By Zephyria 
“I’m sorry, Young Master. If it’s not at a time like this… I didn’t think I would have a chance to see you separately…”
I thought he might come to see me separately at least once. It took several days for me to return from the North and arrive in the capital, so I was surprised that he had endured it until now.
“……”
“Young Master.”
“……”
“…Noah, …Young Master Noah.”
He spat out my name, Noah, as if he couldn’t overcome the overwhelming emotion, and then quickly added the title Young Master Noah as an excuse. The two syllables of my name, Noah, called in a trembling voice, were as affectionate as my kind lover when I first returned to my twelfth reincarnation and thirteenth life.
The moonlight didn’t shine into the curtained room. Only the dim light of the half-melted candle placed at my bedside dimly outlined his form.
I quietly followed the shadow of the knight, as pure as an orchid and as straight as an old tree, with my eyes, and then impulsively opened my mouth.
“It’s okay, right now.”
“Yes? What do you mean…”
“Only for now. Only for now, you can call me whatever you want. I’ll allow it.”
“Ah…”
He let out a deep breath that was hard to tell whether it was a sigh or admiration, and then kept repeating my name, Noah, Noah, like a half-wit who only knew one word. The voice, which sounded like a desperate prayer, gradually slowed down, and eventually a humid sob was mixed between the words.
Even in his haggard appearance, sneaking into the owner’s room without permission and just crying without saying anything else, Kyle still looked noble.
While listening to his voice, which was now half crying and half barely reciting my name, I recalled the first time I met him in my mind.
‘Nice to meet you, Young Master Hamilton. I am Kyle Gray, who has been appointed by His Highness the Crown Prince. From today, I will be in charge of Young Master’s escort.’
In this life, it had been arranged from the beginning that he would be a knight of our family, but in fact, he was nothing more than a gift from my devoted fiancé, something that was only moderately precious. It was a waste of his ability to be in charge of escorting a young nobleman who had a noble status but never went out of the house. So, perhaps that’s why, on the day he first came to me as my escort and greeted me, he didn’t seem to show much favor to me, even if he didn’t say it outright.
Looking at him like that, I was a little curious. It was because I had never met someone who took such a lukewarm attitude, even if it wasn’t antipathy, to me, who was surrounded by Adrian, who would do anything I said, and the boundless love of my family, who seemed to exist only for me.
Anyway, Adrian had given him to me, saying that it was good to keep a proper escort knight by my side without changing him, so I didn’t give it much meaning. I wasn’t discouraged that my escort knight didn’t seem to like me enthusiastically. At the time, I was already an arrogant child overflowing with love.
‘Oh, I heard you beat up Freddy. Is it true? I wanted to go see it too, but Adrian said the martial arts competition was dangerous and wouldn’t let me go.’
‘That, the expression “beat up” seems to be a bit exaggerated.’
‘Hey, kid. Does that beaten-up Freddy have ears too?’
‘The loser goes over there.’
‘Can you call it runner-up if possible?’
‘Yes, next loser. Huh, huh? Is Kyung really that incredibly strong?’
‘No, that’s not it…’
‘Wow! Then our family’s idiot, who always brags that he’s a genius, was beaten up by someone who isn’t that incredibly strong?’
‘Hey! Noah Hamilton!’
‘Um, so, it’s not that it’s not…’
It was funny to see his face, which was frozen stiff as if he had only thought about swords all his life, and was flustered as he was teased without any skill. From the first time Adrian brought him in front of me, I thought he looked more like a prince in a fairy tale than the Crown Prince Adrian, and every time his cold expression crumbled in front of me, I felt itchy inside for no reason. It was also rewarding to see Frederick, who would get angry as a bonus whenever I teased Kyle.
Kyle, who was born into a humble family with a strikingly handsome appearance and brilliant talent like a mutation, was like a dragon rising from a ditch. From a very young age, he had been constantly brainwashed with stories like, you have to raise your family, you have to remember that your brothers are sacrificing so much to support you, you must repay this debt for the rest of your life. He had lived tenaciously with the sole goal of aiming for the top, and as a result, he had never formed any proper human relationships. It was a story he had secretly confided in me after naturally becoming closer with my repeated pranks.
