By Zephyria 
Whenever Noah left words like ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘Thank you,’ Carlisle would habitually answer, ‘It’s my pleasure.’ Even if Noah thought of those words as simple greetings, they were never insincere to the person who said them.
Being used as Noah Hamilton’s useful pawn. And thus, being able to protect him and stay by his side.
That was the only value that made Carlisle Graham live and breathe.
It’s not that he didn’t understand Noah’s feelings. It was only natural from a normal point of view to choose to be hated cleanly rather than forcing sacrifice if he couldn’t be his only lover.
But if Carlisle Graham, who had already lost him once, was faced with a situation where he had to leave Noah again…….
“You said you seemed happy when you were with me…. Even if it’s not love, you definitely seem to like me, you said with those lovely lips……. You whispered that to me….”
Carlisle couldn’t bear it. The pain of losing Noah Hamilton was so terrible that he would rather be willing to bear the disgrace of being the Empress’s lover for the rest of his life. What he wanted most was for Noah to abandon Adrian and choose Carlisle, but he couldn’t even wish for that.
If the Crown Prince of this life was the only opponent he had to defeat, there might have been a good chance. Noah and the Crown Prince had already met as adults, and the Crown Prince must not have remembered the first life that he had remembered. But what he had to deal with was not the arrogant Crown Prince, but Noah’s ‘Adrian,’ who had been purely devoted and had only looked at Noah Hamilton all his life.
The very man who had been by his side since the moment Noah was born and cried for the first time.
The fact that Noah didn’t love him, and that Adrian didn’t love him either, was a considerable comfort, but that was it. If he weighed the emotions Noah felt, the guilt he felt towards Carlisle couldn’t even be compared to the overwhelming guilt he felt towards Adrian.
That’s why he was clinging so desperately in this life too.
“Noah….”
Hot tears dripped down onto the small face he was looking down at. Carlisle’s own tears.
His teardrops mingled with Noah’s tears, falling down, down. How wonderful it would be if he could stay with him forever, like those indistinguishable, mixed teardrops.
Carlisle stretched out the hand that had been caressing Noah’s face. Then, without looking, he groped on the bedside table. A short paper knife, its edge blunt but still capable of severing a blood vessel if enough force were applied, soon came into his grasp.
“You died from the canine I gave you, so it’s as good as me killing you.”
It was a far-fetched claim. But Carlisle’s feelings were not much different.
“Then you have to kill me too. You have to do that much to be able to abandon me…”
Who on earth was the shadow that had blocked his path the moment he witnessed Noah’s coldly stiff corpse? And who on earth was it that turned the world upside down, managing to make everything flow almost similarly, but quite differently?
Rolling such questions around in his mind, it wasn’t difficult to find the answer.
Because the uniquely alien being, who had never existed in the original world, immediately came to mind with striking presence.
Allen Hamilton, who had pushed aside Noah’s place as the Count Hamilton’s biological son and taken it. It was him.
The Sorcerer had revealed his identity as God. Noah had said that he could only win by monopolizing the destiny that was predetermined for Allen’s ‘body.’
Carlisle, having regained his memories, soon easily reached a conclusion. This world, which had gone against time, was itself a huge betting board between the God named Allen and Noah.
God was obsessed with Noah. Knowing that, he understood well why Noah had chosen to die with Carlisle’s fangs as a weapon. He couldn’t have died with a tool that didn’t contain the power to resist God. Perhaps Carlisle was the only one among the many people associated with Noah who had regained the memories of his past life, and that must be related to it.
“Don’t worry. Unlike you, I’m not under God’s coercive protection, so I don’t even need a special tool.”
Carlisle wanted to give Noah a gentlemanly smile, as he usually did, to reassure him, but his facial muscles wouldn’t listen. It had been like that ever since he had laid eyes on the absurd letter of farewell.
The paper knife kept slipping in his sweaty hand. Afraid that he might drop it, he quickly pulled Noah’s hand and forcibly held it. Noah desperately tried to clench his fist and not hold the knife, but it was a game he couldn’t win from the start.
