By Zephyria 
Kwon Yi-kang answered by lifting my chin and kissing my lips. My fluttering lips touched softly, parted, and then approached again as if filling the gap, sucking on my lips.
“If we are apart for a long time… will the feeling of liking you shrink? Will it shrink and shrink until it disappears at some point?”
They say out of sight, out of mind. Will the feeling of liking each other diminish in my heart and yours, until it disappears as if it never existed?
“Well, I’m not sure, but I have no desire to find out. Because I will always be by your side.”
“Impossible situations could arise.”
I held his face with both hands. My fingertips traced his thick eyebrows, followed the contour of his cheeks, and rubbed his wet lips. A slightly protruding tongue licked my fingertip, then bit down with its teeth.
“As long as we don’t die. As long as neither you nor I suddenly die one day. Even if someone hides you, I will find you, and even if you run away to avoid me, I will find you. So I will keep you by my side until I die.”
Still, he wouldn’t be able to follow me into prison. I wonder what the sentence would be for killing someone. Since we’re family on the registry, would the sentence be higher for kinship homicide? Would our feelings remain the same until I serve the whole term and come out? No, before that, would you still like me, a person who killed someone?
“I thought I was a guy with no lingering attachments.”
Even when I was sentenced to death, I didn’t desperately think I had to survive. It was just, ‘I see,’ that was about it.
Since I didn’t have much time left, I figured there was no need to desperately steal wallets just to earn a bit more. I just needed to work leisurely enough not to be beaten to death before I died naturally. That was the extent of my resolve for the remainder of my life.
In the end, I was destined to live like this and die like this. It wasn’t a death worse than I expected, nor was it a better one. It was a miserable death that suited my life perfectly. To be precise, it wasn’t cancer, but I died after being hit by a car while falling in an attempt to save someone committing suicide; the cause of death was slightly different, but I died around the same time.
A bonus life, bonus parents, and a bonus card I could use. As a bonus, I found out who killed my parents… and on top of that, I developed a lingering attachment.
Kwon Yi-kang would be my only lingering attachment, the first and last. That made me both happy and sad.
“Sometimes I have bad thoughts. I wonder if I could just pretend not to know, turn my back, and stay with you like this. Thoughts like that.”
“You can. If you want.”
Without even knowing what it was, Kwon Yi-kang gave an unconditional affirmation. I guess this is why dating is scary. Even if I called soy sauce soybean paste, Kwon Yi-kang would act as if he’d take my side. That makes me want to rely on him more and act spoiled.
“I can’t. That… feels like my duty. No matter how much I think about it, that seems to be the reason I’m alive.”
“How about changing the reason you’re alive to me?”
Kwon Yi-kang proposed in a serious voice, kissing the tip of my chin. It would have been funny if he’d said it as a joke, but because he said it seriously, I laughed even more. The laughter leaking through my clenched teeth sounded almost like sobbing.
“In the next life, ……if I get to live once more, I’ll do that then.”
I don’t know if I’ll be able to open my eyes in someone else’s body again, and there’s no guarantee I’d meet Kwon Yi-kang again even if I did, and I don’t know if Kwon Yi-kang would like me if we did meet again… but if I am given another ‘next’ time.
“Then I’ll live for you.”
∞ ∞ ∞
The little one’s condition looked as if he would kick the bucket soon, even if I didn’t take any other action. It was obvious what the reason was behind the sudden change in his condition, even without checking.
His gaunt face was dry and brittle like a plant deprived of moisture, and helplessness was evident in his gaze, his gait, and every single action.
“Cha Dong-hu, I said let’s talk.”
“Do it later.”
The sound of arguing could be heard from the stairs. The eldest Hyung usually doesn’t use these stairs because his space is reached via a different set of stairs. It seems he came to find the second Hyung.
“What on earth are you wandering around doing? You’re postponing your treatments as you please and not even showing up at the hospital. Don’t you know Father’s nerves are on edge because of the hospital expansion? He might be letting it slide now because he’s distracted, but how long do you think Father will remain unaware?”
“Then go tattle to him. The wonderful first son, Mr. Cha Baek-joo. Don’t you want to hear that Cha Baek-joo is the only one who can be trusted with the hospital? You’ve always been like that, Hyung.”
“Cha Dong-hu.”
“Don’t act all high and mighty as if you’ve already become the hospital director. Stop acting the part. It’s disgusting.”
Hospital expansion. I wonder if they’re putting up another building. He doesn’t even care what his sons are doing, yet he cherishes that damn hospital.
“Do you know what you look like lately? Have you looked in a mirror? I told you to do this in moderation. Just how far did you go?”
