By Zephyria Koi felt like he had missed something important, so he strained his ears and waited for what came next, but Ashley was reluctant to continue. After what felt like a long time ―in reality, only about five minutes had passed― Ashley finally opened his mouth.
“…Does your ear not move anymore?”
“Huh?”
At the unexpected question, Koi unconsciously brought his hand to his ear. Feeling Ashley’s gaze linger there, he blushed with embarrassment.
“…I fixed it. Now it doesn’t move whenever it wants unless I try to move it on purpose.”
Ashley just stared at his ear without saying anything. Koi felt awkward and quickly continued.
“It’s weird, having your ear move. It wasn’t easy to break the habit, but I managed to do it with effort.”
He laughed, but Ashley didn’t laugh. Still fixing his gaze on Koi’s ear, he murmured in a low voice.
“…It didn’t move whenever it wanted, did it?”Koi fiddled with his innocent ear, lowering his gaze. Ash was right. If that habit still remained, his ear would have been twitching madly the moment he saw Ashley. Because when Koi met him again, his heart had been pounding as if it would burst with joy.
But now, he was grateful that he had corrected that habit. They were no longer children, and expressing his emotions in such a way might be a burden to Ashley. Koi was planning to start a new relationship with him, pretending to be as calm as possible.
He had never dared to hope that he could try things again with Ashley. Koi wanted only one thing, and he had already achieved his wish. So now, it was right to return to the West. But a person’s greed was endless, and Koi decided to give himself a little more chance. After all, all that was left in his life now was his feelings for Ashley.
“Hey, Ash…”
“Why did you come here?”
He had managed to open his mouth with difficulty, but once again, Ashley took away his chance to speak. At Ash’s furrowed brow and cold tone, Koi unconsciously swallowed hard.
“I…”
Koi, who had barely opened his mouth, lowered his head and spoke with difficulty.
“I wanted to see you.”
There was no confidence in his barely audible voice. Koi wanted to run away, thinking that he had upset Ashley even more by acting as he pleased. He suppressed the impulse and continued with difficulty.
“I just, I wanted to see you… That’s all.”
Ashley called his name in response to his small whisper with his head bowed.
“Koi.”
“Y-yes.”
When he hurriedly answered and raised his head, his eyes immediately met Ash’s chilling purple eyes that seemed to pierce his heart. Ashley, who paused at Koi, narrowed his eyes and asked.
“Do you think I’m glad to see you?”
Koi was momentarily speechless. Ashley smirked at Koi, who was just staring at him with wide eyes. As if to say he was hopeless.
“You still don’t think, do you?”
He felt as if his heart had dropped to the floor. Koi just stared at him with a pale face. He couldn’t think of anything. Only Ashley’s words kept swirling in his blank mind.
His last greeting suddenly came back to life. Only then did he remember another reason why he had come all this way. He had to say it now. If he didn’t do it now, he might never have another chance.
But wouldn’t it just be an excuse to Ashley?
Another voice blocked Koi. Reason told him to listen to his inner voice, but he couldn’t bear to hold back his emotions.
“I’m… I’m really sorry that I disappointed you back then.”
It was too late, but he had to apologize. Ashley’s hurt face back then had been tormenting Koi all along. Even at this moment, with the person in front of him, Koi was still seeing his face back then. Even though Ash was treating him so coldly and harshly, Koi still felt like he was facing the face he had hurt that day.
“I wanted to keep apologizing… for not choosing you back then.”
His vocal cords felt torn and painful with each word he spoke. Koi endured the urge to gulp down water and finished speaking with difficulty.
Ashley just stared at Koi with his chin resting on one hand. Koi was nervous, unable to figure out what he was thinking, and then Ash slowly opened his mouth.
“It’s not easy to abandon your family.”
Because he was speaking with his chin resting on his hand, his pronunciation was somewhat slurred. But it was by no means unintelligible. Above all, Koi was surprised that he didn’t feel any particular emotion. As Koi blinked and stared at him, Ashley continued without changing his posture.
