By Zephyria 
“Are you going to keep saying strange things to me?”
“Nooo. I mean, look at this. Hyung was shocked because I came inside his mouth, so if I do the same to hyung’s mouth, it’s a wash. Wouldn’t that make things better?”
“……?”
If he had been in his right mind, he would have punished Tae-un’s nonsense with a smack to the back, but his reason, currently shattered by shock, was momentarily tempted. Wait. If we give and take equally, it’s like it never happened… that sounds right, doesn’t it?
His imagination drifted toward the image of himself sucking Tae-un off, but he immediately hit the wall of reality.
“…….”
No. If he put that size in his mouth, the corners of his lips would surely tear. But since his recovery speed is fast, maybe he could handle a little tearing… couldn’t he?
Unaware that Tae-un was smiling meaningfully behind him, Kim Si-baek’s brain, which had been spiraling toward a strange place, was finally stopped by the ringing of the phone on the table. Tae-un glared fiercely at the name appearing on the screen of the tactlessly ringing phone.
“Lee Han-gyeol……”
Hearing that name, Kim Si-baek suddenly remembered a forgotten schedule.
“Ah, right! After lunch, I was supposed to compare divine power and magic with Han-gyeol and the Head of Research!”
Looking at the wall clock, lunch hour had long since passed. He tried to answer the call in a hurry, but Tae-un’s arm reached out first.
Connecting the call as if it were his own, Tae-un cut the other person off in a commanding tone before they could even speak.
“Si-baek hyung is in the middle of an important conversation with me, so push the test back to next time.”
Then, before Kim Si-baek could grab it, Tae-un hung up. Not only did he answer someone else’s phone without permission, but he also unilaterally canceled an appointment. And a guild schedule, at that. As Si-baek stood there with his mouth agape in disbelief, Tae-un tilted his head with an innocent expression, as if asking what had happened.
“Hmm?”
“…….”
Right. What sin could a child possibly commit? It was all the fault of the sub-human piece of trash who couldn’t firmly draw a line and say no. Kim Si-baek fell back into self-loathing.
[Death and Beauty asks if your god may return.]
No. No. You may not. Please do not come……
[Death and Beauty generously understands the fact that something embarrassing, which your god would be ashamed of, is taking place.]
What kind of disgraceful behavior is this toward a minor? If Hyo-ju Agnes found out, she would be ashamed that her brother was such a bottom-of-the-barrel human being……
Tae-un, who had been hugging Kim Si-baek from behind and playing around by kissing his hair, spoke up as if he had read his mind.
“Come to think of it, hyung. Is it really okay that you haven’t told Sister Hyo-ju Agnes that you’re her brother? A DNA test could prove it immediately… She’s one of the few people who remembers you.”
“Since when did you become okay with a sister? You’re the one who told me not to go on blind dates because you hate the idea of someone becoming more important than you. A sister would be someone even more important to me than a lover.”
“Aw, hyung. I know how much you cherish your family, but even so, I win over a sister you’ve only recently reunited with.”
At that strangely confident yet childishly boyish boast, Kim Si-baek’s mood completely lifted, and he let out a hollow laugh.
“I just… I don’t know how to tell her.”
Kim Si-baek brushed it off vaguely, but his mind was quite complicated. He was wavering between whether to return to mak slecht as originally planned or stay on Earth, and with the issue of his sister added to the mix, he felt stifled.
“I don’t know what the future holds, but if I end up returning and have to lie and say I went abroad, you’ll have to wait for me again without any promise. Waiting without knowing if the other person is even alive is a truly difficult thing. It’s almost worse than recovering a body and accepting death.”
Having witnessed the longing of those left behind through numerous wars, Kim Si-baek knew this well. And Tae-un, who had waited for him, would know it too. As if understanding, Tae-un let out a slow “Ah……” and fell silent.
Though he still felt he had no face to show the world, his heart had calmed, and he had mostly recovered from the shock. As he felt Tae-un’s touch caressing him, Kim Si-baek wondered how he should apologize to Lee Han-gyeol, when a low call reached his ears.
“But hyung.”
“Yeah?”
“If, just hypothetically.”
Even after starting the sentence, Tae-un couldn’t easily follow through. Kim Si-baek smiled and patted Tae-un’s thigh.