“Now, it won’t be difficult. Just press here… where the carotid artery passes…”
“Ugh, Carlisle… no, I, I don’t want to…!”
Carlisle forcefully overlapped his small hand holding the paper knife with his own large one. He pulled it towards himself, and soon, the blunt tip touched his jaw.
“Don’t do this, Carlisle, please! Please!”
The resistance was fierce. Both legs thrashed wildly, like someone drowning. Tears streamed down his face as he shook his head, saying he didn’t want to. Carlisle smiled happily at his cruel companion, who didn’t love him but was still kind in his own way. Noah would never have thought of abandoning him. He must be thinking that he was setting him free from his selfish self.
Truly, freedom for a leashed beast was nothing more than irresponsible abandonment. Noah Hamilton had to take responsibility.
Soon, the tip of the knife pressed firmly against the resilient skin, just before tearing it apart. A voice mixed with sobs burst out like a seizure.
“Ah, I understand, I was wrong! I was wrong, so, so…!”
“……”
“I won’t abandon you, I’ll never, ugh… never abandon you.”
“Can you promise me that?”
Noah Hamilton, unable to continue speaking because he was hiccuping and crying, nodded repeatedly. Carlisle compulsively asked again. You won’t set me free, will you? The slender neck moved vertically once more.
“I’m not telling you to abandon the Crown Prince. I’m just saying, me… take me too…”
“Keuheuk, euut…”
“It’s okay to keep it a secret from the Crown Prince. I don’t mind if that makes you feel more comfortable.”
“I, Carlisle, heuk…”
His heart, which had been racing madly with fear, finally found its rhythm. Carlisle, who had been out of his mind with fear, not eating or sleeping, and had rushed all the way here, finally collapsed, his body losing all strength. Noah didn’t know, but he had originally intended to use magic to enter the capital immediately. But the Sorcerer, realizing that he was out of his mind, refused to cooperate, so he had immediately returned to his true form and ran without a moment’s rest.
Okay, now… I won’t be abandoned. I can stay by his side with a leash on… as a well-behaved dog. That’s enough.
“…Um, Carlisle?”
“……”
“Carlisle? Just a moment, try to wake up. Carlisle!”
His tear-filled voice, still not completely free of sobs, was truly adorable. He wanted to gently soothe him, telling him that he was sorry for scaring him, and that this would never happen again as long as he didn’t try to abandon him… but his body and mind were heavy as lead. Carlisle fell into a deep sleep.
* * *
Why are both of these bastards asking me to kill them! He wanted to shout that, but he held back. Because he felt that Carlisle was truly his responsibility, unlike Allen.
His face, trembling and struggling to maintain a smile while shedding tears, looked more frightened than angry, and realizing that, the man who was a head taller than him looked young for once.
“…Um, Carlisle?”
“……”
“Carlisle? Just a moment, try to wake up. Carlisle!”
The temperature of his body, which was burying its forehead in his neck, felt abnormally high. He had a severe fever. The place where their skin was touching was very hot. Could he have lost consciousness like this?
Worried, he tried to check on his condition, but his heavy body, packed with muscles, was pressing down on his shoulders, making it difficult to move even a finger.
Before he knew it, the sun had begun to rise, and the outside of the window was completely bright. In perhaps two more hours, Nicole would come to wake him up… what should he do? If he didn’t regain consciousness first, it would be impossible for him to move or hide him with his own strength. Was there no other choice? Andrew had known before that Carlisle had secretly sneaked into his room and stayed there, so this time too, he could ask him for help to hide Carlisle and call a doctor…
He was lost in various thoughts for damage control when it happened. Suddenly, he heard a growling sound from below his chin, like an animal crying.
What was sticking out sharply on Carlisle’s head was clearly an animal’s ear. The canines that protruded long outside his lips were impossible to miss.
“…Carlisle?”
Their eyes met. The pupils of the wolf, having lost its reason, widened and stared straight at him. And.
“Euut…!”
He was eaten whole.