By Zephyria 
I recommended he go to a hospital, frowning deeply, but he shook his head, saying he was fine.
“Are you embarrassed? If it hurts, you have to go to the hospital. If you’re scared, should I go with you?”
What if he can’t use it anymore? As I spoke with concern, a complicated look crossed Kwon Yi-kang’s gaze. His lips parted as if he wanted to say something, but he eventually let out a sigh.
“The driver called while you were washing. I answered since it showed as ‘Driver.’ He said he’s coming this way, so go down when the notification arrives that he’s here.”
I’ll have time to dry my hair before I go. I found the clothes I had stripped off and put them on one by one, starting with my underwear.
“Don’t look too heartbroken. Contact me if anything happens.”
Heartbroken over what? I tilted my head, then realized the meaning of his words. I paused for a moment while sliding my arm into my shirt, but soon finished dressing as if nothing were wrong.
“What could possibly happen? There’s nothing I can do now. What, do you think I’ll smash his funeral portrait? If I cause a scene at the funeral hall, the atmosphere will just get awkward.”
“If your anger doesn’t subside, I’ll dig up his grave for you later. Just mind the people’s gaze.”
I didn’t even kill him, so why should I worry about other people’s gazes? I stared at my lover, who offered to commit grave robbery if I wanted, and curled the corners of my mouth.
“Don’t worry. Do you think I’ll dance for joy because that bastard died, or stab a knife into the dead guy’s body? Even if I cry because I’m sorrowful and wronged, others will just see the tears of a younger brother grieving for his dead Hyung.”
That was Cha Soo-kyung’s current position. A guy who posed no threat and had no influence. In reality, the most I could do would be to spit on the dead guy’s grave.
That made me sad once again.
∞ ∞ ∞
I stared intently at the photo of him smiling softly. It was the most human face of Cha Dong-hu I had ever seen. Was it because technology had advanced, or was the photographer skilled? Whoever took it, the photo was really well done.
Surprisingly, I had no particular thoughts upon facing the funeral portrait. Just that he died. He really died. He’s actually having a funeral. Something like that.
I don’t know if this is a feeling of relief, disappointment, or regret.
“You should have washed up before coming out.”
The Omega Father, approaching my side, spoke reproachfully.
When I arrived home, the family had already finished preparing and were about to depart for somewhere, so without receiving an explanation, I hurried to change into the prepared clothes and follow them.
Since everyone was in black suits, I figured we were going to a funeral, but I would have been flustered if I hadn’t known the little one had died. That was how much no one stepped forward to explain things to me.
“I washed before coming home.”
Do I smell like something? I definitely washed before I came.
As dissatisfaction rose at the groundless scolding and I pouted my lips, Father struggled to smooth out his slightly furrowed brow and covered his lips with his hand.
“Alpha pheromones are vibrating. Whatever you do, you shouldn’t leave a trace. Especially in a place like this.”
As if even saying this was shameful, Father’s lips moved quickly beneath his covering hand.
No, isn’t the person who smells it more abnormal? He’s not a drug-sniffing dog; how can he smell Alpha scents so well? Isn’t he just wanting to scold me for being with Kwon Yi-kang?
What smell could there possibly be? I lifted my arm and sniffed, but I gave up after smelling nothing in particular.
“It’s as if you’ve taken a bath in pheromones. You have no sense of shame.”
“I don’t smell anything.”
“If you can’t feel the pheromones, you should have been more careful. Are you planning to announce to the whole neighborhood what you were doing until just now?”
I don’t smell anything, so what do you want me to do? As I lowered my eyebrows with a sullen face, Father let out a sigh.
“The person drenched in pheromones might not know, but people around them are sensitive. Be mindful from now on.”
“Yes.”
“Brighten your face. Don’t disappear halfway; make sure to keep your place.”
The atmosphere of the funeral hall was very different from what I expected. There was the characteristic smell of incense, but the common wailing or crying sounds were not heard.
The Alpha Father had a somewhat blank expression as if thinking about something, and the Omega Father was expressionless as usual. The eldest Hyung and his wife were moving among the mourners with smiling faces, exchanging greetings as if they were at a party, while I just stood there blankly, like a funeral wreath.
“Why did he die?”
“They said it was a heart attack.”
“The cause?”
“I don’t know; I’ve heard nothing other than it being a sudden heart attack.”
“At home?”
“I think they said he was outside, but I don’t know.”
I don’t know, I’m not sure, I haven’t heard.
The Omega Father replied with a face that knew nothing. Did he not hear that he died because of drugs? If it was always like this, the Alpha Father likely hides quite a lot from the Omega Father. Or perhaps the Omega Father is just excessively indifferent.
