By Zephyria 
After a 20-minute drive from Neverland, they arrived at a flatland in the forest near the campsite. Entwined Trees surrounded the area, and traces of human touch from long ago remained in various places. Sharply broken branches, cut logs where mushrooms grew, and black ashes buried in the soil….
Nevertheless, the moss growing on the old trees and the magpies gathered in a circle as if having a meeting still boasted their vitality. This place, where desolation and freshness coexisted, was the burial site for Jun-seok that Hee-sung had suggested.
Ha-jin leaned his back against the burl of a tree that protruded like a human shinbone. His tear-filled eyes were foggy, and he couldn’t see well. Tears streamed down his chapped cheeks like a faucet he had forgotten to turn off.
The tears had started from the moment he found Jun-seok on the Ferris wheel and dragged him inside the iron gate. Had he wailed, beating his chest at the sight of Jun-seok’s ruined appearance, or had he shouted at him to come to his senses…? After that, his memories were fragmented.
His vision went white as if he had been blinded by the bright sun, and his ears were constantly ringing as if he had fallen into a dark Blue Hole. With his five senses being shut down one by one like turning off a switch, he couldn’t even support his own body properly.
All he remembered were the urgent hands that covered his wailing mouth and the heavy breaths that bound his struggling body.
In the distance, he saw Hee-sung hugging Jun-seok, who was wrapped in a white curtain cloth.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry….”
Beside Hee-sung, who was crying sorrowfully, Hee-soo and Eden were digging a pit together. Eden, who had been silently digging into the ground, wiped the dirt off his hands and turned to look at Ha-jin. Meeting his empty gaze, he immediately approached Ha-jin and spoke.
“Do Ha-jin, we’re almost ready.”
Ha-jin couldn’t say anything and just stared at the deeply dug pit.
They were going to bury Jun-seok there.
As the thought reached that point, cold sweat ran down his spine. Ha-jin, who had been sitting with a blank look on his face for a while, approached Jun-seok on his knees. Kneeling in front of the blood-stained curtain cloth, he squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again.
His dirtied fingertips carefully peeled back the curtain that covered Jun-seok. Pain welled up again in his eyes as he stared directly at the necrotic neck, the drooping jaw, and the skin stained purple.
The image of Jun-seok that Ha-jin remembered was nowhere to be found. The chubby cheeks were gone without a trace, and the thick eyebrows were sparsely missing. Could he have mistaken him for someone else?
But Ha-jin had recognized Jun-seok at once, even on that high Ferris wheel. How was that possible? How could he recognize him when he had changed so much…?
Some people find meaning in death, but Ha-jin couldn’t believe such absurd stories. There was no reason or meaning in Jun-seok’s death. In the end, life was absurd and irrational, and those left behind would live in constant pain.
Ha-jin hugged Jun-seok for a long time, resenting the world and raging at his death. As he beat his chest until it was bruised, the brooch hanging on his short-sleeved shirt painfully pricked his skin. Animalistic wails spread low around him like a thick fog.
It felt like it wouldn’t hurt this much even if a part of his body fell off.
‘Hyung.’
Jun-seok’s bright face, smiling with a wrinkled nose, lingered in his mind. In an instant, Ha-jin felt extreme fear from the overwhelming sense of loss and isolation.
While he called Jun-seok’s name in a hoarse voice, Hee-sung grabbed Ha-jin’s shoulders and repeatedly confessed his sins, crying with him.
Hee-soo and Eden, who had been watching the two with complicated expressions, began to dig up the soil again. It had been two hours since they arrived in the forest. Jun-seok’s body was finally laid down in the completed burial site.
Ha-jin, unable to stop his sobs, took out the bookmark-shaped magnet he had been holding in his palm. The insignificant souvenir fell onto Jun-seok’s body along with countless grains of sand.
‘What was I thinking, bringing such a crude and meaningless gift? I knew it would end up like this…’
He could no longer deny it. He had been preparing to say goodbye to Jun-seok the whole way here. He had even thought for a moment that it was fortunate he had died early before suffering even greater pain.
Ha-jin, who had been cowardly avoiding Jun-seok’s death, finally faced the cruel reality only after he was buried in the cold ground.
He would never be able to meet Jun-seok again in this life. He had completely left his side. It wouldn’t change anything even if he resented Hee-sung, and the result was the same even if he felt relieved that his brother’s death had nothing to do with him.
Jun-seok’s body, buried in the dirt, was no longer visible. It felt like all the journeys had come to an end. Ha-jin just wanted to stay by Jun-seok’s side like this. It wouldn’t be bad to end his life like this, following him. Apart from that impulse, he had no motivation at all right now.
Eden grabbed Ha-jin’s hands, which were scratching at the ground in extreme pain, and hugged him tightly.
“It’s okay, Do Ha-jin.”
