By Zephyria “Wasn’t it fun?”
Julie asked as soon as the movie ended. Koi nodded with an excited face, agreeing with her. They came out of the theater and continued to talk about the movie and the actors as they walked down the street. Julie was witty, and Koi enjoyed talking to her very much. Before they knew it, they had arrived at the street where the subway station was visible.
“I had a lot of fun today.”
Julie said, facing Koi. Koi also smiled and opened his mouth.
“Me too. Thanks to you, I saw a great movie. Thank you.”
It was also his first time eating caramel popcorn. Looking at it this way, he felt like he was missing out on a lot in life. He realized then that his life had only been about coming to the East and meeting Ashley.
So what should he do now that he had achieved his goal?
He blanked out for a moment and stood there.
So in the future, I…….
He was just standing there with his head empty when Julie, who looked up at him, misunderstood. A small, delicate hand, completely different from a man’s rough hand, wrapped around Koi’s cheek, and she raised her head. Koi just watched as her lips approached. Slowly descending eyelashes, softly closing eyelids, and lips slightly parted in anticipation.
〈Koi.〉
“Ah……!”
At that moment, he unknowingly shook off Julie’s hand and stepped back. Julie’s surprised face came into his wide-open view. Koi belatedly realized what he had done and turned pale.
“Ju, Julie, I…… I’m sorry. Um, I mean…… that’s.”
Even as he just stammered and rambled, he only thought that he had to make some kind of excuse. But the only thing that came to mind was one thing. The affectionate voice that called him, the soft lips, the trembling breath, the arms that hugged his body so tightly it hurt, and.
〈I want you to be happy.〉
Ashley smiled as he looked at him.
〈Very much. The most.〉
Koi stopped breathing with his eyes wide open. Ashley said kindly to him.
〈I hope you are the happiest person in the world.〉
I can’t.
Just as he realized as if struck by lightning, Julie, who had come to her senses first, opened her mouth.
“I guess I was too hasty.”
“Huh?”
Koi belatedly blinked and looked down at her. Only then did he remember what he was doing, and his face quickly turned pale. He had completely forgotten, Julie’s existence. As soon as he realized that, his head went blank.
Julie, seeing Koi’s expression, smiled nonchalantly and said.
“Then I’ll go now. You know my number, right? You contact me next.”
Julie pressed Koi’s chest with her second finger, smiled brightly, and turned to walk towards the subway station. Koi just stared blankly at her back, and only after Julie had completely disappeared from his sight did he finally come to his senses.
Haa, a deep sigh flowed out on its own. What on earth have I done? Koi stood there for a while and then started walking aimlessly. Because it was the weekend, families and couples were passing by him, sharing happy smiles. Only Koi was walking with a sullen face.
“Ah!”
Someone bumped his shoulder hard and passed by, but he didn’t even hear an apology. The man was already far away with busy steps. Koi stared at him for a moment and then started walking again.
The chaotic noise continued around him, but Koi didn’t hear it. His head was full of other things.
Why was I so surprised and shook her off back then?
It would be more accurate to say that he felt repulsion rather than surprise. He clearly thought he had a good time with Julie, and he clearly had feelings for her until then, so why?
Unable to come to a conclusion, he returned home. As soon as he entered the damp basement room, he was finally able to slowly breathe out the breath he had been holding.
He wanted to collapse on the bed as it was, but he couldn’t. He shouldn’t treat the precious clothes that Ashley gave him so carelessly.
He carefully unbuttoned the shirt one by one. Koi, who usually only wore old T-shirts, was not used to this white shirt.
He would never have even thought of trying it on if Ash hadn’t bought it for him.
Koi’s hand, which he had inadvertently thought of, gradually slowed down. Ashley bought him this outfit so that he would have a good date with Julie.
I messed it up.
Isn’t it obvious? How could he dare to meet someone else, laugh and chat, and say he liked them again?
The only person I like is you.
The hand that had been holding the button slowly lost strength. Leaving his two hands drooping towards the floor, Koi stood there.
I didn’t want something like a friend.
Koi blankly recalled. Ashley’s voice was revived in his ear again.
〈I want you to be happy.〉
It’s impossible.
Suddenly, his vision became blurry. Koi stood there without moving.
How can I be happy without you?
〈Let’s be friends.〉
No, no. I can’t do that. Because, because I.
The tears that filled his eyes soon flowed down his cheeks and dripped to the floor. Koi tried to stop it, but the tears filled up again and again as soon as they fell, and repeated again and again.
In the end, he couldn’t stand it and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and burst into tears. He thought he was all better now. He had come this far, vowing that he was just putting an end to the feelings he hadn’t been able to end properly, and that all that was left was guilt.
It was all a misunderstanding. How could he dare to think that? To forget you, to give up on you, and to think that he could end it all like that.
Even though I still like you this much.
But it’s already over for Ashley. He will never look back at Koi. If that weren’t the case, he wouldn’t have said something like let’s be friends. Maybe he noticed these feelings of mine first and tried to draw a line in advance.
My heart is still the same.
The moment he realized that, the tears continued to flow down his cheeks without stopping.
* * *
“What on earth happened?”
Ariel, who had called Koi out the next evening, asked with a very swollen face. Koi, who had been dragged out feeling like he was being interrogated, was just bowing his head, sitting across from his longtime friend in a cheap bar. Ariel continued to press him.
“Julie told me that you didn’t seem to like her, but that’s not true, is it? There’s no man who would dislike a nice girl like Julie.”
“Of course not, I had feelings for Julie too.”
“But?”
Ariel asked sharply. He had never been able to stand up to her since he was a child. Koi succumbed to the cheerleader’s charisma and finally told her what had happened that day. Ariel, who had been listening with a frown, sighed loudly at the part where Koi refused Julie’s kiss.
“Why on earth did you do that? Do you know that you’ve committed a huge discourtesy?”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
When he said that honestly, Ariel frowned and asked.
“Was it your first kiss? No, right? You and Ash must have done everything. I remember him being surprisingly quick.”
“Th, that’s.”
It was Ariel’s guess, but Koi’s face turned bright red. Ariel, seeing his reaction, narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
“What? What’s with that reaction? Anyone would think Ash didn’t even touch you with a fingertip.”
“…….”
Ariel’s eyes gradually widened as she saw Koi unable to say anything. Ariel, seeing that reaction, opened her mouth with conviction.
“Oh my god, you met with Ash.”
Unable to lie, Koi just bowed his head. Ariel, seeing that, let out a sigh like a sigh, swept her hair back haphazardly, and opened her mouth again.
“What happened? How did you meet?”
“That’s…….”
Koi struggled to tell her what had happened. Ariel, who had been listening with a serious expression, finally spoke when Koi closed his mouth.
“So that’s all there is to it with Ash? You decided to be friends?”
“Y, yeah.”
When he nodded, Ariel frowned and looked at him.
“……Are you okay, Koi?”
“Huh?”
Seeing Koi blink, Ariel continued seriously.
“You worked hard for 10 years just to meet Ash. But are you really okay with that?”
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