried to recall what had been said at dawn, but he had been so out of it that he couldn’t remember. Hyun-woo finished the long, contentless call, speaking softly with a hint of regret in his voice.

I think it might be a bit hard. I told Noona I couldn’t go, so rest a bit today… I’ll stop by the house later.

It was an unwelcome consideration. Letting out a quiet sigh, Hae-won ended the call after saying he understood. Because of his situation, he was always causing trouble for Hyun-jeong. He thought it would be better to quit and find a new job. Especially since Joo Hyun-woo’s work was a factor, as quickly as possible.

As soon as he stepped outside the wide-open door with the umbrella over his arm, the phone rang again. This time, he couldn’t answer. While looking at the name floating on the screen and bending down to pick up the trash bag, a familiar pair of shoes entered his field of vision.

“You don’t take mine?”

The umbrella on his arm slipped and rolled down the hallway. The phone continued to ring, delivering an unpleasant vibration in his hand. A low voice pierced through the sound of the rain and entered his ears.

“Answer the phone.”

Hae-won slowly straightened his back, answered the phone, and put it to his ear. His body trembled violently, but he forced himself to hold on. The voice from beyond the phone and the voice right in front of him mixed together in a dizzying blur.

“I said, answer it…”

I said, answer it…

Thick raindrops hit the low wall blocking the hallway and splashed in all directions. Cold raindrops flicked against his pale cheeks and the deep blue bruises in the shape of handprints on his arm. Covered in scars and wounds, Hae-won slowly lifted his head and faced the expressionless face. The chilly rain poured down violently, as if to wash everything away.

Go Tae-gyeom, who had contacted him after suddenly getting angry and leaving; Joo Hyun-woo, who made ticklish calls reporting every detail of his daily life; Seo Hae-young, who had come to his front door. And Yoon Hae-won, who had not finished cleaning up.

The season when dry leaves fall, unable to withstand the weight of water droplets.

It was time to weed out the cowards.