“Why are you hesitating so much? Just say it.”
“Umm, it’s really just a hypothetical… you can’t get mad if I ask something strange.”
“I won’t get mad, so tell me.”
“So, about your brother.”
“Sister Hyo-ju Agnes?”
“No. Si-woon hyung.”
“…….”
The patting hand froze. Tae-un must have felt Kim Si-baek’s body stiffen in his arms, yet he continued slowly, without stopping.
“If Si-woon hyung were alive, he would have been a much more precious person to you than someone like me, who ruined your future, right?”
That question,
〈Who would you choose between me and that child?〉
Reminded him of a dream from somewhere, sometime ago.
✽ ✽ ✽
For Tae-un, there are three turning points in his life.
The first was the night Tae Cheol-hun murdered his parents.
The second was the summer day he met Kim Si-baek through the window of a semi-basement room.
The third was the day of the Great Cataclysm.
His memories also fluctuate based on these turning points. The time before the age of five was completely lost, and the time after that was turbidly crushed, but it was only after meeting Kim Si-baek that he began to think like a normal human and carve the flow of life under the name of memory.
And starting from the Great Cataclysm, his memories became unstable once again.
〈I confessed? Because hyung pretended not to notice, I tried to hide it as much as possible too, thinking it might be burdensome?〉
〈……Uh, it wasn’t?〉
〈Umm, I don’t know what you’re talking about, hyung, but probably not.〉
That was why he gave Kim Si-baek an ambiguous answer. From the very moment the Great Cataclysm occurred, Tae-un’s time became a mess again, just like in the old days, so he truly could not remember what conversations they had shared.
Having endured an immense amount of time since the Great Cataclysm, even the memories up to age fourteen, which had remained relatively normal, had weathered and faded, but there were things that remained vivid.
Hyung.
Si-baek hyung.
Tae-un remembers every moment of the young boy who reached out from beyond the semi-basement window holding a black plastic bag with red bean bread and strawberry milk, as he grew into a man in his late twenties.
That day was no different.
It was a day when Kim Si-baek had been out of contact for a while, perhaps because he was handling a major case. When the children sat in front of the TV, the nuns at the orphanage dissuaded them, saying they should play something else today instead of watching.
〈They’re going to talk about scary stories all day on TV.〉
〈Is it a scary drama? I want to see it!〉
〈I don’t!〉
Pi Min-hyeong, on the other hand, raised his hand high, while Lee Han-gyeol clung to Seo Gae-un, screaming. The nuns brushed it off with laughter, but Tae-un vaguely anticipated it.
A large-scale criminal case, not very beneficial for children’s emotional well-being, must have occurred. It was similar to when Tae Cheol-hun was arrested.
‘Could it be a case hyung is handling?’
He was curious, but even as he pushed Pi Min-hyeong, who had thrown a leg over him in bed, away to fall asleep, there was no contact from him.
The next day was Sunday. He spent time idling with Seo Gae-un at a Chinese restaurant and watched the TV playing in the shop. As expected, there had been a very large incident. The apprehension of a massive human trafficking and organ smuggling ring.
Police officers being interviewed appeared on the screen from time to time, but none of them were Kim Si-baek. He borrowed the shop’s phone to call his studio apartment, but he didn’t answer. Not until the weekend ended.
On Monday, he wanted to go to the studio apartment instead of school, but he endured it, knowing he would worry and scold him. As soon as class ended, he used a payphone to call the police station where Kim Si-baek worked.
〈You can’t reach him at home? Uh… he’s, b-busy… Ah! He went down to the provinces for work.〉
The ‘cute younger brother looking for Detective Kim’ was quite famous even within the violent crimes unit, so the reaction of the detectives, who always answered the phone with a smile, was somewhat strange. He instinctively knew it was a lie. After hanging up, Tae-un went straight to the studio apartment without a second thought. It was a path as familiar to him as the orphanage.
〈Si-baek hyung. I’m here.〉
He knocked on the door, but there was no answer. He wanted to wait in front of the door, but if he encountered Kim Si-baek upon his return, he would worry again, asking if he had been waiting outside. It was just as he turned around, intending to hide and wait in the alleyway.
He heard a strange creaking sound coming from inside.