Whether the Alpha Father hurriedly covered it up, no mention of drugs was heard at the funeral hall. The police, whom I thought I would see at least once, were also nowhere to be seen.
It must be nice to run a hospital and a funeral hall. It’s easy to just cover things up whenever something happens.
Contrary to Choi Jae-kyung’s worries, no one took an interest in me. It was almost surprising that not a single person asked what I had done yesterday, where I had been during the time I disappeared, or what I had been doing until now.
This is a bit deflating. Then again, since it’s certain he died from drugs, they must be busy covering that up. In the midst of such chaos, would they even care about the youngest son they were never interested in anyway?
“It doesn’t feel like a funeral hall. There’s no one grieving.”
“That’s just how this neighborhood is. For those people, a funeral hall is a place for socializing. There is no mother to cry for him, and your father is not the type of person to cry over such things. Only the one leaving is lonely.”
No emotion appeared on Father’s face as he looked at the little one’s funeral portrait.
“I didn’t hear that this driver took you out yesterday; how did you leave?”
With his gaze still fixed on the portrait, Father asked in a calm voice. He didn’t seem to know anything, it was just a question, but as someone with a guilty conscience, I flinched a little.
“How else would I leave? I walked out.”
“Without a coat or a wallet?”
“…In this day and age, all you need is a phone. My lover came to pick me up nearby. That’s why I left quietly.”
Only then did Father turn his head and gaze steadily at me. There were times when his silent, staring gaze felt as if he knew everything but chose to say nothing. This must be what they mean by a thief being betrayed by his own guilt.
“There is a shower room inside. It would be best if you washed up.”
“Is it to the point where you can’t stand it?”
“It is excessively severe. I don’t know what that person was thinking. Seeing how he poured this much pheromone onto you, he must not be in his right mind.”
“He’s very much in his right mind! I’ve only seen my own family, so I might not know, but there’s no one as kind and human as him.”
Is he badmouthing someone else’s lover or what? When I replied in a protesting tone filled with dissatisfaction and irritation, Father’s eyes widened slightly.
“I don’t believe an Alpha who doesn’t even observe implicit etiquette is a proper person.”
“What’s the need for implicit etiquette? As long as the two of us are happy. I’m perfectly fine!”
“Of course you’d be fine, since you don’t even know what he’s done to you.”
“When you roll around together, pheromones get on you and all. It’s not something visible, so how can I shake it all off?”
“That’s because it’s beyond just ‘getting on’ you. Smothering an unmarried Omega in pheromones is something only uneducated people do. He’s not a beast, yet he’s marking his territory; isn’t that just a display of dominance in every way? It’s no different from having it written on your face what you did with an Alpha yesterday. An Alpha who knows consideration should naturally avoid such things.”
I wondered if that was true, but I also felt that it didn’t matter. It was because I felt a reaction to Father, who had never even seen Kwon Yi-kang, criticizing him.
“He only needs to show consideration to me.”
“That is the consideration for your own sake.”
Ugh, normally I’m confident I won’t lose in an argument. But since he’s attacking vulnerable parts I’m unaware of, I’m reaching the limit of my stubbornness.
“I’ll just wash and come out. So stop badmouthing someone else’s lover.”
“It is a parent’s duty to care about their child’s lover.”
“Since when did you fulfill your duties? If you wanted to keep your duties, you should have cared a bit more when I tried to commit suicide.”
“…I didn’t know because you said nothing. This might sound like an excuse too. That’s why I like the present. You act willfully, but you’ve become talkative, and we’re having quite a bit of conversation, aren’t we?”
The conversation, which had been exchanged in low whispers as if using ventriloquism during this untimely verbal spat, suddenly cut off. Feeling somewhat awkward, I cleared my throat.
Come to think of it, it’s not something to blame only Father or the family for. Judging by Cha Soo-kyung’s personality, there’s a high possibility he suffered alone without saying a word. It’s also selfish to say nothing while hoping others will notice first.
If something is good, say it’s good; if there’s something you want, want it; if you hate something, throw a fit. That’s the only way others will know my likes and dislikes.
In my original situation, a fist would have flown the moment I spoke my mind, but I don’t know why Cha Soo-kyung lived so timidly when that wouldn’t have happened.
I wonder if the dead Cha Soo-kyung is watching me live willfully without any consequences. If he is, he must be kicking the ground in regret. Wondering why he lived such a stifling life.
“I’ll go wash.”
“Good thinking. Go in quietly.”