“Moderation. That damn moderation.”
The little one let out a giggle. His body, heaving as if he’d heard an excessive joke, appeared and disappeared beyond the second-floor railing.
“Hyung… are you still just dabbling in marijuana? One-hearted for over fifteen years. What is this, a tear-jerking unrequited love, fuck. You coward.”
Both sons were druggies? I don’t know if only this household is like this, or if all other households live this way. At this rate, I’m really going to develop a prejudice against rich people.
I locked eyes with the second Hyung as he stomped down the stairs, leaving the eldest Hyung behind. His hollow eyes scanned over me. It was a gaze of indifference, as if looking at a vase decorating the hallway. With a face that looked too tired even to pick a fight, he walked slowly out of the house.
I followed behind the second Hyung. A cold wind whipped over my body, which was dressed in loungewear without a coat. As I quietly followed him after roughly shoving my feet into shoes, he glanced back at me.
“……You want to follow me?”
He asked, curling one side of his lip into a smile. Rather than a sneer, he looked like someone whose face was partially paralyzed. Strangely, it was an awkward expression.
When I nodded, the second Hyung opened his mouth and laughed. Laughing with distorted lips, he beckoned with his hand and headed down to the garden. Shrugging my shoulders against the cold, I followed closely behind him.
Choi Jae-kyung, who was waiting, looked bewildered seeing the second Hyung and me following behind. Why are you following him? That was clearly the meaning on his face.
“What are you doing?”
“Ah, I’m sorry.”
At the second Hyung’s confrontational tone, Choi Jae-kyung opened the back door. Upon getting into the car, the second Hyung slumped down like a person with no will left.
After briefly locking eyes with me, Choi Jae-kyung opened the opposite door to help me in and then climbed into the driver’s seat. No conversation took place inside the car as it left the darkening alleyway.
“Like the eldest Hyung said… I think it’s a bit excessive lately. Your face looks too bad, Hyung.”
“You pathetic piece of shit. Shut your mouth and stop acting out.”
“I don’t like the eldest Hyung either, but this time, his words….”
“You fucking brat.”
I was pushed with violent force, my head slamming against the window. Even though there was a loud thud, the pressure pressing my head didn’t disappear.
“I told you to shut your fucking mouth. If you mention Cha Baek-joo one more time, I’ll really kill you. Do you want to be thrown out of a moving car?”
At the little one’s shout, I quietly lowered my eyes. Seeing my non-resistant attitude, the little one softened slightly and removed his hand.
“……I’m worried about you, Hyung.”
I’m worried you’ll die before I can kill you.
Why live like such trash? It makes me feel like I wouldn’t feel any hesitation in killing you. If you were a bit more upright, someone who had achieved and possessed more, the satisfaction along with the guilt of killing you and destroying everything you achieved would have been greater.
“Fuck off.”
Sputtering a curse, the little one irritably kicked the front seat.
“Drive faster.”
“……Hyung.”
“Choi Jae-kyung, can’t you hear me? I said drive faster.”
He repeatedly kicked the back of the front seat as if urging him on. Thinking I might end up dead too, I tried to stop him, but the violent little one couldn’t calm down at all. After throwing a fit for a long while, the little one began banging his forehead against the back of the front seat.
“Kim Jae-hyuk, fuck. That bastard is playing with me right now.”
The little one muttered, anxiously tearing at his fingers. He had torn the skin beside his nails so much that scabs had already formed. As if even that was annoying, he tore at them with his nails, making them bleed again, yet his face showed no sign of feeling pain.
“That druggie piece of shit, fuck. He’s testing me. A bastard who doesn’t know his place.”
Half of his mutterings were curses, and the other half were incomprehensible sounds.
If I were to piece it together, it was a story about how the broker supplying the drugs had reduced the frequency of supply as if testing him, and for some reason, contact had suddenly been cut off before finally being restored.
The face of the broker who had warned him that it was a strong one while handing over the syringe came to mind. Looking at the little one’s state, it seems it’s really no ordinary drug. I wondered if it was a drug with such strong dependency that it caused these withdrawal symptoms, and then I laughed, wondering if there were even any drugs without dependency.
At the little one’s urging, the car we were in sped along the night road. I have no desire to leave this world together with the little one. Choi Jae-kyung would likely drive well, but since one never knows what will happen to a human life, I was tense.
Why did I follow the little one? It’s not as if I’ve decided I must kill him right now.
It’s just that he looked too precarious lately. I felt like I had to check if this bastard would die before I could end him with my own hands, and what he’s been up to lately. Thinking that, I eventually regretted doing something useless.