“We were young and reckless. You couldn’t help it either, because it seems impossible for most people to abandon their sick family and leave in that situation.”
Koi was dumbfounded at Ashley’s unexpected understanding. Ashley smirked at Koi, who hesitated and couldn’t react properly, and added briefly.
“But I don’t understand.”
Koi was speechless. There was nothing wrong with Ashley’s words. It was such a rational judgment, something anyone could say, and there was no blame towards Koi. Ash was accepting it. That it wasn’t an easy choice for them, who were still young, to leave with their sick parents.
Of course, that didn’t mean he understood it emotionally. He didn’t know what Ashley’s parents were like, but Ashley was willing to leave them without hesitation. Thinking back to Ash, who had chosen Koi as if it were natural, Koi thought that this reaction might have been inevitable. It also meant that Koi and Ashley were that different.
It was a confession he had prepared with great effort, but the result was somehow anticlimactic. As Ashley took a french fry to his mouth with an indifferent face, unable to find his next words, he asked.
“So, what about your Father? What happened?”
“Uh… yeah, he passed away soon after… He couldn’t last a few months…”
Ashley said without much emotion as Koi’s head drooped involuntarily.
“Should I have waited?”
Koi didn’t know how to react. Wait for me because my Father will die soon, how could he say that? Even though his Father’s condition was serious, no one really knew how long a person had left to live, and he couldn’t say such a thing as if he wanted his Father to die.
Of course, Ashley knew it too. That Koi wouldn’t be able to say anything back then or now. But Koi couldn’t help but ask.
“If I had asked you to wait… would you have waited?”
Ashley’s movement of chewing the french fry slowed down. He stared at Koi without even blinking, and then opened his mouth after swallowing the french fry.
“You didn’t say that.”
Koi had nothing to say, so he lowered his head again. An uncomfortable silence ensued again. He was desperately looking for something to say next when Ashley suddenly picked up the bill and stood up. Koi was surprised and stood up as well, and Ashley said to him.
“Is the conversation over now?”
“Ash, Ashley!”
Koi hurriedly chased after Ashley, who was walking away with the bill as if it were natural, and grabbed him.
“Wait, I was going to pay for this.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not okay!”
Koi pleaded, desperately stopping Ashley from taking out his card.
“Let me do it, please. I really, I have enough money now. Enough.”
Please, Koi desperately looked up at him. Ashley, who had been looking down at Koi, stepped back as if to say he could do as he pleased. Before Ashley could change his mind, Koi hurriedly took out the crumpled bills from his pocket and laid them out on the counter. After managing to pay the bill with the coins he had collected and letting out a sigh of relief, Ashley, who had been standing next to him and watching, finally turned around and left the store first.
“Ashley, Ashley!”
Koi hurriedly chased after him and barely caught him before Ashley got into his car.
“Thank you for coming… I never thought I’d be able to see you.”
He couldn’t let him go like this. He would definitely make another appointment. Unlike his determination, Koi, who had spoken hesitantly, added cautiously.
“Hey… I’m sorry for buying you this. I’ll buy you something better next time… Would you like to meet me again?”
Ashley’s words ‘cheap hamburger’ kept bothering him. He wanted to buy him something better, and if he could meet him again with that as an excuse, he would be really happy, so Koi asked with a desperate heart. Ashley looked down at him and replied indifferently.
“Well, I don’t have time this weekend.”
Koi said without thinking.
“Ah, me neither. I have plans.”
Ashley didn’t react immediately. Instead, he frowned and looked down at him, repeating what Koi had said.
“Plans?”
Koi nodded obediently and said.
“Ah, yeah. I have a friend I made here, and we’re going to see a movie together.”
“A movie with a guy? Sounds fun.”
Seeing Ashley smirking, Koi hesitated and corrected him.
“Uh, Julie is a girl…”
The smile disappeared from Ashley’s face.
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