Kyle’s appearance while telling such a story was somehow unfamiliar, and somehow lonely… I had teased him even more exaggeratedly.
‘Ah, what is it? You don’t have any friends?’
‘Ah… To sum it up, that’s right.’
‘Why are you making such a big deal out of saying you don’t have any friends?’
‘…I’m sorry. I’ll correct it. The point is, I’m surprised that I’ve become so comfortable with Young Master so quickly… No, even this may be my unilateral judgment.’
‘No. We’re comfortable, right? Adrian says you’re completely hooked. If I become the Crown Princess, you’ll become the Crown Princess’s escort, and if I become the Empress, you’ll become the Empress’s escort. There’s no retirement. It’s a lifetime job. We have to be comfortable because we’ll be together for life.’
‘Is that so.’
‘Yeah. You’ve made it, right? You said you have to make it. I’ll especially tell Adrian to give you a bigger salary.’
‘Thank you.’
‘And actually… I don’t have any friends either. Don’t be discouraged that you don’t have any friends.’
‘…Young Master?’
‘Haven’t you noticed while watching me? Adrian and our Count’s family are the only ones who interact with me.’
‘Um……’
‘No. Should we just be friends? Secretly from Adrian.’
‘……’
‘You don’t want to?’
‘…I don’t dislike it.’
The memory of him nodding with his face turning completely red as if he had heard a marriage proposal with just the suggestion of being friends flashed through my mind.
If he was my first lover in this life, he was my first friend in my original life. I don’t know when his heart, which was clearly pure friendship and loyalty, turned into love… It was also me who first scattered his determination to suppress his impure love for me and just follow me faithfully, and dragged him into bed.
“Please, never again, to me… Please don’t give me such orders, please, Young Master…”
“……”
“I was wrong. I was, it’s all my fault… Ah, Noah, please, never again…”
It felt incredibly strange to look down at the neat shadow kneeling at my feet, begging with tears streaming down.
In truth, my feelings towards Kyle had leaned more towards dislike than like. Even in this Iteration, he had quickly turned away from me and tried to cling to Allen, though it was Allen’s trickery… From the very beginning of my thirteenth life until just now, ‘Allen’ had been nothing more than a living corpse. It was only from this Iteration that God had entered his body and started moving him directly. So…
‘You mustn’t do this, Sir Kyle. What if the Young-won sees you…!’
‘There’s no need to worry about such trivial things. I understand now. I never loved him. From the moment I first met you, I was already…’
I was sure that Kyle had had the free will to have that conversation with Allen. But Allen had made it clear just now. The reason those who loved me had so easily turned away and passed me by… was because he had forcibly severed their feelings for me and connected them to Allen’s body.
That meant that, whatever the outcome, he had never betrayed me, not even once.
The lavishly happy memories of this life, which I had desperately tried to forget, flooded back. At first, I had chosen him simply to escape Allen’s influence, whom I considered the protagonist of the original story, but as I loved and was loved by the loyal and affectionate him… Whenever our fingertips brushed while being mindful of our families’ eyes, whenever I felt his clumsy heart bringing me a cookie that was said to have been given as a snack to the royal guard, saying it was delicious and wrapping it up without eating it.
“……”
I was definitely happy. I was definitely excited.
Those times when the whole world seemed to be painted pink when I was with him… They existed so clearly.
And what kind of orders had I given him, who knew nothing?
“Yes, I was wrong. I will never give you such orders again.”
“Ugh… Noah…”
I had told him in advance to cause a commotion and pretend to be dead, and that I had something to do while hiding for a while, so when the time came, I asked him not to protect me. Instead of me, I asked him to protect… Nicole.
“Thank you. It’s all thanks to you. Thanks to you protecting Nicole, I was able to jump in without hesitation. I’ve achieved all my goals.”
“Watching you jump in, not being able to do anything was so terrible, ah, I’d rather die in your place. Never again, please.”
“…Okay, I promise. I won’t give such orders again.”
I had wronged so many people. I hid my bitter heart and comforted my knight, who was sobbing for a long time.