At the somewhat familiar comfort, Ha-jin’s fragmented memories began to be pieced together clumsily. The first words Eden had said to him, when he had dragged the Zombie Jun-seok in front of the Ferris wheel and he was crying his heart out, were the same as now.
‘It’s okay, Do Ha-jin.’
He had eventually succumbed to hyperventilation while wailing over Jun-seok and fainted in Eden’s arms. When he came to, Hee-sung had already wrapped Jun-seok in a white curtain cloth.
That was the end of it with Jun-seok. The cowardly him had ultimately failed to properly watch over his brother’s last moments.
While he was blankly retracing his memories, Jun-seok’s grave was made. Small flowers of various colors, picked from somewhere, were placed in a bouquet in front of it.
Tears welled up again. Ha-jin, like in Neverland, cried and collapsed in Eden’s arms, and repeated opening his eyes again.
He felt nauseous from the consciousness that didn’t connect smoothly like a cut film. The changing location, sky, and smell of the air every time he blinked were strange. In some moments, Hee-sung, and at other times, Hee-soo, cried with him.
While guarding Jun-seok’s grave like that, dusk slowly fell in the forest.
Ha-jin, who had been writhing in pain for half a day, leaned his back against the tree burl again. He had no strength in his body at all, as all he remembered was crying, wailing, and shouting all day. His limbs were heavy and damp like a towel soaked in water.
The three people who had brought the food shared it and sat in a circle around Ha-jin.
“Hyung… you don’t have any appetite, do you?”
Hee-sung looked at him cautiously with eyes swollen like macarons. Ha-jin, who had been quietly gazing at Hee-sung, replied in a very hoarse voice.
“…I’m thirsty.”
Then, as if he had been waiting for it, Eden brought the mouth of the water bottle he had brought to Ha-jin’s lips. Ha-jin gulped down the water like someone who had survived a fire.
“Drink slowly.”
He coughed and endured several bouts of nausea, emptying an entire bottle of water he had brought. He was still dazed, but at least he wasn’t losing consciousness like before.
Ha-jin tilted his head back and looked at the darkened sky.
“You’ll get low on sugar, so eat some of this.”
Eden held out a chocolate bar that had melted and become gooey. Ha-jin shook his head, as he didn’t think he could get any food down his throat, let alone water. Then Hee-soo carefully broached the subject.
“I think we should go back now.”
At those words, everyone glanced at the gravesite where Jun-seok was sleeping. Ha-jin didn’t want to leave this place, leaving Jun-seok behind. He felt like he shouldn’t.
As if sensing that feeling, Eden grabbed his shoulder and whispered.
“You can always meet your brother again.”
Ha-jin glanced up at Eden, who was saying something he couldn’t understand. If he left for America with Eden like this, he might not be able to come back here to see Jun-seok again.
“If Do Ha-jin wants, we can relocate the grave later. We can only bring Do Jun-seok to a safe place if we arrive safely in America.”
Eden treated Jun-seok like a living person and talked about his safety. It didn’t matter where a dead person was buried, it had nothing to do with safety. But Ha-jin felt his heart swelling up like a balloon at his hopeful words.
“We’ll put up a clean tombstone in front of Do Jun-seok’s grave and prepare it so you can visit him anytime.”
“…….”
“So, if you care about your brother, come with me.”
It was a cowardly and warm temptation. Ha-jin bit his chapped lower lip tightly, letting a single tear roll down his cheek.
He could bring Jun-seok, whom he thought he was saying goodbye to forever, back to his side. He could see him whenever he wanted….
Of course, he still wanted to die following Jun-seok. However, his heart ached at Eden’s sincerity in making such an unrealistic promise to persuade him.
Ha-jin took his hand and stood up from his seat. Thick sweat seeped out between their clasped palms. There was warmth too.
On the one hand, he resented Jeong Tae-geon for following him all the way here and putting shackles on him, and for not letting him die as he pleased. His heart, a mix of resentment and gratitude, swirled violently.
Dragging his feet, which wouldn’t move, Ha-jin turned around. A deep blue darkness was descending on the gravesite where Jun-seok was buried.
The four of them set off, relying on the headlights of the bikes. Eden occasionally looked back at Ha-jin, skillfully avoiding the forest path where traps were laid like landmines.
Ha-jin tried to reassure him with a voice that was almost dead.
“I’m okay… so look ahead.”
“Pie will be waiting. Let’s go quickly.”
Ha-jin, who had imagined Pie’s bright appearance, leaned his face against Eden’s back as if exhausted. As he inhaled the air thick with green scents, the image of Jun-seok buried in the gravesite flickered before his eyes.
Was he at peace now? He was just sorry that he had arrived so late and made him wander for so long.
His nose was cold, but no more tears came out. His eyeballs were sore from crying so much. Ha-jin learned for the first time today that there was a set amount of tears.
He had finally collapsed. He wondered if it was even possible to rebuild his broken and fragmented heart. He didn’t know what it meant to live like this, and he felt like he would never find the answer in the future.